Tradition Explained: Parents' Names On Wedding Invitations

Wedding invitation wording can be a tricky business. Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding and are therefore listed as the hosts on the invitation. However, times are changing, and nowadays, the couple themselves often pay for the wedding, or costs may be split between both sets of parents, or one side of the family may contribute more than the other. In these cases, it's up to the couple whether they want to include their parents' names on the invitation as a form of honour or keep things simple.

If the couple is paying for the wedding but wants to include their parents' names, they can use phrases such as together with their families or with their parents. If one set of parents is contributing more, their names can be listed first. If both parents are contributing financially, it's customary to include everyone.

The bride's parents are hosting

Traditionally, the bride's parents are the hosts of the wedding and are named at the top of the invitation, even for very formal affairs. This is because, historically, the bride's parents would pay for the wedding. However, nowadays, the couple themselves, both sets of parents, or a combination of these parties often contribute to the cost of the wedding.

If the bride's parents are hosting, the invitation might begin with something like:

> Mr. and Mrs. Christopher Timothy Williams request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter, Lauren Martinez, to Troy Higgins Clark, son of Mr. and Mrs. Clark, on Saturday, the twelfth of September, two thousand twenty-six, at six o'clock in the evening at Bluxome Street Winery, San Francisco, California.

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, the host line can be skipped altogether, or replaced with a warm and welcoming introduction, such as:

> Together with full hearts, Lauren Martinez and Troy Higgins Clark invite you to share in their joy as they unite in marriage on Saturday, the twelfth of September, two thousand twenty-seven, at six o'clock in the evening at Bluxome Street Winery, San Francisco, California.

If the bride's parents are hosting but both sets of parents are contributing financially, you can opt for something like:

> Together with their parents, Lauren Martinez and Troy Higgins Clark invite you to share in their joy as they unite in marriage on Saturday, the twelfth of September, two thousand twenty-seven, at six o'clock in the evening at Bluxome Street Winery, San Francisco, California.

The groom's parents are co-hosting

When it comes to wedding invitations, the question of whose names to include and how to word the invite can be a tricky one. Here are some suggestions and guidelines for when the groom's parents are co-hosting:

Traditional Weddings

In traditional weddings, the bride's parents are typically the hosts and primary financial contributors. Their names are usually listed at the top of the invitation, followed by the bride's name and the groom's name and his parents. Here's an example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Lewis Manning and Mr. and Mrs. Riordan Scott Cullen request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children, Amelia Rose Manning and Liam Quinlan Cullen.

Semi-Formal and Non-Traditional Weddings

Nowadays, many couples opt for a less traditional approach that reflects their unique personalities and dynamics. If the groom's parents are co-hosting, you can list them alongside the bride's parents, followed by the couple's names. Here's an example:

> Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents and Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents invite you to the wedding of their children, Bride and Groom.

Alternatively, you can use a phrase like "together with their families" or "together with their parents" to acknowledge both sets of parents without listing individual names. This option is especially useful if there are complex family dynamics or multiple people contributing financially.

Honouring Parents Without Listing Names

If you prefer to keep the invitation simple and direct, you can choose to honour your parents in other ways. Some couples opt to include a line such as "daughter of X and Y" or "son of A and B" to acknowledge their parents without listing their names at the top of the invitation. This approach may be suitable if the couple is primarily hosting and paying for the wedding.

Communication is Key

Ultimately, the most important aspect of deciding how to word your wedding invitations is open communication with your family. Discuss their expectations and find out if they have any strong preferences. It's also essential to consider any cultural traditions or norms that may influence their desires. By having these conversations upfront, you can ensure that everyone feels respected and valued while also maintaining your autonomy as a couple.

The couple is hosting

When it comes to wedding invitation wording, the host line is a key element. Traditionally, the bride's parents are the hosts and their names would come first. However, modern wedding etiquette allows for more flexibility, especially when the couple is hosting the wedding themselves. Here are some guidelines and examples for when the couple is hosting:

Formal or Informal Tone

The tone of your invitation should align with the formality of your wedding. If you're having a black-tie affair, opt for more formal wording. On the other hand, if your wedding is more casual, you can go for a less formal tone. It's important not to mix and match formalities to avoid confusing your guests.

Family Traditions and Expectations

While it's common for the couple to host their own wedding nowadays, some families may have traditional expectations, especially if they are contributing financially. Check in with key family members to avoid hurt feelings and disappointment. If your family is very traditional, consider including them in the invitation to acknowledge their contribution.

Invitational Lines

When the couple is hosting the wedding, you can use invitational lines such as "Together with their parents" or "Together with their families." These phrases imply a collaborative effort and are a way to acknowledge the support of both sets of parents, even if they are not paying for the wedding in full.

Another option is to skip the invitational line altogether and start with a warm introduction, such as "Together with full hearts" or "With hearts full of love and joy". This approach may be suitable for older couples who want to emphasise their autonomy. However, it carries the risk of offending family members who have contributed significantly to the wedding.

Request Line

The request line is where you extend the invitation to your guests. Here are some examples:

• "Request the honour of your presence" (traditionally used for religious ceremonies)
• "Request the pleasure of your company" (used for non-religious ceremonies)
• "Invite you to celebrate with them"
• "Would love for you to join them"

Action Line

The action line specifies what you are inviting guests to share in. Here are some examples:

• "At the marriage of their daughter" (if the bride's parents are hosting)
• "At the marriage of their children" (if both sets of parents are hosting)
• "At the celebration of their union" (if the couple is hosting)
• "As they say 'I do!'"
• "In celebration of their marriage"

Date and Time

Traditionally, the date and time on wedding invitations are spelled out in full. For example, "Saturday, the fifteenth of September, two thousand twenty-one, at half after four in the afternoon." The day of the week and the month are capitalised, and the year is in lowercase.

Reception Information

If the reception is at the same location as the ceremony, you can simply state "Reception to follow" or "Dinner and dancing to follow." If the reception is at a different location, include the venue name and address on a separate line or on a reception card.

In conclusion, when the couple is hosting the wedding, it's important to consider tone, family expectations, and the appropriate invitational, request, and action lines. By following these guidelines, you can create a wedding invitation that sets the right tone and acknowledges the support of your families.

The couple is hosting with their families

When it comes to wedding invitations, the traditional approach involves including the names of the bride's parents as they are typically the hosts and financial backers of the wedding. However, modern weddings are seeing a shift towards couples paying for and hosting their own weddings, or sharing these responsibilities with both sets of parents. In such cases, the invitation may include a phrase like "Together with their families" to acknowledge the involvement of both families without specifically naming them. This approach is especially useful for avoiding hurt feelings in complex family situations.

If the couple is hosting with their families, there are several ways to word the invitation. Here are some examples:

Formal Wording

"Together with their families, [Bride] and [Groom] request the pleasure of your company at their wedding..."

Less Formal Wording

"With joyous hearts, we invite you to attend the wedding of [Bride] and [Groom]..."

"Together with their parents, [Bride] and [Groom] invite you to their wedding..."

"In the celebration of love, [Bride] and [Groom] request the pleasure of your company at their wedding..."

Alternate Wording

"Together with their families, in the celebration of love, [Bride] and [Groom] invite you to share in the beginning of their new life together when they exchange wedding vows..."

It's important to discuss invitation wording with your family beforehand to ensure everyone is on the same page and to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. This is especially crucial if your family has certain expectations or cultural traditions surrounding weddings. Ultimately, the invitation wording should reflect the dynamic that exists between the couple and their families, while also ensuring that all key contributors are acknowledged and respected.

Honouring parents without listing names

Honouring parents at a wedding is a wonderful way to show gratitude and love, and there are many ways to do this without listing their names on the invitations. Here are some thoughtful ways to honour your parents during your wedding celebration:

Involve Them in the Ceremony

• Include them in the processional: Your parents can walk down the aisle before the processional begins, joining the wedding party processional, or escorting you down the aisle.
• Greeting: Share a special moment with your parents at the end of the aisle with a hug, handshake, or another form of greeting before joining hands with your partner.
• VIP seating: Reserve front-row seats for your parents, with a small gift or card on their seats.
• Ceremony script: Work with your officiant to highlight your parents during the ceremony. They can share stories about how your parents introduced you, encouraged your relationship, or helped set you up for a strong marriage.
• Wedding readings or prayers: Invite your parents to recite readings or prayers during the ceremony, especially if it aligns with your family's religion or culture.
• Unity ceremonies: Ask your parents to facilitate or assist in unity ceremonies such as handfasting, wine blending, tea ceremonies, or lighting unity candles.
• Hold the wedding rings: A simple yet meaningful way to involve your parents is to ask them to hold onto the wedding rings during the ceremony.
• Sign the marriage licence: In many places, a marriage licence requires the signatures of two witnesses. Including your parents as witnesses can be a special way to honour them.
• Recessional: Include your parents in the recessional as you exit the ceremony, either behind, in front, or in the middle of the wedding party.

Other Ways to Honour Your Parents

• First look: A trending idea is to have a "first look" with your parents, especially if you want to surprise them in your wedding attire.
• Read a poem or letter: Dedicate a poem or letter to your parents during the ceremony, or have the bride read to the groom's parents and vice versa to signify the unification of the two families.
• Speech: If your parents enjoy being in the spotlight, invite them to give a speech at the reception.
• Schedule a photo session: Set aside time for a special photo session with your parents to ensure they are included in your wedding day photos.
• Anniversary dance: If your parents have been together for a long time, ask the DJ to organise an anniversary dance to celebrate their long-lasting marriage.
• Incorporate their wedding attire: You can repurpose your mother's wedding dress as a detail in your gown, wrap the lace around your bouquet, or add it to your jewellery. For your father, you can sew a heart-shaped piece of his old shirt into your dress, either on the inside or as a subtle detail.

Frequently asked questions