Choosing Your Wedding Guest List: A Guide

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and deciding who to invite is one of the earliest and hardest parts of the process. The number of people you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and, most importantly, your budget. The average wedding guest list size in the U.S. is 117 guests, but your target number may vary depending on your preferences and resources.

To make the process easier, you can create groups of family members and friends from both sides, starting with those closest to you and your partner and working outwards. You can also categorise your guest list into tiers of importance, with the top tier being those you couldn't imagine getting married without.

It's important to remember that your wedding is about you and your partner, so don't feel pressured to invite people you don't want to. Consider your budget, venue capacity, and the vibe you want for your day when finalising your guest list.

Who to invite if you're having a small wedding

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task, especially if you're planning a small wedding. Here are some tips and guidelines to help you decide who to invite:

Immediate Family

Your immediate family, including parents, siblings, grandparents, and children, should typically be at the top of your guest list. This may also include stepparents, step-siblings, and half-siblings. If you have a large family with many aunts, uncles, and cousins, you may need to be selective and only invite those you are closest to.

Wedding Party Members

Your wedding party, such as the maid of honour, best man, bridesmaids, and groomsmen, should also be given priority. These individuals are usually your closest friends and family members, and they will be by your side throughout the wedding.

Close Friends

Your best friends and chosen family are a must-invite. These are the people who bring you joy and will be excited to celebrate with you. Consider how well they know your partner and how often you keep in touch with them.

Extended Family and Friends

If you have a large extended family or a long list of friends, you may need to be more selective. Consider inviting those you have a strong relationship with and those you have stayed in touch with regularly. If you haven't spoken to someone in years and have lost touch, you may decide they don't need to be invited.

Plus-Ones

When it comes to plus-ones, it is generally considered polite to invite guests' long-term partners, spouses, or live-in partners. For other guests, you may decide to offer plus-ones on a case-by-case basis, especially if it is a destination wedding or if the guest would not know anyone else at the wedding.

Children

Whether or not to invite children is entirely up to you. If you decide to have a child-free wedding, be consistent and only allow children who are part of the wedding party. Alternatively, you may choose to invite specific children who are important to you, such as nieces, nephews, or godchildren.

Coworkers and Acquaintances

You are not obligated to invite coworkers or acquaintances that you are not close to. However, if you have coworkers whom you consider friends and spend time with outside of work, you may want to include them on your guest list.

Exes and Distant Relatives

It is generally not recommended to invite ex-partners or distant relatives that you are not close to. Your wedding is a celebration of your love and should be shared with those who support your relationship.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating with the people you love and who bring you joy. Don't feel pressured to invite people out of obligation. Create a guest list that reflects your relationships and priorities, and don't be afraid to set boundaries, especially when it comes to parental input.

How to decide on a venue

Deciding on a wedding venue is one of the most important decisions you'll make as an engaged couple. The venue can set the tone for the entire event, influence the vendors you choose, and even impact the attire. Here are some tips to help you decide on the perfect venue for your big day:

Create a Budget:

Start by determining your overall wedding budget and allocate a suitable portion for the venue. Remember that some venues may include essential services in their pricing, while others charge extra. By prioritizing your budget, you can find a venue that fits your financial plan.

Decide on Venue or Date:

Consider whether you want to prioritize your dream venue or your desired wedding date. If you choose the venue first, their availability will impact your date decision. Popular venues can get booked up to 12-18 months in advance, so start your search early to increase your chances of getting your first choices.

Know Your Guest List:

Have a rough idea of your guest count before you start viewing venues. The number of guests will impact the size and type of venue you choose, ensuring everyone is comfortable and has ample space to move around. It will also help with table arrangements and optimizing the available space.

Choose a Venue That Aligns with Your Vision:

Select a venue that fits the aesthetic and theme of your wedding. If you're planning a modern wedding, consider art galleries, well-designed restaurants, or warehouse spaces. For a rustic or natural theme, venues like barns, gardens, or wineries might be more suitable.

Understand the Logistics:

When considering a venue, think about the location and its accessibility for your guests. How close is it to airports and accommodations? Is it easy to navigate to, or is it off the beaten path? Is it accessible for people with disabilities, and is there sufficient parking? If you're having a weekday wedding, take commute hours and potential traffic into account.

Consider Your Must-Haves:

Before committing to a venue, think about your non-negotiables. This could include a ceremony space with a view, in-house catering, the ability to bring your own alcohol, a late curfew, or the option to bring in your own vendors. Communicate your must-haves to the venues you're considering to ensure they can accommodate your needs.

Weigh the Work Involved:

Consider the level of work and coordination required with different venues. A blank-slate venue will require you to bring in most items yourself, from tables and chairs to sound systems and portable restrooms. On the other hand, an all-inclusive venue provides multiple services and rentals in one package, saving you time and money.

Ask the Right Questions:

When considering a venue, don't hesitate to ask questions to ensure it meets your needs. Inquire about rental duration, setup and teardown times, curfews, noise restrictions, catering options, vendor restrictions, and backup plans for inclement weather.

Read Reviews and Trust Your Instincts:

Research the venue by reading reviews on multiple platforms to get a clear picture. Additionally, trust your instincts and choose a venue that feels right and aligns with your vision. Select a venue where you can envision celebrating your special day with joy and happiness.

How to navigate family politics

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be a challenging task, especially when navigating family politics. Here are some tips to help you through the process:

Pick your priorities

Knowing your guest priorities is essential when dealing with family politics. Make a list of guests, grouping them by priority. Start with those you couldn't do without, such as immediate family members, closest friends, and anyone with a wedding role. Then, move on to the next group of important guests, like close friends and family friends. Finally, list those you'd like to have at your wedding but could live without. This approach will help you navigate requests and pushback from family members.

Know your numbers

Understanding your venue's capacity and cost-per-guest is crucial. Most venues have maximum day and evening capacities, giving you flexibility with evening guests. Be mindful of the additional costs for extra guests, as this will impact your flexibility.

Use clear wording

Be explicit about who is invited and to which parts of the wedding. Clearly indicate whether someone is invited with their family, as a couple, as a single guest, or with a plus one. Sending out save-the-dates and invitations together can minimise drama and reduce questions and requests.

Think about logistics

Consider your guests' situations, such as travel requirements, childcare needs, or mobility issues. Understanding their circumstances will help you make fair and reasonable decisions about plus ones and children.

Plan your responses

Prepare responses for common requests and questions. For example, if a family member asks to bring their new partner, you could explain that you had to be selective due to budget constraints and venue capacity.

Stick to your guns

Remember, it's your wedding, and you make the rules. While keeping your guests happy is important, don't waver on your decisions just to please others. Stay strong and consistent in your responses to avoid drama and gossip.

Whether to invite children

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding can be a difficult decision, and it's one that divides opinion. Here are some things to consider when making your choice:

The pros of inviting children

Children can bring a sense of fun and magic to your wedding. They can add a lot of laughter and atmosphere, creating memories you'll treasure forever. If you have children in your family or close friends with children, it can be a lovely memory to share with them.

The cons of inviting children

Children can be unpredictable, and if you're looking for a more refined atmosphere, they may not be the best addition. They can be expensive, too, and may increase your reception costs. They can also be a source of stress for parents who have to take care of them during the wedding.

Family expectations

If you know it's a family tradition to include children, but you don't want to, it's absolutely valid to keep the party adults-only. Be prepared for some pushback, though, and delicate conversations with guests who have kids.

Destination weddings

If you're having a destination wedding, it may be difficult for guests to bring their children, and you might not want to disrupt the child-free weekend for other guests.

Budget

Having children at your wedding can be costly, and you may choose to spend that money on your other guests' experiences instead.

Venue capacity

Your venue may have limited capacity, and you may decide to invite more close friends instead of children. Some venues may also not be appropriate for hosting young guests.

Childcare

If you decide not to invite children, be prepared that some guests may not be able to attend, especially if the child is too young to be left at home or the cost of childcare is too high.

Communicating your decision

If you decide not to invite children, make this very clear on your invitations to avoid any confusion. It's recommended to include two layers of communication, such as only putting the couple's name on the outer envelope and then adding a specific note about it being an adults-only reception on any inclusions in the invitation.

If you are inviting children, be sure to address the inner and outer envelope of the invitation with the specifics of who is invited to avoid any assumptions.

Activities for children

If you do invite children, consider having special things set aside for them, such as specific food options, activities, or even on-call babysitters. This can make the children and their parents feel cared for and special, but it will also add extra work for you.

Inviting only certain children

It's best to stick to either inviting all children or no children to avoid causing upset. However, if you do have circumstances where you want to make exceptions, it's recommended to draw the line at immediate family and/or the wedding party.

Keeping children entertained

To avoid tantrums, it's a good idea to keep young children occupied. You can give them jobs to do, such as being a flower girl or ring bearer, or handing out the order of service. You can also set up a separate kids' room with movies, games, and snacks, or provide activity packs or goody bags to keep them entertained during the speeches.

Childcare during the wedding

Consider hiring wedding nannies or creche services to give parents a break and ensure that children are safe and well cared for during the wedding. This can also alleviate stress for the couple and ensure the day runs smoothly.

Food for children

If you're inviting children, you'll need to consider adding more options to your wedding menu. It's recommended to have child-friendly food options, such as fruit, finger foods, and lollipops, and perhaps even a make-your-own-sundae bar!

Seating for children

Where children sit during the reception depends on their age. Younger children will probably want to sit next to their parents, while older children might prefer a separate kids' table.

In conclusion, whether to invite children to your wedding is a personal decision that depends on various factors, including your budget, venue capacity, family expectations, and the potential impact on the atmosphere of your wedding. Whatever you decide, be sure to communicate your decision clearly to your guests and consider their needs when making your choice.

Who gets a plus one

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is a challenging task, and the question of plus-ones can make it even more complicated. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate the tricky issue of plus-ones and ensure your wedding day is a memorable celebration.

Who Gets a Plus-One?

• Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests: As a general rule, it is standard etiquette to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests to your wedding. This is considered a "package deal" and applies even if you haven't met them or aren't particularly fond of them.
• Wedding Party Members: It is customary to extend a plus-one to members of your bridal party, such as bridesmaids, groomsmen, and others. This is a way to thank them for their time, effort, and support during the wedding planning process.
• Outlier Guests: Consider offering plus-ones to guests who won't know many other attendees, especially those travelling from out of town. This will ensure they feel comfortable and less lonely at your wedding.
• Serious or Long-Term Couples: If your guests are engaged, live together, or are in a committed long-term relationship, they should receive a plus-one invitation. This acknowledges their commitment, even if you aren't personally close to their partner.

Who Doesn't Need a Plus-One?

• Casually Dating: Guests who are casually dating or tend to have a new partner every few months don't require a plus-one. Unless they are in a serious relationship by the time invitations are sent, it is not a priority to offer them a plus-one.
• Single Guests with Familiar Faces: If your single guests will know many other people at the wedding, such as family or close friends, there is no pressure to provide them with a plus-one. They will likely feel comfortable and enjoy the company of familiar faces.

Tips for Managing Plus-One Invitations:

• Clear Criteria: Establish clear and consistent criteria for offering plus-ones. For example, you may decide to only offer plus-ones to wedding party members or guests in serious relationships.
• Seating Arrangements: When creating a seating plan, be mindful of solo guests. Avoid seating them between couples, as this can be awkward. Instead, place them with outgoing and friendly couples to foster a communal and welcoming atmosphere.
• Invitation Wording: On the invitation envelope, address the guest and their plus-one by name if you have that information. If not, write the guest's name and "and Guest" to indicate they are invited to bring a date.
• RSVP Management: Include a space on the RSVP for the primary guest to write the name of their plus-one. This will help you prepare a seating chart and ensure you know the names of all attendees.
• Budget and Venue Constraints: Keep your budget and venue capacity in mind when deciding on plus-ones. The number of guests can significantly impact costs, so be proactive in managing your guest list to stay within your budget.

Frequently asked questions