Creating Your Wedding Guest List: A Practical Guide

Creating a wedding guest list can be a challenging part of wedding planning. Couples often balance their wishes with those of their families, venue restrictions, and budget numbers. To make the process easier, here are some tips to help you determine your wedding invite list:

1. Start with a realistic budget: The number of guests you invite will impact your wedding budget. Consider the cost of catering, invitations, and event rentals per guest. Set a budget and decide on the number of invites accordingly.

2. Prioritize close loved ones: Focus on your closest loved ones and immediate family members. Think about who absolutely must be there, such as parents, siblings, and close friends.

3. Consider your venue capacity: The size of your venue will dictate the number of guests you can invite. Ensure the venue can accommodate your desired guest list.

4. Manage expectations: Be clear about who will receive an invitation. If people beyond the couple are contributing financially, discuss expectations early on to avoid conflict.

5. Be mindful with plus-ones: Decide on a policy for plus-ones and be consistent. Consider factors such as the length of the relationship or whether the guest knows others at the wedding.

6. Create an A-list and a B-list: Separate the guests who must attend from those who are less of a priority. This will help you manage your guest list and budget effectively.

7. Don't feel obligated: You are not obliged to invite everyone you know. It's your special day, so only invite those who are important to you and who will bring you joy.

Budget and venue

Deciding on your wedding budget and venue are two of the first steps in the wedding planning process. They will also be two of the biggest factors in determining your guest list.

Budget

The average cost of a wedding in the United States in 2024 is $33,000, but wedding budgets can vary wildly. Some couples spend over $100,000, while others keep it to $5,000. The cost of your wedding will depend on a number of factors, including the type of wedding you want, the time of year, the location, and the number of guests.

When setting your budget, be realistic about what you can afford. Take into account your daily expenses, like rent and insurance, as well as any upcoming costs, like a down payment on a home or medical expenses. It's also a good idea to leave some wiggle room in your budget for unexpected costs, like overtime fees or last-minute decorations.

Venue

The venue will be one of the biggest indicators of your overall budget, typically making up about 37% of the total cost. When choosing a venue, consider the number of guests you plan to invite. Most venues will have a maximum capacity, and some may also have a minimum guest requirement. The type of venue you choose will also impact the cost. For example, a grand ballroom will likely be more expensive than a city park.

Once you've found your dream venue, be sure to read the contract carefully to avoid any hidden fees. Some venues charge extra for things like service, cake-cutting, or overtime.

Guest List

Now that you have a better idea of your budget and venue, it's time to start drafting your guest list. As a general rule, 75-80% of invited guests will attend the wedding. To get started, make a list of everyone you would invite if money and space were no issue. Then, separate out your top-tier guests—the people you couldn't imagine getting married without. These guests are non-negotiable, and the rest will be invited if your budget and venue allow.

When creating your guest list, it's important to prioritize close loved ones, including parents, siblings, and grandparents. If you're having a larger wedding, keep in mind that you may not have the chance to interact with every guest. You may also want to consider the travel requirements for your guests, especially if you're having a destination wedding.

Finally, don't forget to set a policy for plus-ones. You don't have to give everyone a plus-one, but be consistent with your rule. For example, you could invite only engaged or married couples, or those who have been dating for over a year.

Plus-ones

Deciding on plus-ones can be a tricky part of wedding planning. Here are some tips to help you navigate this aspect of your guest list:

Who Gets a Plus-One?

Firstly, it's important to note that plus-ones are not obligatory. If you want an intimate wedding, you can decide not to offer any plus-ones at all. However, if you do want to offer plus-ones, it's generally considered good etiquette to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest. This is often referred to as a "package deal".

You may also want to offer plus-ones to your bridal party as a "thank you" for their time and support. This can include anyone in a serious relationship, even if you haven't met them before.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

If you're on a tight budget or have limited venue space, you may need to be more selective with plus-ones. In this case, it's generally acceptable to only offer plus-ones to those in long-term relationships (e.g. married, engaged, cohabiting, or dating for over a year).

Be Consistent

To avoid any potential hurt feelings, it's important to establish clear and consistent criteria for who gets a plus-one. For example, you could decide that only your bridal party and married guests will receive plus-ones.

Communicate Clearly

When sending out invitations, it's important to be clear about who is invited. On the envelope, you can write the guest's name and "and guest" if they are offered a plus-one. If you're only inviting the individual, simply address the envelope to them.

If you're using a wedding website, you can also include an FAQ section to address any questions about plus-ones. For example, "Because of limited venue space, we unfortunately can't accommodate plus-ones beyond those named on the wedding invitation. We hope you understand our decision."

Handle Requests Gracefully

Even with clear communication, you may still receive requests from guests wanting to bring a plus-one. In this case, it's recommended to handle these requests on a case-by-case basis and respond gracefully. You could say something like, "We wish we could allow everyone to bring a plus-one, but due to limitations, we were only able to offer them to the wedding party."

Family

When it comes to family, there are a few things to consider when determining your wedding guest list.

First, it's important to remember that you don't have to invite everyone in your family, especially those you haven't spoken to in years. Your wedding is a celebration for you, your partner, and your immediate family, so don't feel obligated to invite distant relatives or those you're not close with.

Next, consider your parents' input, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. Traditionally, both sets of parents have a say in the guest list, but ultimately, the decision is yours. To avoid friction, be upfront and involve them early in the process. You can reserve a portion of the guest list for them to allocate, ensuring it fits within your venue and budget constraints.

To keep things fair, try to treat members of different families equally. For example, if you invite four cousins from one side of the family, consider inviting cousins from the other side as well. This approach can help avoid hurt feelings and uncomfortable explanations about closeness.

When it comes to plus-ones for family members, it's generally a good idea to invite spouses, live-in partners, or long-term significant others. However, you may choose to exclude plus-ones for family members you haven't met or those you don't know well.

Finally, don't feel obligated to invite children from your extended family, especially if you're having an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding. It's your day, and you can decide whether to include children based on your vision and budget.

• Start by making a master list of everyone you'd consider inviting, including immediate family, close friends, and working outwards.
• Separate out your top-tier guests, the non-negotiables who you couldn't imagine getting married without.
• Work out your budget and how many guests you can realistically afford, including the cost of chairs, dinner, cake, and favours for each guest.
• Be mindful of reciprocity. If you attended a friend's wedding recently and your event is a similar size, it's considerate to invite them unless you explain your situation.
• Remember how you feel when you aren't invited to a wedding. It's okay to decline invitations or not include everyone you know; most people will understand.

Coworkers

Deciding whether to invite coworkers to your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some tips to help you decide:

If you socialise with your coworkers outside of work, this could be a sign that you're close friends and they may expect an invite. This includes going out to restaurants, celebrating birthdays, or having non-work-related chats or phone calls. However, if you only socialise with them during work hours, you may not need to invite them.

Determine Who's Your Friend Outside of Work

Consider inviting coworkers who you have a genuine connection with outside of work. If there are people you regularly grab drinks or dinner with and can envision being friends with for a long time, inviting them to your wedding will bring significance to your big day.

You Don't Need to Invite Everyone

Remember that you don't have to invite your entire office to your wedding. It's your special day, and you can invite whoever you want. The decision is completely up to you and should be based on who you have a true connection with, not just who you feel obligated to invite.

Avoid Wedding Talk at Work

If you've decided not to invite certain coworkers, it's best to limit wedding plans talk in the office to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. Keep your wedding planning and stress away from work, and if you do get invited to share details, you can politely decline and mention that you're keeping the guest list small or intimate.

Consider Inviting Your Boss

There's no obligation to invite your manager, but if you have a friendly relationship, it could be a nice gesture. Chances are, they might politely decline the invitation anyway. However, if you don't have a good relationship with your manager, you can leave them off the guest list.

Don't Leave Out One or Two People

If the majority of your coworkers are invited and you're only unsure about one or two people, it might be courteous to invite them to avoid making them feel left out.

Be Prepared for Their Reactions

If your coworkers don't receive an invite, they might react in different ways. Be prepared for their comments or questions by having a default response ready. For example, you can say, "I was keeping my guest list small" or "I was only able to invite a certain number of people, but I'd be happy to celebrate with everyone in a different way."

Children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding can be a tricky decision. Here are some things to consider:

Budget and Venue

The number of guests you can afford to invite will depend on your budget and chosen venue. If you're working with a smaller guest list, you may want to limit the number of children invited to free up space for other guests.

Type of Wedding

Consider the type of wedding you want to have. If you're planning a formal, intimate ceremony, children might not be the best fit. On the other hand, if you want a fun, casual celebration, having kids around could add to the joyful atmosphere.

Parents' Wishes

If you're close to your nieces, nephews, or friends' children, their parents might appreciate the opportunity to include them in your special day. However, some parents may prefer to attend child-free and have a night off from parenting duties.

Entertainment and Activities for Children

If you do decide to invite children, consider providing some entertainment or activities to keep them occupied during the reception. This could include a kids' area with toys, puzzles, and games, or a separate kids' room with babysitters and activities like movies and crafts.

Food Options for Children

Think about whether you want to offer a special food menu for children. They may not enjoy the same food as adult guests, so consider providing child-friendly options such as finger foods, fruit, and desserts like lollipops or a make-your-own-sundae bar.

Inviting Only Certain Children

It is acceptable to invite some children and not others, especially if you are footing the bill. If you do go this route, it's important to set a rule and stick to it. For example, you could invite only the children of immediate family members or only allow children over a certain age.

Communicating Your Decision

Be direct and honest when communicating your decision about whether children are invited. Address wedding invitations properly, and consider including an adults-only announcement on your wedding website. This will help avoid any confusion and give guests with children enough time to make necessary arrangements.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to invite children to your wedding is a personal one. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, and you should do what feels right for you and your partner.

Frequently asked questions