Addressing Couples: Wedding Invitation Etiquette Simplified

Wedding invitations can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to addressing them to couples. The traditional approach is to use Mr. and Mrs. for heterosexual married couples, but what about same-sex couples or unmarried couples? And what if one person has a hyphenated name or a distinguished title? Here's a guide to help you navigate the dos and don'ts of addressing wedding invitations to couples.

Married couple, different sexes, same last name

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple of different sexes and the same last name, there are a few options to consider.

If you are using both an outer envelope and an inner envelope, the outer envelope is more formal and typically includes titles and full names. In this case, you can address the couple as:

• Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]
• Mr. [Husband's Full Name] and Mrs. [Wife's Full Name]

The inner envelope is more informal, and you can choose to include titles and last names or just first names. Examples include:

• Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]
• [Husband's Name] and [Wife's Name]

If you are using only an outer envelope, you can follow the same format as the outer envelope options above or use a more informal style, such as:

• [Husband's Full Name] and [Wife's Full Name]
• [Husband's Name] and [Wife's Name]

It is also important to consider the couple's preferences and relationship dynamics when choosing how to address the invitation. For example, some modern women may prefer to have their full name included instead of being addressed as "Mrs." with the husband's name. In this case, you can modify the formats above to ensure both partners are addressed equally.

Additionally, if the couple has children, you can include their names on a second line, listing them in order of age.

Married couple, same sex, same last name

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple with the same last name, the outer envelope can be formal, with both partners' full names and titles. For a same-sex couple, either name can go first:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren

If the couple might prefer a more equal format, you can include both partners' first and last names:

> Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren

For the inner envelope, you can use a more informal format, such as:

> Mr. and Mrs. Warren

> Thomas and Michelle

If you are having a casual wedding, you might be able to get away with a less formal addressing style, such as leaving off titles or just using first names.

Married couple, different sexes, different last names

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple with different last names, it's important to follow certain etiquette guidelines to ensure your guests feel welcomed and respected. Here are some detailed instructions for addressing such invitations, with a focus on married couples of different sexes and last names:

Outer Envelope Etiquette:

• The outer envelope is typically more formal and includes the mailing address, postage, and return address.
• For a heterosexual married couple with different last names, write their names on the same line, with the woman's name first. If their combined names are too long, list them separately:
• Correct: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"
• Incorrect: "Mr. David Estevez and Ms. Maria Stevens"
• If you are closer to one of the spouses, you can list their name first, regardless of alphabetical order or gender.
• If one spouse has a hyphenated last name, list their name last:
• Correct: "Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones-Smith"

Inner Envelope Etiquette:

• The inner envelope is more informal and includes only the recipients' names and the invitation suite.
• For married couples with different last names, you can use titles and last names or first names only:
• Formal: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez"
• Casual: "Maria and David"
• If you are very close to the couple, using only first names is also an option:
• "Maria and David"

General Guidelines:

• Avoid using nicknames or abbreviations.
• Ensure you use the correct titles or prefixes, such as "Mr." "Mrs." "Ms." or "Mx."
• If one spouse has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, military rank, or judge, list them first, regardless of gender.
• When addressing a married couple, avoid using "and guest" language, as it is considered disrespectful to their marital status.

Married couple, same sex, different last names

When addressing a wedding invitation to a married same-sex couple with different last names, there are a few options to consider. Here are some examples:

Outer Envelope

• Ms. Celine Elgin and Ms. Jacqueline Purcell
• Celine Elgin and Jacqueline Purcell
• Ms. Lisa Chan and Ms. Angelica Green
• Mr. Bradley Washington and Mr. Walter Randolph

Inner Envelope

• Ms. Elgin and Ms. Purcell
• Celine and Jacqueline
• Ms. Chan and Ms. Green
• Mr. Washington and Mr. Randolph

When addressing the outer envelope, it is customary to use the couple's full names, including their personal titles (Ms., Mr., etc.). This format is foolproof and works for couples with different last names, yet still feels somewhat traditional.

If you feel that personal titles might be restrictive and exclusive for your guest list, you can choose to forgo them and use first and last names only. It is also important to double-check each attendee's preferred personal titles beforehand if you plan on incorporating them into the invitations.

The inner envelope is more informal, giving you the option to use titles and last names or first names only.

When addressing married couples with different last names, you can list either name first based on your preference, who you feel closest to, or alphabetically.

Unmarried couple

When addressing an unmarried couple on a wedding invitation, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to use the correct titles or prefixes for each individual. The outer envelope should be formal and include the full name(s) of the recipient(s), such as "Mr. Aaron Triguiero and Ms. Amanda Rhee". If the couple has different last names, you can list their names alphabetically or according to whomever you are closest with. For example, "Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller".

The inner envelope is more informal, and you have the option to use only their titles and last names or just their first names if you are very close to the couple. For example, "Mr. Triguiero and Ms. Rhee" or "Aaron and Amanda".

If the unmarried couple does not live together, it is recommended to send separate invitations to each guest.

It is also worth noting that some modern couples may choose to forgo titles altogether and simply use first and last names, especially if they feel that titles may be restrictive or exclusive for their guest list.

Frequently asked questions