Choosing Family Guests For Your Wedding Day

Deciding on the guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to family members. Wedding planners suggest that you start by dividing potential guests into three categories: those who you definitely want to invite, those who you are unsure about, and those who you don't want to invite. This can help you narrow down your list and ensure that you don't exceed your venue's capacity or budget. It is also generally recommended that you treat family members equally, so if you invite one aunt or cousin, you should invite them all to avoid any tensions. However, it is ultimately your decision, and you can choose to only invite those family members who are close to you and your partner.

Immediate family members

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is a big task, and it's important to get right as it will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and budget. The people you invite will also shape your experience of the day. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels notes that "creating a guest list is stressful because of all the obligations couples feel they have to meet, like inviting family members they aren’t really connected to".

If you're not sure where to start, it's a good idea to sit down with your partner and other stakeholders and write down a list of family members, dividing them into three categories: most important, so-so, and not important. This will help you to trim down your list as needed.

Here's some more information on immediate family members to help you get started:

Parents

It's common for the parents of the couple to be involved in the wedding planning process, and they may also contribute financially. This means that they often have input on the guest list. It's important to set rules and boundaries and stick to them, even when it comes to your parents. If your parents are contributing financially, they may want to add some guests to the list, such as close family friends.

Siblings

Your siblings are considered immediate family and should be at the top of your guest list. If you have step-siblings or half-siblings, they are included here too. Your siblings' spouses and children should also be included in this group.

Grandparents

Your and your partner's grandparents are also immediate family members and should be invited to the wedding.

Children

If you have children, they are also part of your immediate family and will be included in the wedding. If you don't have children but would like to invite some, it's a good idea to make a rule and stick to it—for example, only inviting children who are in the wedding party.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love, and only those you love and are close to should be included. It's important to be surrounded by people who love and support you, so make sure everyone on your guest list fits that bill!

Extended family members

Deciding on your guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to extended family members. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this tricky terrain:

Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins:

The number of aunts, uncles, and cousins you invite will depend on factors such as the size of your family, your relationship with them, and your desired wedding size. It is generally considered good etiquette to invite all of your first cousins or none of them to avoid any potential hurt feelings. If your partner also has a large extended family, you may need to discuss how many of their aunts, uncles, and cousins they would like to invite to ensure fairness.

Family Friends:

Family friends, especially those you have known for a long time or who you still keep in touch with, can be considered extended family. If they are like family to you and you want them to share in your special day, by all means, invite them. However, if you have not spoken to them in years and do not feel a close connection, it is not necessary to invite them simply out of obligation.

Distant Relatives:

When it comes to more distant relatives, such as second cousins or cousins' spouses, the decision becomes more flexible. If you enjoy their company and think they will add to your day, feel free to extend an invitation. However, if you are not close to them or have not seen them in many years, they are not expected to make the guest list.

Parents' Friends:

If your parents are contributing financially to your wedding, they may request to invite some of their friends to the celebration. It is essential to set clear boundaries and have open communication with your parents about the guest list to manage their expectations. While it is considerate to allow them to invite some of their friends, you are not obligated to invite people you don't know well or have never met.

Plus-Ones for Extended Family:

The topic of plus-ones for extended family members can be tricky. It is generally recommended that anyone in a serious relationship, such as engaged, married, or living together, should be invited with their partner. For single cousins or other extended family members, you may decide to offer a plus-one if it fits within your budget and you are comfortable with them bringing a date.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy. While it is important to consider family dynamics and etiquette, ultimately, the decision of who to invite is yours and your partner's.

Close friends

When it comes to close friends, it's important to consider those who are nearest and dearest to you and your partner. These are the friends you keep in touch with regularly and who bring you joy. They are likely to be included in your wedding party, and you may have already included them in other wedding-related events such as the bridal shower or bachelorette party.

One way to decide is to ask yourself if you would be excited to see this person at your wedding. Another approach is to consider if you would be happy to pay for their meal if they came to your door and asked. If the answer is yes, then they are likely a close friend worth inviting.

It's also worth thinking about how well your friends know your partner. If they have met and get on well, that's a positive sign. However, if your best friend lives across the country and hasn't had the opportunity to meet your fiancé yet, it doesn't mean they shouldn't be invited.

When creating your guest list, it's a good idea to put your friends into groups based on your relationships with them. Start with those closest to you and work outwards. This will help you decide who to invite, especially if you are working with a limited venue capacity or budget.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you. Don't feel pressured to invite people just because others expect it.

Distant friends

When it comes to distant friends, it's important to consider the nature of your relationship and the constraints of your wedding. Here are some factors to think about when deciding whether to invite them:

The State of Your Friendship

The first thing to consider is the current state of your friendship. If you haven't spoken to or seen each other in a long time, it might be a sign that the friendship has drifted apart. Ask yourself if you would still actively choose to spend time with this person and if their presence would bring you joy on your special day. If the answer is no, it might be best to leave them off the guest list.

Your Wedding's Size and Budget

The size and budget of your wedding can also play a role in your decision. If you're planning an intimate ceremony with only your closest loved ones, it may not be the right setting for distant friends. However, if you have the space and resources to accommodate a larger guest list, including some distant friends could be an option.

Their Location and Travel Requirements

Consider the location of your wedding and whether your distant friends would need to travel a significant distance to attend. While it's not rude to invite people who live far away, it's essential to understand that they may decline due to the travel requirements. If you have a destination wedding or a large number of guests travelling, it might be thoughtful to offer a plus-one for those travelling alone to ensure they have a familiar companion.

Your Interest in Reconnecting

If you're on the fence about inviting a distant friend, ask yourself if you're interested in rekindling the friendship. If you genuinely want to reconnect and believe they feel the same, sending an invitation could be a great way to restart your friendship. However, if you're indifferent or feel that the friendship has run its course, it might be best to leave the past in the past.

Your Own Preferences and Comfort

Ultimately, the decision to invite distant friends is a personal one. If there are people you genuinely want to be there, regardless of how often you talk or how close you currently are, go for it! Your wedding day is about celebrating with the people who matter to you, and if you want them there, that's what counts.

Remember, creating a guest list can be challenging, but it's important to trust your instincts and include those who play a meaningful role in your life.

Plus-ones

Deciding on your guest list for your wedding can be a stressful process. Plus-ones are a particularly tricky subject, but there are some general guidelines that can help you decide who to extend the offer to.

Who Gets a Plus-One?

Firstly, it's important to note that not everyone needs to get a plus-one. Budget and space are often limited, so it's not always possible to offer every guest a plus-one. However, there are certain guests who should be prioritised when it comes to extending plus-ones.

• Married, engaged, or cohabitating guests: It is generally considered good etiquette to invite the spouses, fiancés, or live-in partners of your guests, even if you haven't met them or are not particularly close with them.
• Wedding party members: It is customary to offer a plus-one to members of your wedding party as a token of appreciation for their time, energy, and support.
• Outlier guests: Guests who won't know many other people at the wedding, such as out-of-town guests, are commonly given plus-one privileges so they don't feel lonely or out of place.
• Close family members: There may be many family members at the wedding, but it's still worth considering offering plus-ones to family members on a case-by-case basis.

Who Doesn't Need a Plus-One?

• Guests who are casually dating: If an invited guest has a new partner every few months or hasn't been in a relationship for more than a year, giving them a plus-one is not a priority.
• Single guests who know other guests: If your guest will know many other people at the wedding, there is no pressure to extend a plus-one. They will likely have a great time surrounded by familiar faces.
• Coworkers: Coworkers can be tricky, but if you're inviting them, it's best to offer a plus-one to all of them to avoid any office drama.

Other Considerations

When deciding on plus-ones, it's important to keep your budget and venue capacity in mind. You may need to create an "A" list of guests who should absolutely receive a plus-one and a "B" list of guests who you would like to include if possible.

It's also crucial to be consistent with your plus-one offers. For example, if you offer a plus-one to one person in the wedding party, you should offer it to all of them. This eliminates any favouritism and ensures everyone feels valued.

Finally, be prepared for guests to ask about bringing a plus-one if they don't receive one. Have a kind and firm explanation ready, such as, "We'd love to include everyone, but our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family."

Frequently asked questions