Ring Bearer's Pillow: What's Its Purpose?

The ring bearer is a wedding party role typically given to young children, who walk down the aisle carrying the wedding rings on a small pillow. The tradition is thought to have originated in ancient Egypt, though some historians believe it began in the Medieval era. Today, the ring bearer walks behind the maid of honour and in front of the flower girl, and gives the rings to the officiant or best man at the altar. While the pillow is usually made of white satin, some couples opt for creative alternatives, such as seashells, ornaments, or briefcases.

The pillow's significance

The ring bearer's pillow is a small but significant component of a wedding ceremony. The pillow highlights the crucial role the rings hold in the wedding ceremony and emphasises the two main ingredients leading to the wedding: commitment and true love. The pillow also serves a practical purpose, allowing the ring bearer to securely carry the rings down the aisle.

The tradition of the ring bearer pillow is thought to have originated in ancient Egypt, where ornamental pillows were used to carry precious jewels during wedding ceremonies and other celebrations. In medieval times, young children would carry the rings on a pillow to show off the wealth of the families getting married, as pillows were a rare luxury item. Northern Europeans substituted swords for pillows, with the ring at the tip.

Today, the ring bearer pillow is usually made from satin or silk, although many couples choose to embrace alternatives to make their wedding unique and captivating. Some alternatives to the traditional ring bearer pillow include personalised ring pillows, ring chests, ring bearer briefcases, themed objects such as seashells for a beach wedding, ring boxes, ring dishes, and pocket watch ring holders.

The ring bearer pillow is typically square-shaped and measures around 8 to 9 inches. It is important to choose a pillow made from a smooth and strong fabric that won't tear or have loose threads that could cling to the rings. The colour of the pillow should complement the rings, making them stand out. Ribbons can be added to the pillow to securely attach the rings if the material is slippery.

While the ring bearer traditionally carries the pillow with the wedding rings tied to it, this is not required. Some couples choose to have the ring bearer carry fake rings, while a trusted adult carries the real ones. This decision is usually based on the age and maturity level of the ring bearer.

The ring bearer's age

The age of a ring bearer is usually between three and twelve years old. However, there is no set age limit, and the decision is ultimately up to the couple getting married.

Some people prefer to stick to tradition and have a young child as their ring bearer, while others opt for older children, adults, or even pets to carry out this role. The important thing is to choose someone you love and trust to be part of your big day.

If you decide to go with a younger ring bearer, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's a good idea to speak to the child's parents and get their consent. Secondly, consider the child's maturity level and whether they will be able to handle the responsibility of carrying the rings. Finally, it's a good idea to have a backup plan in case the child gets nervous or distracted on the big day.

On the other hand, older ring bearers may be more reliable and better able to handle the task. They may also be more excited and honoured to be chosen for this role. However, it's important to consider their preferences and ensure they are comfortable with the attention that comes with being a ring bearer.

Pillow alternatives

The role of the ring bearer is to precede the bride down the aisle, usually walking at the same time as the flower girl, and traditionally carrying the wedding rings on a pillow. However, the pillow is not a requirement and there are many alternatives to choose from.

• Signs or Banners: The ring bearer can carry a sign or banner with a cute message like "Here Comes the Bride" or "I'm just here for the cake". This is a versatile, inexpensive, and easy-to-execute option.
• Flowers or Greenery: The ring bearer can hold a single stem or a small bouquet of flowers with the rings attached. This option works well if you want the ring bearer to match the flower girl.
• Books: For a literary-themed wedding, consider using a book as a ring bearer pillow alternative. You can cut out a heart shape from the pages to hold the rings or use a book with a hidden compartment.
• Vintage or Antique Items: Using an antique box, teacup, or another vintage item as the ring bearer's vessel can add a sense of history and sentimentality to your wedding.
• Seasonal or Themed Items: For a beach wedding, consider using a seashell or starfish as the ring bearer pillow alternative. For a fall wedding, a small pumpkin or a leaf-shaped dish can be a fun choice. For a Christmas wedding, consider using a festive ornament.
• Ring Box or Briefcase: A ring box or briefcase is a practical and stylish option for the ring bearer to carry the rings. It can be as simple as an empty ring box or a more elaborate, decorative carriage ring box.
• Bells or Music Instruments: If you want the ring bearer to add a melodic touch to the ceremony, consider giving them bells or other small musical instruments to carry down the aisle.
• Remote-Controlled Car: For a dramatic entrance, the ring bearer can drive a remote-controlled car with the rings placed inside.
• Balloons: An oversized balloon with lettering or decorations can be a playful and whimsical alternative to the traditional pillow. However, it is important to ensure the rings are secure and won't fly away with the balloon.

Attaching the rings

First, you will need to identify the ribbon in the middle of your ring bearer pillow. Hold one end of this ribbon to form a loop and place the ring inside. Then, with one hand, hold the other end of the ribbon, and with the other, hold the ribbon loop you just made.

Second, make a knot around the loop and tighten it by pulling on both ends. Place your pillow flat and repeat the same tying process on the other side. Once you're done, you can easily pull the ring to detach it from the pillow.

If you are worried about the security of the rings, you can opt to give the ring bearer fake rings to carry during the ceremony. The real rings can then be given to the best man or maid of honour to hold until it is time for the exchange of vows.

The pillow's appearance

The ring bearer's pillow is a small but significant part of the wedding ceremony. The pillow is used to carry the wedding rings down the aisle and emphasise the importance of the rings in sealing the couple's commitment to one another. The pillow is also a tradition that dates back to ancient times, with variations in different regions.

The appearance of the pillow should complement the rings and make them stand out. Smooth and strong fabrics are best, in colours that flatter the rings. The pillow should also securely hold the rings in place, with ribbons added if necessary to attach the rings to the pillow.

The traditional ring bearer's pillow is plain and made of satin or silk, but many couples now opt for alternatives to make their wedding unique. Some ideas for alternative ring bearer pillows include:

• Personalised or monogrammed pillows
• Ring chests or boxes
• Briefcases
• Themed objects, such as shells for a beach wedding or a horseshoe for a western theme
• Ring dishes, which can be customised with a message and reused after the wedding
• Ring holders, which come in various shapes, sizes and materials
• Pocket watch ring holders, a classic vintage option that can be easily carried in an inside pocket

Frequently asked questions