Mailing Your Wedding Rsvp: A Step-By-Step Guide

When replying to a wedding invitation by mail, it is important to respond promptly and confirm your attendance or regrets. The formality of your response should match the style of the invitation and what you believe the couple might find appropriate. For a formal response, write in the third person, following the wording of a formal invitation. Include your name(s), acceptance or regret, and the details of the wedding. If you are unable to attend, it is not necessary to provide a reason unless the invitation is from a close friend or family member. For a more informal response, keep your reply brief and sincere, or add a touch of humour.

Responding to a formal wedding invitation

Being invited to a wedding is an honour, whether the event is formal or informal. The most important thing to do once you have received a wedding invitation is to respond promptly to let the couple know whether you will be able to celebrate with them.

Responding promptly

Check your schedule and consult with anyone else included in your invitation, then make your response as soon as you can. If you cannot make it, letting the couple know in good time will give them the opportunity to invite someone in your place if they wish.

Filling in the RSVP card

Most formal wedding invitations will come with an RSVP card and a pre-stamped envelope to send it back in. Fill out the card as soon as you receive it, including your full name, whether or not you are attending, and whether you are bringing a plus one. You can also add a cute congratulatory note or a personal touch.

Wording your response

The wording of your response will depend on your relationship with the couple, as well as the character of the wedding and the invitation. If the invitation is formal, your response should also be formal. A formal response is typically written in the third person and follows the wording of the invitation. For example:

> Mr and Mrs Smith accept with pleasure [or regret that they are unable to accept] the kind invitation of Mr and Mrs Harris to the wedding reception of their daughter Sarah and Tom Duncan on Saturday, the eighteenth of August.

If the invitation includes an RSVP but no response card, you can reply by email or with a handwritten response. A handwritten response can be a nice touch, showing the couple that you are excited about their big day.

When responding to a formal invitation from the couple themselves, you can write a formal note by hand and send it by post. For example:

> Dear Sally and George, Harry and I are so excited to attend your wedding on June 3rd, 2022. Kind regards, Harry and Claire O’Kiely.

If the invitation is addressed to you "and guest", let the host know if you will be bringing someone. If you reply only for yourself, do not bring a date or companion.

Responding to a split invitation

If you are invited on a joint invitation with someone else, but not all invitees are able to attend, you can use a split acceptance/regret format. For example:

> [Name] accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr and Mrs Harris for Saturday, the eighteenth of August. [Name] regrets that she is unable to attend.

Responding to an informal invitation

If the wedding is informal, you can personalise your response and be as genuine as you want. You can mention something about the ceremony you are looking forward to, or reference an inside joke. For example:

> Dear Sara and Henry, Congratulations on this exciting milestone! We always knew you two were meant to be. Can’t wait to see you make it official. We will absolutely be there on March 2nd. Love, your biggest supporters from day 1, Ian and Alana.

Responding if you are unable to attend

If you are unable to attend, it is still important to let the couple know promptly. You do not need to provide a reason for not attending, but you may want to send your well wishes. For example:

> Dear Seamus and Otegha, Thanks so much for inviting us to your wedding. Unfortunately, we will not be able to join you on your special day. We will certainly be thinking of you and wish you every happiness for this exciting new stage of your lives. Best wishes, Lara Candle and David Ali.

Replying to an informal wedding invitation

> Hi [Couple's Names]! So excited for your special day! We would love to be there to celebrate with you. See you soon! Best wishes, [Your Name]

> Dear [Couple's Names], Congratulations! We are so happy for you both and can't wait to join the festivities on [Date]. Lots of love, [Your Name]

> Well, well, well! So happy to receive your invitation this morning. We can't wait to celebrate this milestone with you both. We'll be there with bells on! Love, [Your Name]

> Our two favourite people are getting married! We are so happy for you and, of course, we will be there. Can't wait to see [Name] as a flower girl! Hugs, [Your Name]

> Yay! So happy for you both! I will be there and my plus one will be [Name]. Thanks for inviting me, I can't wait! Cheers, [Your Name]

Remember, it's considered impolite to keep the couple waiting or guessing your intentions, so respond promptly and clearly. If you need to change your response for any reason, be sure to inform the couple as soon as possible.

What to do if you can't attend

When replying to a wedding invitation by mail, it's important to respond promptly, especially if you can't attend. Here are some tips and examples for what to do if you can't attend a wedding:

• Respond promptly: It's courteous to let the couple know as soon as possible if you can't make it. This gives them time to adjust their plans and invite someone else if they wish.
• Have a meaningful excuse: While you don't need to provide a detailed explanation, it's considerate to have a valid reason for your absence. Illness, travel difficulties due to weather, or other major circumstances are acceptable reasons.
• Choose the appropriate tone: The tone of your response should match the formality of the invitation. If it's a formal invitation, use a more traditional and reserved reply. For informal invitations, you can be more casual and personalised in your response.
• Be sincere and respectful: Express your regrets in a sincere and respectful manner. Let the couple know how honoured you are to be invited and how much you appreciate their invitation.
• Send a handwritten note or make a phone call: A handwritten note or a phone call is more personal and thoughtful than a text message. It shows that you care about the couple and their special day.
• Offer a gift or send well wishes: Although not necessary, sending a gift or a heartfelt note with your best wishes can be a nice gesture. It shows that you're thinking of them and want to celebrate their happiness, even if you can't be there in person.

> Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> Thank you so much for inviting me to your wedding. Unfortunately, I won't be able to join you on your special day. I hope you understand that I have prior commitments that I cannot change. I wish you both all the best and hope you have a wonderful celebration.

>

> Sincerely,

> [Your Name]

Or, for a more formal invitation:

> Ms. Mary Smith regrets that she is unable to accept the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Johnson for their daughter's wedding on [date]. Please accept her sincere apologies and best wishes for the happy couple.

If you're unable to attend due to an unexpected last-minute change of plans:

> Dear [Couple's Names],

>

> I am so sorry to inform you that due to unforeseen circumstances, I will not be able to attend your wedding. Please know that I am truly disappointed to miss your special day. I hope you understand that this is due to an unexpected emergency. Wishing you both a lifetime of happiness.

>

> Warm regards,

> [Your Name]

Remember, it's important to be thoughtful and considerate when declining a wedding invitation. Respond promptly, provide a meaningful excuse, and express your regrets sincerely.

How to respond on WhatsApp

When responding to a wedding invitation on WhatsApp, it's important to consider the formality of the wedding and your relationship with the couple. Here's a guide on how to respond appropriately and thoughtfully:

• Respond promptly: It is essential to respond to a wedding invitation as soon as possible, allowing the couple to plan accordingly. Check your schedule, confirm with any other guests included in your invitation, and respond in a timely manner.
• Express gratitude and well-wishes: A wedding invitation is a heartfelt gesture, and your response should reflect your appreciation for being included in their special day. Express your gratitude and send your congratulations and best wishes. For example: "Thank you for including me in your celebration. Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness."
• Provide necessary information: If you are accepting the invitation, confirm your attendance and mention if you are bringing a plus-one. This helps the couple with their planning and ensures they have an accurate guest count. For instance: "Yay! I will be there, and I'll be bringing Tom as my plus-one. Looking forward to it!"
• Be mindful of formality: The level of formality in your response should align with the tone of the wedding invitation and your relationship with the couple. If it's a formal wedding invitation, maintain a more formal tone in your response. For informal invitations from close friends, you can be more casual and personalised in your reply.
• Consider adding a personal touch: While it's essential to convey the necessary information, don't be afraid to add a personal note. You could mention something you're looking forward to about the wedding or share a heartfelt message. This will make your response more meaningful.
• Inform the couple of any changes: If you have accepted the invitation but something comes up and you can no longer attend, be sure to inform the couple as soon as possible. It is courteous to let them know, and it will help them with their planning and arrangements.

Remember to assess the situation and consider the couple's preferences before responding on WhatsApp. While it may be convenient and natural for close friends or family, others may consider it informal. Use your best judgement and adapt your response to match the tone and formality of the wedding invitation.

Adding a personal touch

When replying to a wedding invitation, it's essential to strike a balance between adhering to traditional etiquette and infusing a bit of your personality into the response. Here are some tips for adding a personal touch to your reply:

Share a Memory or a Wish

Share a memory, a wish, or an expression of joy that connects you to the couple's journey. This adds warmth to your reply and strengthens your bond with them. For example, you could say something like, "Dear Jane and John, It's been a pleasure to witness your love blossom over the years, and I couldn't be happier to celebrate this special day with you. I wish you both a lifetime of love and joy. Sincerely, Your Cousin Rachel."

Include a Congratulatory Note

Even a simple congratulatory message can add a personal touch to your reply. You can write something like, "Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I am thrilled to be a part of your special day." This shows your excitement and happiness for the couple.

Mention Something Specific About the Couple

If you have a close relationship with the couple, consider mentioning something specific about them or their relationship. For example, "Dear Sarah and Daniel, I still remember the first time you two met at the university orientation. It's incredible to see how your love has grown over the years, and I am honoured to be a part of your wedding day. Cheers to many more adventures together! Love, Emily."

Add a Personalised Closing

Instead of a generic closing, add a personalised message or well wishes. For instance, "With love and best wishes for a lifetime of happiness, Aunt Margaret." This adds a touch of warmth and sincerity to your reply.

Leverage Online Platforms

If the couple has opted for online RSVPs or a wedding website, use the features provided to leave personal messages or anecdotes. This is a unique way to contribute to their celebration and connect with them digitally.

Remember, your relationship with the couple should guide the level of personalisation in your response. Adding a personal touch shows your enthusiasm for their happiness and strengthens your bond with the couple.

Frequently asked questions