Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Filling Out The Perfect Invite

Filling out a wedding invitation correctly is an important part of the wedding planning process. It helps the couple finalise their guest list, confirm an accurate headcount for the caterer, and make seating arrangements. Here are some tips on how to properly fill out a wedding invitation:

- Check the envelope to see who was officially invited. If there is a +1 on the card, the host is okay with you bringing a guest.

- Write the full name of each attending guest. The M on the card stands for the first letter of the title (Mr., Mrs., Miss, or Ms.), followed by the guest's full name.

- Indicate the number of guests attending by writing the number in the accept or decline box.

- If there are food options, indicate your choice by initialing next to your preferred option.

- Send the response card back promptly, even if you don't plan on attending. This helps the couple determine the number of seats and the amount of food needed.

- Write legibly to ensure your response can be easily understood by the host.

Who to include

When it comes to wedding invitations, it's important to be clear about who is invited to avoid any confusion. Here are some tips on who to include when filling out your wedding invitations:

The Outer Envelope

The outer envelope should include the names of the people in the family who are invited to the wedding. If it says "The [Family Name]" on the outer envelope, then only the parents are invited. If you want to invite the whole family, be sure to list each person by their first name on the outer envelope or include "and family". If you want to give a guest the option to bring a plus-one, include "and guest" after their name.

The Inner Envelope

The inner envelope is where you can specify exactly who is invited from the household. If you are inviting a family with children, but only want the parents to attend, the inner envelope should be addressed to the parents only, without mentioning the children. If children are also invited, include their names on the inner envelope.

The Invitation Card

The invitation card itself should include the names of the couple getting married. For heterosexual couples, the woman's name is usually listed first, but you can order the names however you prefer. LGBTQIA+ couples can order their names alphabetically, by age, or however they choose. You can include first and middle names, first and last names, or full legal names. If the couple's parents' names are mentioned, the couple will typically use their first and middle names. The formality of the wedding can also guide your decision—a black-tie ballroom soiree might call for full names, while a casual beach ceremony might call for just first names.

The RSVP Card

The response card should include the names of those attending the wedding. For married couples, tradition dictates that you lead with the husband's title and full name, followed by the wife's name. For same-sex couples, the formatting is the same. For unmarried couples, the woman would typically use "Ms." or "Miss" as her title. If there is room, you can include the first names of any children attending. Be sure to clearly state the number of people attending or not attending, rather than using checkmarks or X's.

The Reception Card

If the reception is at a different location from the ceremony, you'll need to include a separate reception card with the start time and address. This card can also indicate the formality of the event, such as "Breakfast Reception" or "Dinner Reception".

How to address yourself and your plus-one

When filling out a wedding invitation, it's important to include your full name and the full name of your plus-one, if you have one. This is so the couple can create a master guest list and personal name cards for each attendee.

If the invitation envelope includes a "+1", then you are welcome to bring a guest. If there is no "+1" indicated, it's best to assume that only the people listed on the envelope are invited.

When writing your name and the name of your plus-one, be sure to include the correct honorific: Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss. If there is only an "M" next to a blank line, fill out the card with the correct honorific, followed by your full name and that of your guest. If the line is blank, write out your full, preferred name, including the honorific, as well as your guest's name.

If you are married, tradition dictates that you lead with the husband's title and full name, followed by the wife's. For example: "Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Andersen". For same-sex couples, the formatting is the same: "Mr. and Mr. Jameson Fillmore".

If you are an unmarried couple, the woman can use either "Ms." or "Miss" as her title. "Miss" refers to an unmarried woman, while "Ms." can refer to a married or unmarried woman. For example: "Mr. Henry Satre and Miss Marissa Porte".

It's also important to send your RSVP card back as soon as possible, even if you don't plan on attending. This will help the couple determine the number of seats they need and the amount of food necessary for the event.

How to indicate dietary requirements

It is becoming increasingly common for wedding guests to have dietary requirements, whether for health, ethical, or religious reasons. As such, it is important to consider how to indicate these requirements when filling out a wedding invitation. Here are some detailed and instructive guidelines on how to do so:

Firstly, it is essential to include a section for dietary requirements on the wedding invitation or RSVP card. A simple line such as "Please let us know if you have any dietary requirements" or "Please include any allergies or dietary restrictions with your RSVP" will suffice. You can also add checkboxes for common requirements such as vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, etc., and a blank space for guests to specify any other needs. This will make it easy for guests to provide the necessary information.

If you are using online RSVPs, you can create a detailed form allowing guests to specify their dietary requirements. Tools like Google Forms or specialised wedding planning software can be useful for collecting and managing this information.

When indicating dietary requirements, it is important to be as specific as possible. For example, if a guest is vegetarian, they may also have an allergy to eggs or dairy. If someone is gluten-intolerant, they may need completely gluten-free food preparation to avoid cross-contamination. It is also helpful to know if guests have any religious dietary restrictions, such as Halal or Kosher requirements.

Once you have collected the dietary requirement information from your guests, communicate it clearly to your caterers. Decide on the level of accommodation you would like to provide and discuss the costs and feasibility with your caterers. Be sure to set clear boundaries and expectations with your guests, and inform them of any limitations.

To make the wedding day stress-free, nominate someone from the wedding party as the "food liaison officer" to ensure that the serving staff are fully briefed on the dietary requirements. Consider seating guests with similar dietary needs together, and use place cards with discreet symbols to indicate restrictions. This will help the serving staff provide the correct dishes to each guest.

When to send the RSVP

The RSVP deadline should be at least four weeks before the wedding, and absolutely no later than two weeks before. The ideal deadline is around three to four weeks before the wedding—this gives you enough time to organize your final guest list and figure out who hasn't responded.

Assuming that you send your wedding invitations between six and ten weeks before the wedding, your guests should have enough time to make up their minds and arrange travel accommodations if necessary. If you leave too much time between when the invitations are sent and the RSVP date, you run the risk of your guests putting it off and forgetting.

If you're having a destination wedding, send the invites a little further in advance—closer to ten or twelve weeks before the wedding—to give people more time to make accommodations. RSVPs should be due two months before the wedding, and the invitations should be sent out approximately four months before. This will give guests ample time to make travel plans if they didn't when they first received your save-the-date.

If you're anxious to get your invitations out and want to ask for the soonest possible RSVP date, it's best to have your RSVP deadline at least ten days before the date you have to give your vendor your final numbers. Ideally, the "RSVP by" date should fall three to four weeks before your wedding. Because your wedding invitations should be mailed six to eight weeks prior to the big day, guests should generally have a window of about one month to RSVP.

If you're worried about guests forgetting to RSVP, it's a good idea to send a friendly reminder about one week ahead of the deadline. You can also send guests a quick RSVP reminder the week before they're due or add a note to your wedding website.

If your wedding RSVP deadline has passed, wait about one week before sending follow-ups to guests who haven't responded. While it might feel awkward, it's important to get an idea of your final guest count as soon as possible—and the closer you get to the wedding, the busier you'll be with other last-minute to-dos.

What to write if you can't attend

When responding to a wedding invitation, it is important to follow proper etiquette and be as clear as possible. Here are some tips and guidelines on what to write if you can't attend a wedding:

• Respond as soon as possible: It is considered polite to respond to a wedding invitation promptly, regardless of whether you can attend or not. Try to respond within a week or two of receiving the invitation to give the couple ample time to plan their event.
• Include your full name: On the response card, be sure to include your full name, as well as the names of any other guests who were invited. This helps the couple finalize their seating arrangements and ensure an accurate headcount.
• Decline with regret: Express your regret at not being able to attend. You can write something like, "Unfortunately, we regret that we are unable to attend." This conveys your disappointment in missing the event.
• Send your regrets promptly: It is important to let the couple know as soon as possible if you cannot attend. This helps them with their planning, especially if they have a waiting list of guests they can invite.
• Offer a brief explanation: While not necessary, providing a brief explanation for your absence can be considerate. For example, you could write, "Due to a prior engagement, we are unable to attend."
• Send a separate note: If you have a personal relationship with the couple, consider sending a separate note or card expressing your regrets and well wishes. This adds a thoughtful touch to your response.
• Decline formally: Match the tone and formality of your response to the wedding invitation. If the invitation is formal, your response should also be formal. Use proper titles, full names, and polite language.
• Mail your response: Unless otherwise specified, it is generally considered rude to respond by phone or email if a physical invitation and response card were sent to you. Respect the time and effort the couple put into creating and sending the invitations.
• Wish the couple well: Even if you can't attend, take the opportunity to express your happiness for the couple and wish them a wonderful wedding and future together.

"Mr. and Mrs. John Smith regret that they are unable to attend the wedding of Jack Alexander and Mason Jacob Kim on Saturday, August 17, 2024. We send our warmest congratulations and wish you a lifetime of happiness."

"Unfortunately, due to a prior commitment, we will not be able to attend your wedding. Please know that we will be thinking of you and celebrating your love from afar. Congratulations and best wishes!"

"We are so sorry that we won't be able to share in your special day. We hope your wedding is everything you've dreamed of and more. Sending you all our love and congratulations."

Remember to follow the guidelines provided by the couple in their invitation. Some may prefer a simple response, while others may appreciate a more detailed note. Always aim to respond promptly and clearly, and your regrets will be graciously received.

Frequently asked questions