Planning Multiple Wedding Receptions: Sending Out The Perfect Invites

Planning multiple wedding receptions can be a challenging task, but it's a great way to include all your family and friends in the celebrations. There are many reasons why couples opt for multiple receptions, such as having a destination wedding and a local celebration, or wanting to give both families an equal opportunity to celebrate if they're from different countries. When it comes to inviting guests to multiple wedding receptions, it's important to be clear and organised. You may want to consider creating separate guest lists for each reception and sending out different invitations accordingly. This approach can help you manage guest expectations and avoid any confusion. It's also essential to be mindful of your guests' feelings and let them know that they are not obligated to attend all the events.

Managing guest lists and expectations

Identify Decision-Makers

It's considered polite to include those helping to pay for the celebration in the guest list planning process. In a traditional gathering, the couple and both sets of parents are usually involved. In this case, the couple gets one-third of the guest list, and each set of parents gets the remaining two thirds. It's important to set boundaries with parents early on regarding their invite allocations to avoid family drama.

Discuss Wedding Day Goals

Talk with your partner about the type of wedding you envision. Do you want an intimate occasion with only your nearest and dearest, or do you dream of a large celebration with hundreds of guests? Having a clear vision will help guide your guest list decisions.

Determine Your VIPs

Identify your "must-haves" or non-negotiables—the people you simply couldn't imagine getting married without. These guests are your top priority and will form the foundation of your guest list.

Brainstorm a Master List

Create a master list of all the guests you'd like to invite, without any restrictions. This list can include everyone from close family and friends to acquaintances and colleagues. This exercise will help you see the full picture and identify areas where cuts might need to be made.

Manage Parents' Expectations

If your parents are contributing financially to your wedding, it's important to respect their input while also setting boundaries. Be open to their suggestions, but don't be afraid to lay down gentle but firm boundaries when needed. It's your wedding day, and once you allow others to step over the line, it can be challenging to pull back.

Figure Out Plus Ones

Traditionally, it's been common to offer plus ones to all wedding guests. However, this is becoming less standard, especially as guest lists grow. If you do offer plus ones, be consistent and set clear criteria, such as only allowing plus ones for married or engaged couples or those in long-term relationships.

Consider an Adults-Only Wedding

Inviting children can significantly increase your guest count. Think about whether you truly want children at your wedding or if you're considering it to please others. An adults-only wedding can be a valid option to keep your guest list numbers lower.

Run the Numbers

Consider the capacity of your ceremony and reception venues, as well as your budget. Calculate the cost per person for catering, rentals, favours, and travel expenses. These factors will help you determine how many guests you can realistically accommodate.

Use Basic Etiquette to Eliminate Names

You can use basic etiquette guidelines to help streamline your guest list further. For example:

• Only offer guaranteed plus one invitations to married or engaged couples.
• Draw lines on which groups you won't invite, such as coworkers or extended family beyond first cousins.
• You are not obligated to invite someone whose wedding you attended if you are no longer close.

Create Backup Lists

After finalising your A-list, create B and C lists of guests who didn't make the initial cut. These lists can include relatives, close coworkers, acquaintances, and children from couples you aren't related to. You can send invitations to these guests if you receive regrets from your A-list invitees.

Think About Reception-Only Invites

Consider inviting some guests to just the reception. This can help manage numbers, especially if you want a smaller ceremony. Choose your invitation wording carefully to avoid confusion.

Stagger Your Invites

Send your initial invitations with a clear RSVP date. If you receive any regrets, send out invitations to your B-list guests. Repeat this process for your C-list if needed. Staggering your invites ensures you maximise your guest list while managing expectations.

Creating and sending invitations

When it comes to creating and sending invitations for multiple wedding receptions, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to have a clear idea of your guest list and which guests you expect to attend each event. This will help you determine the best way to structure your invitations.

If you have a large number of guests who will be invited to both receptions, you may consider creating two separate guest lists and sending out two different invitations. One invitation would be for the full wedding (ceremony and reception) and the other for the less formal reception only. This approach can be helpful for managing RSVPs and may be less confusing for guests. However, it is important to note that you should be prepared for guests who choose to attend both events.

Alternatively, you could create three types of invitation packages: one for guests invited to both events, one for those only attending the wedding, and one for those only attending the reception. This approach ensures that guests receive tailored information but may be more costly and complex to manage.

If you opt for separate guest lists and invitations, it is essential to make the distinction between the two receptions clear. For example, you might use different wording or designs for each invitation, emphasising the formality of the full wedding and the more casual nature of the second reception.

When addressing invitations, each adult guest should receive their own invitation, even if they live at the same address, unless they are a couple. For couples, you can address the invitation to both individuals. If you are inviting a family with children, you can address the invitation to "The [Last Name] Family".

Finally, consider including clear information about the time, date, and location of each reception, as well as any additional details such as your wedding website, gift registry, and parking or directions.

Planning the wedding ceremony and reception(s)

Guest Lists and Invitations

Create separate guest lists for each event. This will make it easier to manage RSVPs and ensure that you don't overwhelm yourself with too many guests at one event. Consider sending out two separate sets of invitations, especially if you have different guest lists for each reception. This can be confusing for guests, so it's important to be clear and provide all the necessary information. You could also include a personal note explaining the reason for multiple receptions.

Budgeting

Managing multiple wedding budgets can be challenging. Be realistic about your budget and set a comfortable amount that you know you and your families can afford. This will help you save stress and make more informed decisions about your spending.

Attire and Aesthetic

If you're having multiple receptions, you might want to consider having different attire and aesthetics for each event. While one reception may be very formal, you could opt for a more casual theme for the other. This allows you to showcase different styles and adapt to different venues.

Timing and Location

When planning the timing and location of your receptions, consider the convenience of your guests. If you're having a destination wedding, you might want to have a local celebration as well, so that more people can attend. You could also space out the events, having one ceremony and reception a few days or weeks apart, to give yourself and your guests more flexibility.

Communication with Guests

Let your guests know that they are under no obligation to attend all of the events, especially if they are held on different dates or require travel. Be transparent about the number of events you're hosting and provide clear information about the dates, times, and locations. This will help your guests plan their attendance and avoid any confusion.

Wedding Party Involvement

It's important to consider the workload and expenses for your wedding party if you're having multiple events. It may be more feasible to only involve them in one of the ceremonies, especially if they need to travel or make additional arrangements.

Managing Expectations

Be prepared for some guests to attend all of the events, especially those closest to you, like immediate family and the wedding party. However, don't expect everyone to attend everything, and be understanding if guests choose to attend only one or a few of the events.

Sticking to Your Decisions

Once you've made your plans and communicated them to your guests, try to avoid making changes or exceptions. For example, if you've decided to have an intimate ceremony followed by a larger reception, stick to your guest list for the ceremony, even if some guests pressure you to include them.

Prioritising and Planning

If you're having multiple receptions, consider prioritising one as your main custom event and plan the other(s) to be less detailed. For example, you could have a private estate wedding with all the furniture, lighting, and décor brought in, and then a more relaxed resort wedding that includes everything except flowers and attire. This will help reduce your workload and stress levels.

Budgeting for two weddings

Determine the Contributing Parties:

Firstly, identify who will be contributing financially to the weddings. Traditionally, the bride's parents covered the entire bill, but nowadays, both families often chip in, and the couple may also contribute. It is important to have open and honest discussions about how much each party can afford and is willing to spend.

Understand What Weddings Include:

If you are new to wedding planning, it is essential to recognize the numerous aspects that comprise a wedding. These can include the venue, catering, rentals, wedding planner, photography, videography, music, entertainment, stationery, flowers, decor, attire, beauty, cake, transportation, and more. Understanding these components will help you allocate your budget effectively.

Set a Realistic Budget:

The average cost of a wedding varies depending on location and other factors, but it typically ranges from $29,000 to $33,000. However, some couples spend well over $100,000, while others may plan a wedding for $5,000. It is crucial to be realistic about what you can afford and set a budget that aligns with your financial situation. Consider your daily expenses, debts, and future costs to ensure you don't overextend yourself.

Prioritize and Allocate Funds:

Create a detailed breakdown of your budget, allocating funds to each category mentioned above. Here is a suggested percentage breakdown to guide you:

• Reception venue, catering, and rentals: 40-45%
• Photography and/or videography: 12%
• Music and entertainment: 10%
• Flowers and decor: 10%
• Wedding attire and beauty: 9%
• Stationery: 2-3%
• Favors and gifts: 2%
• Transportation: 2%
• Wedding cake and desserts: 2%
• Wedding planner/coordinator: 5-15%
• Ceremony: 3%
• Wedding rings and insurance: 1-5%
• Rehearsal dinner and other events: 8%
• Honeymoon: 5%
• Tips: 5-15%
• Just-in-case fund: 5-15%

Be Flexible and Make Compromises:

Recognize that compromises may be necessary to stay within your budget. You may need to cut down the guest list, choose a less expensive venue, rent instead of buy attire, opt for minimalist decor, or select affordable stationery options. Prioritize the aspects that are most important to you and be willing to adjust in other areas.

Consider the Unique Aspects of Each Wedding:

When budgeting for two weddings, consider the unique characteristics of each event. For example, one wedding may be more formal, while the other is casual. The locations, dates, and guest lists may differ, impacting the overall cost. Create separate budgets for each wedding, taking into account these distinct factors.

Track Your Spending:

Stay organized by using a spreadsheet or budgeting app to track your expenses. Create a joint savings or checking account specifically for wedding expenses, and ask vendors for all taxes and fees upfront. Include a buffer in your budget for unexpected costs, and be diligent about staying within your allocated amounts.

Remember, these are general guidelines, and you can adjust them to fit your specific needs and priorities. Be flexible, communicate openly with your partner and contributing parties, and make informed decisions to ensure your budgets for both weddings are realistic and well-managed.

Choosing wedding attire

• Follow the Dress Code: The dress code is the most important factor to consider when choosing your outfit. The majority of couples will set a wedding dress code depending on the style of the event and the time of year. For example, a black-tie wedding in the winter will require a different outfit from a casual summer wedding.
• Consider the Season and Venue: Take into account the season and location of the wedding. For instance, a beach wedding calls for lighter and more breathable fabrics, while a winter wedding tends to be more formal. The venue can also indicate the type of shoes you should wear – a chunky heel for an outdoor wedding or a pump heel for an indoor venue.
• Avoid Wearing White: Unless explicitly stated on the invitation, it is generally advised to avoid wearing white to a wedding. This is to avoid upstaging the bride and groom, who are traditionally dressed in white and are the centre of attention.
• Accessorise Your Outfit: Accessories can enhance your look and make it more stylish. Consider adding a colourful pocket square, a printed tie, a sleek belt, or a pair of elegant earrings or a necklace.
• Alter Pieces You Already Own: If you have a busy wedding season, consider altering pieces you already own to create a new look. This can save you money and give new life to old clothes.
• White-Tie: This is the most formal dress code, usually reserved for very elegant events. Men typically wear a long, dark tuxedo tailcoat with fabric extensions to the knee, while women wear formal floor-length evening gowns.
• Black-Tie: Black-tie weddings are formal and usually take place in the evening. Men should wear tuxedos, while women can wear floor-length gowns or sophisticated cocktail dresses.
• Black-Tie Optional: This dress code is slightly less formal than black-tie. Men can wear a tuxedo or a dark suit with a tie, while women can choose from a floor-length gown, a cocktail dress, or a dressy pantsuit.
• Formal: Formal weddings are usually evening events, and men are expected to wear a tuxedo or a dark suit with a tie. Women typically wear floor-length gowns, but a nice cocktail dress is also acceptable.
• Cocktail: Cocktail attire is a balance between elegant and comfortable. Women should opt for a tea-length, knee-length, or midi dress, while men are required to wear a suit and tie.
• Semi-Formal/Dressy Casual: This dress code allows for more flexibility. For evening events, darker colours are recommended, while light colours and airy fabrics are best for daytime affairs. Women can wear below-the-knee dresses, and men can wear a dress shirt and slacks, with the option to add a tie.
• Casual: A casual wedding means you can wear something more comfortable and similar to your everyday style. Men can wear khakis and a collared shirt, while women can opt for a sundress, a skirt and blouse, or a jumpsuit.

Frequently asked questions