Etiquette Tips For Wedding Gift Lists

It can be tricky to know how to ask for wedding gifts without sounding rude or tacky. While it's important to remember that your guests will want to treat you to something special, it's also key to emphasise that their presence at your wedding is the most important thing to you. Here are some tips and examples to help you phrase your gift list requests graciously and politely.

How to politely ask for gifts

Asking for gifts can be a little awkward, but rest assured that every wedding guest will expect to give a gift to celebrate your marriage. Here are some tips on how to politely ask for gifts:

• Let your guests know how important they are to you and that your priority is for them to attend your special day.
• Include a separate gift card or a gift message as part of your invitation or information card.
• Let your guests know what you'll be using their gift for, whether it's your honeymoon, a house deposit, or a charity donation. They'll appreciate knowing how their gift will be used.
• Provide a well-placed and labelled box at the reception to collect cards and gifts.
• Send your guests a note of appreciation for their attendance and gifts.

"Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a list [of gift suggestions] has been registered with [store name]."

"We look forward to your presence on our special day. We do, nonetheless, realise that some of you may wish to give us a wedding gift to commemorate our union together. After having lived on our own, we have all the household items we need. However, for those of you who would like to give us a gift, we will have a wishing well at our reception that will go towards our future together."

"We are so lucky to have everything we need to start our life together. But if you wish to give a gift, we would be so grateful if you could help us make memories by contributing to our honeymoon fund."

"The best gift you could give us is your presence at our wedding. However, if you're inclined to give us a gift, we would graciously accept a contribution to our [cash fund/registry]."

When to ask for gifts

Firstly, it is considered bad etiquette to include gift details on the invitation itself. Instead, you could rely on bridesmaids, groomsmen, and family members to spread the word. This is the more traditional approach.

However, if you would like to include the information in the invitation, it is best to include it on a separate card. This could be a gift card with a short message or a line or two on an information card.

Another option is to include a small notification card that discreetly advises guests of your wedding list. This is a good option if you are sending paper invites and want to include a more subtle hint.

Finally, if you have a wedding website, you can include the gift information there. It is common practice to include the URL for the wedding website on the invitation, so guests can easily find the information. This is a good option if you want to provide more detail and it also allows guests to actively seek out the information themselves.

What information to include

It is considered bad etiquette to include registry wording on your wedding invitation, so it is best to include this information on a separate gift card or information card. If you have a wedding website, you can also include this information there.

If you are asking for money instead of gifts, it is a good idea to specify what the money will be used for, so that guests can appreciate what they are contributing towards. For example, you could say that you are saving for a house, making home improvements, or going on your honeymoon.

"We are so excited to have you join our special day and your presence at our wedding is the best gift we could ask for. However, if we are to be honoured with a present from you, a monetary gift towards our [insert how funds will be used] would be very much appreciated."

"We've built a dream wedding gift list that will set us up for our new home together. Please don't feel obliged, but if you'd like to help us on our journey, please find our gift list details below."

"We've lived together for a whole year, with all our pots and pans. And as we don't need homely gifts, we've got another plan. We know it's not traditional and not the way it's done, but rather than a wedding list, we'd love a bit of sun. So, if you'd like to give a gift and send us on our way, a donation to our honeymoon would really make our day."

"Your presence at our wedding is more important to us than a gift, however, if you would like to help contribute some money towards our honeymoon, this would really make our day."

"We don't have a gift list, but if you would like to buy us a gift, we would be so grateful if you could help us make memories by contributing to our honeymoon fund."

How to ask for money instead of gifts

Traditionally, wedding gifts were to help the newlyweds set up their home together. Nowadays, however, it is becoming more and more common for couples to ask for money instead of physical gifts, especially if they have lived together before getting married and already have household items.

Asking for money as a wedding gift can be done politely and graciously. Here are some suggestions for how to phrase your request:

Emphasise Their Presence is a Gift

It is important to let your guests know that their presence at your wedding is the most important thing to you. You can say something like, "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, if you would also like to honour us with a gift, we would greatly appreciate a contribution towards our honeymoon/new home/renovations." This approach acknowledges that their attendance is a gift in itself, but also provides an option for those who wish to give something more.

Express Your Wishes Casually

You can also try a more casual approach, such as: "We don't need any gifts, but if you insist on giving us something, we would love contributions towards our dream honeymoon/house deposit/renovations." This way, you are still expressing your preference for monetary gifts while keeping the tone light and friendly.

Provide a Range of Options

Another idea is to offer a range of options for gifts, including experiences or physical items related to your interests, in addition to the option of giving money. For example, "We've created a wedding gift list with a variety of options, from experiences to fund our honeymoon, to physical gifts that reflect our shared love of cooking. Take a look at our list here: [personalised URL]. We are grateful for your presence at our wedding and any contributions you wish to make."

Be Direct and Honest

If you prefer a more direct approach, you can simply state your preference for monetary gifts. For example, "We kindly request that in lieu of physical gifts, guests contribute to our honeymoon fund. We want to create once-in-a-lifetime memories and your contributions would mean the world to us. Please don't feel obliged, but if you wish to contribute, you can find the details here: [fund details]."

Remember, it is generally advised to include gift information with your invitations, either on a separate card or as part of your information card. This helps guests know your preferences and prevents them from having to ask or guess what you might want.

What to say if you don't want gifts

It is becoming more and more common for couples to request no gifts at their wedding, especially if the wedding location has required guests to travel and pay for accommodation. Here are some ways to politely communicate this on your wedding invitations:

Emphasise Their Presence is a Gift

This is a polite way of expressing that their attendance is the most important thing to you. Here are some ways to phrase this:

• "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. We ask for no other presents."
• "We're excited for your presence, not presents. Please, no gifts."
• "Your presence is truly enough, no gifts please."
• "All we really want for our wedding day is for you to be there to celebrate with us. Your presence is our present."
• "While it's enough of a present that you're coming to our big day, we don't want any other gifts."

Express Gratitude and Decline Gifts

You can also express gratitude for your guests' generosity and good wishes, while politely declining gifts. Here are some examples:

• "Thank you so much for your generosity, but we prefer our guests not to bring gifts. We feel blessed enough that you're choosing to spend the day with us."
• "We would love to accept your present, but unfortunately, we don't have room for a lot of wedding gifts. Please give us the wonderful gift of your presence instead."
• "Thank you for thinking of us during this celebratory time. We prefer our guests not to bring gifts, but if you would like to get us something, we would love it if you donated to [Charity's Name] in our name."

Provide Alternative Options

If you are comfortable with it, you can suggest alternative options for guests who feel compelled to give something. Here are some ways to phrase this:

• "In lieu of gifts, we would appreciate a contribution made to our [honeymoon, house, etc.] fund."
• "In lieu of gifts, please consider making a donation to [charity selected by the couple]."
• "Instead of traditional wedding gifts, we would greatly appreciate it if you contributed to our cash fund. For more information, please visit our wedding website."
• "Even though we would love to accept every guest's boxed gift, we unfortunately don't have the space. We kindly request you give to our [honeymoon, house, adoption, etc.] fund instead."

Frequently asked questions