Adult Children At Your Wedding: To Invite Or Not?

Deciding whether to invite your adult children to your wedding can be a tricky question. On the one hand, you may want to share this special day with them and give them a role in the celebrations. On the other hand, you may prefer an adults-only wedding, especially if you're trying to keep numbers down or create a more formal atmosphere. It's important to remember that it's your wedding and your rules, so don't be afraid to communicate your wishes clearly and directly. If you're not inviting adult children, it's best to address the invitation specifically to those who are invited and, if necessary, explain your decision in a sensitive and respectful manner.

Inviting adult children vs. younger children

When it comes to inviting children to a wedding, the topic tends to divide people. Some believe that children add a certain magic to the atmosphere, while others feel that kids can be distracting and rowdy since they can't fully appreciate the special meaning behind the big day. Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide whether or not to invite children, including adult children, to their wedding. Here are some considerations for inviting adult children vs. younger children:

Inviting Adult Children

Adult children, or those over the age of 18, should typically receive their own wedding invitation, even if they still live at home with their parents. This helps to avoid any confusion and ensures that the adult child feels valued and respected. It is considered rude and offensive to some if only select adult children are invited while others are excluded. If the couple chooses to invite adult children, they should be mindful of the impact on their budget, as well as the need for separate seating or accommodation.

Inviting Younger Children

When inviting younger children, the couple should consider the potential impact on their budget, as well as the need for dedicated childcare services or entertainment. Younger children may also require a special menu with kid-friendly food options. The couple should also be prepared for the possibility of unpredictable behaviour from toddlers or teens. To avoid offending guests, the couple may choose to invite only the children of immediate family members or those in the wedding party. This helps to set a clear rule that can be communicated to all guests.

Communicating Your Decision

Regardless of the decision, it is important to be clear and direct when communicating the policy for children at the wedding. This can be done through the wedding invitations, the wedding website, or even a phone call to those with children. The couple should also be mindful of how they address the invitations, ensuring that the names of all invited guests, including children, are included.

Addressing invitations to adult children

When addressing wedding invitations to adult children, it is important to be clear and explicit to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. Here are some guidelines to follow:

Inviting Adult Children

If you are inviting adult children to your wedding, it is customary to send them their own separate invitation, even if they still live at home with their parents. This helps to ensure there is no ambiguity about who is invited. On the outer envelope, address the parents' names, and on the inner envelope, write the adult child's name beneath the parents' names. Alternatively, if you are using only an outer envelope, be sure to include the names of both the parents and the adult child.

Not Inviting Adult Children

If you have decided not to invite adult children to your wedding, there are a few ways to communicate this clearly. One approach is to address the invitation envelope with only the parents' names, indicating that their children are not included. You can also include a separate card with additional information stating that the event is adults-only or 18+. Another option is to use a response card with a reserved seat message, such as "We have reserved _ seats in your honour" or "___ adults would love to attend". This helps to clarify the number of guests invited and avoids any potential misunderstandings.

Communicating Your Decision

Regardless of your decision, it is important to communicate your expectations clearly to your guests. This can be done through your wedding invitations, wedding website, or even a phone call to those with children. Be direct and honest about your wishes, and consider including two layers of communication on the invitation, such as noting "Adults-Only Reception" or "Our wedding is adult-only, thank you". This reduces the chance of misunderstandings and gives guests time to make necessary arrangements.

Creating a Rule and Sticking to It

To avoid any potential hurt feelings or confusion, it is generally advised to create a clear rule regarding inviting adult children and sticking to it. For example, you may choose to only invite adult children who are part of the wedding party or immediate family. By having a consistent rule, you can avoid the appearance of favouritism or selective invitations.

Adult children in the wedding party

If you're wondering whether to include your adult children in your wedding party, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to communicate with them openly and honestly. Discuss their level of comfort and willingness to participate. They may have other commitments or preferences that should be respected.

That being said, here are some creative ways to involve your adult children in your wedding:

• Involve them in pre-wedding activities: Include them in the bridal shower, bachelor or bachelorette parties, and other pre-wedding festivities. This will make them feel like an integral part of the celebrations.
• Offer roles within the wedding ceremony: Depending on their ages and preferences, your adult children can take on various roles such as bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honour, or best man. This will make them feel honoured and involved in your special day.
• Include them in the processional: One unique idea is to have your adult children walk you down the aisle, adding a meaningful twist to the traditional procession.
• Incorporate them into the unity ceremony: If you're having a unity candle, sand ceremony, or another alternative, include your adult children in this special ritual. It symbolises the joining of two families and your commitment to each other's children.
• Ask them to be part of the wedding reception: Invite your adult children to join you for the first dance, make a wedding speech, or even perform a special dance during the reception. Their participation will add a personal touch to the celebrations.
• Involve them in wedding planning: Include your adult children in wedding DIY crafts, gift-giving, and decision-making. This will make them feel valued and excited about the upcoming nuptials.
• Create special moments: Consider giving them a "morning-of" gift, including them in a first look moment, or creating a signature drink just for them. These thoughtful gestures will make them feel loved and involved.
• Capture their perspective: Provide disposable cameras or smartphones, and let your adult children document the big day from their unique perspective. You can even include their photos in your wedding album or display them separately.

Remember, open communication is key. Discuss their comfort levels and preferences, and tailor their involvement accordingly. By including your adult children in your wedding, you're not only honouring them but also creating lasting memories as a family.

Adult children of immediate family

When it comes to inviting adult children to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is important to make a clear decision on whether you want children at your wedding or not and communicate this to your guests. This can be done through your wedding invitations or by creating a separate page on your wedding website. Being direct and honest is the best approach to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.

If you are having an adult-only wedding, it is generally considered rude to invite some adult children and not others. A clear rule, such as only inviting adult children of immediate family members, is a good way to avoid offending anyone. This ensures that you are not selectively choosing which extended family members or friends can bring their adult children.

To indicate that only adult children of immediate family members are invited, it is important to be specific when addressing your wedding invitations. Include the names of those who are invited on the envelope, specifying the adult children of immediate family members. You can also add a line on the response card, such as "We have reserved ___ seats for you at the reception," to clarify the number of guests invited.

Additionally, it is a good idea to follow up with a phone call to those with adult children to explain your decision and ensure they understand your invitation. This can help avoid any misunderstandings or accidental RSVP's with uninvited guests.

By being clear and direct in your communication, you can ensure that your wedding plans, regarding adult children of immediate family members, are well understood and respected by your guests.

Adult children of extended family

When it comes to inviting adult children of extended family members to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is important to be clear and direct about whether children are invited to your wedding or not. This avoids any confusion and ensures that your guests can make the necessary arrangements. If you are having an adults-only wedding, it is generally considered rude to make exceptions for certain children and not others. This could create hurt feelings and offend some guests.

However, if you are only inviting adult children of immediate family members, it is generally acceptable to draw the line there. This could include adult nieces, nephews, and cousins. If you choose to go with this option, be sure to communicate this clearly to your guests.

Another option is to send separate invitations to adult children who are 18 or older, regardless of whether they are living at home or on their own. This way, you can still include them in your celebration while maintaining a clear boundary regarding which children are invited.

Remember, it is your wedding, and ultimately, the decision is up to you and your partner. Be mindful of your budget and venue capacity, and don't be afraid to set boundaries. If you are worried about offending certain guests, you can always have a private conversation with them to explain your decision.

Frequently asked questions