Responding To Wedding Invites: The Proper Etiquette

Being asked to attend someone's wedding is an honour, but figuring out how to respond to the invitation can be tricky. The key thing to remember is to respond promptly, letting the couple know whether or not you'll be celebrating with them. This is so they can plan and prepare for the number of guests they're expecting. You should also include the number of people in your party so the couple can make seating arrangements. It's also important to be honest, courteous, and timely in your response.

Respond promptly

Responding promptly to a wedding invitation is a courteous gesture that helps the couple with their planning and preparation. Here are some tips to ensure you respond in a timely manner:

Check Your Schedule and Consult Co-Invitees

It is important to check your schedule and confirm with anyone else included in the invitation as soon as you receive it. This way, you can make an informed decision about your attendance and respond promptly.

Respond as Soon as Possible

Whether you plan to attend or not, it is best to respond as soon as possible. This allows the couple to make other arrangements if necessary and helps them finalise their guest list. Sending your response promptly shows the couple that you are thinking about them and that you appreciate their invitation.

Use the Preferred Response Method

The invitation may specify how the couple would like you to respond, such as by mail, phone, or online. Respect their preference and use the requested method to respond promptly. If no preference is stated, you can choose the most convenient option for you.

Include Necessary Information

When responding, be sure to include the number of people in your party, any dietary requirements or allergies, and your contact information. This information helps the couple with seating arrangements and ensures they can reach you if needed.

Be Honest and Courteous

It is important to be honest and courteous in your response, whether you are attending or not. There is no need to make excuses if you cannot attend. A simple response expressing your regret and well wishes is sufficient. Remember to thank the couple for the invitation, regardless of your decision.

Provide a Reason for Declining (Optional)

If you are unable to attend, you may want to provide a reason, especially if you are close to the couple. This can be done briefly and politely, such as mentioning a prior commitment or plans that cannot be changed.

Remember, responding promptly is not only considerate to the couple but also helps them immensely with their wedding planning. It allows them to finalise their guest list, make seating arrangements, and inform their vendors. Your timely response will be greatly appreciated!

Include key information

When responding to a wedding invitation, it's important to include key information to let the couple know your plans. Here are some essential details to include when replying:

Number of Attendees

It is crucial to specify the number of people in your party. This information helps the couple with seating arrangements and ensures there is enough food and drinks for everyone. Be clear about who will be attending, especially if you are bringing a plus one or children.

Full Names

Provide the full names of all invited guests, including yourself, your spouse, date, or children. This information allows the couple to create place cards and a master guest list. It is also helpful to include the full name of your plus one, if applicable, so the couple can create a personalised name card for them.

Contact Information

Include your contact information, such as a phone number or email address, so that the couple can easily reach you if they have any questions or need further details. This is an important detail that will help with the wedding planning and ensure smooth communication.

Dietary Requirements

If you have any dietary restrictions or allergies, be sure to mention them in your response. This information is crucial for the couple when planning the wedding meal. It ensures that the caterers can accommodate your needs and that you have a pleasant dining experience during the celebration.

Response Deadline

Responding promptly is essential. Try to send your response by the requested deadline, or as close to it as possible. This consideration shows the couple that you are respectful of their planning needs and excited to share their special day. It also helps them finalise their guest list and make any necessary arrangements.

Personal Touches

While including key information is essential, you can also add a personal touch to your response. A simple congratulatory note or a heartfelt message expressing your happiness for the couple can go a long way. It adds a warm and friendly element to your reply, showing your enthusiasm for their upcoming celebration.

Specify your relationship to the couple

When responding to a wedding invitation, it's important to consider your relationship to the couple and the nature of the wedding. Here are some guidelines for specifying your relationship to the couple when responding to a wedding invitation:

• Formality: If the wedding invitation is formal, your response should also be formal and follow traditional etiquette. This includes using appropriate titles and honourifics, such as "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms." or "Miss". If the wedding is informal, you can be more casual and personalised in your response.
• Couple's Names: When addressing a married couple with the same last name, traditional etiquette suggests using "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For a same-sex couple, either name can go first. If the couple has different last names, write their names on the same line with the woman's name first. For unmarried couples, include both names on separate lines, listing the person you are closest to first or using alphabetical order.
• Plus-One: If you are invited with a plus-one, specify the name of your guest. It is considered rude to simply write "and guest". However, if you are the one sending the invitation and you are unsure of the name of the plus-one, it is acceptable to write "and guest" on the inner envelope.
• Children: If children are invited to the wedding, their names should be included on the inner envelope. For girls under 18, you can use "Miss". Boys don't need a title until they are 16, when they can be addressed as "Mr.".
• Distinguished Titles: If a guest has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, lawyer, judge or military personnel, it is proper to use this title on the invitation envelope. When inviting a couple with distinguished titles, list the guest with the higher-ranking title first, regardless of gender.
• Alphabetical Order: If you are equally close to both members of a couple, it is acceptable to list their names in alphabetical order.
• Modern Egalitarianism: While traditional etiquette suggests putting the gentleman's name first, modern egalitarianism suggests putting the guests' names in alphabetical order to avoid lumping the woman's name in with her husband's.
• Separate Invitations: If a couple lives at different addresses, it is proper to send separate invitations to each individual, regardless of their marital status or the longevity of their relationship.

Choose your response method

The method you choose to respond to a wedding invitation will depend on the couple's preferences, your relationship with them, and the nature of the wedding. Here are some options to consider:

• Online response: Many couples now use online RSVP tools to optimize their response tracking. If the couple has provided an online portal or email address for responses, this may be the preferred method. Responding online is often convenient and efficient, allowing you to provide all the necessary information in one place.
• Phone call: In some cases, the couple may request a phone call as the preferred method of response. This can be a good option if you have a close relationship with the couple and want to personally convey your congratulations and well wishes.
• Mail: Traditionally, wedding invitations were responded to by mail, and this is still a common option today. If you choose to respond by mail, be sure to use nice stationery and include all the necessary information, such as the number of guests attending, dietary restrictions, and any other details requested by the couple.
• In-person: If you are close with the couple and see them regularly, you may choose to respond to the invitation in person. This can be a nice way to show your enthusiasm for the wedding and have a more personal conversation about it. However, be sure to follow up with a formal response as well, especially if the couple has specified a particular method of response.

When choosing your response method, always consider the couple's preferences and try to respond as promptly as possible. This will help them with their planning and ensure your presence at their special day.

Be honest

Being honest when responding to a wedding invitation is crucial for several reasons. Firstly, it is essential to respect the couple's wishes and be truthful about your attendance. This allows them to plan their special day effectively, taking into account the number of guests for catering, seating arrangements, and other logistics. Being honest also demonstrates consideration for the couple's feelings. Declining an invitation promptly gives them the opportunity to invite someone else if they wish.

• Respond promptly: Check your schedule and confirm with any other guests included in the invitation as soon as possible. Let the couple know whether you will be able to attend or not without delay. This is especially important if you cannot make it, as it gives them time to invite someone else.
• Be clear about your attendance: Specify whether you will be attending and, if allowed, whether you will be bringing a plus one. Include the name of your plus one if you know who it will be.
• Provide key information: When filling out an RSVP card or responding formally, ensure you include your full name, whether you are attending, your meal choice, and any dietary restrictions.
• Add a personal touch: Include a congratulatory note or a sincere message expressing your well wishes for the couple. This adds a thoughtful element to your response.
• Be tactful if you cannot attend: It is completely acceptable to decline a wedding invitation, but it is important to do so politely and honestly. You are not obligated to provide a detailed explanation, especially for formal invitations. Simply express your regrets and send your well wishes.
• Respond appropriately: Consider the relationship you have with the couple and the nature of the wedding and invitation when crafting your response. A formal invitation from the bride's parents, for example, calls for a more traditional and formal response. On the other hand, an informal invitation from close friends may warrant a more casual and personalised reply.

Frequently asked questions