Dinner Invites With A Wedding Twist: Who Pays?

When inviting someone to dinner, it is important to be clear about the payment expectations. If you are inviting someone to a restaurant and expect them to pay for their own meal, it is best to communicate this in a polite and respectful manner. Here are some suggestions on how to word such an invitation:

- Join us for a celebration! Please kindly cover your meal cost.

- Each person is responsible for their meal costs.

- We're thrilled to celebrate [occasion] with you! To keep things simple and enjoyable for everyone, we're opting for a pay-for-your-own meal-style gathering.

- Your presence is what matters, and everyone is responsible for their own meal charges.

- We're excited to celebrate together, and kindly ask that each guest pays for their meal during the birthday festivities.

- I'd like to invite you to my wedding. You will have to pay for your own meal, but I hope I get to see you there.

- We're delighted to have you join us, but please bear in mind that this is a pay-for-your-own-meal event.

It is also important to choose a suitable venue with a variety of affordable menu options and to inform the staff about the payment arrangement in advance. This will help ensure a smooth and enjoyable experience for everyone.

Make it clear that you are the coordinator, not the host

When inviting someone to dinner and they will be paying, it is important to make it clear that you are the coordinator, not the host. This can be done by calling and saying something along the lines of:

> John, would you and Ellen like to meet us at Chez Pierre on Saturday night? We are asking Michelle and Eric, too. We thought it would be fun for the six of us to have a night out together. Just let me know if you can come and I'll make the reservation.

By phrasing your request in this way, it is clear that you are simply the social coordinator and not the host, so guests should understand that they are paying for their own meal. It is important to try not to be misleading. For example, if you had said "We're hosting a dinner at Chez Pierre" or sent a written invitation with that wording, then your guests would be right to assume that dinner is on you. Once you issue an invitation, you are the host, which means you are paying, even at a restaurant. There is no good way to send an invitation with a note that guests need to be prepared to foot their own bill.

Be transparent about the payment arrangement

Being transparent about the payment arrangement is crucial when inviting someone to dinner and expecting them to pay. Here are some tips and examples to help you navigate this situation gracefully:

Be Clear and Direct:

When extending the invitation, it is essential to be straightforward and explicit about the payment arrangement. This avoids any confusion or misunderstanding. You can say something like, "I'd like to invite you to dinner, but I want to be clear that it will be a 'pay-your-own-way' evening. I hope that's okay with you." This approach ensures that your guest knows what to expect and can make an informed decision about their attendance.

Provide Adequate Notice:

Give your guest enough time to prepare and plan accordingly. Sending the invitation well in advance is considerate and practical. This way, they can arrange their finances and make any necessary adjustments to their budget. It also gives them the opportunity to ask questions or seek clarification if needed.

Offer Alternative Options:

If possible, provide alternative options or suggestions to accommodate different budgets. For example, you could recommend a restaurant with a variety of price ranges or suggest a less expensive dining option. This shows that you are thoughtful and considerate of your guest's financial situation.

Emphasize the Social Aspect:

Shift the focus from the financial aspect to the social experience. Highlight the opportunity to connect, celebrate, or simply enjoy each other's company. You can say, "The most important thing is that we get to spend time together and create wonderful memories. I think this will be a fun and relaxing evening for all of us."

Example Invitations:

"Join us for a delightful dinner to celebrate [occasion]. Please note that this will be a 'pay-your-own-way' gathering. We look forward to your company and making it a memorable evening!"

"You are invited to a special dinner at [restaurant name] to celebrate [occasion]. As we indulge in a delicious meal, please be aware that each guest will be responsible for covering their meal expenses. We hope you can make it!"

"Let's get together for a fun dinner at [restaurant name]. It will be a 'dutch treat' evening, so please come prepared to pay for your own meal. Looking forward to a wonderful time with you!"

"We're planning a celebration dinner at [restaurant name] and would love for you to join us. To keep things simple, we're suggesting that each guest covers their own meal expense. Your presence is the most important part of the celebration!"

Remember, transparency is key. Be direct and honest about the payment arrangement, provide clear information, and offer alternatives if possible. This way, your guest will know what to expect and can make an informed decision about their attendance.

Provide a range of affordable menu options

Providing a range of affordable menu options for a wedding can be a challenge, but with some creativity and flexibility, it is definitely achievable. Here are some ideas to consider:

• Opt for a buffet-style dinner: Buffet-style meals are more affordable than plated dinners as they require less staff for serving and plating. It also allows guests to choose their preferred dishes and control their portion sizes, reducing food waste.
• Choose less expensive proteins: Meat can be costly, so consider opting for vegetarian options or cheaper proteins such as chicken, tofu, or portabella mushrooms. Taco bars, pasta bowls, and pulled chicken sandwiches are great options that won't break the bank.
• Go for a food truck: Food trucks offer a trendy and affordable option for wedding catering. They often have set menus and can serve food quickly to your guests. Just be sure to choose a truck with a suitable menu and ensure they have the necessary equipment and supplies.
• DIY food stations: Set up "build your own" food stations for items like tacos, nachos, or s'mores. This can be a fun and interactive way to feed your guests without breaking the bank. Enlist the help of family and friends to set up and manage the stations.
• Potluck wedding: Embrace the tradition of a potluck wedding, where family members and close friends contribute their culinary specialties. This option can save you a lot of money and adds a personal touch to your celebration. Just be sure to plan and coordinate carefully with your loved ones.
• Order from a local restaurant: Instead of hiring a professional caterer, consider ordering from a local restaurant. You may be able to negotiate better prices, and they might even offer buffet-style service. This option can be especially affordable if you choose a family-owned or small restaurant.
• Cheese and charcuterie: If most of your guests are not vegetarians or vegans, consider a cheese and charcuterie reception. Inform your guests that they will be having "light refreshments and dancing", and encourage them to eat something more filling beforehand. Create beautiful charcuterie boards with a variety of cheeses, meats, crackers, fruits, and dips.
• Dessert-only reception: If your event is scheduled after dinner, you can opt for a "cake and punch" reception. Ask talented bakers in your circle to contribute their specialties, and decorate the dessert table with drinks and other treats. This option can be a wonderful tradition and a cost-effective way to celebrate.

Ensure the venue is accessible to all guests

Ensuring that your wedding venue is accessible to all guests is an important step towards creating an inclusive experience for your loved ones. Here are some ways to make your venue more accessible:

• Anticipate your guests' needs on the RSVP: Allow guests to specify their dietary restrictions and special accommodation requirements on the RSVP card. This can be done by including a sentence such as, "We cannot wait to share our day with you. Please let us know if you have any dietary restrictions or require special accommodations."
• Inform and educate your wedding vendors: Communicate any accessibility requirements to your vendors, especially photographers, so they can be prepared to capture beautiful photos without causing any discomfort to your guests.
• Ensure your venue is physically accessible: Contact the venue coordinator to inquire about accessibility options. Some specific questions to ask include:
• Is there ramp access for entering and exiting the venue?
• Are there accessible options for stairs and staircases, such as ramps or elevators?
• Are there automatic door openers or "Push To Open" buttons?
• Are the restrooms accessible for guests with disabilities, including power wheelchair users?
• Is the dining area accessible for all guests, with enough space at the tables?
• Are there any caregiver or companion needs that should be considered?
• Consider disabilities that may not be obvious: Not all disabilities are visible, so it is important to consider guests who may have medical disabilities, visual or hearing impairments, or sensitivity to bright lights. Here are some ways to accommodate these guests:
• Provide closed captions for any streamed or shared videos.
• Hire an interpreter for wedding speeches and ensure they are visible to the audience.
• Disclose the use of flash photography for guests who may be sensitive to lights.
• Send accessible wedding invitations with larger fonts.
• Provide accessible transportation: Ensure that transportation options, such as shuttles or ride-sharing services, are accessible for guests with disabilities. Ask specific questions about their accessibility features, such as wheelchair ramps or lifts, and staff training in assisting guests with disabilities.

Express gratitude to guests for attending

Expressing gratitude to your wedding guests is an important way to show your appreciation for their love and support on your special day. Here are some tips and examples to help you craft heartfelt thank-you messages:

Plan Ahead

It's best to send out thank-you cards within three months of your wedding. Create a list of all the guests who attended and the gifts they gave to keep track of your progress.

Start with a Greeting

Use a simple "Dear [Guest Name]" followed by the guest's name. If you're writing to a family, address the card to the whole family. For a more informal tone, use their first name if you have a closer relationship with the guest.

Express Gratitude for Their Attendance

Thank your guests for sharing your special day and let them know how much their presence meant to you and your partner. Mention any gifts they gave specifically and express your appreciation for their thoughtfulness.

Personalize Your Message

Include something unique about the guest, such as a shared memory or a special moment during the wedding. This will show that you took the time to reflect on their presence and that it was meaningful to you.

Look to the Future

Express your excitement for future events and how you and your partner plan to use their gift. This will give your guests a sense of connection and anticipation for the next time you meet.

End with a Closing and Signature

Use phrases like "Warm regards," "With love," or "Sincerely." Sign your name and your partner's name at the bottom of the card.

• "Thank you for sharing our special day with us. Your presence and support meant the world to us."
• "We appreciate your thoughtful gift and will cherish it always. Thank you for being a part of our celebration."
• "It was wonderful to see you at our wedding. Thank you for taking the time to come and share in our joy."
• "Your presence made our wedding day even more special. Thank you for being a part of our memories."
• "Thank you for your generous gift. We plan to use it to create new memories together in our future."
• "We can't wait to see you again soon and share more happy moments. Thank you for being a part of our lives."
• "Thank you so much for being a part of our special day! Your presence and love made our wedding day truly unforgettable."
• "We are incredibly grateful for your love and support! Thank you for sharing in our joy and making our wedding day even more special."
• "Your presence at our wedding meant the world to us! Thank you for being there to celebrate our love and new beginning."

Frequently asked questions