Weddings: Keeping It Small, Intimate, And Personal

Creating a wedding guest list can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to deciding whether or not to invite extended family members. While some couples choose to invite their entire extended family, others prefer to keep the guest list more intimate, only inviting those they feel closest to. Ultimately, the decision comes down to personal preference, budget constraints, and venue capacity.

If you're struggling with the decision of whether or not to invite extended family members to your wedding, it's important to consider your relationship with them. Are they supportive of your relationship? Have you had a falling out or not spoken in years? Do they live nearby or would they have to travel to attend? These are all factors that can help guide your decision.

It's also essential to communicate your plans with your parents and in-laws, as they may have strong opinions about who should be included. Be open and honest about your reasons for wanting to keep the guest list small, and remember that it's your day, so you should ultimately do what feels right for you and your partner.

Lean on reasons like venue capacity or budget constraints

If you're looking to avoid inviting extended family to your wedding, it's completely valid to lean on reasons like venue capacity or budget constraints. Here are some tips and suggestions to navigate this sensitive topic effectively:

Be Clear About Your Priorities

Before you initiate any conversations with family members, it's crucial to be crystal clear about your priorities and the reasons behind your decision. This will help you stay focused and confident when discussing your choices with others.

Have Honest Conversations with Your Parents and In-Laws

It's essential to be open and transparent with your parents and in-laws about your plans. Show them how the guest list is shaping up, starting with your friends and immediate family. This will help them visualize the limited space you have available. Be prepared to have challenging discussions, but remain firm and polite in conveying your wishes.

Lean on Venue Capacity and Budget Constraints

If you're uncomfortable with being blunt about not wanting to invite extended family members, you can gently lean on reasons like venue constraints or budget limitations. For example, you could explain that your venue has a maximum capacity that you cannot exceed, or that you're working within a tight budget that doesn't allow for a larger guest list. Most people will understand these practical considerations.

Be Selective and Consistent with Your Criteria

When deciding which extended family members to invite, it's helpful to establish clear criteria and be consistent in applying them. For instance, you could limit your invitations to aunts, uncles, and first cousins only, or only those relatives you have regular contact with. This will help prevent any perceptions of favoritism or unfairness.

Send Wedding Announcements After the Event

If you're concerned about extended family members feeling left out, consider sending them wedding announcements after the ceremony. This is a thoughtful way to include them in your celebration without actually inviting them to the event. It's also a traditional and polite way to inform them of your nuptials.

Prepare for Pushback and Stand Your Ground

Be aware that some family members may not take the news well and might try to pressure you to change your mind. It's essential to anticipate this pushback and be ready to stand your ground firmly but respectfully. Remember, this is your special day, and you have the right to celebrate it according to your wishes.

Consider Alternative Ways to Include Them

If you feel inclined to include extended family members in some way, you could explore alternative options. For example, you could invite them to a post-wedding celebration, such as a BBQ or a bridal brunch, which tends to be more low-key and budget-friendly. This way, you can still share your happiness with them without compromising your original vision for the wedding day.

Remember, creating a guest list can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to extended family. It's essential to communicate openly, set clear boundaries, and make decisions that align with your values and budget. Good luck with your wedding planning!

Be open with your parents and in-laws

When it comes to deciding whether to invite extended family to your wedding, it's important to be open with your parents and in-laws. Here are some tips to help you navigate this sensitive topic:

• Involve your parents and in-laws in the discussion: It's likely that your parents or in-laws will have strong opinions about who should be included on the guest list, especially when it comes to extended family members. Instead of trying to guess their preferences, involve them in the conversation from the beginning. This will help you understand their priorities and work together to create a guest list that everyone is happy with.
• Show them how the list is coming along: Wedding planning expert Mindy Weiss suggests showing your parents how you've split the guest list so far, starting with your friends. They may be surprised at how quickly the numbers add up. This approach can help set the stage for a more productive discussion about extended family members.
• Be organised and have a strategy: Before you approach your parents and in-laws, it's essential to be as organised as possible. Have a clear idea of how many people your venue can accommodate and how you plan to divide the guest list. Be prepared to explain your criteria for including or excluding certain extended family members.
• Be honest and transparent: When discussing the guest list with your parents and in-laws, it's crucial to be honest about your preferences and priorities. Explain that you want to keep the wedding intimate and that you're trying to stay within a specific budget. If there are specific extended family members you don't want to invite, be transparent about your reasons, whether it's due to a strained relationship or simply because you don't know them well.
• Offer alternatives: If your parents or in-laws are insistent on inviting certain extended family members, try to find a compromise. For example, you could suggest hosting a separate celebration or gathering for extended family members after the wedding. This way, they can still feel included in the joy of your special day without exceeding your venue or budget constraints.
• Remember, it's your decision: While it's important to consider your parents' and in-laws' input, ultimately, the decision of who to invite to your wedding rests with you and your partner. If you decide not to invite certain extended family members, communicate your decision clearly and respectfully. You can emphasise that you want to keep the wedding small and that you hope they can respect your wishes.

Send a wedding announcement after your big day

Wedding announcements are a great way to share your big news with extended friends and family who were not invited to the wedding. They can be mailed, published in the newspaper, or posted on social media. Ideally, wedding announcements should be prepared before the wedding and mailed the day after, but they can be sent up to several months after the wedding. Here are some tips for sending wedding announcements after your big day:

Timing

It is best to send out wedding announcements as soon as possible after the wedding, preferably the day after. However, if you plan to include photos from the wedding day, it will take a little longer. In this case, aim to send them out within two to four weeks or up to a month after the wedding.

Mailing List

Create a mailing list that includes invited guests who were unable to attend, as well as those who were not invited due to budget or size constraints. If you had a small wedding, a destination wedding, or eloped, your list can include all close family and friends who were not invited.

What to Include

A wedding announcement should include the full names of the couple, the wedding date, and the wedding location. You can also include the names of the hosts (if someone other than the couple hosted), the names of the couple's parents and grandparents, the name of the officiant, the couple's education and degrees, the honeymoon destination, and where the couple plans to live. For mailed announcements, you can include a description of the wedding dress and bouquet.

Newspaper Announcements

Newspaper wedding announcements are a longstanding tradition. Submit a short write-up about your nuptials along with an engagement photo to your local newspaper or the newspapers in your hometowns. Some newspapers will have staff writers compose the announcement, while others will print the one you provide. There may be a fee to run the announcement.

Social Media Announcements

You can also share your wedding news on social media. This is a great way to spread the word to your extended networks. Wait at least a week or two after sending out formal announcements to give your nearest and dearest the news first. Include a few photographs along with the announcement.

Don't invite them to any pre-wedding events

If you're not inviting extended family to your wedding, it's important that you don't invite them to any pre-wedding events either. This includes bridal showers, bachelor or bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinners.

One option is to send a wedding announcement to those who are not invited to the wedding. This can be done on the day of the wedding or the day after. Another option is to send a card with a picture and a letter inside, explaining that you are getting married and decided to have a small and simple wedding. You can also mention that you will be thinking of them and will share photos afterwards.

If you are worried about offending your extended family, you can explain that you are having a small wedding due to budget or venue constraints. You can also ask your parents to call their siblings and mention that you unfortunately can't afford to invite your whole family. If you do get asked directly, you can explain that you are keeping the wedding small and immediate family-only.

Remember, it's your wedding and you can invite whoever you want. You don't need to feel guilty about not inviting extended family members, especially if you are not close to them.

Be honest and direct when communicating your decision

Being honest and direct with your family about your wedding guest list can be difficult, but it's important to remember that it's your big day and you should feel comfortable with the people you invite. Here are some tips to help you communicate your decision effectively:

• Be confident in your decision: Remind yourself that it's your wedding and you have the right to choose who attends. You don't need to please everyone, and it's okay to set boundaries.
• Prepare what to say: Before having the conversation, think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. You can even practice with a loved one beforehand to boost your confidence.
• Focus on your reasons: When talking to your family, emphasise your reasons for having a small wedding. Explain your budget constraints and venue limitations. You can also mention that you want to keep the gathering intimate, with only the people you are closest to.
• Be empathetic: Understand that your family may be disappointed or upset by your decision. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know you understand their perspective.
• Set clear boundaries: If a family member insists on arguing or tries to guilt-trip you, calmly but firmly set boundaries. Let them know that your decision is final and you won't change your mind.
• Offer alternative ways to celebrate: If possible, suggest alternative ways for extended family members to celebrate with you. For example, you could send them wedding announcements after the event or host a separate celebration, such as a bridal brunch or family reunion, at a later date.
• Involve your parents: If your parents are supportive of your decision, they can help communicate it to the extended family. They may be able to gently break the news and provide additional context for your choice.
• Be consistent: Ensure that your message is consistent across all communication channels. This includes in-person conversations, phone calls, and any written correspondence.
• Send invitations to those who are invited: If you've decided to invite some extended family members but not others, make sure to send invitations only to those on the guest list. Avoid discussing wedding details with those who are not invited to prevent any misunderstandings.

Frequently asked questions