Ring Bearer Pillow: How To Use It

The ring bearer is a wedding party role usually given to a child, who walks down the aisle carrying the wedding rings on a small pillow. The role is not essential, but it is a way to involve a special young person in the wedding ceremony. The ring bearer usually walks down the aisle after the last bridesmaid and before the flower girl, if there is one, and gives the rings to the wedding officiant or best man once they reach the altar.

The role of the ring bearer

The ring bearer walks down the aisle after the maid of honour and bridesmaids and gives the rings to the wedding officiant or best man once they reach the altar. Depending on their age, the ring bearer can then stand at the altar with the rest of the wedding party or sit with their parents.

The ring bearer pillow is traditionally used to tie the set of rings to as the ring bearer carries it down the aisle. However, this is not required, and couples can choose to have the ring bearer carry the rings in something else, such as a box, a book with a hollowed-out centre, or even a briefcase. It is also common for the ring bearer to carry fake rings, with the best man holding the real rings.

The history of the ring bearer pillow

The tradition of the ring bearer has existed for a long time in various countries, with its roots in different cultures. One of the most widely accepted beliefs about its origin traces back to ancient Egypt, where jewels were carried on ornamental pillows during celebrations, especially weddings. Although historians believe that adults carried the rings on pillows in ancient Egypt, today, the role is usually given to a young boy.

In medieval times, Northern Europeans presented the wedding ring on the tip of a sword, and pillows were rare. Wealthy families replaced the swords with pillows to display their riches, and a young child, known as a page boy, was given the duty of carrying the pillow. Page boys also carried the bride's train and a prayer book. During the Victorian era, ring bearers, often called pageboys, wore velvet jackets, short trousers, and round linen collars with large white crepe bows.

Traditionally, couples would embroider their initials or names on the ring pillow, and ribbons sewn onto the pillow were tied around the rings to secure them. Nowadays, couples may opt for a personalised box to hold the rings instead of a pillow.

Attaching the rings to the pillow

Use of Ribbons or Twine:

The most common method is to use ribbons or twine to securely tie the rings to the pillow. This ensures that the rings remain in place and don't fall off during the walk down the aisle.

Fake Rings:

It is highly recommended to use fake rings instead of the actual wedding bands. This reduces the risk of losing or damaging the valuable rings. Fake rings can be easily purchased from teen jewellery stores. Using fake rings also relieves the young ring bearer of the pressure and anxiety of carrying expensive items.

Creative Alternatives:

There are numerous creative alternatives to the traditional ring bearer pillow. For instance, you can use a treasure box, a stuffed animal, a small clay pot, a book with a cut-out, or a decorative plate or bowl. These alternatives provide a unique touch to the ceremony while still securely holding the rings.

Timing of Ring Placement:

If you decide to use a young ring bearer and entrust them with the actual wedding rings, it is advisable to hand them the rings just before they start walking down the aisle. This minimises the risk of the rings being misplaced or forgotten.

Best Man's Role:

As a precaution, the best man usually carries the real wedding rings on his person. This ensures that the rings are secure and can be easily accessed during the ceremony.

In conclusion, attaching the rings to the pillow or its creative alternative is a crucial step in preparing for a wedding ceremony. It is important to consider the age and maturity of the ring bearer when deciding whether to use fake or real rings. By following these suggestions, you can ensure that the ring bearer's role is executed smoothly and memorably.

Choosing a ring bearer

Decide if you want children at your wedding

Even if you ultimately decide on an adults-only wedding, you can still have a ring bearer. If you do want children at your wedding, you'll need to decide if you're inviting children from all families or only making exceptions for the wedding party. Inviting children can add an extra dose of cuteness to your special day, but it can also come with potential challenges, especially if the kids are babies or toddlers.

Choose a ring bearer who is the appropriate age

Traditionally, ring bearers are between the ages of three and eight years old. Younger children may be more likely to feel shy or nervous walking through a room full of strangers, while older ring bearers may feel more comfortable letting their personalities shine. Depending on your situation, your ring bearer could be as young as a few months old (as long as they are carried down the aisle by a parent or pulled in a wagon) or up to ten years old.

Create a list of potential ring bearers

Start by considering children in your immediate family or wedding party, such as your nephew, godchild, younger siblings, or the child of your maid of honour or best man. If you have a son, this can be a great role for him, and the same goes for your daughter if she's young enough to be a flower girl. If you don't have children, think about including the children of your closest friends. If there aren't any male children in your family or friend group, don't be afraid to break gender roles and have a girl as your ring bearer. You can also have multiple ring bearers, regardless of their ages.

Consider the ring bearer's parents

The ring bearer's parents will have a lot of behind-the-scenes work to do, from purchasing the child's wedding attire to handling any meltdowns. It's important to choose a family that is willing and able to take on this responsibility. Picking a ring bearer whose parents are already in the wedding party or are close friends or family members can make coordination and communication easier.

Ask the right way

Always get permission from the parents before asking a child to be your ring bearer. Once you have their approval, you can get creative with how you pop the question to the child, whether it's with a new toy, a sweet card, or their favourite candy. Remember to discuss outfit requirements and payment for the outfit when speaking with the parents.

Give other kids special jobs

If there are other children in your life who are special to you but won't be able to participate in the ceremony, consider giving them other duties, such as handing out programs, blowing bubbles, or shaking noisemakers after your first kiss. You can also surprise them with their own flower crown, boutonniere, or corsage to make them feel included.

The ring bearer's outfit

There are many retailers that offer stylish and comfortable options for ring bearers of all ages, including Nordstrom, J.Crew, Banana Republic, and Brooks Brothers. For a more budget-friendly option, stores like H&M, Amazon, and Target offer a range of choices.

When choosing an outfit, it is important to consider the comfort of the ring bearer, especially if they are a baby or toddler. Itchy or tight clothing can lead to crankiness, so soft and breathable fabrics are ideal.

Some unique outfit ideas include a nautical theme with navy stripes, suspenders, and Converse sneakers, or a beach wedding look with a fedora, linen pants, and a button-down shirt. For a rustic wedding, a pair of suspender pants and a newsboy cap can be a charming choice.

Ultimately, the ring bearer's outfit is a fun way to showcase their personality and add a touch of whimsy to the wedding ceremony.

Frequently asked questions