Key Factors For Curating Your Wedding Guest List

Planning a wedding guest list is one of the most challenging aspects of wedding planning. Couples need to balance their wishes with those of their families, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. To make the process easier, here is a guide on what to consider when inviting wedding guests.

Budget and venue

Budget

Creating a budget for your wedding is a crucial first step in the planning process. The number of people you invite will impact your budget, from the number of place settings and centerpieces to the cost of catering. Wedding costs are usually handled on a per-person basis, so the more people you invite, the more you'll spend. It's important to be realistic about your budget and only invite the number of guests you intend to pay for. If people beyond the couple are contributing financially, be sure to have a discussion early on about expectations and how much of a say they will have in the guest list creation.

Venue

The size of your venue will dictate the number of guests you can invite. It's important to choose a venue that can comfortably accommodate your guest list. If you have a particular venue in mind, you may need to adjust your guest list to fit the space's capacity. On the other hand, if you have a set number of guests in mind, you can choose a venue that can accommodate that number. Keep in mind that some venues may have restrictions or limitations that could impact your guest list, such as capacity constraints or liability concerns.

When considering budget and venue, it's essential to prioritize. Do you want your dream venue with a smaller guest list, or would you prefer to invite more people and choose a different location? This decision will depend on your personal preferences and what is most important to you for your special day.

Final Thoughts

When deciding on your guest list, it's crucial to remember that you can't invite everyone. Be mindful of your budget and venue constraints, and don't be afraid to set boundaries. This is your special day, and you should plan it according to your wishes and what is feasible within your means.

Plus-ones

Budget and Venue Constraints

The number of guests you can invite will depend on your budget and venue capacity. If you are working with a limited budget or a small venue, you may need to restrict the number of plus-ones to keep within these constraints.

Serious Relationships

It is generally considered good etiquette to allow plus-ones for guests who are married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship. This is especially important if the guest would otherwise be attending alone and might feel more comfortable with a familiar partner by their side.

Knowing Other Guests

If a guest doesn't know anyone else at the wedding, a plus-one can be a thoughtful gesture to ensure they feel more comfortable and welcomed. This is also a good idea for destination weddings, where travelling and staying alone in an unfamiliar place can be daunting.

Case-by-Case Basis

You can also approach plus-ones on a case-by-case basis. For example, you might allow a plus-one for a former coworker who doesn't know the wedding party, but not for a groomsman who is likely to be comfortable attending solo.

Trimming the Guest List

If budget or venue constraints are an issue, one of the first things to cut back on is plus-ones, especially those who are not in serious relationships with the guests. This can help reduce numbers while still allowing your guests to attend and enjoy the celebration.

Communication is Key

Be clear and consistent in your invitations about who is invited. If a plus-one is allowed, include "and Guest" on the invitation. If not, only include the guest's name. This will help avoid any confusion or awkward situations.

Be Mindful of Feelings

Remember that some guests might feel sad or hurt if they are not offered a plus-one, especially if they are in a serious relationship. Consider this when making your decisions, and try to be as thoughtful and considerate as possible.

Children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky area that deserves a post of its own. Here are some things to consider:

Your Vision for the Day

If you adore your toddler nieces and nephews, think your best friends' tweens have some killer dance moves, or can't imagine your day without your teenage cousins, then go for it! You can accommodate the under-21 set with kid-friendly food, activities, and mocktails.

However, if that's not your vision, don't feel pressured to include children. "It can be tricky, as some parents will not travel without their kids and others cannot wait for a little time away from them," says wedding planner Jove Meyer. "Decide if you want children at your wedding, and if so, in what capacity, make a rule, and stand strong about it."

Venue

At many venues, young children can be a liability. Think art museums, sculpture gardens, and cliffside chapels. "There are some places that are just not child-friendly," says wedding director Susan Norcross.

Budget

If you're on a tight budget, cutting children from the guest list could help you trim costs. Children often require an extra seat and meal, and they may need special entertainment or food.

All or Nothing

Most couples take an all-or-nothing approach to children at weddings, while some make an exception for children of immediate family members.

Exceptions

It's generally considered polite to make an exception for guests with newborn or breastfeeding babies.

Notice

Be sure to give lots of notice to parents if children aren't invited. This will give them time to make alternative arrangements.

The Afters

If you're really struggling with your guest list, consider having an after-party. This provides a magical escape clause that allows you to include every cousin, old school pal, and great-grand-aunt for a drink and a dance.

Plus-Ones

Whether or not to allow plus-ones for guests with children is another consideration. Generally, it's considered polite to allow plus-ones for guests who are married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship. However, this can quickly increase the number of children in attendance.

Safety

If your venue has rules or liability constraints regarding children, bringing them along wouldn't just be rude to your hosts but also inappropriate for the kids.

Your Relationship with the Parents

If you have a close relationship with the parents, consider how they might feel about leaving their children out of the celebration. This could be a deal-breaker for some, while others might welcome the opportunity for a child-free evening.

Your Relationship with the Children

If the children in question are your godchildren or you have a particularly close relationship with them, it might be important to you to have them there.

Your Guest List Size

If you're keeping your guest list small, you might not have the capacity to include children.

Your Other Guests

Consider whether the presence of children will significantly alter the vibe of your wedding. If you're planning a formal, intimate gathering, children might not fit with the atmosphere you're trying to create.

Your Own Children

If you have children of your own, it might be important to you to include them in your special day.

Your Time

Spending time with your guests is an essential part of your wedding day. If you invite lots of children, this could cut into the time you have to connect with adult guests.

Your Guests' Time

Some of your guests might appreciate the opportunity to spend quality time with their children, especially if they don't get to see them often.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a personal one. Don't feel forced to include anyone you'd rather not have in attendance.

Coworkers

When it comes to inviting coworkers to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's essential to determine how close you are to your coworkers outside of work. If you socialise with them regularly, they are likely to be good friends who you may want to invite. On the other hand, if your relationship is purely professional, you may decide not to invite them.

Another factor to consider is the size and intimacy of your wedding. If you're having a small, intimate wedding, you may only want to invite those closest to you, which may not include coworkers. However, if you have a larger guest list and the space to accommodate coworkers, you may consider inviting them.

It's also important to remember that you don't have to invite all your coworkers. You can choose to only invite those you are closest to and consider to be friends. Be mindful that this may cause hurt feelings among those who are not invited, so it's essential to handle the situation with tact and professionalism.

Additionally, consider the dynamics of your workplace. In formal office settings, like law firms, inviting your boss is often expected. In less formal offices, you may have more freedom to choose who to invite. If you are the boss or run your own company, you may want to either invite everyone or no one to avoid hurt feelings.

Finally, remember that it's your wedding, and you should invite those who you want to share your special day with. Don't feel pressured to invite coworkers out of obligation or worry about creating an awkward situation. Ultimately, the decision is yours, and you should choose what feels right for you and your partner.

Family members

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is a challenging part of wedding planning. When it comes to family members, there are a few things to consider.

Firstly, it is generally advised that immediate family members such as parents, siblings, and grandparents, as well as the siblings' spouses and children, are included in the guest list. If you have stepparents, stepsiblings, or half-siblings, they are also usually considered immediate family and should be invited.

However, it is important to remember that your wedding day is about you and your partner, and you should only invite people who will bring you happiness and support your relationship. If you have family members who do not support your union, it is perfectly acceptable not to invite them. This may be a difficult decision, especially if it means not inviting parents or other close relatives. It is essential to weigh the potential for negative energy and tension at your wedding against the benefits of inviting certain family members.

Another factor to consider is the dynamics within your family. If you have a large family with many aunts, uncles, and cousins, it may not be feasible or desirable to invite them all. In such cases, it is generally considered good etiquette to treat your family members equally. For example, if you invite one aunt, you should invite all aunts and uncles. However, this rule does not necessarily apply to cousins. If you want to invite one of your first cousins, you should invite all your first cousins, but your partner is not obligated to do the same with their cousins.

When deciding which family members to invite, it is essential to communicate openly and honestly with your partner and both sets of parents, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. It is common for parents to have their own ideas about the guest list, but it is crucial to set boundaries and make joint decisions that consider the couple's wishes and budget constraints.

Finally, if you are unable to invite all family members due to venue or budget constraints, it is advisable to be honest and let them know your concerns. While it may be challenging to have difficult conversations, it is important to remember that your wedding day is about celebrating your love and should include only those who will bring you joy.

Frequently asked questions