Etiquette Of Inviting Couples To Your Wedding

Wedding invitations are one of the first things guests will see, and designing them offers couples a chance to express their style and capture the overall vibe of their wedding. While couples tend to struggle with wording, it's not as complicated as it may seem. The most important rule is to create a beautiful wedding invitation that represents you, your love, and the big day to come. When addressing a wedding invitation to a married couple, put their names on the same line. If they have different last names, list the person you're closest with first. If you're equally close to them, go in alphabetical order. If one person has taken the other person's name, you can address the invitation to reflect that.

Wording and phrasing

The wording and phrasing of a wedding invitation are important to get right, and there are some standard elements that should be included. Here are some tips to help you with the wording and phrasing of your invitations:

The Host Line

The first line of a wedding invitation is usually dedicated to the host of the wedding, which is typically the party covering the expenses. Traditionally, this would be the bride's parents, but nowadays it is often the groom's parents, the couple themselves, or a combination of all three. There is no official order or requirement to list the names, it is entirely up to personal preference. If the couple is hosting, a formal phrasing could be: "The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of..." or "You are cordially invited to celebrate the marriage of...". For a more informal tone, you could use: "You are invited to the wedding of...", "Kindly join us at the wedding of..." or "Please come help us celebrate our love".

The Couple's Names

The names of the couple are the most important part of the invitation. Traditionally, the bride's name comes first, with her first and middle names used, followed by the groom's full name. However, this is not a strict rule, and you can use whichever style you prefer. For same-sex couples, there is no traditional order, so go with whatever sounds better.

The Ceremony Details

The date, time, location, and address should be included, as well as any dress code information. It is also a nice touch to include a QR code that links to your wedding website or driving directions.

Post-Ceremony Plans

Let your guests know what to expect after the ceremony. Include information about a cocktail hour, dinner, dancing, etc. You can also include the address of the reception venue if it is different from the ceremony location.

Formal vs Informal

The difference between formal and informal wedding invitations is not huge. Formal invitations tend to have script, foil elements, and sparkle, whereas informal invitations feature muted colours, simple typography, and graphics. However, the wording can also convey formality or informality. Using "request the honour of your presence" is more formal than "invite you to share in our joy".

Addressing the Invitations

There are different conventions for addressing married and unmarried couples. For a married couple with the same last name, use "Mr." and "Mrs." and spell out the husband's first and last name. For a same-sex couple, either name can go first. For a married couple with different last names, write their names on the same line with the woman's name first. For unmarried couples, both names should be included on separate lines, with the person you are closest to, or the person whose name comes first alphabetically, listed first.

Envelope etiquette

The outer envelope is the more formal of the two envelopes and is the one that contains the mailing address, postage, and return address. The inner envelope is printed with only the recipients' names and contains the invitation, RSVP card, RSVP envelope, and any other additional enclosures. When using two envelopes, the outer envelope is addressed more formally, while the inner envelope is slightly more casual and frequently incorporates first names.

If you are using one envelope, all invited parties should be clearly stated on the front. This includes guests that are typically only listed on the inner envelope, such as plus-ones and children. If you are short on space, you can replace children's individual names with "and family" or opt for "The [surname] Family".

Married Couple With the Same Last Name

For a heterosexual couple, use "Mr." and "Mrs." and spell out the husband's first and last name. For a same-sex couple, either name can go first.

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

If the couple would prefer that the wife's name is not left out, you can use:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

Married Couple With Different Last Names

For a heterosexual couple, write their names on the same line with the woman's name first; if the combined names are too long to fit on one line, list them separately.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

Married Couple With One Hyphenated Last Name

In the case of a spouse who has chosen to hyphenate their last name, invitations should be addressed as follows:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Craft and Mr. Crosby-Craft" or "Marcus and Brian"

Unmarried Couple

Invitations to an unmarried couple living at the same address are addressed to both people on one line. List the person whom you are closest to first.

Outer envelope: "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee" or "Stanley and Amanda"

Individual Invitations

If the guest is an unmarried woman, use "Ms." if she is over 18. If she is younger, then "Miss" is more acceptable and should be spelled out, not abbreviated.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Stephanie Chen" or "Miss Stephanie Chen" (if under 18)

Inner envelope: "Ms. Chen" or "Miss Chen" or "Stephanie"

If a single female has been given a plus one, you don't need to indicate this on the outer envelope; reserve "and guest" for the inner envelope only.

Outer envelope: "Ms. Stephanie Chen"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Chen and guest" or "Stephanie and guest"

If the guest is a single male, use "Mr." if he is over 18. Otherwise, no title is necessary.

Outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery" or "James"

If a single male has been offered a plus one, don't indicate this on the outer envelope; reserve "and guest" for the inner envelope only.

Outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery and guest" or "James and guest"

Titles and names

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are a few different elements to consider when addressing a couple. Here are some guidelines for the titles and names to use:

Married Couple with the Same Last Name:

For a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope can be addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]". If sensitivity is a preference, the outer envelope can be addressed to "Mr. [Husband's Full Name] and Mrs. [Wife's Full Name]". The inner envelope can then be more informal, such as "Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]" or the first names of the couple.

Married Couple with Different Last Names:

For couples with different last names, the outer envelope can be addressed to "Ms. [Wife's Full Name] and Mr. [Husband's Full Name]". If the names are too long, they can be listed separately. The inner envelope can then be shortened to "Ms. [Wife's Full Name or First Name] and Mr. [Husband's Full Name or First Name]".

Married Couple with One Hyphenated Last Name:

For spouses with a hyphenated last name, the outer envelope can be addressed to "Mr. [Husband's Full Name] and Mr. [Husband's Full Name]-[Wife's Full Name]". The inner envelope can then be shortened to "Mr. [Husband's Full Name] and Mr. [Husband's First Name]-[Wife's First Name]".

Unmarried Couple:

For unmarried couples living at the same address, both names are included on one line for the outer envelope: "Mr. [Man's Full Name] and Ms. [Woman's Full Name]". The inner envelope can then be more informal, such as "Mr. [Man's Full Name or First Name] and Ms. [Woman's Full Name or First Name]".

Same-Sex Couples:

For same-sex couples, either name can go first, and you can use "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.", or gender-neutral options like "Mx." based on their preferences. Alphabetical order or what sounds better can be used as a guideline for same-sex couples with different last names.

Couples with Distinguished Titles:

If one or both individuals in the couple have distinguished titles, such as doctors, lawyers, judges, or military personnel, these can be included in the address. For example, "Dr. [Name] and Mr. [Name]" or "The Doctors [Last Name]" for married doctors. Adjust based on the specific titles and ranks involved.

Inviting unmarried couples

When inviting an unmarried couple who lives at the same address, both names should be included on the envelope, each on a separate line. List the person you are closest to first, or go in alphabetical order if you don't have a preference. Here's an example:

On the outer envelope:

Mr. Stanley Kim

Ms. Amanda Rhee

On the inner envelope:

Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee

Or

Stanley and Amanda

If you are only using one envelope (an outer envelope), clearly state the names of all invited parties.

Inviting families

When inviting an entire family, the family name or the parents' names should be listed on the outer envelope, and everyone can be included on the inside.

For the outer envelope, you can write:

• "The Thompson Family"
• "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson"
• "Mr. Alan Thompson and Mrs. Emily Thompson"

For the inner envelope, you can write:

"Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily"

If you are using double envelopes, remember to stay more formal with the outer one. The inner one is where you can address invitees more personally. Include as much information as you can on the outer envelope, including full honorifics and even middle names. Children’s names will usually go on the inner envelope, unless they are not invited.

If you are inviting children under 18, you only need to name them on the inner envelope. If you’re not inviting the children, just don’t name them on the envelope or the invitation.

Frequently asked questions