Inviting Adults To Your Wedding: Wording Etiquette

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is a tricky question. It's your special day, and you want to share it with those closest to you, but numbers may be limited, or the style of your event may not be suitable for kids. So, how do you politely let your guests know that your wedding is adults-only?

Address the invitation to the adults only

Addressing your wedding invitations to adults only can be a tricky task, but there are ways to do so tactfully and effectively. The key is to be clear and consistent about your parameters. Here are some tips and suggestions for addressing your invitations to ensure your adult-only request is communicated respectfully:

Be Specific with Names

When addressing the envelopes of your invitations, only include the names of the adults who are invited. For example, address it to "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez" instead of "The Chavez Family." This makes it explicit that only the parents are invited and that children are not included.

Define "Adult"

It is important to decide on and communicate your "age rule." Determine what qualifies someone as an "adult." Are they above the legal drinking age? Out of college? Paying their own rent? Be clear about this in your communication to avoid any confusion or misunderstandings.

Use Clear Wording

Include a simple note on your invitations, response cards, or information cards to indicate that the event is adults-only. Here are some short and clear examples:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."
• "We respectfully request no children under 16 at the reception."
• "Although we love your little ones, this is an adult-only affair."

Provide Details

If you have the space, adding more detail on an information card can be helpful and soften the tone of your request. Here are some examples:

• "Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• "Due to budget/space limitations, we are unable to extend the invitation to children."
• "Although we adore your children, due to budget and space constraints, we ask that only adults attend."
• "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we respectfully ask that no children attend the reception."

Offer Childcare Options

If possible, consider providing childcare options or setting aside a room for children, especially if your reception is at a hotel. This will be appreciated by your guests and may enable more of your loved ones to attend. You can include this information on your wedding website or as part of the invitation suite.

Remember, it is your wedding, and you can decide what is best for you and your partner. Be clear, consistent, and respectful in your communication, and your guests will understand your preferences for an adult-only celebration.

Be clear about your no kids rule

Deciding not to invite children to your wedding is a perfectly valid choice. However, it can be a sensitive issue for some guests, so it's important to be clear and consistent about your no-kids rule from the start. Here are some tips and suggestions to help you communicate this effectively:

Be Direct and Specific

It's important to be direct and specific when conveying your adults-only rule. Simply saying "no kids" may not be enough. Be specific about age restrictions and whether there are any exceptions, such as infants or children in the wedding party. This helps to avoid confusion and ensures that your guests understand your request.

Address Invitations Clearly

When addressing your wedding invitations, only include the names of the invited guests. Avoid addressing it to "The [Last Name] Family" if only the parents are invited. You can also include a line on the response card indicating the number of seats reserved for them at the reception. This makes it clear that children are not included in the invitation.

Provide a Count on RSVP Cards

Another way to ensure clarity is to include a count on the RSVP cards. For example, you can write "___ out of ___ guests will attend" and fill in the second blank with the exact number of invited guests. This leaves no room for ambiguity and prevents guests from assuming their children are also invited.

Include the Information on Your Wedding Website

Most couples have a wedding website where they can provide additional details about the wedding. Include an FAQ page and address the question, "Can we bring kids?" Clearly state your adults-only rule and provide a brief explanation if desired. You can also suggest babysitting options or a local babysitting agency to help guests with their arrangements.

Spread the Word Through Family and Friends

Inform your close family, wedding party, and friends about your no-kids rule. They can help spread the word to other guests and answer any questions they may have. This way, the information comes across as a gentle reminder rather than a strict rule, creating a more relaxed atmosphere.

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations

Despite your best efforts, you may still receive RSVPs for the entire family or face pushback from some guests. In these cases, a phone call or personal conversation is the best approach. Explain your decision politely and respectfully, citing reasons such as budget constraints, venue limitations, or the adult-centric nature of the event. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you are entitled to make these choices.

Examples of Wording

• "We kindly request this be an adult-only wedding."
• "Please note that this is an adults-only celebration."
• "We respectfully request no children under the age of 16/18 at the reception."
• "Please join us for an adults-only reception at 6:00 pm."
• "Due to space/budget limitations, we are unable to accommodate children."
• "We respectfully advise this is an adult-only event."
• "We hope you'll join us at an adults-only reception following the ceremony."

Make a rule and stick to it

Making a rule about who qualifies as an "adult" and sticking to it is essential when planning an adults-only wedding. This can be challenging, especially if you want to include children in your wedding party or have guests with young children. Here are some tips to help you navigate this tricky situation:

Decide on the Criteria: Determine the criteria for who qualifies as an adult. For example, do they have to be over 21, out of college, or financially independent? Communicate this criterion clearly and consistently to your guests.

Be Clear and Consistent: Make sure your invitations specifically state that the wedding is adults-only. Only include the names of invited guests on the envelopes, and consider adding a note like "Adults-only reception" or "Children over 16 years of age only."

Address Exceptions: If you plan to include children in your wedding party, inform your guests to avoid confusion. You can also make exceptions for infants or nursing mothers, but be consistent and draw the line firmly.

Provide Childcare Options: If you want to accommodate guests with children, consider providing a childcare provider or a separate room for children, especially if your reception is at a hotel. This will show that you're thoughtful and understanding of their needs.

Spread the Word: Utilise your wedding party and close relatives to help spread the word about your adults-only decision. They can answer questions from other guests and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations: Some guests may still RSVP for their entire family. Be ready to have polite but firm conversations, explaining that the invitation is for adults only and citing reasons such as budget constraints or venue limitations.

Remember, while it may be challenging, sticking to your rule about who qualifies as an adult will ensure your wedding plans remain consistent and help your guests understand your vision for the special day.

Don't put no kids on the invitation

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is one of the most difficult guest list questions. Here are some tips and recommendations for making your guests clear on who’s invited, without putting "no kids" on the invitation:

Be Clear and Consistent

If you've decided your wedding will be adults-only, the best thing you can do is be clear and consistent about the parameters. Decide exactly what qualifies someone as an “adult.” Do they have to be over 21? Out of college? Paying their own rent? Stick to your guns here. Unless a guest is nursing an infant, draw the line and be firm.

Address the Invitations to the Guests You're Inviting

If you are inviting parents, be sure to use only their names on the envelope: “Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez,” not “The Chavez Family." This is a more tactful approach than explicitly saying "no kids" on the invitation, which is the easiest way to ruffle feathers.

Include a Note on Your Invitations, Response Cards, or Information Cards

Simple wording such as “Adults only Reception” or “Please join us for an adult reception at six o’clock” are great starting points for this, and can be inserted at the bottom of the invitation or response card.

Make Your Adults-Only Policy Clear from the Start

Give parents plenty of notice to make childcare arrangements well in advance. When you send your save-the-dates with your wedding website information, include a part under the FAQ section that addresses your decision.

Be Direct

If you're throwing a wedding sans kids, you'll need to be direct with your guests so there isn't any confusion. Use clear, understandable language. Be specific about which age groups can't attend. If you would rather people under 18 years old stay home or want a 21+ affair, state that in your wedding details and spread the word in person.

Be Prepared to Have a Difficult Conversation

If you do have guests RSVPing for their entire family, hop on the phone as soon as the card comes in. Let them know that the invitation is actually only for the parents. You can say why it's adults-only—maybe it's the activities or the venue that's adult-centric—or you can cite "budget constraints" as the reason.

Put it on your wedding website

A wedding website is a great place to announce that your wedding will be a grown-up affair. You can also use it to explain why you're opting for an adults-only wedding. For example, you could say something like: "We know your kids are awesome, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of 18 on our wedding day."

• "Although we love your children, we regretfully cannot accommodate them at the venue due to restricted numbers."
• "Although we adore your children, due to budget/space constraints, we ask that only adults attend."
• "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we respectfully ask that no children attend the reception."
• "To give all our guests the opportunity to celebrate without having to worry about little eyes and ears, we politely request no children."

It's also a good idea to include some information about babysitting or childcare options for guests with children. This could be something like: "We'll be providing professional babysitting at the hotel, so your little ones are taken care of."

In addition to this adults-only announcement, your wedding website is a great place to share other important details about your wedding. This includes information about the dress code, transportation, lodging, timeline of events, and your bridal party. You can also include a section about your love story, how you met, and any fun facts or anecdotes you want to share.

Frequently asked questions