Asking A Child To Be Your Ring Bearer

Asking someone to be your ring bearer is a special moment, and you may want to make it memorable with a gift or a creative proposal. It's important to first ask the parents of your desired ring bearer and ensure they are comfortable with the time and financial commitments involved. When it comes to asking the child, consider their age and understanding. For younger children, a simple gift or a card with a Will you be my ring bearer? message can be exciting. For older children, you may want to offer a fun bonding activity or a personalised gift that matches their interests. You can also involve the child in trying out different wedding roles or include them in getting ready with the bridal party.

Ask the child's parents first

Asking a child to be a ring bearer in your wedding party is a special moment, and you may want to make a memorable occasion of it. However, the first step is always to ask the child's parents. This is important for a number of reasons. Firstly, the parents are usually responsible for the child's attire, so it's important to be upfront about any expectations and responsibilities. Secondly, there may be reasons the parents would prefer their child not to be involved, such as special needs or a desire to enjoy the wedding without their children. It's also important to give the parents as much notice as possible, as they may need to make travel plans or other arrangements.

When asking the parents, it's a good idea to be clear about certain wedding plans. For example, will the child's parents also be in the wedding party? If not, be clear about logistics on the day and in photos. If you're having a child-free wedding, you'll need to discuss childcare for after the ceremony. You should also be clear about any specific attire you have in mind, and discuss the budget with the parents.

Once you have the parents' blessing, you can ask the child. It's best to wait until a month or two before the wedding, or whenever you need to order attire. This is because children get excited and asking them to wait too long is 'torture'! You can ask them in a number of fun ways, including with a gift or card.

Explain who else is involved

It's important to consider who else is involved in the wedding party when asking someone to be your ring bearer. This includes the flower girl(s), the best man, the maid of honour, the groomsmen, and the bridesmaids. If you are having more than one ring bearer, be sure to let them know. Children can get jealous, especially if they thought they were the only one with this special role.

It's also crucial to ask the child's parents first before popping the question to the little one. The parents are usually responsible for the child's attire, so be upfront about your expectations and responsibilities. Discuss who will pay for the ring bearer's outfit and give the parents proper notice. It's also a good idea to ask both parents if they want their child to take on the honour.

If the child's parents are not in the wedding party, be clear about your plan for logistics on the day of the wedding and for photos. If you're planning a child-free wedding, you'll need to arrange childcare for after the ceremony and be prepared for other parents to ask if their children can attend.

Understanding your wedding plans and who is involved will help you make informed decisions when asking someone to be your ring bearer.

Give a gift

Asking someone to be your ring bearer is a special moment and including a gift can make it even more memorable. Here are some gift ideas to help you ask your chosen ring bearer to be a part of your big day:

Gifts for Younger Ring Bearers

• Matching attire or shoes to be worn by the groomsmen.
• Personalised baseball bat, perhaps engraved with the proposal.
• Puzzle with the proposal printed on it.
• Ring pop with the message "popping the question".
• Ring-themed teddy bear with a shirt personalised with the ring bearer's name, role and wedding date.
• Ring bearer cape with a symbolic logo and their name.
• Ring bearer book, explaining the role of a ring bearer and teaching them about the expectations of the role.
• Ring bearer tote bag filled with small surprises that suit their personality.
• Ring bearer tumbler, a classic gift idea for anyone in the wedding party.
• Ring security t-shirt, declaring the wearer "ring security".
• Ring security socks with the child's name and the wedding date.
• Personalised sunglasses made from bamboo wood and engraved with their name.
• Ring bearer peg puzzle, with their name, a bowtie, a car and a pair of rings.
• Ring bearer request card, a perfect way to ask a special 'little man' to help you say 'I do'.
• Ring bearer proposal baseball with the proposal engraved on it.

Gifts for Older Ring Bearers

• Autographed ball from their favourite sports star.
• Two-part gift with the first part being an experience, such as taking them to a game of their favourite sport, and the second part being a related gift, such as an autographed ball.
• Personalised football with a custom message engraved on it.
• Personalised ring boy tumbler cup with a matte black design and "will you be my..." wording.
• Ring security bow tie, a cute gift for a wedding-day swag.
• Ring bearer proposal box with a personalised shirt, tumbler, puzzle, drawstring bag and card.
• Ring bearer superhero cape with their name and a symbolic logo.
• Ring bearer hangers with their role and name, to be used in the getting-ready suite and kept as a keepsake.

Set aside time to bond

Setting aside time to bond with your ring bearer is an important step in the process of asking them to be a part of your wedding. Here are some tips to help you create a special bond with your young wedding party member:

• Spend Time Together: Make sure both the bride and groom get to spend quality time with the young ring bearer. This will help them get comfortable with you and vice versa. It's important to get on their level, both figuratively and literally. You will get a much better reaction if you can connect with them at eye level.
• Understand Their Interests: Take the time to learn about their interests, hobbies, and favourite things. This will not only help you choose an appropriate gift when proposing to them but also create a stronger connection.
• Be Mindful of Their Age: Keep in mind that very young children might not fully understand the concept of a wedding or their role as a ring bearer. Consider their age when planning activities and explanations, and don't overwhelm them with too much information.
• Plan Fun Activities: Engage in fun and interactive activities with your ring bearer. This could be something as simple as playing with bubbles or chalk, or more tailored to their interests, like a sports game or puzzle. You can also involve them in wedding preparations that are appropriate for their age, such as crafting or decorating.
• Include Them in Wedding Preparations: If your ring bearer is old enough, consider inviting them to get ready with the wedding party. They might enjoy feeling included in the pre-wedding activities, such as hair and makeup sessions with the bridesmaids or groomsmen.
• Create Special Moments: Dedicate a special part of the wedding day to your ring bearer. This could be a short and sweet moment where you give them extra attention, making them feel valued and appreciated.
• Communicate with Their Parents: Keep an open line of communication with the child's parents throughout the process. They can provide valuable insights into the child's interests, comfort level, and any special considerations. Collaborate with the parents to create a positive and enjoyable experience for everyone involved.

Understand your wedding plans

Understanding your wedding plans is a crucial step in asking someone to be your ring bearer. Here are some key considerations to keep in mind:

Child's Age and Confidence

It is recommended to choose a child between the ages of three and seven years old for the role of ring bearer. This ensures they can walk and perform the necessary duties. Pick a child who is confident and capable of understanding their responsibilities. Shy kids may not be comfortable in front of a large crowd, so consider selecting an outgoing child.

Parents' Involvement and Expenses

Before approaching the child, it is essential to discuss the matter with their parents and obtain their consent. This is a chance to address any concerns or special needs the child may have. Additionally, it is customary to discuss with the parents who will be responsible for the ring bearer's outfit expenses. Be prepared to share the costs or make alternative arrangements if needed.

Child-free Wedding and Childcare

If you are planning a child-free wedding, it is important to communicate this clearly to the parents of the ring bearer. Make sure to address any childcare arrangements for after the ceremony, as the young attendants may not be invited to the reception. Be prepared to answer questions from other parents about their children's attendance.

Specific Attire or Requests

If you have specific attire requests for the ring bearer, such as a custom tuxedo or a particular dress, it is essential to discuss this with the parents beforehand. Be open about your budget and outfit ideas to ensure everyone is on the same page. This is especially important if you want the ring bearer's attire to match the groomsmen's or bridesmaids' outfits.

Logistics and Photos

If the child's parents will not be in the wedding party, it is crucial to clarify the logistics and ensure they feel included. Communicate your plans for the day-of and photo arrangements to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. This is an important aspect of maintaining a positive relationship with the parents.

Timing of the Proposal

While it is recommended to give the parents ample notice, consider waiting to share the news with the child until a month or two before the wedding. This balances the need for advance planning with maintaining the child's excitement. A long wait can feel like torture for an eager young ring bearer!

Frequently asked questions