Who's Invited To The Wedding? Etiquette For The Guest List

Creating a wedding guest list can be a daunting task. It is important to remember that it is your special day and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you. The first step is to make a list of everyone you would consider inviting, starting with immediate family and close friends. From there, you can work outwards to include colleagues, distant relatives, and acquaintances. The next step is to separate out your top-tier guests, those who you simply wouldn't get married without. These guests are non-negotiable and will be the foundation of your guest list.

The number of guests you can invite will depend on your budget and venue. It is a good idea to have a rough estimate of your guest list before booking a venue, as the two go hand in hand. You don't want to invite 200 people and then book a venue that only holds 100. It is also important to consider your parents' input, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. A general rule of thumb is to give each set of parents an equal number of guests to invite.

When it comes to addressing your invitations, be clear about who is invited. If children are not invited, only address the invitation to the adults. If a guest is invited with a plus-one, include their name or write and guest. You can also include the number of seats reserved for a family on the RSVP card to avoid any confusion.

Remember, it is your wedding and you should not feel obligated to invite anyone out of guilt. Your guest list should reflect the people you have relationships with and who will bring you joy on your special day.

Inviting immediate family members

When it comes to your wedding, you want to be surrounded by your nearest and dearest. But deciding who to invite can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to family. Here are some tips and guidelines to help you navigate the process of inviting your immediate family members to your wedding.

Who Are Your Immediate Family Members?

Firstly, it's important to define who falls into the category of immediate family. This typically includes your parents, siblings, and grandparents. If you have step-parents, step-siblings, or half-siblings, they are also considered immediate family. As the happy couple, you and your partner should be each other's immediate family too.

Involving Immediate Family in the Wedding Party

Your closest friends and chosen family are also often considered must-invites on your wedding day. These individuals may be included in your wedding party, such as bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honour, or best man. If you have siblings, you may want to consider including them in your wedding party as well. It's a great way to involve your immediate family members and make them feel special.

Sending Invitations to Immediate Family

Now, onto the invitations. It is customary to send invitations to all your immediate family members, even if they are already heavily involved in the wedding planning process. They will appreciate receiving an official invite, especially as a keepsake. Be sure to address the envelopes with the correct titles or prefixes, such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms. If you have step-parents, be mindful of their titles and how they would like to be addressed.

Specifying Which Family Members Are Invited

When sending invitations to families, you can choose to be specific about who is invited. This is particularly useful if you have a large extended family and want to limit the number of guests. Begin the invitation with the parent(s) and list the invited children in order of age below. For female children under the age of 18, use the title "Miss". For example:

> The Simpson Family

> Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson

> Mr. Bart Simpson

> Miss Lisa Simpson

Inviting the Whole Family

If you are inviting the entire family, use the family name or just the parents' names on the outer envelope:

> The Simpson Family

> - or -

> Mr. & Mrs. Homer Simpson

Then, on the inner envelope, list the first names of all invited family members:

> Mr. and Mrs. Simpson

> Bart, Lisa, and Maggie

> - or -

> Homer, Marge, Bart, Miss Lisa, and Miss Maggie

Saving Costs on Invitations

If you want to cut costs, you can consider hand-delivering invitations to family members who live nearby, instead of mailing them. This way, you still include them in the invitation process while saving on postage.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy. Immediate family members are often at the top of that list, and including them in your special day will create lasting memories for all of you.

Inviting wedding party members

Your wedding party members are likely to be your closest friends and family, and they should be at the top of your guest list. They will be heavily involved in the wedding planning process and will be there to support you and your partner both morally and emotionally.

Your wedding party will consist of your honour attendants (best man and maid of honour), attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen), and junior attendants (junior bridesmaids and junior groomsmen, if you choose to include them). The flower girl and ring bearer are also members of the wedding party, though their duties are different from the adult members.

When inviting wedding party members, it's important to give them time to consider your request. Being part of a wedding party is a big commitment in terms of both time and finances. It's also worth noting that there is no requirement for you to have the same number of bridesmaids as groomsmen.

If you have a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, this part of the guest list can be tricky. It's important to be as fair and equitable as possible. If you want to invite one of your first cousins, you'll probably have to invite them all—and your partner should be able to invite their first cousins, too.

If you're hosting a destination wedding, it's a nice idea to give your wedding party members a plus-one, so they have company when they travel.

Inviting extended family members

Deciding whether to invite extended family members to your wedding can be a tricky task, especially if you have a large extended family. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

Make a List and Set Some Rules

Creating a list of extended family members you want to invite can be a good starting point. Consider grouping them by level of importance or closeness to you and your partner. For example, you may decide that only cousins who are of a similar age or those you have a close relationship with will be invited. Great aunts and uncles, especially those you have never met, can be placed on a B-list. Immediate siblings of your parents should be prioritised.

Be Open with Parents and In-Laws

Discuss your guest list with your parents and in-laws, and show them how the list is shaping up, starting with your friends. They may be surprised at how quickly the numbers add up. Be organised and prepared when having these conversations, and be open to making a B-list to ease any concerns.

Manage Expectations

If you are not inviting certain extended family members, be prepared to communicate this to them directly or through your parents. Be honest and polite, and emphasise that your venue has limited capacity or that you are keeping the wedding small and intimate. You could say something like, "We decided to have a really small wedding; just immediate family. We hope to put the savings toward a down payment for a home, and we will be sure to celebrate with you at Christmas/Thanksgiving."

It's Your Personal Choice

Remember that creating a guest list is a personal choice, and it's your big day. As long as you maintain open communication with your parents, in-laws, and partner, you will be able to create a guest list that works for you.

Good luck with your wedding planning!

Inviting friends and acquaintances

When it comes to deciding which friends to invite to your wedding, it's a good idea to put them into groups based on your relationships with them. Think of it like concentric "circles of trust", with your inner circle being those closest to you, and as you move outward, you get to people who are less essential to the guest list.

Your closest friends and chosen family are on the must-invite list. These loved ones may be included in your wedding party. Once you've added your VIPs to the list, it's time to move on to close friends you've known the longest. One thing to consider when inviting friends is how well they know your significant other. While this isn’t a deal-breaker, it is a factor to consider. Try to keep your list of friends down by only including those you keep in regular touch with.

If you're having a small wedding, deciding who to invite may be harder—or much easier, depending on how you look at it. The guest groupings above may be helpful as you start your guest list. If you're having a micro wedding, you might only invite immediate family and best friends. But if you're having something a little bigger, you might expand that to include close family and friends. It really depends on the vibe you're going for and who you want to be present.

Another option is to invite only immediate family and closest friends to the ceremony, but expand the guest list for the reception. This is a great solution if you want an intimate, private wedding but have a lot of people you feel you "must" invite.

When it comes to acquaintances, you don't have to invite them to your wedding. However, if you're having a huge, no-holds-barred wedding and inviting everyone you've ever met (and have the budget for it), you may want to include them.

Inviting colleagues

When it comes to inviting colleagues to your wedding, it's essential to navigate this process thoughtfully and tactfully. Here are some guidelines and suggestions to help you extend invitations to your coworkers while maintaining a professional and considerate approach:

Deciding Which Colleagues to Invite

Start by considering your relationship with each colleague. Are they a friend both inside and outside of work? Do you socialise with them regularly outside the office? If you left your job, would you continue the friendship? If a colleague ticks these boxes and you genuinely want them to be part of your celebration, they are likely a good candidate for an invitation. It's important to be selective and only invite those coworkers with whom you have a meaningful connection.

Inviting Your Boss

Whether or not to invite your boss can be a tricky decision. Consider two key factors: firstly, would you like them to be there out of respect for their leadership? Secondly, would you miss their presence at such an important moment? If the answer to these questions is yes, then go ahead and extend an invitation. However, if your primary motivation is a sense of obligation or respect for their position, it may be better to reconsider. Remember, it's not an obligation to invite your boss, and you can always opt for a reception-only invitation if you wish to include them in a more casual capacity.

Extending Formal Invitations

When it comes to inviting colleagues, it's essential to maintain a formal approach. Send them a formal invitation, just as you would for any other guest. You can personalise the invitation by sharing why their presence is important to you and expressing your desire to have them celebrate with you. This can be a thoughtful way to make them feel valued and respected.

Navigating Excluded Colleagues

One of the most challenging aspects of inviting some colleagues and not others is managing the feelings of those who are not invited. It's essential to be considerate and thoughtful in this situation. Communicate directly with your excluded coworkers, explaining that you can't invite everyone and that you don't want to appear secretive. Be mindful of their feelings, keep wedding talk at the office to a minimum, and avoid bringing invitations to the workplace. If the topic comes up, be polite and honest, letting them know they haven't been invited.

Showers and Pre-Parties

While it's common for colleagues to throw an office shower or celebrate with the couple after the wedding, it's generally not advisable to invite non-wedding guests to pre-wedding events. This can send a mixed message and make them feel like an afterthought. Instead, keep these celebrations separate, and if your colleagues choose to organise an office event, be sure to express your gratitude and attend if possible.

In conclusion, inviting colleagues to your wedding requires careful consideration and tact. Be selective, formal, and considerate, and always remember that it's your special day, so invite only those colleagues whose presence will truly add to your joy.

Frequently asked questions