Planning Your Wedding Guest List: A Practical Guide

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Couples need to balance their wishes with those of their families, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. To help you navigate this stressful aspect of wedding planning, here is some expert advice on how to determine your guest list.

How to decide who makes the cut

Deciding on the guest list for your wedding can be a challenging task. Here are some tips to help you determine who makes the cut:

Start with a Master List

Begin by creating a master list of everyone you would invite if there were no limitations of budget or space. Include immediate family, close friends, and then work outwards to include colleagues, distant relatives, acquaintances, and their partners and children.

Separate Out Your Top-Tier Guests

Identify your "must-haves" or "A-list" guests – the people you couldn't imagine getting married without. These are your non-negotiables and will stay firmly on the list.

Consider Your Budget and Venue

The type of wedding and venue you choose will impact how many guests you can invite. If you're having an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding, you might only invite your A-list. It's important to be mindful of your budget, as the cost per guest can quickly add up.

Involve Your Parents

Traditionally, both sets of parents have a say in the guest list, especially if they are contributing financially. Be open to their input, but ultimately, the decision is yours and your partner's. You can allocate a certain number of invites for your parents to use or divide the guest list into thirds, giving one-third to each set of parents and one-third to the couple.

Plus-Ones and Children

Decide on a rule for plus-ones and stick to it. You might only offer plus-ones to those in long-term relationships or married couples. Whether or not to invite children is also your decision. You can choose to have a child-free wedding or only invite children who are part of the wedding party.

Don't Feel Obligated

You don't have to invite everyone you feel obligated to invite. This could include coworkers, acquaintances, or people you haven't spoken to in years. Your wedding is about celebrating with those who are closest to you and your partner.

Remember, creating your guest list is a personal process, and you should surround yourself with people who love and support you on your special day.

How to handle family expectations

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be a challenging and emotional task, especially when it comes to managing family expectations. Here are some tips to help you handle family expectations and create a guest list that aligns with your vision:

Communicate Your Wishes Early On

Let your family know your plans for a small and intimate wedding as early as possible. By being upfront about your wishes, you can manage their expectations and avoid surprises later on. This will also give your family time to consider who they would like to invite within the given constraints.

Involve Your Family in the Process

While the final decision rests with you and your partner, involving your family in the planning process can help manage their expectations. Have open and honest conversations about their invitation wishes and try to find a compromise that works for everyone. Remember, it's important to set boundaries and stick to them.

Consider Family Dynamics and Relationships

Take into account the dynamics and relationships within your family. If your parents are contributing financially to the wedding, they may have a say in the guest list. Consider dividing the guest list into categories or tiers, allocating a certain number of invitations to each set of parents while ensuring that your closest family members are included.

Be Tactful and Empathic

When dealing with sensitive situations, such as excluding certain family members, be empathetic and tactful. Explain that your wedding day is about celebrating love and connection, and you want to share it with those who have positively impacted your journey. If necessary, have difficult conversations privately to avoid family drama and maintain a united front.

Manage Plus-One Expectations

Discuss with your family whether plus-ones will be allowed for adult guests or only for those in serious relationships (engaged, married, living together, or dating for over a year). Be consistent in applying these guidelines to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Address Children's Attendance

Decide if you want children at your wedding and communicate this clearly to your family. You can choose to include only children who are in the wedding party or make exceptions for specific family members. Be prepared for mixed reactions and try to accommodate any special requests if possible.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who matter most to you. While it's important to consider family expectations, ultimately, the decision rests with you and your partner. Open communication, empathy, and compromise will help you navigate this process successfully.

Whether to invite plus-ones

Whether or not to invite plus-ones to your wedding is a tricky question, and there are a few things to consider.

Firstly, it's important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-one etiquette. Every wedding is different, and you should keep your budget, vision for the day, and guests' needs in mind. Most couples have budget restrictions and limited space, so offering every guest a plus-one is often not an option.

• Marital status and long-term relationships: It is generally considered good etiquette to invite the spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests. This is true even if you have never met them or are not particularly close with them. After all, your guest is part of a "package deal". The same courtesy should be extended to the spouse or significant other of your officiant and the parents of any ring bearers and flower girls.
• Wedding party members: It is customary to offer a plus-one to members of the wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen. This is a small token of appreciation for their efforts and support in the lead-up to the wedding.
• Out-of-town guests: Guests who are travelling from out of town and may not know many other attendees are commonly given plus-one privileges so they don't feel out of place or lonely.
• Serious relationships: If your guest is in a serious or long-term relationship, it is considerate to offer them a plus-one, especially if you don't know their partner well. This acknowledges their commitment and ensures they have someone familiar to spend time with during the wedding.
• Single guests who know other guests: If your single guests will have friends or family at the wedding, there is less pressure to extend a plus-one. They will likely have a great time surrounded by familiar faces.

When deciding whether to offer plus-ones, it's important to be consistent to avoid any hurt feelings or perceptions of favouritism. You may also want to consider the dynamics of your guest list and how plus-ones might affect the overall atmosphere of your wedding.

Remember, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want. Be mindful of your budget and venue constraints, but ultimately, the choice of whether to invite plus-ones is yours.

Whether to invite children

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is a complex issue, and there are several factors to consider. Here are some key points to help you make an informed decision:

Advantages of Inviting Children:

• Children can add a magical touch to your wedding and create a fun, lively atmosphere. They are often a source of laughter and joy, making your wedding day memorable.
• If you have close family members or friends with children, inviting them can be a thoughtful gesture. It allows your loved ones to share this special moment with their children and creates an opportunity for family bonding.
• For guests with children, the cost of attending your wedding can be significantly higher if they have to pay for childcare on top of their other expenses. By inviting children, you relieve your guests of this additional financial burden.

Disadvantages of Inviting Children:

• Children can be unpredictable. They may run around, be noisy, or have tantrums, which can disrupt the ceremony or reception. This is especially true for very young children who may struggle to sit still or remain quiet for extended periods.
• Including children in your wedding will likely increase your budget. Children's meals, entertainment, and other accommodations can add up quickly, raising the overall cost of your wedding.
• Your guests with children may not fully enjoy themselves as they will need to supervise and care for their little ones. This includes tasks such as changing nappies, dealing with cranky kids, and ensuring they get enough sleep.
• If your venue has limited capacity, inviting children may mean sacrificing the opportunity to invite more adult guests, such as close friends or extended family members without children.
• Destination weddings are usually better suited for adults-only, as guests may not want to bring their children along to a far-flung location. Additionally, the presence of children can disrupt the child-free weekend vibe for other guests.

Tips for Managing Children's Attendance:

• If you decide to invite children, be clear about your expectations. Let parents know that they are responsible for supervising their children throughout the event.
• Consider hiring a wedding nanny or childcare services to entertain and supervise the children during the wedding. This can be a great way to ensure both the children's enjoyment and their parents' peace of mind.
• Provide entertainment and activities specifically for children. This could include games, puzzles, colouring books, children's movies, or even a separate kids' room with babysitters and child-friendly snacks.
• When addressing wedding invitations, be explicit about whether children are invited. If you prefer an adults-only event, include a polite note on the invitation stating this preference. If children are welcome, write their names individually on the invitation or specify "and family" if you are inviting the entire family.
• If you are inviting only specific children, such as those in the wedding party or immediate family, be transparent about this decision. Explain that you have a guest limit and gently inform those who cannot bring their children.

How to manage your budget

The first step in managing your wedding budget is to figure out how much you can afford to spend. This means looking at your savings and determining how much you can save during the engagement period. If your family or your partner's family are contributing financially to the wedding, factor this in, too. Be sure to get clear on whether those contributing financially have any opinions on how the money should be spent.

Next, make a list of your must-haves and priorities. Do you want a designer gown? A live band? A particular venue? Flowers? Discuss with your partner what is most important to you both and what you are comfortable leaving out.

Now, you can start to allocate funds. A good rule of thumb is to spend around 40% of your budget on the venue and catering. This includes the cost of food and drink per guest, as well as the venue rental.

The remaining amount can be divided up as follows:

• 15% on photography and videography
• 5% on wedding attire and beauty
• 10% on music/entertainment
• 10% on flowers
• 2% on favors and gifts
• 3% on transportation
• 3% on stationery
• 2% on cake
• 10% on decor

Don't forget to include a little extra wiggle room in your budget for hidden costs, such as hair and makeup trials, food and drink tastings, and bachelor/bachelorette parties.

Finally, track your spending. Create a spreadsheet or use a budget app to record every penny spent. Be organized and ask for all taxes and fees from vendors upfront.

Frequently asked questions