Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Mom's Name Placement

Wedding invitation etiquette has evolved to accommodate modern relationships and dynamics, but traditional invitations follow a specific format. In the past, the bride's parents were the hosts and financiers of the wedding, so their names would appear first on the invitation, followed by the bride's name and then the groom's full name. However, today, couples have more freedom to choose whose name appears first, especially if they are hosting the wedding themselves. While there is no definite rule, the bride's name often comes first, influenced by past traditions and the social norm of ladies first.

Same-sex couples: alphabetical order or personal preference

For same-sex couples, the traditional rules of whose name comes first on a wedding invitation are not needed and often not wanted. As a result, same-sex couples have two options: place names in alphabetical order or choose the order based on which sounds the best. Alphabetical order provides structure and makes the invitation easily readable. It is also a neutral way to write the invitation, avoiding any potential arguments about whose name should come first.

If the couple is not married, it is best to address each person individually with the appropriate title. Write each name on a separate line, just as you would with an unmarried opposite-sex couple. The order of the names is usually not an issue, but if in doubt, arrange them alphabetically. If the couple has the same last name, you can write, for example, "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith" or "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams".

If the couple is married, write both names on the same line, separated by "and". You can include titles for each person, for example, "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith" or "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams". Again, alphabetical order is a good option if you're unsure which name should come first.

When addressing a same-sex couple, it is always a good idea to consider asking the couple for their preferred format. They will likely appreciate being asked, and it ensures that you use the correct form of address.

Who is hosting/paying for the wedding?

The wording on a wedding invitation is often dictated by who is hosting and/or paying for the wedding. Traditionally, the bride's family bore the majority of the costs and were therefore named as the hosts. However, this tradition is now considered outdated, as modern weddings are often funded by multiple parties, including the couple themselves.

When it comes to determining who is hosting the wedding, it's important to understand that hosting involves more than just financial contributions. The host is usually responsible for making decisions, greeting guests, selecting vendors, handling any issues that arise, and generally ensuring that everything runs smoothly. In some cases, the venue may also consider the host to be their main point of contact.

If the couple is paying for and planning the wedding themselves, they are considered the hosts and can choose to include a phrase like "together with their families" on the invitation to honour their parents' contributions. This option is especially useful for avoiding drama and offending anyone.

On the other hand, if one set of parents is contributing a significant amount or covering the entire cost of the wedding, they are typically named as the hosts on the invitation. For example, if the bride's parents are hosting, the invitation might begin with "Mrs. and Mr. Smith invite you to celebrate the marriage of their daughter, Julia, to Mark Robert Jones."

In cases where both sets of parents are contributing equally, it has become more common to include both their names on the invitation, either at the beginning or with a short statement like "Together with their families, Jane and Jack invite you to celebrate their love and union." This approach is considered more polite and considerate, acknowledging the support of all the parents.

What are you and your partner usually known as?

When it comes to wedding invitations, tradition usually dictates that the bride's parents are named first, as they are considered the hosts of the wedding. This is followed by the groom's parents, and then the couple getting married. However, modern times have seen a shift towards including both sets of parents to acknowledge their contributions, or even a simple statement about the couple celebrating their union together.

Now, when it comes to what you and your partner are usually called, there are a few options that reflect the nature of your relationship. The choice of terminology is influenced by factors such as gender equality, inclusivity, and the level of commitment. Here are some commonly used terms:

• Partner: This term has gained popularity due to its gender-neutral nature and avoidance of traditional gender roles associated with words like "boyfriend" and "girlfriend". It conveys a sense of equality and collaboration in the relationship. The term "partner" is also inclusive of queer individuals and non-binary people, as it does not carry the binary gender implications of other terms.
• Boyfriend/Girlfriend: These terms are often used during the initial stages of a relationship and may not reflect the depth of a long-term, committed partnership. They are typically associated with younger couples and might not convey the seriousness of a relationship.
• Husband/Wife: These terms are steeped in historical and cultural baggage, with "husband" originally meaning "master of the house". They imply a level of commitment and are often used by married couples. However, some individuals might prefer more modern and egalitarian terms.
• Significant Other (SO): While this term conveys seriousness and commitment, it has been criticised for implying that an individual only has one significant relationship in their life, potentially minimising the importance of other meaningful connections like family and friends.
• Other terms: In polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships, a variety of terms are used to describe different dynamics. These include metamour (your partner's other partner), anchor partner (a partner with whom you are deeply enmeshed or who emotionally grounds you), and nesting partner (a live-in partner).

Ultimately, the choice of what to call your partner is a personal one. Consider the level of commitment, your comfort with various terms, and the societal implications of each label. Choose the words that feel natural, comfortable, and reflective of the nature of your relationship.

What looks and fits best in the invitation design?

Wedding invitations come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and styles. The design you choose should reflect the overall personality of your wedding celebration, giving guests a hint of the palette, design, and activities they can expect.

If you're looking for a simple and elegant design, rectangular invitations are a great choice. These usually consist of a single sheet of paper, with text, graphics, or a QR code on the front and back. For a little added flair, you can opt for shaped invitations with curved or flared sides, or rounded corners for a soft, romantic look. Pocket invitations are another sophisticated option, featuring a nested design that reveals your wedding details and a pocket for enclosures when opened. All-in-one invitations are also available, where the envelope itself unfolds to reveal the invitation inside.

When it comes to fonts, there are thousands of options to choose from. Consider whether the font adds to or takes away from your wedding theme, and always prioritize legibility. Some fonts may look appealing but can be difficult to read, especially highly scripted or thin fonts. You can also use accent fonts to highlight important information, such as names and dates.

• Embrace customization: Experiment with the invitation template by changing colors, graphics, and text blocks to make it truly yours.
• Timing is key: Start browsing invitation designs 8-9 months before your wedding, and aim to mail the invitations 2-3 months before the big day.
• Perfect your wording: Include essential information such as names, wedding date, time, and venue. You can also include a short statement, such as "Together with their families, [bride] and [groom] invite you to celebrate their love and union."
• Proofread carefully: Before sending your invitations for printing, proofread them multiple times and ask friends to do the same.
• Order extras: It's a good idea to order a few extra invitations and envelopes in case of mistakes, spills, or last-minute guest list additions.

Remember, your wedding invitation is the first step in making your dream wedding a reality, so choose a design that truly reflects your style and don't be afraid to get creative!

Divorced and remarried parents

Wedding Invitation Etiquette for Divorced and Remarried Parents

Wedding invitation wording can be tricky, especially when dealing with divorced and remarried parents. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this situation:

Listing Parents' Names

The basic rule of thumb is to tread lightly and avoid causing any unnecessary drama. It is generally advisable to list your biological parents' names only and on separate lines. This approach respects the traditional hosting role of the bride's parents while also acknowledging the contribution of both parents.

Honouring Remarried Parents

If one or both of your parents have remarried and you have a good relationship with your stepparent(s), it is appropriate to include their names on the invitation. List the parent and their spouse on the same line, with the parent's name appearing first. This acknowledges their role in your life without taking away from the primary focus on your biological parents.

Handling Complex Family Dynamics

In situations where one parent has remarried and the other has not, or if one parent is hosting the wedding alone, you can adjust the wording accordingly. For example, you can list the hosting parent and their spouse as "Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]" or use a phrase like "Michelle & Timothy Wright" to indicate their joint hosting role.

Emphasizing Unity and Inclusion

If you have multiple sets of parents due to remarriage, you can opt for a more inclusive approach. Use phrases like "Together with their families" or "Together with their parents" to convey that all parties are jointly hosting the event. This approach reduces clutter on the invitation and avoids any potential hurt feelings.

Recognizing Non-Financial Contributions

While it is customary to list the hosting parties on the invitation, you may want to recognize a parent who is not financially contributing but is still supportive. Consider including a separate line for them or adding a special mention, such as "with gratitude to [Parent's Name] for their love and support."

Customization and Flexibility

Ultimately, the wording of your wedding invitations should reflect your unique family dynamics and relationships. Feel free to adapt the suggestions above to fit your specific circumstances. You can also reach out to your parents and stepparents to gauge their preferences and comfort levels with different wording options.

Remember, the most important aspect is to honour your loved ones and express your joy in inviting them to share your special day.

Frequently asked questions