Etiquette Guide: Wedding Guest Invites And You

Deciding on a guest list for a wedding can be a tricky process. While some people may expect an automatic invite if they've invited you to their wedding, this is not always the case. There are a number of factors to consider, such as budget and venue capacity. If you're working with a tight budget, you may need to cut certain people from your list. It's also important to evaluate your relationship with the person. If you're not very close and hardly ever see each other, you may not want to invite them. On the other hand, if you're inviting a lot of people and budget isn't an issue, it's probably a good idea to extend the invitation.

Budget and venue capacity

Budget

According to recent surveys, couples spend between $12,343 and $14,0006 on average for their wedding venue. This includes any location fees, food, drinks, tables, chairs, linens, and other incidentals. It's worth noting that this cost can vary significantly depending on factors such as the couple's vision, geography, and budget. As a rule of thumb, expect to pay about 45% of your total wedding budget on the venue, food, drinks, and incidentals. Don't forget to account for service fees and taxes, which can add an additional 30% to the quoted rate.

When creating your wedding budget, it's essential to consider who is contributing financially. This could be you and your partner, family members, or close friends. Understanding how much money you have to work with will help you allocate funds to different aspects of the wedding, such as the venue, catering, entertainment, and more.

Venue Capacity

The size of your guest list will directly impact the cost of your wedding. Larger venues that can accommodate more people will generally be more expensive than smaller venues with lower capacities. Additionally, if your venue includes catering, the cost will typically be "per person," so the number of guests will affect the overall expense.

When choosing a venue, it's crucial to consider the capacity and ensure it can comfortably accommodate your guest list. This may involve touring the space in person to get a sense of the layout and how many people it can hold. Keep in mind that a smaller guest list can help reduce costs, not just for the venue but also for catering, rentals, and other details.

In summary, when planning a wedding, it's essential to consider both your budget and the venue capacity. These two factors are closely intertwined and will influence many other aspects of your special day. By creating a detailed budget and choosing a venue that aligns with your vision and guest list, you can ensure a memorable celebration that stays within your financial means.

Relationship status

When it comes to wedding guest etiquette, your relationship status can play a role in a few different ways. Here are some paragraphs outlining how:

Plus-Ones

Wedding guest rules apply not only to the invitee but also to their potential plus-ones. Reading the invitation is crucial, especially if there's confusion about whether your partner is invited. Before assuming you can bring a date, check the invitation wording carefully. Only those addressed on the invitation, such as " [name] and Guest," have received a plus-one invitation, and this is one of the most important wedding guest etiquette rules. It is considered a faux pas to add a significant other to the list without informing the couple.

Relationship with the Couple

When deciding whether to invite someone to your wedding, one of the most important considerations is your relationship with that person. Ask yourself how long you have known them, how your relationship has evolved over time, and how often you are in touch. Also, reflect on whether this person is likely to remain in your life in the long term. If you are having an intimate wedding, you may choose to only invite those closest to you. On the other hand, if you are inviting many friends and family, it might be best to extend the invitation to avoid any potential social consequences.

Children

If the couple has requested an adults-only wedding, it is essential to respect their wishes. The wedding invitation will typically outline who is invited. Unless the invite is addressed to " [person] and Family," it is safe to assume that children are not included. Check the couple's wedding website for clarification, as they may have specified age limits or noted if any accommodations for children will be provided. Proper wedding etiquette dictates that you do not bring children to an adults-only wedding without the couple's explicit permission.

Budget and Venue Constraints

When deciding who to invite to a wedding, practical matters such as budget and venue capacity come into play. If you are working with a tight budget or have a small venue, you are not obligated to invite everyone you know. On the other hand, if budget is not an issue and you have a spacious venue, you may choose to invite a broader range of guests, including those you may not be extremely close with.

Family politics

When it comes to wedding guest lists, family politics can be a tricky minefield to navigate. Here are some tips to help you out:

Be Clear on Your Priorities

Sit down with your partner and make a list of everyone you want to invite, grouping them by priority. Start with those you couldn't get married without, usually immediate family and very close friends. Then, move on to the next group of people who are most important to you, like close friends and family friends. Finally, list those you'd like to have at your wedding but could live without. This will help you navigate requests and pushback from guests.

Know Your Numbers

Understand your venue's capacity and cost-per-additional-guest. Most venues have a maximum day and evening capacity, giving you flexibility with evening-only invites. The average cost per guest is around £70 for catering, so this is an important consideration. Knowing these numbers will help you be flexible with invites and manage expectations.

Consider Family Dynamics

Traditionally, the guest list is split into thirds: one-third for the bride's family, one-third for the groom's, and one-third for the couple. However, this doesn't always work, and guest lists can develop naturally. If one family wants to invite more people, they should contribute more to the costs or be prepared to make tough decisions.

Be Fair with Family

If you invite some cousins or aunts and uncles, be prepared for potential fallout from those you don't invite. An effective way to avoid hurt feelings is to treat different families the same. They are more likely to understand an all-or-nothing approach than an explanation of why you're closer to one side of the family.

Be Consistent

When responding to guest requests, be consistent. If you tell one guest you don't have the capacity for their partner, but then tell another guest you haven't hit your maximum numbers, you may face backlash. Keeping your responses consistent will help to appease guests and reduce gossip.

Stick to Your Guns

Remember, it's your wedding, and you make the rules. Guest satisfaction is important, but if someone is more concerned with bringing a new partner or pressuring you to invite their children, they are not worth worrying about. Stay strong, use these tips, and make decisions with your partner.

Plus-ones

Deciding on plus-ones for your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this process:

Who Gets a Plus-One?

Firstly, it's important to note that not everyone needs to be offered a plus-one. If you have a limited budget and venue capacity, you may need to be selective. In general, it is recommended that married, engaged, and cohabitating guests receive a plus-one, even if you have never met their spouse or partner. This also applies to the parents of ring bearers and flower girls, as well as the spouse or partner of the officiant.

It is also common courtesy to offer a plus-one to members of your wedding party. This is a small token of appreciation for their time, effort, and support.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

Guests who are casually dating or tend to have a new partner every few months are not a priority for plus-ones. However, if your budget allows, you can offer a last-minute plus-one option.

Single guests who will know other guests at the wedding may not require a plus-one. Deal with these situations on a case-by-case basis and carefully consider where to seat them.

How to Notify Guests About Plus-One Options

The traditional way to notify guests about plus-one options is through the wedding invitation. This can be done by including an outer and inner envelope, with the outer envelope addressing the recipient and the inner envelope listing the names of those invited, such as children or plus-ones.

For modern invitations, you can include the guest's name and "and guest" on a single envelope or an online invitation. Be sure to address all invitees clearly. If the couple is invited, list both guests by their full names.

Seating Arrangements for Couples and Single Guests

When creating a seating plan, aim for a comfortable dynamic, especially for solo guests. Avoid seating singles next to couples, as this can create an awkward atmosphere. Instead, place them between outgoing and friendly couples to encourage a communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Handling Requests for Plus-Ones

Be prepared for guests to reach out and ask about bringing a plus-one. First, inquire about the nature of the request and the relationship status of the guest. If their relationship has become more serious, try to include their partner.

If you don't have the capacity, it's perfectly acceptable to politely decline. You can reply with a kind message, such as: "We would love for you to bring a guest, but this is a very intimate affair." It's best to deliver this message over the phone or in person rather than via email.

Children

If you're inviting children to your wedding, it's important to make this clear on the invitation. Here are some tips to help the day go smoothly:

Before the Ceremony

If you have little ones in your bridal party, it's a good idea to give them some practice walking down the aisle. A quick rehearsal in the garden can help them visualise what to expect on the day. Pairing a nervous child with an older one can also boost their confidence.

During the Ceremony

The ceremony can be the hardest part of the wedding for children as they have to sit still and be quiet. If you're worried about crying babies, you could announce at the beginning that it's fine for parents to leave the room if their child becomes upset.

Food and Drink

Don't forget to provide soft drinks, especially if there will be lots of children. Children also get hungry more frequently, so make sure you have kid-friendly snacks available. Good options include sandwiches, sausage rolls, carrot sticks, cheese cubes, apple slices, and breadsticks.

Entertainment

Kids don't necessarily need entertainment—it depends on their number and age range. However, if you want to keep your youngest guests amused, you could hire a bouncy castle, magician, or science entertainer. A kids' room with toys and films can also work well, giving parents a break. If you expect children to stay seated during the speeches, providing a small activity pack for each child can help prevent boredom.

Seating Arrangements

You have two main options for where to seat children during dinner: a kids' table or with their parents. A kids' table can be fun and gives children some independence, but it works best for children aged eight and over. For younger children, it's often better to seat them with their parents or with other families who have similarly aged children. That way, the kids can play together, and the grown-ups can chat.

Evening Party

The type of entertainment you provide in the evening will depend on the ages of the children. Most will be happy to dance and run around, but if you want parents to stay on after their little ones have gone to bed, consider childcare options. Some venues provide nannies or babysitters, or you could set up a 'quiet' room with blankets and a movie.

Other Tips

• Be clear about whether children are invited.
• If you don't want children at your wedding, don't feel bad about it. Most parents welcome a night off, and kids would probably prefer an alternative activity.
• If you're inviting children, be prepared for the extra logistics and cost. There's usually no price adjustment for children's meals or venue capacity.
• If you're inviting children, make sure your venue is safe for them. Are there terraces they could fall from, or open fires they could hurt themselves on?
• If you're inviting babies, ask the venue about lactation spaces for nursing mothers.
• If you're having a child-free wedding, be firm and clear about your wishes. You could say something like: "While we love your children, our wedding is going to be an adult-only event so that everyone can relax and enjoy the evening."

Frequently asked questions