Responding To Wedding Invites: Timely Etiquette

When you receive a wedding invitation, it's important to respond promptly to let the couple know whether or not you'll be celebrating with them. This is a courteous gesture, as it helps the couple with their planning and allows them to inform caterers and finalise numbers. The formality of your response should match that of the invitation. For instance, a formal invitation may require a written response card, while an informal invitation could be replied to via email or phone call. Regardless of the format, it's essential to express appreciation for being invited and to confirm your attendance or decline as soon as possible.

Responding promptly

It is therefore good etiquette to respond to a wedding invitation as soon as possible. Check your schedule and consult with anyone else included in your invitation, then make your response.

If you are invited with a "plus one", you must decide whether you want to bring someone and inform the host. If you only respond for yourself, do not bring a date or companion to the wedding.

The style of your response should match the style of the invitation. A formal invitation, for example, one with a postal address in the bottom left corner, should be responded to in a formal way. This means writing in the third person, following the wording of a formal invitation. For example:

> Dear Mr and Mrs Thomas,

> Pollyanna and Tim

> accept with pleasure [or, regret that they are unable to accept]

> their kind invitation

> to the wedding of their daughter Philomena & James

> on Saturday, 18th August 2023

If the invitation is more informal, you can be more casual with your response. This might be the case if the invitation includes an email address or phone number. An informal response can be written in the first person and can be more humorous. For example:

> Dear Thomas and Patricia,

> Tim and I are delighted to accept your invitation to attend your wedding on Saturday, 18th August 2023. We look forward to sharing in your special day.

Checking your schedule

If you have a paper diary, you could write the wedding date somewhere on the page for that month, to help you visualise your schedule. If you use a digital calendar, you could add the wedding as an 'event' with a 'maybe' response, to see how it fits in with your other plans. You could also add a reminder to respond to the invitation, so that you don't forget.

If you have been invited as part of a group, or with a 'plus one', you should check with the other people included in the invitation to see if they are able to attend. This is important, as you may need to inform the hosts of the names of your guests, or how many people will be attending.

It is also worth checking the time and location of the wedding, to see if this fits in with your schedule. If the wedding is taking place abroad, or if you will need to travel a long distance, you may need to request time off work, or make travel and accommodation arrangements.

Once you have checked your schedule, you can decide whether you are able to attend the wedding or not. It is then considered polite to respond to the invitation as soon as possible, to let the couple know your decision.

Deciding on a plus one

If you've been invited to a wedding with a "plus one", you must decide if you want to bring someone and let the host know. It is considered rude to respond only for yourself and then show up with a date or companion.

If you are planning to bring a guest, it is important to include their name on the RSVP card or in your written response. This will help the couple with their planning and ensure there are no surprises on the day.

For example, a formal response could be:

> Ms. Mahoney and Mr. Jameson accept with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Andrews to the wedding reception of their daughter Johanna and Mr. Hannes Yuval on Sunday, March 17th at 2:00 pm. Ms. Mahoney will be bringing Tom Brown as her plus one.

For an informal response, you could say:

> Hi Sally and George! Harry and I are so excited to attend your wedding on June 3rd, 2022, and I wanted to let you know that I'll be bringing my friend Tom along as my plus one.

If you are unsure about bringing a guest, it is best to check with the couple getting married. They may have specific reasons for offering you a plus one, such as wanting to ensure that everyone has a companion or wanting to fill seats.

Remember, the most important thing is to respond promptly and provide all the necessary information. This will help the couple plan their special day and ensure that they can accommodate any guests you may wish to bring.

Choosing a gift

The gift you choose for the happy couple is entirely up to you and there are no hard and fast rules about how much to spend. The amount you choose to spend should be guided by your budget, how close you are to the couple, and what you think they would like.

If the couple has a wedding registry, this can be a good place to start. It will give you an idea of their tastes and needs, but you are not obliged to choose a gift from the registry.

If you are looking for something more unique, you could consider a personalised or meaningful gift. For example, a personalised tray with the couple's initials and wedding date, or a set of drinking glasses etched with star constellations from the night sky on their wedding night.

You could also give the couple a monetary gift, either as cash or by cheque, which is common in some cultures. This option is especially good for couples who have already established their household or are saving for something special.

If you are sending a gift, it is best to do so before the wedding or as soon as possible after. If you are taking a gift to the wedding, make sure this is in line with the traditions of the couple's culture or community.

Sending best wishes

When sending best wishes to a couple on their wedding, it is important to respond promptly to the invitation. This is a courtesy to the couple, who will need to inform the caterer of the final numbers. It is also a good idea to check your schedule and confirm with any other guests included in your invitation.

If you are sending a formal response to a wedding invitation, it is customary to write in the third person, following the wording of a formal invitation. For example:

> Dear Mr and Mrs Thomas,

> Pollyanna and Tim

> accept with pleasure [or, regret that they are unable to accept]

> their kind invitation

> to the wedding reception of their daughter Philomena & James

> on Saturday, 18 August 2023.

If you are sending a more informal response, you can write in the first person and include a touch of humour. For example:

> Dear Thomas and Patricia,

> Tim and I are delighted to accept your invitation to attend your wedding on Saturday, 18 August 2023. We look forward to sharing in your special day.

If you are unable to attend, it is still polite to send a response expressing your well wishes. For a formal response, you can write:

> Dear Mr and Mrs Thomas,

> Pollyanna and Tim

> regret that they are unable to accept

> your kind invitation

> to the wedding reception of their daughter Philomena & James

> on Saturday, 18 August 2023.

For an informal response, you could write:

> Dear Thomas and Patricia,

> We are so sorry we won't be able to attend your wedding. We will be away on holiday, but you will both be in our thoughts during your special day.

Frequently asked questions