Planning A Wedding: B-List Invites, A Good Idea?

Creating a guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task. You might have a number of people in mind that you would love to celebrate with, but due to budget or venue size constraints, you are unable to invite everyone. This is where a B-list comes in. A B-list is a way to ensure that your celebration is filled with as many loved ones as possible. It is a list of guests who you would love to invite but may not be able to accommodate due to limited resources. If any guests on your A-list (those who are non-negotiable and play an active part in your life) decline, you can then send invitations to your B-list. However, navigating a B-list can be a delicate matter, and there are certain considerations to keep in mind to avoid any potential hurt feelings.

B-list composition: who to include and why

B-list guests are those who are not as important as A-list guests. They are the people you would love to invite but may not be able to accommodate due to a limited budget or venue space. B-list guests can include extended family members, estranged relatives, colleagues from work, or friends of your parents.

When creating your B-list, it is important to organize it in order of priority. Those who feel really important but didn't make the A-list cut should be at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not absolutely necessary should be towards the bottom. This way, if you receive any declines from your A-list, you know exactly who to invite next.

It is also important to keep your B-list secret to avoid any hurt feelings. To do this, ensure that you invite close groups, such as work friends or family members, at the same time. This way, people won't be comparing when they were invited and realizing they may have been on the B-list.

Additionally, when sending out invitations, it is crucial to give your B-list guests enough time to respond. Send your A-list invitations first, and set an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. Then, once you receive any declines, send out your B-list invitations with an RSVP deadline of about three to four weeks before the wedding. This gives your B-list guests enough time to plan and respond without feeling rushed.

Timing of B-list invites: when to send them out

When it comes to sending out B-list invites, timing is everything. The key to pulling off a B-list is to avoid making it obvious that there are multiple guest lists. Sending out B-list invites too close to the wedding will make it obvious that these guests were not on the initial guest list.

To avoid this, send out your A-list invites around 12 weeks in advance and ask for an RSVP by eight weeks before the wedding. This will give you ample time to see who can't make it and send out B-list invites. Once you have your A-list RSVPs, send out your B-list invites at the eight-week mark with an RSVP deadline of four weeks. This way, your B-list guests will still have enough time to prepare for the wedding without feeling like an afterthought.

It is crucial to mail all the B-list invites on the same day. This helps to keep track of who you've added and ensures that invitations are sent out in a timely and predictable manner. Even if you find out later that you have more spots to fill, it's best to leave it be. Sending out straggling invites close to the wedding will only confirm that these guests were on a B-list.

To streamline the process, consider opting for digital RSVPs via your wedding website. This makes it easier to manage responses and is more reliable than waiting for replies by post.

A-list and B-list organisation: how to divide your lists

Creating an A-list and B-list for your wedding can be a tricky process, but it can be done tactfully. Here are some tips for organising your lists:

Make the Decision Early

Start thinking about your A-list and B-list early on in your engagement. This will give you time to decide who is on each list and figure out arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.

Organise Intentionally

Your B-list should be organised in order of priority. Those who feel important but didn't quite make the A-list should be at the top, and those who are less of a priority at the bottom. That way, if you have any A-list declines, you can invite the corresponding number of people from the top of your B-list.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

To avoid hurt feelings, decide what qualifies someone for the A-list versus the B-list, and apply that logic consistently. For example, place groups of friends, family, or co-workers together on the same list. That way, if one person from a group is invited, it's safe to assume the others will hear about it, and you avoid the impression that some were "second choices".

Send Invitations Early

Send your A-list invitations out around 10-12 weeks in advance, and set an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. That way, when the A-list RSVPs come in, you can send your B-list invitations with plenty of time for them to respond.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

Print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, going out with the B-list invitations, should have a deadline of around three to four weeks before the wedding.

Be Mindful with the B-List

Be extra mindful of groups within your B-list. For example, if you have a tight-knit group of co-workers, be sure there is room for the entire group before adding just one.

RSVP deadlines: when to set them

When it comes to setting RSVP deadlines, timing is crucial. Ideally, the "RSVP by" date should be set three to four weeks before the wedding. This allows enough time for the couple to finalise the seating plan and provide the caterer and other vendors with the final guest count. For destination weddings, the RSVP deadline should be set two months in advance.

For A-list invitations, couples are advised to mail them six to eight weeks before the wedding, giving guests a window of about one month to respond. For B-list invitations, it is recommended to set an RSVP deadline of around three weeks before the wedding, which aligns with traditional etiquette and provides ample time to confirm the final headcount.

To ensure timely responses, it is helpful to include pre-addressed and pre-stamped return envelopes or offer options for digital RSVPs. Additionally, clear and specific wording on the invitation, such as "The favour of your reply is requested by [date]," can effectively convey the need for a response.

Guest feelings: how to avoid hurt feelings

Creating a B-list of wedding guests can be a tricky business. Here are some tips to help you navigate the process and avoid any hurt feelings:

Make B-List Decisions Early

If you think you might need to separate your guest list into an A-List and a B-List, decide as soon as possible. This will give you time to organise the lists and figure out arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.

Organise Intentionally

Create a priority system within your B-List. Put those who feel important but didn't make the A-List at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not necessary toward the bottom. That way, if you have multiple A-List declines, you can invite the top-priority B-List guests first.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

To avoid your friends comparing their invites and realising they may have been on the B-List, decide on a consistent qualification for the A-List and apply it across the board. For example, if you haven't spent time with someone in the past year, they may be a B-List candidate, even if they are family.

Send Invitations Early

Traditionally, invitations are mailed 6-8 weeks before the wedding, with an RSVP deadline of around 3 weeks out. However, if you are sending B-List invites, this timing will make it obvious that they are second-tier. Instead, send your A-List invitations out 12 weeks in advance, with an RSVP deadline of 8 weeks before the wedding. That gives you time to send B-List invites at the 8-week mark, with an RSVP deadline of 4 weeks, which is still within traditional etiquette.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

Print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-List invites, should have an RSVP deadline of 8 weeks before the wedding. The second set, going out with the B-List invites, should have an RSVP deadline of 3 weeks before, which matches traditional expectations.

Mail B-List Invites at Once

Choose a deadline date for adding B-List guests and mail all the invitations on the same day. This helps you keep track and ensures invites arrive in a timely manner.

Be Gracious

If, for whatever reason, a guest finds out they were on your B-List, be honest and gracious. Explain that your wedding guest list was restricted and you needed to stagger the invitations, but you are happy for them to attend.

Other Tips:

• Monitor your social media and delete any comments about invitations to avoid people noticing differences in timing.
• Don't post photos of you mailing invitations.
• Plan your B-List sends so that groups of friends or colleagues receive their invites at the same time.
• Don't tell anyone about your B-List.
• Don't overcompensate when sending B-List invites.
• Be fair with family and treat members of different families in the same way.
• Stagger your invites in waves, sending the next round of invites as soon as you get regrets.

Frequently asked questions