Etiquette For Listing Step-Parents On Wedding Invites

Wedding invitation wording can be a minefield, especially when it comes to listing parents and step-parents. The good news is that there are no hard and fast rules, and it's ultimately up to you to decide on the final wording. However, if you want to stick to traditional wedding etiquette, there are some guidelines to follow. Here are some tips on how to list step-parents on your wedding invitations:

Including your stepdad

Wording and Formatting

If your mother has remarried, the invitation can begin with your mother and stepdad's names, followed by your father's name on a separate line. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. John Davis (dad) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to...

If both your parents have remarried, you can list all four parents' names, followed by your own last name for clarification:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. and Mrs. John Davis (dad + stepmom) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth Davis...

If you feel that listing all the parents' names makes the invitation too wordy, you can opt for a simpler approach:

> Together with their families/parents request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Stephanie Elizabeth Davis and...

In addition to the invitation, there are several ways to include your stepdad in the wedding ceremony itself:

• The Procession: You can choose to walk down the aisle with both your dad and stepdad by your side. Alternatively, start the processional with your dad, and then have your stepdad join halfway. If you prefer to walk down the aisle with only your birth father, your stepdad could escort your mother down the aisle just before you.
• Readings: Your stepdad can participate in the ceremony by reading a poem, blessing, or a meaningful quote during the ceremony.
• Toast: Your stepdad can also give a toast at the reception, celebrating your relationship and the occasion.
• Dance: You can opt for a traditional father-daughter dance with your stepdad, or a shorter dance if you want to include both your dad and stepdad. Another option is to have a "parents' dance" where the couple starts the song, and then the stepparents cut in to dance with the bride and groom.
• Boutonnière: You can honour your stepdad with a special boutonnière that is different from the other male members of the wedding party.

Including your stepmother

Involving Your Stepmother in the Planning

Involving your stepmother in the wedding planning is a great way to make her feel valued and included. You can ask for her input during critical moments, such as dress shopping, venue visits, and cake tasting. If your stepmother has a particular skill or interest, such as baking or logistical planning, delegate tasks that will make her feel extra special. For example, she could help with cake tasting and choosing the cake style and designer. Involving your stepmother in the planning process will make her feel welcome and valued even before the big day arrives.

Allocating Hands-on Tasks

If your stepmother would like to be involved in hands-on tasks, delegate responsibilities that she can comfortably do from home. This could include assembling favours, making table numbers, handwriting invitations, or researching bands. The more hands on deck, the better! Allocating tasks to your stepmother will make her feel included in the wedding preparations and show that you consider her family.

Honouring Her with a Gift

Surprising your stepmother with a pre-wedding gift is a thoughtful way to foster feelings of inclusion and show your appreciation for her help. Consider sending her a voucher for a nice meal, tickets to a show, or a luxury gourmet gift basket. A pre-wedding gift is an excellent way to foster feelings of inclusion and make your stepmother feel special, especially if she has been instrumental in planning and task management.

Including Her Name on the Wedding Invitation

• "Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad) Mr. John Davis (dad) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to..."
• "Brandon and Amber Radcliffe request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Brandon's daughter on Saturday, the tenth of November, two thousand twenty-seven, at two o'clock in the afternoon."

Involving Her in the Ceremony and Reception

There are several ways to involve your stepmother in the wedding ceremony and reception. You can gift her a corsage to wear throughout the day, include her in the processional, and list her in the ceremony program. When it comes to seating, consider giving her a great seat, whether it's across the aisle or directly behind the birth mother. If you are close to your stepmother, you can also ask her to conduct readings and prayers during the ceremony or give a short toast at the reception.

Capturing Memories with Her

Chat with your photographer in advance to ensure you capture special moments with your stepmother. Plan specific photo opportunities with her, both before and during the wedding. These photos will make her feel special and show that you consider her family.

Divorced parents are remarried

How to List Step Parents on Wedding Invitations: Divorced Parents Are Remarried

If your parents are divorced and remarried, you may want to specifically name your stepparents on your wedding invitation, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. Here are some guidelines and examples to help you navigate this delicate situation:

Order of Names

The basic rule of thumb is to tread lightly and avoid causing any tension or hurt feelings. The general consensus is that your mother's name always comes first, followed by your father's name on a separate line. If your mother has remarried, her name and her new husband's name will appear on the first line, followed by your father's name on the next line. If your father has also remarried, his wife's name will be listed with his. Remember to use "Mr." and "Mrs." or "Ms." accordingly.

Example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. John Davis (dad)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to...

Use of Last Names

If both your parents have remarried, and there are multiple names above your and your fiancé's names, the bride should list her last name on the invitation to prevent confusion.

Example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. and Mrs. John Davis (dad + stepmom)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth Davis to...

Keeping It Simple

If you feel overwhelmed by the number of names on the invitation, it is perfectly acceptable to use the phrase "Together with their families" or "Together with their parents" at the beginning of the invitation. This is a good option if the groom's parents are also divorced and remarried, or if you wish to avoid any potential drama or hurt feelings by not listing certain individuals.

Example:

> Together with their families

> Michael Alan Timmons

> request the pleasure of your company at their wedding

Honouring Deceased Parents

If one of your parents has passed away, you may want to include them on the invitation as a sentimental way to honour them. If your surviving parent is not remarried:

Example:

> Mrs. Sarah Smith requests the pleasure of your company at the wedding of her daughter

> Avery June Smith daughter of the late Mr. John Smith

> Michael Alan Timmons

If your surviving parent is remarried:

Example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jones request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of her daughter

> Avery June Smith daughter of the late Mr. John Smith

> Michael Alan Timmons

Seating Arrangements

Seating can be tricky when it comes to divorced parents. It is generally recommended that both sets of divorced parents be invited to sit in the front row at the wedding ceremony, as it is their child's special day. To make seating arrangements more comfortable, consider using siblings and grandparents as buffers between any divorced parents who may not get along. For the wedding reception, if the divorced parents do not get along, they can sit at separate tables. If they have a cordial relationship, they can be seated at the same table with other family members.

Walking Down the Aisle

Whether or not your parents walk down the aisle together is a personal choice. You can gauge everyone's comfort levels and decide what works best for your family. It is becoming increasingly common to see divorced parents sharing the responsibility of walking their child down the aisle, especially if the child feels close to both parents and wants them to have this special moment.

When introducing divorced parents at the wedding reception, a simple and respectful approach is to introduce them as "the mother and father of the bride/groom." This avoids any potential awkwardness and ensures that both parents feel included.

Whether or not divorced parents should dance together is a personal decision that depends on their relationship. If they are comfortable with it, it can be a beautiful and meaningful moment. It is best to ask your parents beforehand if they would be open to the idea and plan accordingly.

Remember, the most important thing is to navigate these dynamics with sensitivity and respect, ensuring that all parties feel valued and included in your special day.

Divorced parents are hosting

If your parents are divorced and hosting your wedding, there are a few ways you can list them on your invitations. Here are some options:

Divorced Mother Is Hosting: If your mother is the one hosting the wedding, her name should appear first, followed by your father's name on a separate line. For example:

> Ms. Linda Davis (mother's name)

> Mr. John Davis (father's name)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to...

Divorced Father Is Hosting: If your father is the one hosting the wedding, his name should appear first, followed by your mother's name on a separate line. For example:

> Mr. John Davis (father's name)

> Ms. Linda Davis (mother's name)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to...

Divorced Parents Are Jointly Hosting: If both your divorced parents are hosting, you can list them separately with the mother's name first, or use a phrase like "together with their families". Here are some examples:

> Ms. Linda Davis (mother's name)

> and

> Mr. John Davis (father's name)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to...

> Together with their families, Stephanie Elizabeth and [fiancé's name] invite you to share in the joy of their wedding...

Including Step-Parents: If your parents have remarried and you want to include your step-parents, list your mother and stepfather on the first line, followed by your father and stepmother (if applicable) on the second line. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mother + step-father)

> Mr. John Davis and Mrs. Jane Smith (father + step-mother)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to...

Using Last Names: If both your parents have remarried and there are multiple names, the bride should include her last name for clarification. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mother + step-father)

> Mr. and Mrs. John Davis (father + step-mother)

> request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth Davis to...

Remember, the basic rule of thumb is to be considerate and avoid causing any tension. You can choose to list only your biological parents' names or use the "together with their families" phrase to keep the invitation simple and uncluttered.

Including both sets of parents

Including both biological parents and step-parents on a wedding invitation can be tricky to navigate, but there are a few ways to do it. Here are some suggestions:

Understanding Family Dynamics

Before deciding on the wording, it's essential to consider the relationships between the people involved. If the biological parents and step-parents get along well, it may be easier to include everyone and give them roles that feel appropriate. However, if there is tension or conflict between them, it might be best to keep them separated as much as possible during the wedding and its planning.

Wording Options

The traditional rule is that the mother's name always comes first, unless she is not contributing financially to the wedding, in which case the father's name would come first. If both parents have remarried, the mother and stepfather's names would appear on the first line, followed by the father and stepmother's names on the second line. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. John Davis (dad) and Mrs. Jane Smith (stepmom)

> request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth to...

If there are multiple names, the bride may choose to include her last name on the invitation for clarity:

> Mr. and Mrs. Sean Hamilton (mom + stepdad)

> Mr. and Mrs. John Davis (dad + stepmom)

> request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Stephanie Elizabeth Davis...

If there are two to four sets of remarried parents, it is also acceptable to keep the invitation uncluttered by using the phrase "Together with their families" or "Together with their parents" at the top of the invitation. This option is especially helpful if you're concerned about too many names on the invitation or if you want to avoid highlighting specific family dynamics.

Roles and Responsibilities

In addition to the invitation wording, there are other ways to include step-parents in the wedding. You can involve them in the ceremony procession, seating arrangements, readings, toasts, and dances. For example, step-parents can walk down the aisle ahead of the wedding party or escort the bride or groom. They can also be given a special seat near the front, perhaps across the aisle or directly behind the biological parent.

If you want to honour your step-parent during the reception, you can ask them to make a toast, say grace, or conduct readings and prayers during the ceremony. For the dance, the groom can choose to dance with his stepmother separately or split one song between his mother and stepmother.

Ultimately, the decision on how to include step-parents depends on your relationship with them and your preferences for your wedding day. Open and honest communication with all parties involved is essential to managing expectations and ensuring everyone feels valued and respected.

Frequently asked questions