Wording Wedding Invitations: Including Parents' Names Gracefully

Wedding invitation wording can be tricky, but the good news is that the rules of wedding invitation etiquette aren't that complicated. The primary rule is to create a beautiful wedding invitation that represents you, your love, and the big day to come, while also communicating the vital details of the wedding.

Traditionally, the bride's parents are the hosts of the wedding and are named at the top of the invitation, even for very formal affairs. However, including the names of both sets of parents as hosts is a gracious option no matter who foots the bill. It's becoming more and more common for couples to host their own weddings or to do so together with their parents.

If the couple's parents are divorced and you want to include both as hosts, include them all, keeping each parent on a separate line. If you're including the name of a stepparent, keep it on the same line as their partner. If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, you can skip the host line altogether.

Including both sets of parents

Host Line

The host line is where you list the names of those hosting (usually paying for) the wedding. Traditionally, this is the bride's parents, but if both sets of parents are contributing, you can list all four names. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Wong and Mr. and Mrs. Adam Hollis

If you want a less formal feel, you can use first names, like this:

> Aaron and Alisha Wong together with Adam and Beatrice Hollis

If the parents have different last names, use "and" to join the two names. If you're listing both sets of parents, put the bride's parents' names first, followed by the groom's parents' names.

Request Line

The request line is where you invite guests to attend the wedding. Here are some examples:

> request the honour of your presence

> request the pleasure of your company

> invite you to celebrate with them

> would love for you to join them

Couple's Names

The names of the couple are usually displayed in larger text and sometimes in a fancy typeface. For a formal invitation, use full names, including middle names. For a less formal feel, you can use first names only.

Date and Time

For a formal invitation, spell out the date and time in full. For example:

> Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four at half after four in the afternoon

For a more casual invitation, you can use numbers:

> Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 p.m.

Location

List the name and full street address of the venue, including the state and zip code. If the wedding is abroad, include the country as well. If the reception is at the same location, you can simply say "Reception to follow." Otherwise, include the full address of the reception venue.

Reception Details

Include information about the reception, such as "Dinner and dancing to follow" or "Cake, punch, and merriment to follow." If it's a more casual affair, you might say something like "Drinks, snacks, and merriment to follow."

Dress Code

Including dress code information is optional but can be helpful for guests. If you're having a black-tie wedding, it's important to include this on the invitation. Otherwise, guests will infer the dress code from the formality of the invitation.

Honouring a deceased parent

Wording the Invitation

If you want to include your deceased parent on the invitation, you can use wording such as:

• "[Deceased parent's name] and [surviving parent's name] request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter/son [name] and [fiancé's name]."
• "The families and friends of [name of bride/groom], daughter/son of [deceased parent's name] and the late [surviving parent's name], invite you to celebrate their marriage."
• "Together with their families/parents, [name of bride] and [name of groom] request the pleasure of your company at their wedding."

Physical Tributes

You could also consider physical tributes to your deceased parent at the wedding ceremony or reception. Some ideas include:

• A memorial table with photos, mementos, and candles.
• Wearing an item that belonged to your deceased parent, such as a pocket square, a piece of jewellery, or a handkerchief.
• Incorporating their favourite flowers into your bouquet or boutonniere.
• Playing their favourite song during the reception.
• Including their favourite drink or food item on the menu.

Speeches and Toasts

If you'd prefer to keep the tribute more subtle, you can mention your deceased parent in a speech or toast. You could simply say that you wish they were there, or share a special memory. Alternatively, you can raise a glass with a meaningful quote or a simple "we are thinking of those we wish were here."

Divorced and remarried parents

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are no hard and fast rules, and you should feel free to riff off the standard principles to create your own. However, if you want to follow traditional wedding invitation etiquette, here is some advice for wording invitations to include divorced and remarried parents.

The basic rule of thumb is to tread lightly and avoid salting old wounds. You don't want to bring public attention to the fact that one parent is happily remarried and the other is not, so as not to spare the unmarried parent's feelings.

Your safest bet is to list your natural parents' names only and on separate lines. If one parent has been remarried for a significant amount of time and you have a good relationship with that stepparent, it is appropriate to include that person's name on the same line as their spouse. (And regardless of who's remarried, always list the mother first.)

Divorced parents, mother remarried:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jones

> Mr. John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

> Michael Alan Timmons

Divorced parents, both parents remarried:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jones

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

> request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

> Michael Alan Timmons

Bride with divorced (and remarried) parents:

> Dr. Vance and Elizabeth Gregory

> Mr. James Abner and Lydia Abner

> Mr. Harold and Jane Hyland

> invite you to the wedding of their children

> Amy Abner and Charles Hyland

If you are facing a particularly tricky situation, you could consider using the phrase "Together with their families" to keep the invitation uncluttered and avoid any potential drama.

Other Tips

• If you are close with your stepdad and want to put his name on the invite, it is perfectly acceptable to list your stepparents. Place your mother (and her husband, if she's remarried) first.
• If you are not close with your stepdad, you could opt for "the parents of [bride's name] and [groom's name] request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children".
• If you are paying for the majority of the wedding yourself, you could choose to only include your and your partner's names on the invitation.

Step-parents

Including step-parents in your wedding can be tricky, especially when it comes to how to list them on your invitations. Here is a guide to help you navigate this situation:

Listing Step-Parents on Wedding Invitations

The basic rule of thumb is to tread lightly and try not to reopen old wounds or bring attention to any unmarried parents. If you have step-parents, the safest bet is to list your biological parents' names only and on separate lines. If a step-parent has been in your life for a significant amount of time and played an important role, it is appropriate to include their name on the same line as your biological parent. Remember to list your mother or her equivalent first, and use "and" between two names to indicate that they are married. For example:

> Ms. Linda Davis (mom’s name)

> Mr. John Davis (dad’s name)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to…

If your mom has remarried, she and her new husband are listed first, followed by your dad and his new wife (if applicable) on a separate line:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. John Davis (dad)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to…

Multiple Sets of Parents

If both your parents have remarried and there are multiple names above you and your fiancé(e)'s names, the bride should list her last name on the invitation for clarification.

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. and Mrs. John Davis (dad + stepmom)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth Davis…

Keeping it Simple

If you are overwhelmed by the number of names on your invitation, it is acceptable to list "Together with their families" or "Together with their parents" at the top of the invitation. This is a good option if your partner's parents are also divorced and remarried. While some consider this wording informal, it is acceptable in certain situations and invitation designs. It is worth discussing with your parents beforehand to hear their thoughts on being included on the invitation.

Communication is Key

Every family dynamic is different, and it is important to consider your relationship with your step-parent(s) and biological parents. You may be close to your step-parents, especially if they helped raise you, or you may not know them well, or simply not care for them. Your dynamic can also depend on your biological parents' relationship with your step-parents.

If your step-parent and biological parent get along, it is a good idea to gather everyone together, preferably in person, to discuss the best ways to move forward and incorporate one another into the wedding day activities. You can split traditional responsibilities or add new ones—it's your wedding day, so you're allowed to make up the rules!

If your step-parent and biological parent don't get along, it is important to sit with each parent individually and share how you would ideally like to include or not include them. Be prepared to set boundaries and communicate them early and firmly.

Other Ways to Include Step-Parents

If you want to include your step-parents in your actual wedding ceremony, you can have them walk down the aisle at the beginning of the ceremony, either with their spouse or escorting the bride or groom. You can also alter the order of the processional to include them. For example, if the bride's father is escorting her down the aisle, the rest of the processional could be ordered as follows:

• Father of the groom and groom's stepmother
• Stepmother of the bride and her escort
• Mother of the groom and groom's stepfather
• Mother of the bride and bride's stepfather

When it comes to seating, the mother of the bride usually sits in the front row aisle seat. If you are close with your stepmother, ensure she gets an equally great seat, either across the aisle or directly behind the birth mother.

You can also include your step-parents by asking them to make a toast or conduct readings and prayers during the ceremony.

Widowed parents

When it comes to wedding invitations, there is a certain set of etiquette to follow, and this becomes more complicated when dealing with special circumstances, such as widowed parents. Here is some advice on how to address invitations in this situation:

Wording and Formatting

The invitation should be issued by the bride's surviving parent. If the surviving parent has not remarried, only their name is included. If they have remarried, their name is listed alongside their current spouse. It is important to specify who is related to the bride. For example:

> "Mrs. Sharon Henderson and the late Mr. Nathan Henderson request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Preston John Brackman."

If the bride's father is the surviving parent, only his name is listed, as seen in this example:

> "Mr. and Mrs. Jay Courier, Mrs. Hannah Fullerton and the late Andrew Fullerton request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children."

The name of the deceased parent can be included on the invitation if you wish to honour them, although this is not necessary.

Professional titles can be included on the invitation. However, keep in mind that titles should not be used with "Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Ms.". If the bride, groom, or parents are in the military, their rank should be included. Here is an example:

> "Captain (Commander or Major) John Monroe and Mrs. Michelle Wright request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Elizabeth Ann Monroe."

Other Considerations

If you are concerned about offending anyone or causing discomfort, it is advisable to prioritise family relationships and harmony over strict adherence to invitation etiquette. Weddings are meant to be a joyous occasion that brings families together, and the invitation sets the tone for the event.

Additionally, if the deceased parent's name is not included on the main invitation, a wedding program can be a thoughtful way to pay tribute to them.

Frequently asked questions