Inviting Family To Your Wedding: Etiquette And Tips

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and deciding on the guest list is one of the first big tasks you'll encounter. The number of people you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and, most importantly, your budget. When it comes to inviting family, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's essential to include immediate family members such as parents, siblings, and grandparents, as well as your own children, step-parents, step-siblings, and half-siblings. If you have a large family, you may need to prioritize and decide which relatives are closest to you and would add to your day. You can also lean on reasons like venue constraints or budget limitations if you can't invite everyone. It's advisable to send invitations at least six to eight weeks before the wedding. When addressing the invitations, use formal titles and full names on the outer envelope, and simple first names on the inner envelope.

How to word the invitations

When it comes to the wording of your wedding invitations, there are a few key elements to include. The first line typically mentions the host, which nowadays is often both sets of parents, along with the couple. Here are some examples of how to word this:

• "Together with their families..."
• "It is with joy that, together with their families,..."
• "With the support of our families, we are excited to..."

If there is space, you can include the names of your parents or step-parents on a line below.

The next line is the request line, where you ask your guests to join you. This can be formal, such as:

• "Request the honour of your presence"
• "Request the pleasure of your company"

Or more informal, such as:

"Would love you to celebrate with them"

After this, you should include the names of the happy couple. Traditionally, the bride's name would come first, but you can arrange the names in the order you prefer and be as formal or informal as you like.

The date and time of the wedding should be included, along with the full date and year to avoid confusion. You can omit whether it is a.m. or p.m. if it is obvious from the context. For a formal invitation, write out the full time, including "o'clock".

The location of the wedding should include the venue name, road, and state, with additional details such as recommended hotels and parking information provided on a separate details panel or wedding website.

A simple "Reception to follow" is sufficient for the reception details, with more information to be communicated closer to the time.

Including a dress code on the invitation is helpful for guests, with a simple word such as "Formal" or "Casual" providing enough guidance.

For double envelopes, the outer envelope is more formal, with titles and complete names, while the inner envelope can be more casual, with simple first names and no titles. For unmarried couples living together, the person you are closest to goes on the first line, with their partner on the second line. For married couples, both names should appear on the same line. Children under 18 can be listed on the inner envelope, while adult children should receive their own invitation.

How to address the envelopes

When addressing wedding invitation envelopes, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure your guests feel welcome on your big day. Here are some detailed instructions on how to address the envelopes when inviting your family to your wedding:

Outer Envelope:

The outer envelope is generally more formal and traditional. Here are some guidelines to follow:

• Use the full, formal names of your family members, including their titles ("Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.", etc.). For married couples, use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. If they have the same last name, you can use "Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]."
• For unmarried couples living together, list the person you are closest to first, followed by their partner on a separate line.
• If your family members have children under the age of 18, you can include their names on the inner envelope.
• For children over the age of 18 who live with their parents, include their names on a separate line below the parents' names.
• Write out the full address, including the city and state, and avoid using abbreviations or initials.

Inner Envelope:

The inner envelope is more informal, and you can be more casual with the wording:

• You can use just the first names of your family members or their first names and titles ("Mr.", "Miss", etc.).
• For married couples, you can use their first names or their first names with titles, such as "Mr. [Name] and Mrs. [Name]."
• If you have included children's names on the inner envelope, list them in order of age, with "Miss" before the name of any girls under 18.

Additional Tips:

• If you are using double envelopes, be more formal with the outer envelope and more casual with the inner envelope.
• Give yourself enough time to assemble and mail the invitations, as it can be a time-consuming process.
• Consider using a guest addressing service or hiring a local calligrapher to address the envelopes neatly and elegantly.

Who to invite

When it comes to your wedding, deciding who to invite can be a daunting task. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process and ensure that you have the people you want to celebrate with you on your special day.

Immediate Family

Your parents, siblings, and grandparents are considered immediate family and should be at the top of your guest list. This includes stepparents, step-siblings, and half-siblings. If you have a close relationship with your extended family, such as aunts, uncles, and first cousins, they can also be included in this category.

Close Friends and Chosen Family

Your closest friends and chosen family are also essential to your big day. These individuals are often included in your wedding party and are the people you are closest to outside of your immediate family.

Family Friends

Family friends whom you have known for a long time and are still in touch with can be considered for your guest list. These are people who have watched you grow up and have a close connection with your family.

Distant Relatives and Acquaintances

Distant relatives and acquaintances, such as those you see once in a while or haven't spoken to in a long time, are generally not a priority for the guest list. However, if you enjoy their company and think they will add to your celebration, feel free to include them.

Plus-Ones

When it comes to plus-ones, it is essential to consider your guests' relationships. Guests who are married, engaged, or living with a significant other should be invited with their partner. For other guests, you can decide on a case-by-case basis, taking into account the guest's comfort and your relationship with their partner.

Children

Whether or not to invite children is a personal decision. If you have children in your life whom you adore and want to be part of your day, by all means, include them. However, if your vision doesn't include kids, don't feel pressured to invite them. It is your day, and you can decide to have an adults-only celebration.

Coworkers and Exes

Coworkers whom you consider friends outside of work can be invited, but you are not obligated to invite colleagues with whom you only have a professional relationship. Similarly, inviting ex-partners can create unnecessary complications and is generally not recommended unless you and your partner are both comfortable with it and have a friendly relationship with them.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy. Don't feel obligated to invite anyone out of obligation or pressure. Create a guest list that reflects your relationships and priorities, and don't be afraid to set boundaries when needed.

Who not to invite

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be challenging, especially when it comes to figuring out who not to invite. Here are some tips to help you decide:

People Who Could Bring or Cause Drama

The last thing you want on your wedding day is unnecessary drama. If you have friends or family members who are prone to causing conflict or stirring up trouble, it's best to leave them off the guest list. This is your special day, and you don't want it to be ruined by negative energy or family politics. If you feel that leaving them out may upset them, consider having an honest conversation about your concerns and why you've made this decision.

Someone Who Will Start a Fight

Similarly, if you have a relative or friend who is quick-tempered and prone to starting fights, especially when intoxicated, it's best to avoid inviting them. If you feel you can't avoid inviting them, ensure your wedding planner and venue staff are aware of their presence and their propensity for causing problems.

People Who Aren't Supportive of Your Marriage

Your wedding day should be filled with loved ones who are excited and happy for you. People who don't support your union, such as those who are judgmental or disapproving of interfaith, interracial, gay, or young marriages, have no place on your guest list.

Co-workers You're Not Friends With IRL

While you may feel obligated to invite your co-workers, clients, or boss, remember that your wedding day is not a work gathering. You shouldn't feel pressured to put on a show or act a certain way on your special day. Keep wedding talk at the office to a minimum, and limit posts about your wedding on social media if you're connected with co-workers who aren't invited.

People You Don't Really Care About Inviting

If you're questioning whether or not to invite someone and feel obligated to do so, consider leaving them off the guest list. Your wedding day is about surrounding yourself with people who are important to you and who you genuinely care about.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you have the freedom to invite whomever you choose. Don't feel pressured to invite someone just because they invited you to their wedding or because of family obligations. Your wedding guest list should ultimately reflect the people you want to celebrate with.

How to decline an invitation

When inviting your family to your wedding, it's important to consider the level of formality you wish to convey, as well as the specific family dynamics. Here are some tips to guide you through the process:

• Addressing the Invitations: Use formal titles and full names on the outer envelope, such as "Mr." or "Mrs." For inner envelopes, you can be more casual and use first names. If you're inviting a married couple, address them as "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name, or use both their full names, e.g., "Mr. John and Mrs. Emily Perkins." For unmarried couples living together, list the person you're closest to first, followed by their partner's name on the next line.
• Inviting Children: If you're inviting children under 18, include their names on the inner envelope, listed by age. For adult children living at home, send separate invitations with their full formal names. If children are not invited, omit their names, but consider mentioning on your wedding website that children are not included to avoid confusion.
• Timing and Assembly: Give yourself ample time to assemble and mail the invitations. Send them out at least 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Use the same return and RSVP address to avoid confusion, and ensure it's an address you check regularly.
• Stuffing and Weighing: Position the inner envelope so the flat side faces the flap of the outer envelope. Place the invitation so that the text faces the flap of the inner envelope. Weigh a completed invite before mailing to ensure sufficient postage.

Now, onto the topic of how to decline an invitation without causing hurt feelings:

It's completely understandable if you can't attend a wedding, and it's important to decline gracefully. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

• Be Thoughtful and Quick to Respond: Give the engaged couple a clear and prompt response to avoid causing disruptions in their planning. Even if it's a difficult decision, especially if you're close to the couple, it's essential to be decisive.
• Provide a Simple Explanation: You don't need to provide a detailed excuse. A simple "I have a prior commitment" or "I'm unable to attend due to a conflicting schedule" is sufficient. If you're comfortable, you can add a brief note expressing your regrets, such as, "I'm sorry to miss your special day, but hope to celebrate with you soon."
• Avoid Making Up Excuses: While it may be tempting, it's best to be honest without being brutally so. The couple will appreciate your sincerity, and it avoids any potential awkwardness if the truth comes out later.
• Stick to Your Decision: Once you've declined, don't go back and forth. It's inconsiderate to the couple's planning and creates unnecessary confusion. The only exception is if you're extremely close to the couple and can genuinely resolve the conflict.
• Express Gratitude and Congratulations: Thank the couple for the invitation, and offer your well wishes for their marriage. It's a kind gesture that shows you appreciate being considered.
• Consider Sending a Gift: Sending a gift is entirely optional, but it's a lovely way to show your support, especially if you're unable to attend. It doesn't have to be extravagant, just a thoughtful token of your friendship.
• Offer Alternative Ways to Celebrate: If you're close to the couple, suggest alternative ways to celebrate their marriage, such as a dinner together after the wedding. It shows that you value their happiness and want to share in their joy, even if you can't be there on the day.

Frequently asked questions