Asking A Child: Will You Be Our Ring Bearer?

So, you've said yes to your partner's proposal and now it's time to start planning your wedding. One of the first things you'll want to do is ask your chosen flower girls and ring bearers to be part of your big day. But how do you go about asking a child to be a ring bearer?

First things first, it's important to get permission from the child's parents and to ensure they are comfortable with any expectations and responsibilities, such as purchasing the child's attire for the wedding. It's also a good idea to explain who else is involved and whether there will be multiple flower girls or ring bearers. While it's exciting to ask the children in question, it's best to wait until a few months before the wedding to avoid a long wait (a year is a long time when you're five!).

There are lots of fun ways to propose to your flower girls and ring bearers. You could give them a card, a small gift, or a children's book that explains their role. For younger children, a gift box or card with a ring pop or other treat inside will make the day more fun and provide a tangible reminder of the occasion.

Ask the child's parents first

It is important to ask the child's parents first before asking them to be a ring bearer at your wedding. This is because there may be reasons why their involvement might not be a good idea, and it is also a significant time and financial commitment for the child's family. Asking the parents first is the most important aspect of inviting a child to be in your wedding party.

Event planner Nora Sheils says, "There may be a reason you hadn't considered that wouldn't make their involvement such a great idea. Maybe a child has special needs and deviations from a schedule or big occasions cause problems, or the parents were hoping to enjoy the big wedding sans kids."

It is also a good idea to give the parents as much notice as possible. While it is recommended that you wait to share the news with the child until a month or two before the wedding, you should ask the parents as early as possible. This is because the family will need to make travel plans or other arrangements to be part of the festivities.

When you ask the parents, be upfront about what the expectations and responsibilities will be, so they know what is involved. For example, traditionally, the parents are responsible for the child's attire and accessories, and they will need to attend all of the pre-wedding festivities and arrive early on the wedding day. It is also a good idea to explain who else is involved—for example, if you are having more than one ring bearer or flower girl.

If the child is old enough to understand the meaning of the celebration, it is a nice gesture to invite them to get ready with the wedding party and even have their hair and makeup done with the group. If they are not old enough to spend time with the wedding party, consider having a special part of the day dedicated to them, even if it only takes a few minutes of your time.

Explain who else is involved

When explaining who else is involved in the wedding to a child you are asking to be a ring bearer, it's important to be clear about the different roles and responsibilities. This includes letting them know if there will be more than one ring bearer or flower girl, as children can get jealous if they think they are the only ones with these special roles. It is also a good idea to mention who else will be in the wedding party, such as the maid of honour, best man, bridesmaids, and groomsmen. If the child's parents are also part of the wedding party, be sure to mention this.

In addition, it is worth discussing who will be responsible for what on the day. For example, the ring bearer traditionally carries the wedding rings down the aisle on a pillow, but this can also be done by the best man or wedding officiant. If the ring bearer is very young, they may be escorted by their parents or a flower girl during the processional, or pulled in a wagon or small car. It is also common to have fake rings for the ring bearer to carry, with the best man holding the real rings.

It is also a nice gesture to invite the ring bearer to be part of the pre-wedding festivities, such as the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. If they are old enough, they may also be included in the pre-wedding "get ready" party with the wedding party and have their hair and makeup done with the group. If they are not old enough to spend time with the wedding party, consider having a special part of the day dedicated to them, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Give them a gift

Asking a child to be a ring bearer is a special moment, and including a gift with your proposal will make it even more memorable. Here are some gift ideas to delight your young VIP:

A Special Outfit

If you're planning for the ring bearer to wear something specific, consider gifting them a piece of their outfit, like matching shoes or a personalised cape. This is a thoughtful gesture and will make them feel like a true VIP.

A Ring Bearer Teddy Bear

A plush toy is always a winning gift for a child, and a teddy bear dressed in a shirt personalised with their name, role and the wedding date is a cute way to pop the question. It's a gift they can play and snuggle with, and it will remind them of your special day.

A Ring Bearer Puzzle

A jigsaw puzzle or wooden peg puzzle is a fun way to ask the child to be your ring bearer. You can personalise the puzzle with colours, fonts and illustrations, and they can frame it as a keepsake afterwards.

A Ring Bearer Book

If the ring bearer is a young reader, a picture book about a ring bearer is a great gift idea. It will teach them about their role and get them excited for the big day.

A Ring Bearer Superhero Cape and Card

For a child who loves superheroes, a personalised cape will make them feel like a true superhero and protect the rings! Pair it with a fun card that includes wedding-themed illustrations and the all-important question.

A Ring Bearer Security Kit

Make the child feel like an official member of "ring security" with a gift set that includes a t-shirt, socks and sunglasses. You can also add a personalised card with a special message.

A Ring Bearer Baseball

For a sporty child, a baseball with a special message engraved on it is a unique way to pop the question. You could even take them to a baseball game and give them an autographed ball on the day of the wedding as a second part to the gift.

Remember, when choosing a gift, it's important to consider the child's interests and what will make them happy. By including a thoughtful gift with your proposal, you'll create a memorable moment for your young ring bearer and make them feel valued and excited about their role in your wedding.

Include them in the rehearsal

Including the ring bearer in the rehearsal is a great way to make them feel comfortable with their role on the day of the wedding. Here are some tips to make sure the rehearsal is a success:

Invite the Ring Bearer's Parents

First, be sure to invite the ring bearer's parents to the rehearsal. This is a great opportunity for them to meet the other members of the wedding party and get a sense of what their child's role will entail. It's also a chance for them to ask any questions they may have about the wedding day.

Explain the Ring Bearer's Duties

Use the rehearsal as an opportunity to explain the ring bearer's duties to them and their parents. Go over the order of the processional, where they should stand or sit during the ceremony, and how they will exit the ceremony. If the ring bearer is young, consider having their parents escort them down the aisle during the rehearsal and the actual wedding.

Practice, Practice, Practice!

The more the ring bearer practices their role, the more comfortable they will feel on the big day. Go through the processional a few times, and consider having the ring bearer practice with any props they will be using, such as a ring bearer pillow or sign. If the ring bearer is old enough, you can also explain to them the importance of their role and how it fits into the overall wedding ceremony.

Keep it Fun!

The rehearsal should be a fun and enjoyable experience for the ring bearer. Consider having some games or activities available to keep them entertained, especially if the rehearsal is long. This will help them stay engaged and excited about their role.

Rehearsal Dinner

If you are having a rehearsal dinner, consider inviting the ring bearer and their parents to join. This is a great way to thank them for their participation and make them feel included in the wedding festivities. It's also a good opportunity for the ring bearer to bond with the other members of the wedding party.

Choose their outfit

When it comes to choosing the outfit for your ring bearer, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, consider the formality of your wedding. If you're having a formal black-tie affair, a tiny tux, a small suit, or a kid-sized tuxedo would be a great choice for your ring bearer. You can also opt for a bow tie and suspenders with khaki pants or shorts, or a button-down shirt and linen pants for a more casual look. If you're going for a rustic country theme, a bow tie, suspenders, jeans, and a flannel shirt would be adorable.

Another thing to consider is whether you want the ring bearer's outfit to coordinate with the groom or groomsmen's attire. This is a great way to create a cohesive look, but it's not mandatory. You can also give the ring bearer's parents some options at different price points, as they usually pay for the outfit.

• A navy blue suit with a vest, bow tie, and pants, paired with a button-down shirt.
• A black linen suit with a vest, bow tie, and pants.
• Suspenders and a bow tie in a fun colour like pink, paired with grey shorts or pants.
• A seersucker suit for a casual beach wedding.
• A comfortable outfit with a bow tie, suspenders, jeans, and a button-down flannel shirt for a rustic wedding.
• A miniature tuxedo for a formal wedding.

Remember to get the ring bearer's measurements right by taking them twice to ensure a perfect fit. Start looking for outfits at least three months in advance to allow for any customisations and delivery time.

Frequently asked questions