Crafting Wedding Guest List: No Plus Ones

Planning a wedding is an exciting time, but it can also be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. One of the most common dilemmas is whether to allow plus-ones, and if so, who gets one. A plus-one is typically a guest's partner or date, but it could also be a family member or friend. While it would be ideal to allow all guests to bring someone, budget and space constraints often make this impossible. The best approach is to set a clear rule, such as only allowing married or engaged couples to bring a plus-one, and be honest and consistent with guests. It's also important to address invitations correctly and make use of RSVP cards and wedding websites to communicate the plus-one rule. Ultimately, it's the couple's decision, and guests should respect their wishes.

Address invitations to only named guests

Addressing wedding invitations to only named guests is a clear way to indicate that plus-ones are not invited. This can be done by writing the guest's name on the outer and inner envelopes, omitting any mention of "plus guest". For example, addressing an invitation to "Mr John Smith" instead of "Mr John Smith plus Guest" makes it clear that only Mr Smith is invited.

When addressing families, it is important to be specific about who is invited to avoid ambiguity. Instead of writing "the Smith family", address the invitation to "Mr and Mrs John and Sarah Smith", indicating that only the named couple is expected to attend.

It is also a good idea to include a note on the invitation or a separate card if you are inviting certain guests to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, but allowing plus-ones to attend the evening reception. This ensures that guests understand the arrangements and know how many people are invited from their party.

In addition to the invitation itself, there are other ways to communicate the "no plus-ones" rule. One strategy is to mention it in casual conversation when discussing wedding plans with friends and family. Explaining that your venue is small or that you are trying to stick to a budget can help guests understand and accept the limitation.

Another way to convey the message is through your wedding website. Creating a FAQ section that addresses the issue of plus-ones can be helpful. For example:

> Q. Can I bring a date (plus one) to your wedding?

>

> A. Unfortunately, due to budget and space limitations, we simply can’t afford for all of our lovely guests to bring a guest of their own. Therefore, we kindly request that guests do not bring a plus one, unless they are specifically named on the invitation. Thank you for your understanding!

This provides a clear message to guests who may have been planning to bring a plus-one. The "unless they are named on the invitation" clause leaves room for exceptions, such as inviting married guests to bring their spouse.

Make it clear on the RSVP card

When it comes to making it clear on the RSVP card that guests are not invited with a plus one, there are a few ways to go about it. Here are some suggestions:

Number of Seats

One way to indicate the number of guests invited is to include a line on the RSVP card that says, "_ seats have been reserved in your honour." This approach ensures that guests understand the exact number of seats allocated to them and leaves no room for ambiguity. It also helps to address the invitation specifically to those invited, using their names.

Online RSVPs

Another option is to utilise online RSVPs through a wedding website. This method allows you to include a custom question about the number of guests attending, providing clarity on the number of seats reserved. You can also make it clear on the website that due to limited space or budget constraints, only the invited guests can attend, and there is no option for a plus one.

Direct Communication

If you are comfortable, you can also directly communicate with your guests about the lack of a plus one option. This can be done through a polite phone call or text message, explaining that their plus one is unfortunately not invited due to budget or space limitations. This approach ensures that there is no confusion, and your guests can plan accordingly.

Alternative Wording

When indicating the number of guests, you can use alternative wording to convey the same message. For example, you could state, "We have reserved _ seats in your honour." This phrasing still conveys the allocated number of seats but presents it in a slightly different way.

No Plus One Wording

If you want to be very clear, you can explicitly state "no plus one" on the RSVP card or wedding website. This approach leaves no room for ambiguity, but it may be considered too direct or blunt for some couples. It is essential to maintain a polite and respectful tone, even when declining plus ones.

Remember, it is essential to be consistent with your decisions. If you decide on specific rules regarding plus ones, stick to them to avoid any potential confusion or hurt feelings.

Add an FAQ to your wedding website

FAQ

Unfortunately, due to budget and space limitations, we are unable to accommodate plus ones beyond those named on the wedding invitation. We hope you understand our decision.

We want to keep our wedding as intimate as possible, so we're only inviting our closest loved ones.

If you don't know many people at the wedding and would feel more comfortable with a date, you may be able to bring a plus one if there is room. Please get in touch with us to discuss this further.

If you are in a serious relationship and your partner was not invited, please let us know. We may be able to accommodate them if there is room.

We kindly ask that you only bring a plus one if you would feel uncomfortable attending the wedding alone. If this is the case, please get in touch with us to discuss further.

Decide which guests can bring a plus one

Deciding which guests can bring a plus one to your wedding can be tricky, but there are some general guidelines to follow.

Firstly, it's important to remember that your wedding is your special day, and you should ultimately choose who you and your partner want to celebrate with. However, if you're looking for some guidance on who traditionally gets a plus one, here are some tips:

• Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests: It is generally considered good etiquette to invite the spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests. This is true even if you haven't met them or don't particularly like them.
• Wedding party: Anyone in your wedding party who has a partner should be offered a plus one. This is a way to thank them for their time, love, energy, and financial contribution to your wedding.
• Long-term relationships: If a guest is in a long-term relationship (typically defined as over a year), it is appropriate to offer them a plus one, even if you haven't met their partner.
• Single guests: If you have the budget and space, it is a nice gesture to allow single guests to bring a plus one, especially if they are travelling for your wedding or may feel uncomfortable alone.
• Evening-only guests: If you are having evening-only guests, you may have more flexibility with plus ones. You could invite partners/dates as evening-only guests, or allow all guests attending the ceremony to bring a plus one if you have enough space.
• Be consistent: Try to establish clear rules for plus ones and be consistent in applying them. For example, you could decide that only guests who are married or cohabiting are allowed to bring their partners.

Remember, it's always best to be honest and clear with your guests about who is invited. Communication is key to avoiding any hurt feelings or confusion.

Inform potential guests in advance

Before sending out your wedding invitations, there are ways to let your guests know about your "no plus ones" rule. When discussing your wedding plans with friends and family, you can mention that your venue is small or that you're trying to stick to a budget, so you won't be allowing plus ones. Explaining your reasoning can help your guests understand and soften the impact of the news.

If you are inviting guests who are in serious relationships, it is important to include their partners' names on the invitation. This is a clear indication that their partners are also invited. However, if you are unsure about the relationship status of your guests, it is best to use the term “invited guest” instead of assuming they will bring a plus one.

It is also worth noting that some guests might still ask about bringing a plus one, even if you have made your "no plus ones" rule clear. In this case, you can choose to stick to your rule and politely decline their request, or make an exception if you are comfortable doing so. Remember that making an exception for one guest might lead to similar requests from others.

Additionally, consider creating an "A" list of guests who should absolutely receive a plus one, such as immediate family members and wedding party members. Then, create a "B" list of guests you would like to include if possible. This way, you can manage expectations and accommodate plus ones within your budget and space constraints.

Frequently asked questions