Honoring Deceased Father: Wedding Invitation Etiquette For The Groom

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, the loss of a parent can make an already tricky task even more challenging. While some sources advise against including deceased parents on invitations, others advocate for flexibility and honouring the memory of the departed. Ultimately, it's a personal choice, and there are several ways to tastefully include a deceased parent. One option is to list the surviving parent and the deceased parent, followed by the request for their presence at the wedding of their child. Another approach is to mention the bride and groom's parents without implying that the deceased parent is hosting. This can be achieved by using phrases like daughter of the late [Father's Name] and [Mother's Name] or son of [Father's Name] and the late [Mother's Name]. It's worth noting that you can also choose to exclude the deceased parent from the invitation and find other meaningful ways to honour them during the wedding ceremony or reception.

Include the groom's late father's name on the invitation

If you want to include the groom's late father's name on the wedding invitation, you can do so in an elegant and honourable way. Here is some example wording:

> Julia French, daughter of Mr. Adam French and the late Iris French, and Austin Mahoney, son of Mr. Camden and Elizabeth Mahoney, request the honour of your presence at their wedding on the fifth of May, two thousand and seventeen at one o'clock in the afternoon at The Reagan Library, Simi Valley, California. Dinner and dancing to follow. Black tie required.

In this example, the groom's late father's name is listed alongside the bride's parents, with the word "the late" added before his name. This format can be adjusted to fit cultural norms and personal preferences.

> Mr. Camden and Elizabeth Mahoney and the late Mr. Adam French request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children, Austin Mahoney and Julia French, on the fifth of May, two thousand and seventeen, at one o'clock in the afternoon at The Reagan Library, Simi Valley, California. Dinner and dancing to follow. Black-tie attire required.

In this version, the groom's parents are listed as the hosts, with the late father of the bride included on a separate line. This format ensures that the groom's parents are still recognised as hosts while also honouring the memory of the bride's late father.

If the groom's late father had a specific title or honour, this can also be included in the invitation. For example:

> Dr. Adam French (the late) and Mrs. Iris French request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter, Julia French, to Austin Mahoney, son of Mr. Camden and Elizabeth Mahoney, on the fifth of May, two thousand and seventeen, at one o'clock in the afternoon. The ceremony will be held at The Reagan Library in Simi Valley, California, followed by dinner and dancing. Black-tie attire is requested.

Ultimately, the decision to include the groom's late father's name is a personal one, and there is no obligation to do so. However, if you choose to include them, these examples can be a guide to help you navigate the wording with sensitivity and grace.

Be mindful of the invitation's wording

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, the wording can be tricky, especially when a parent is deceased. Here are some guidelines and examples to help you navigate this situation sensitively and effectively:

Be Mindful of the Invitation Wording

The key consideration when addressing wedding invitations with a deceased parent is to avoid implying that the deceased parent is hosting the event. While some sources suggest that deceased parents should not be listed on the invitations at all, others offer flexible solutions that honour the memory of the departed without suggesting they are hosting. Here are some options to explore:

• Traditional Wording: This approach maintains the formal structure of traditional wedding invitations while acknowledging the deceased parent. For example: "The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Jennifer Drake, daughter of John Drake and the late Barbara Drake, to Brian Connors, son of Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Connors." This format ensures clarity regarding who is hosting the event while still honouring the memory of the deceased parent.
• Inclusive Wording: If you prefer a more inclusive approach, you can opt for wording that mentions both sets of parents without explicitly stating who is hosting. For instance: "Together with their families, Jennifer Drake, daughter of John Drake and the late Barbara Drake, and Brian Connors, son of Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Connors, request the honour of your presence at their marriage." This phrasing invites everyone to celebrate together while respectfully including the deceased parent.
• Honouring Without Listing: Instead of listing the deceased parent on the invitation, you can choose to honour their memory through other meaningful gestures. For example, you might carry or wear a possession of your loved one, such as a piece of jewellery or a photo charm attached to your bouquet. Alternatively, you can display a small table of photos dedicated to your departed parent at the wedding reception or include a note mentioning them in the wedding program. These actions convey your love and remembrance without altering the invitation wording.
• Step-parents and Blended Families: If you have a step-parent or blended family, you can include them on the invitation while still honouring your deceased parent. For instance: "Moira and Alistair Schiller request the honour of your presence at the marriage of her and the late Porter Blackman's daughter." This phrasing acknowledges both your step-parent and your biological parent respectfully.
• Divorced or Separated Parents: When dealing with divorced or separated parents, it's essential to list them separately on the invitation. You can use titles such as "Ms." or "Mr." followed by their names. For example: "Mrs. Bride's Mom & the late Mr. Bride's Dad and Ms. Groom's Mom & Mr. Groom's Dad." This format ensures that all parents are acknowledged while maintaining clarity about the hosting arrangements.
• Multiple Deceased Relatives: If you have multiple deceased relatives, including grandparents, you can still find a way to honour them on your invitation. Start with the living relatives who are hosting, followed by the bride's family, and then the groom's family. For example: "Mr. David Smith and Ms. Susan Jones, and Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Smith (grandparents) request the honour of your presence at the marriage of Andrea Wynnfield, daughter of the late Mrs. Ann Blake and Mr. John Blake, and the late Mr. Eric Wynnfield (bride's father), to Robert Joseph Smith, son of Mr. and Mrs. Connors."

Remember, the most important consideration is to follow your heart and honour your loved ones in a way that feels right to you. These suggestions provide a framework, but you can adapt them to fit your unique family dynamics and preferences. Your guests will undoubtedly appreciate your thoughtful gestures and the sentiment behind them.

Avoid implying the late father is hosting

When addressing a wedding invitation and the groom's father has passed away, it's important to be mindful of the wording to avoid implying that the late father is hosting the event. Here are some guidelines and examples to help you navigate this sensitive topic:

• It is generally not appropriate to include the name of a deceased person as if they are hosting the wedding. This is because the traditional wording implies that the hosts are requesting the guests' presence at the wedding.
• Instead of having the late father's name at the top of the invitation, you can include the groom's mother's name as the host, followed by a mention of the late father. For example: "Mrs. Hannah Fullerton and the late Andrew Fullerton request your presence at the marriage of their children."
• Another option is to omit the hosting section entirely and simply mention the late father in a different context. For instance, you can refer to the groom as "son of Mrs. Jane Smith and the late John Smith."
• If the groom's mother is also deceased, you can further adapt the wording. For example: "At the marriage of their son/daughter, John Jay Doe, son of the late Jane and John Smith." This way, you avoid any implication of hosting by the late parents.
• In cases where the groom is an orphan, you can choose to omit any mention of parents altogether or include a step-parent and a deceased parent. For example: "Moira and Alistair Schiller request your presence at the marriage of her and the late Porter Blackman's daughter."
• Ultimately, the decision on how to word the invitations rests with the couple. Some couples may choose to include the late father's name regardless of traditional etiquette, feeling that it is more important to honour the memory of the deceased parent.
• It is also worth noting that less formal invitations may provide more flexibility with wording and allow for greater personalisation.

Honour the late father with a tribute, poem or reading

Honouring a deceased parent or loved one at a wedding is a thoughtful way to remember them on a special day. Here are some ideas for tributes, poems, or readings to pay homage to the late father of the groom:

Wedding Invitations

The wedding invitation is one way to honour the memory of the late father of the groom. Here is some wording that could be used:

"Mrs. Hannah Fullerton and the late Mr. Andrew Fullerton

Request the honour of your presence

At the marriage of their children

[name of couple]

On [date, time, and location]"

Wedding Speeches

The wedding speech is a common way to pay tribute to a deceased loved one. Here are some ideas for tributes, poems, or readings:

• Read a poem of remembrance. Poetry can help express feelings and experiences. You could read a self-written poem, a modern poem, or a classic poem.
• Offer a toast to the late father and encourage guests to raise their glasses in his honour. Consider toasting with his favourite drink.
• Read a letter from the late father to the groom or write a letter to the late father yourself.
• Hold a moment of silence to remember the late father.
• Say a prayer or share a meaningful quote, such as something from a TV show, movie, book, or religious text.

Wedding Ceremony

The wedding ceremony provides several opportunities to honour the memory of the late father. Here are some ideas:

• Leave an open seat in the front row for the late father.
• Light a memorial candle in his honour.
• Write a tribute or mention his name in the wedding program.
• The groom can carry a memento of the late father, such as his handkerchief, in his pocket.
• Mention the late father's name during the ceremony. Speak to the officiant beforehand to discuss quotes, passages, or other tributes.

Wedding Reception

The wedding reception is another opportunity to celebrate the memory of the late father. Here are some ideas:

• Play the late father's favourite song during the reception.
• During the father-son dance, the groom can dance with a trusted loved one, such as an uncle, family friend, or sibling, and share favourite memories of the late father.
• Create a memorial slideshow or presentation with photos and videos of the late father.

Display photos at the reception

While the wedding invitation is a tricky situation, there are several ways to honour the deceased during the wedding. Here are some ideas for displaying photos at the reception:

• Set up a memorial table: Bring framed photographs and memorabilia from your parent's lifetime and display them on a small table at the reception for guests to view.
• Reserved seat: Save a seat for your parent with a framed photograph of them. You can also lay a single flower from your bouquet on the chair.
• Display flowers: If your parent had a favourite type of flower, include them in your decorations by placing them at the altar or reception.
• Photo collage: Create a collage of photos of your parent and display it on a large board at the reception.
• Slideshow: Put together a slideshow of photos and play it during the reception. You can also add music and videos to make it more personal.

Remember, you can also honour the deceased in other ways, such as including a tribute in the wedding program, reciting a poem or reading in their memory, or playing a meaningful song at the reception.

Frequently asked questions