Junior Rasmussen
Including children in your wedding is a heartwarming touch, but it requires some extra thought. Asking a child to be your flower girl or ring bearer is a little different from asking adults to be in your wedding party. Here are some tips on how to ask your flower girl and ring bearer to be a part of your big day.
First, it's important to ask the child's parents for permission and ensure they are comfortable with the time and financial commitments involved. It's also a good idea to give the parents as much notice as possible. While you may want to give them plenty of time to think about it, it's best to ask the children only a few months before the wedding, as waiting too long can be torturous for excited kids. When you do ask the children, consider their age and include a cute ask such as a ring pop or another item they may enjoy. You can also give them a gift box or card with a tangible reminder of the wedding, like a flower crown or a small gift.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Who to ask | Children of those close to the couple, such as the maid of honour or best man's kids, the couple's nephews, or children of friends or family members |
| When to ask | Ask the parents as early as possible, but wait to share the news with the children until a month or two before the wedding or whenever attire needs to be ordered |
| How to ask the parents | In person, over the phone, via text, email, or a card |
| How to ask the children | With a gift, such as a ring pop, a badge, a puzzle, a book, a flower crown, or a personalised item |
Ask the parents first
Asking a child to be your flower girl or ring bearer is a little different from asking an adult to be in your wedding party. It's important to consider the variety of ages your flower girls or ring bearers might be, as asking a two-year-old will be a very different task from asking an eight-year-old.
First things first, ask the child's parents to ensure they are okay with it. This is a crucial step, as the parents will usually be responsible for the child's attire and bringing the child to the ceremony. Be upfront about your expectations and responsibilities so they know what's involved with the dress-up part of the job. It's also a good idea to give the parents as much notice as possible.
When asking the parents, consider using the method of communication that you would normally use with them. This could be a phone call, text message, email, or even a cute card in the mail. If you're not sure what method to use, a card is a good option as it has the formality and personal touch of a phone call without the pressure of having to answer immediately.
- Be clear about who else is involved. If you are having more than one flower girl or ring bearer, let the parents know to avoid any jealousy.
- Discuss the financial implications. Let the parents know if you are expecting them to cover the cost of the child's attire.
- Understand your wedding plans. If the child's parents won't be in the wedding party, be clear about your expectations and logistics for the day-of and photos.
- Consider any special needs or requirements. There may be reasons why the child's involvement might not be a good idea, such as deviations from a schedule or big occasions causing problems.
- Be mindful of the child's age, maturity, and other factors. The parents will take these into account when deciding whether to accept the role.
Ring Bearers: Double the Fun
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Explain the role
Explaining the Role to Flower Girls and Ring Bearers
Flower girls and ring bearers are usually children between the ages of 3 and 10, though this can vary depending on the maturity of the child. These roles are typically assigned by gender, but it is perfectly fine to have a girl as a ring bearer or a boy as a flower girl. The number of flower girls and ring bearers is also flexible, and it is not uncommon for couples to have multiple children in these roles.
Flower girls and ring bearers are often children of those closest to the couple, such as the maid of honour, best man, or the couple's nephews and nieces. If the couple has children, it is also a lovely way to include them in the wedding.
Flower girls traditionally scatter flower petals down the aisle before the bride makes her entrance. However, this is not necessary, and flower girls can instead wear flower crowns, blow bubbles, carry pinwheels, or toss confetti.
Ring bearers, on the other hand, have the important responsibility of delivering the wedding rings to the best man or wedding officiant during the ceremony. As a precaution, most couples choose to have the best man carry the actual rings, while the ring bearer holds fake rings or an empty pillow.
It is important to note that the presence of flower girls and ring bearers is not necessary for the wedding to take place. However, including children in the wedding party adds a touch of whimsy and lightheartedness to the day. Their presence is often a lasting gift not only to the children but also to their parents.
Include a gift
Including a gift with your proposal is a great way to make your flower girl and ring bearer feel special and excited about your big day. Here are some ideas to consider:
Gifts for Flower Girls
- Flowers, pretty shoes, or a tiara
- A bracelet or hair clip that can be saved as a "something old" for her own wedding day
- A matching flower girl dress for a doll that can be passed down
- A fun bonding activity, such as a spa day for preteens
- A flower crown or flower girl necklace to wear on the wedding day
- A basket to carry petals, which can also be offered as a keepsake
- A puzzle to put together, revealing a secret message asking the question
- A ring pop, especially if you're popping the question
- A card with fun wedding-themed illustrations, your wedding date, and the big question
Gifts for Ring Bearers
- Matching shoes or pieces of attire that the groomsmen will be wearing
- A personalised baseball bat, puzzle, or game that matches their interests
- A two-part gift, such as taking them to a game of their favourite sport and giving them an autographed ball on the wedding day
- A badge and a secret mission to make them feel important
- A ring bearer card with illustrations, your wedding date, and the question
- A gift on the wedding day as a thank you for being a part of your special day
Remember, when choosing a gift, it's important to consider the child's interests and age. A personalised gift that reflects their individual interests will always be well-received.
Send a card
Sending a card is a great way to ask your flower girl and ring bearer to be part of your wedding. It's a formal and thoughtful way to "propose" to your youngest wedding party members and gives them something physical to remember the occasion.
If you're sending a card, it's a good idea to include a small gift or token to help them understand their role and share in the excitement of your engagement. For flower girls, you could send a ring pop with a card that says "I can't say 'I do' without you! Will you be my flower girl?". Alternatively, you could send a small gift such as a flower crown, a book about being a flower girl, or a flower girl necklace. For ring bearers, you could send a badge that treats the role as a secret mission, or a puzzle for them to complete.
It's also important to consider the age of the child you're asking. For younger flower girls and ring bearers, a simple card and gift will do the trick. But for older children, you might want to include a fun bonding activity as a gift, such as taking them to a sports game or treating them to a spa day.
Don't forget to give the parents a heads-up before sending the card, so they don't feel pressured to respond immediately. It's also a good idea to provide them with details about your expectations and responsibilities, such as attire and logistics.
Give attire details
Asking your flower girl and ring bearer to be part of your wedding is a special moment, and you'll want to ensure they feel included and comfortable. Here are some tips for giving attire details to the littlest members of your wedding party:
Ask the Parents First
It's important to remember that the child's parents will likely be responsible for the cost of the attire, so be sure to give them options at various price points. Discuss budget and outfit ideas with the parents so everyone is clear on who is paying and approving the attire. Be upfront about your expectations and the level of formality you envision.
Traditional Attire
Traditionally, flower girls wear dresses that mimic the style of the bride's gown, in a similar colour palette or with similar details such as lace, flowy skirts, or delicate beading. Alternatively, you can opt for a dress in a colour that matches the bridesmaids' dresses or choose a textured fabric. As for the ring bearer, the traditional choice is a kid-sized tuxedo or suit, coordinated with the groom or groomsmen's attire.
Modern Alternatives
If you want to modernise the look, there are plenty of options. Flower girls can wear colourful dresses, and ring bearers can opt for more casual attire with suspenders and a bow tie. You can also dress them in vintage or antique outfits, particularly if you're having a vintage-inspired wedding. For a casual wedding, ring bearers can wear lighter suits or vests, and flower girls can wear mismatched dresses in the same colour.
Accessories and Duties
Flower girls often carry small nosegays of flowers, baskets filled with petals, or flower crowns. They can also hold hands with other flower girls or ring bearers as they walk down the aisle. Older ring bearers typically carry the wedding rings on a small pillow, while younger ones may hold signs or simply walk down the aisle.
Personalised Touches
Add personalised touches to their outfits, such as a monogram on the flower girl's dress or a hat for a dapper ring bearer look. You can also give them gifts, such as a flower crown or a fun flower girl necklace, that they can wear on the day and keep as mementos.
Remember, the key is to make them feel special and comfortable, so ensure you give attire details well in advance, and consider their unique personalities and interests when finalising their looks for your big day.
Frequently asked questions
It's best to ask the parents of your flower girl and ring bearer in person or over the phone. This will give you a chance to explain the details of the wedding and what you expect from them. If that's not possible, you can also send a cute card in the mail or communicate via text or email, depending on what you normally use to communicate with them.
There are many fun ways to ask your flower girl to be part of your wedding. You can “propose" to her with a ring pop, a surprise dessert, or a flower crown. You can also announce it with confetti-filled balloons or present her with a book that explains her role.
When asking your ring bearer, it's important to make it fun and engaging. You can give him a badge and treat it as a secret mission, or include a gift that matches their interests, like a baseball bat, puzzle, or game.
It's important to consider the age of the children and give the parents enough notice. You should also discuss the expectations and responsibilities, including attire, and be clear about whether children are invited to the reception.
