The History Of The Term 'Best Man

The role of the best man at a wedding is steeped in history and tradition. The term best man is believed to have originated from the medieval tradition of selecting the most skilled swordsman to protect the groom and safeguard the bride. In modern times, the best man is typically the groom's closest friend or relative, chosen to provide support, assistance and emotional comfort throughout the wedding process. But how did this tradition begin and what responsibilities did the best man of old have to fulfil?

The best man's role in kidnapping the bride

The role of the best man has evolved over the years, and while today he is the groom's chief assistant, in the past, his role was quite different.

The tradition of the best man is thought to have originated in Medieval Germany, where women were subject to strict cultural norms and were often forcibly kept at home. In this era, the best man played a role in assisting the groom in capturing his bride. This was particularly common when there was a shortage of eligible women in a community, and men would have to seek out a bride from a neighbouring community. The best man would accompany the groom on this mission, and they would be well-armed in case the bride's family attempted to recapture her.

In pre-medieval times, the best man stood beside the bride at the altar to protect her during the wedding ceremony. This was because, in the Anglo-Saxon days of Great Britain, marriages were often arranged, and if the bride's family did not approve of the groom, they might try to kidnap her back. The groom would stand to the right of the bride so that he could quickly draw his sword to defend his position. The best man would stand on the bride's other side, guarding her until the vows were completed.

In some cultures, the best man's role in kidnapping the bride continued into more modern times. In Ukraine, for example, it was customary for the bride to be "kidnapped" or to have her shoe stolen during the wedding festivities. The groom or best man would then have to pay a ransom to return the bride, usually in the form of money given to the bride. However, this custom is less common nowadays due to frequent conflicts over the expected sum of money.

The evolution of the best man's duties

The role of the best man has evolved significantly over time, adapting to changing societal norms while retaining the underlying importance of having a trusted confidant by the groom's side. Here is an overview of the evolution of the best man's duties:

Medieval Times and Ancient History:

In medieval times, the best man was chosen based on his fighting skills and strength, often serving as protection for the groom and helping him "capture" or kidnap the bride if her family did not approve of the marriage. This tradition has been linked to Germanic Goths (16th century) and earlier Gothic Germany (0-200 AD), where it was customary for men to marry women from within their community. The best man stood next to the bride during the ceremony to prevent anyone from interrupting and played a crucial role in safeguarding the bride and groom, even after the ceremony by standing guard outside their home.

Evolution in Responsibilities:

Over time, the role of the best man shifted from physical protection to emotional and practical support for the groom. The best man became the groom's closest friend or relative, chosen for their reliability and trustworthiness. They assist the groom in navigating the complexities of getting married, providing support and helping with wedding preparations. The best man also took on responsibilities such as organizing the bachelor party and ensuring a smooth wedding day.

Modern Times:

In modern weddings, the best man's duties have become more civilized and varied depending on the couple's preferences. They continue to provide emotional support, help with nerves, and ensure the groom doesn't overindulge the night before. The best man also typically holds the rings, acts as a witness during the signing of the marriage certificate, and delivers a speech at the reception. Additionally, they play a key role in capturing memorable photographs with the groom, reflecting their cherished friendship.

Alternative Terminology:

While the term "best man" is commonly used in Western weddings, alternative gender-neutral terms have been proposed to promote inclusivity. Some alternatives include "groom's honor attendant," "groom's supporter," "man of honor," or "chief groomsman." These terms aim to capture the essence of the role while accommodating diverse gender identities.

The significance of the title best man

The title "best man" holds a significant meaning in weddings, and its origins can be traced back to medieval traditions. Here is an exploration of the significance of the title:

Historical Roots and Symbolism

The role of the best man is deeply rooted in history, dating back to medieval times when the groom selected the most skilled swordsman as his "best man" to protect him during the wedding ceremony. The title itself signifies the chosen individual's reliability, loyalty, and fighting prowess, as they were tasked with safeguarding the groom and ensuring the success of the wedding. This tradition reflects the importance of trust and friendship in the groom's life during this important event.

Modern Significance

In modern weddings, the role of the best man has evolved to become a position of honor and support for the groom. The title carries a special significance, symbolizing the close bond, friendship, and trust between the groom and his chosen companion. The best man is typically a close friend or family member, selected by the groom to be his right-hand man and provide emotional support throughout the wedding preparations and the big day itself. The best man's responsibilities often include organizing the bachelor party, giving a speech at the reception, and ensuring the groom's needs are met.

Adaptability and Inclusivity

While the role of the best man has traditionally been associated with male individuals, modern society calls for inclusivity and the need to expand this title to include non-binary individuals. By embracing gender-neutral alternatives, weddings can become more inclusive and accommodating, fostering a society that celebrates and respects the uniqueness of every individual.

Cultural Variations

It is worth noting that the title "best man" varies across different cultures and regions, reflecting their unique perspectives on this role. Some cultures may use alternative names such as "groom's honor attendant" or "chief groomsman," showcasing the diversity and richness of wedding traditions worldwide.

Historical Context

The historical context of the "best man" title is important to understand. In the past, the best man's role extended beyond mere support for the groom. In certain cultures and time periods, the best man was responsible for helping the groom obtain the bride, whether by preventing her from running away or even participating in the kidnapping of the bride from a reluctant family. This practice, which has its roots in Gothic Germany and 16th-century Britain, was often a result of the lack of eligible brides within the community and the need to seek brides from neighboring communities.

In conclusion, the title "best man" holds a significant meaning in weddings, symbolizing friendship, trust, and support. While the specific duties have evolved over time to adapt to changing societal norms, the underlying importance of this role remains constant, showcasing the cherished bond between the groom and his chosen companion.

The history of the best man tradition in the UK

The role of the best man is believed to have originated in Medieval Germany, or even earlier, when the "best man" was chosen for his fighting skills and strength. The tradition was for the groom to choose a "best man" to help him capture his bride-to-be, often from a neighbouring community, if she was in short supply locally. The best man would help the groom forcefully take his bride-to-be, or even kidnap her, if her family did not approve of the marriage.

The best man and his entourage would be heavily armed and stay by the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony to fend off any attackers. This is why it is traditional for men to wear swords to weddings in the UK. The groom would stand to the right of the bride at the altar so his sword could be drawn quickly to defend his position in marriage. The best man would stand on the bride's other side until the vows had been completed, protecting her from her own family.

The earliest surviving written use of the term "best man" comes from 1782. It was observed that the "best man and best maid" in the Scottish dialect were equivalent to "bride-man and bride-maid" in England.

Today, the best man is usually a close friend or family member of the groom, chosen to support him through the wedding process. His duties may include planning the bachelor party, holding the rings, acting as a witness, and making a speech.

The best man's role in modern weddings

The role of the best man has evolved over time, and in modern weddings, the best man's duties are varied and important. The best man is usually a close friend or relative of the groom and is often the groom's equivalent of the maid of honour. The role can be given to anyone the couple feels comfortable with, including a grandparent, child, or even two special people sharing the title. The best man's role is not restricted to men, and in modern weddings, it is becoming more common for couples to break away from traditional gender roles. The best man can be a best woman, bridesman, or any other title the couple prefers.

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and is responsible for supporting the groom throughout the planning process and on the wedding day. In the lead-up to the wedding, the best man may help the groom with planning and administrative tasks, such as organising the stag do or bachelor party, booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules. The best man also helps to choose the groomsmen's attire and may be asked to keep the wedding rings safe before the ceremony.

On the wedding day, the best man has several important duties. The best man traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and stands closest to the groom at the altar. The best man may also be responsible for greeting guests with the groom, escorting the maid of honour out of the ceremony, and standing in the receiving line at the wedding reception. One of the most important duties of the best man is to deliver a speech during the reception, offering sincere well-wishes to the newlyweds and sharing light-hearted anecdotes about the groom. The best man may also be asked to act as the master of ceremonies, announcing key moments such as the couple's arrival and the cutting of the cake.

After the wedding, the best man may be asked to help with tasks such as returning hired items, taking care of wedding gifts, and ensuring that vendors are tipped and paid. Overall, the best man plays a crucial role in modern weddings, providing support, guidance, and assistance to the groom throughout the entire process.

Frequently asked questions