Etiquette Tips For Wedding Gift Lists

When it comes to phrasing a gift list on a wedding invite, it's important to strike a balance between graciousness and clarity. Here's a suggested paragraph to achieve this:

We are deeply grateful for your presence at our wedding, and we kindly ask that your attendance be the focus of our celebration. However, if you wish to honour us with a gift, we have a gift list with [Store Name]. You may also contribute to our honeymoon fund for once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Visit our wedding website for more details and to find our registry.

How to politely ask for gifts

Asking for gifts can be a tricky topic, but there are polite ways to do so. Here are some tips and examples to help you phrase your request gracefully:

Timing is Key

When sending out your wedding invitations, include a line about gifting or direct guests to your wedding website or registry. This is probably the most direct approach and will likely yield the best results. It is not considered rude to ask for cash as a wedding gift, especially since many couples today live together before marriage and may not need traditional homeware items.

Provide Options

It is important to give your guests options. Even if you are hoping for contributions to your honeymoon fund, include a list of gift items as well. Some guests prefer giving physical gifts or gift cards, while others are happy to give cash. You can also suggest donations to a charity close to your heart instead of traditional gifts.

Use a Light-hearted Tone

You can soften the request by using a light-hearted or sincere tone. Here are some examples:

"Your presence at our wedding is more important to us than presents! However, if you would like to buy us a gift, we have a gift list with (registry details here)."

"We hope you can join us in celebrating our marriage! Please know that your presence is the best gift you could provide, but should you feel inclined, we have a gift list with (registry details here)."

"All we want for our wedding day is for you to be there. But if you wish to give a gift, we have a gift list at (registry details here)."

Use a Poem or Rhyme

A playful way to ask for gifts is through a poem or rhyme:

"If you're thinking of giving a gift,

To help us on our way,

A gift of cash towards our honeymoon

Would really make our day!"

"If a gift is your intention,

We thought that we would mention,

We'd love some pennies to rub together,

To save for something we will treasure!"

Remember, it's essential to word your request appreciatively, making it clear that their presence at your wedding is the most important thing. You can also explain why you've registered for cash and how you plan to use the funds to make it more meaningful for your guests.

When to ask for gifts

It is considered rude to include details of your gift preferences on your wedding invitation. Instead, you can include a separate gift card or a line or two on your information card. This card can include a message such as:

> "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a list [of gift suggestions] has been registered with [store name]."

If you are asking for money instead of gifts, you can say:

> "Your love, laughter and company on our wedding day is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to help us celebrate with a gift, a wishing well will be provided on the day."

If you already have all the household items you need, you could say:

> "We are extremely lucky to have love, laughter and a house full of furniture, so if you'd like to help us celebrate with a gift, we've set up a honeymoon fund at [details here]."

If you are asking for no gifts at all, you can simply omit any mention of gifts from your invitation. If you want to make it clear, you can include a line such as, "Your presence is present enough."

If you do want gifts, it's a good idea to set up a wedding website where you can explain why you've registered for cash and how you'll use the funds. For example:

> "Your presence at our wedding is enough of a gift, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution towards our [insert cash fund]."

You can also ask your family and friends to spread the word that you would prefer cash gifts.

What information to include

When it comes to wedding invites, it's important to strike the right tone and follow modern registry etiquette. While it's considered bad manners to include registry details on the invite itself, you can include this information on a separate gift card, or as a line or two on your information card. Here's what information you should include:

Where to Find the List

Let your guests know where they can find your gift list. If you have a wedding website, include the URL and direct guests to the "Registry" tab. If you don't have a website, you can include your gift list reference on your invites, so guests can find your registry on the retailer's website.

Gift List Reference

Your gift list reference is how guests will find your specific list once they are on the website. Some companies use your surname and the month of your wedding, for example.

Retailer Information

If you have registered for gifts at a particular store, include the name and address of the store, as well as any codes or other details guests will need to reference.

How the Gifts Will Be Used

It's a nice touch to let guests know how their gifts will be used. For example, you might say that their contributions will go towards your honeymoon, a new home, or home improvements.

Contact Information

Provide guests with a phone number or email address for your chosen retailer, so they can buy a gift over the phone or in person if they prefer.

A Discreet Note

It's a good idea to emphasise that your guests' presence at your wedding is more important than any gifts. You could also mention that you don't expect gifts, especially if your wedding location requires guests to travel.

"Your presence at our wedding is more important to us than presents! However, if you would like to buy us a gift, we have a gift list with The Wedding Shop. You may order online, by telephone or in person at one of the showrooms."

"We're thrilled that you're coming to celebrate with us—and that's the best gift of all! But, if you'd like to help us spruce up our place, you can find our registry at [insert details]."

"We've lived together for a whole, with all our pots and pans, and as we don't need homely gifts, we've got another plan. We know it's not traditional and not the way it's done, but rather than a wedding list, we'd love a bit of sun. So, if you'd like to give a gift and send us on our way, a donation to our honeymoon would really make our day."

How to ask for money instead of gifts

It is perfectly acceptable to ask for money as a wedding gift. In fact, according to The Knot's 2023 Wedding Registry Study, cash funds are some of the most popular registry items today. There are several ways to politely ask for cash instead of physical gifts, and it is best to use a combination of these methods.

Firstly, do not ask for money on your wedding invitations. This is considered rude and may offend your guests. Instead, include the address of your wedding website on an insert card within your stationery suite and detail your preferences there. You can also include a link to your wedding website on your invitations or include an insert card with the web address.

On your wedding website, explain why you have registered for cash and how you will use the funds. For example, you could say: "Your presence at our wedding is gift enough, but should you wish to give a gift, we would graciously accept a contribution towards our [insert cash fund]." Be specific about your plans for the money, whether that be a honeymoon, a new home, or something else. This helps your guests feel more connected to your plans and makes their contribution feel more meaningful.

Another option is to use a cash or honeymoon registry website, such as Honeyfund or Zola. Guests can then make monetary gifts that can be used for long-term projects, savings, or your dream honeymoon.

It is also a good idea to inform your close friends and family members of your preference for cash gifts and let them spread the word. This way, if guests have questions, your loved ones can answer them for you.

Finally, set up a card box at your reception for guests who prefer to give you a congratulatory card with cash or a cheque inside. This can also be done in the form of a "wishing well", where guests can drop their envelopes into a box for you to open later.

Remember, it is essential to thank your guests for any gifts you receive, whether they are monetary or physical.

What to say if you don't want gifts

There are several ways to politely indicate that you would prefer not to receive gifts on your wedding day. Here are some suggestions for what to say and how to communicate your wishes:

Wording Suggestions:

• "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a contribution to our honeymoon would help to create memories that will last a lifetime. A wishing well will be available on the day."
• "We look forward to your presence on our special day. We do, nonetheless, realise that some of you may wish to give us a wedding gift to commemorate our union together. After having lived on our own, we have all the household items we need. However, for those of you who would like to give us a gift, we will have a wishing well at our reception that will go towards our future together."
• "Your presence is your present. Please, no gifts."
• "Your presence at our wedding means more to us than any present. But should you want to buy us a gift, we have created our dream wedding gift list at The Wedding Shop. Find our list at: [personalised URL]"
• "We've built a dream wedding gift list that will set us up for our new home together. Please don't feel obliged, but if you'd like to help us on our journey, please find our gift list details below."

Methods of Communication:

• Wedding Website: Share this information under your gift/registry or FAQ section.
• Wedding Invitations: Add an insert with your invitation suite that speaks to your decision. Keep it short and expand on your wedding website if necessary.
• Word of Mouth: Mention this while socialising with your guests at your engagement party or on the phone with friends and family. Recruit your wedding party (bridesmaids, groomsmen and other loved ones) to help spread the word.

Alternative Approaches:

If you are still expecting some guests to bring gifts, you can suggest alternatives such as:

• Donations to a charity of your choice.
• Contributions to a honeymoon or house fund.
• Gift cards or experiences (cooking classes or cabin getaways).

Frequently asked questions