Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Bringing A Plus One

When it comes to wedding invitations, the big question is often whether guests are allowed to bring a plus one. While there are no set rules, wedding etiquette suggests that certain guests should receive a plus one, such as members of the couple's immediate family, wedding party members, and outlier guests who won't know many people at the event. It's also common to extend plus-one invitations to those in serious or long-term relationships, especially if the couple doesn't know the primary guest's partner well. Ultimately, the decision depends on the couple's budget, venue capacity, and their vision for their special day.

Who gets a plus-one?

Deciding who gets a plus-one at your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

• Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests: Traditionally, spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest receive a plus-one. This is considered common wedding etiquette and acknowledges the commitment of the couple, even if you haven't met the spouse or they aren't your favourite person.
• Bridal Party: It is customary to offer a plus-one to everyone in the bridal party. This is a token of appreciation for their efforts and support and ensures a happy wedding party.
• Close Family Members: Family plus-ones can be considered on a case-by-case basis. If you have a large family, your relatives may already know plenty of people at the wedding, reducing the need for a plus-one.
• Guests in Serious Relationships: If your guests are in serious relationships, it is considerate to offer a plus-one, even if you haven't met their partner. This includes long-term relationships and couples who live together.
• Close Friends: Your closest friends should ideally have a 'buddy' or the opportunity to bring someone to share the experience with.
• Guests Who Are Casually Dating: You don't need to prioritise plus-ones for guests who are casually dating or tend to have a new partner every few months. However, if your budget allows, you can offer a last-minute plus-one.
• Single Guests Who Know Other Guests: If a single guest will know other people at the wedding, they may not need a plus-one. However, you can still offer one if you wish.

Additional Considerations:

• Be Consistent: Establish clear and consistent 'rules' for offering plus-ones to avoid any hint of favouritism. For example, if one person in the wedding party gets a plus-one, everyone in the wedding party should.
• Budget and Space Constraints: Remember to consider your budget and venue capacity when deciding on plus-ones. If you can't offer a plus-one to everyone, set clear criteria, such as prioritising serious relationships.
• Communication is Key: Be prepared for guests to ask about bringing a plus-one. Communicate your decisions clearly and kindly, and be open to learning more about their relationships.
• Seating Arrangements: When creating your seating plan, be mindful of solo guests. Avoid seating them between couples, especially those prone to PDA! Instead, seat them with friendly couples they can mingle with.

Wording the invitation

The wording of your wedding invitation is important as it provides essential details such as the couple's full names, who's hosting, the ceremony location, and the reception venue. It also sets the tone for the level of formality of the event. Here are some tips and examples to help you with the wording:

Host Line

The opening line of a wedding invitation usually names the hosts of the event, typically the parents of the bride or both sets of parents. If multiple parties are hosting and you want to maintain a formal tone, you can include their names. If the couple is hosting themselves, this line can be omitted. Here are some examples:

• "Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their son Jack Alexander to Mason Jacob Kim"
• "Together with their families, Olivia Rose Smith and John Michael Reyes, along with their parents Kenzie M. Smith, Jennifer L. Smith, Mark Franklin, and Mary Elizabeth Reyes, request the honor of your presence at their wedding"

Attendance Request

This is where you let your guests know exactly what they are being invited to. You can use this section to set the tone for your celebration. Here are some options:

• "The pleasure of your company is requested"
• "Invite you to celebrate with them"
• "Would love for you to join them"

Couple's Names

Traditionally, the bride's name is listed first, followed by the groom's name. However, for same-sex couples, you can choose to list the names alphabetically or based on what looks best with the invitation design. If the bride's parents' names are listed at the top, the bride's name can be just her first and middle name, without the last name. Here are some examples:

• "Jack Alexander Smith and Mason Jacob Kim cordially invite you to their wedding"
• "Olivia Rose and John Michael request your presence at their union"

Date and Time

For formal wedding invitations, the date and time are usually spelled out in full. For modern or casual invitations, you can use numerical figures. Be sure to use a legible font to avoid confusion. Here are some examples:

• "Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four at half after four in the afternoon"
• "Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 p.m."

Location

Include the name and full street address of your wedding venue, including the city, state, and zip code. If your wedding is abroad, provide the country as well. The venue's street address is usually only included if it is a private residence or if omitting it would cause confusion. Here's an example:

" [Venue name], [Address], [City], [State], [Zip code]"

Reception Details

If the ceremony and reception are at the same venue, you can simply state "Reception to follow." If the reception is at a different location, you can include the full address on a separate details card tucked into the invitation. Here are some options:

• "Dinner and dancing to follow at [reception venue name and address]"
• "Join us after the ceremony for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres at [reception venue name and address]"

Dress Code (Optional)

Including dress code information is not compulsory but can be helpful for your guests. You can mention it in the lower corner or bottom center of the invitation or on a separate details card. Here are some examples:

• "Black-tie"
• "Cocktail attire"
• "Beach casual"

Managing expectations

When it comes to wedding plus-ones, it's important to manage your guests' expectations to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings. Here are some tips to help you navigate this aspect of wedding planning:

Be Clear and Consistent

When granting plus-ones, it's essential to be clear and consistent. If you offer a plus-one to one person in a particular category, such as the wedding party, it's polite to extend the same courtesy to everyone in that group. This avoids any perception of favouritism.

Consider Your Guests' Needs

Think about your guests' needs and comfort. For example, members of the immediate family, the wedding party, and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees often appreciate the option of bringing a plus-one.

Define "Plus-One"

It's important to understand that a "plus-one" typically refers to a date or romantic interest. However, it could also be a family member escorting an older guest or a friend attending with a single person. Be mindful of this when deciding on your guest list and granting plus-ones.

Address Invitations Properly

The traditional way to indicate a plus-one on an invitation is to write the guest's name followed by "and guest." This can be done on the outer envelope or on the inner envelope, along with the primary guest's name. If you know the name of the plus-one, it's polite to include it on the invitation and other wedding stationery.

Be Mindful of Seating Arrangements

When creating your seating plan, be mindful of solo guests. Avoid seating them between couples, as this can be awkward. Instead, place them next to friendly, outgoing couples they might get along with to create a communal feel.

Prepare for Questions

Be prepared for guests to ask about bringing a plus-one if they haven't been offered one. Have a kind and consistent response ready, such as explaining your budget constraints or venue limitations. It's best to communicate this over the phone or in person, rather than via email.

Be Proactive

Make managing your guest list a priority. Get the names of all guests, including plus-ones, for seating arrangements and place cards. Also, be mindful of potential guest list categories, such as an "A" list of must-invite guests and a "B" list of guests you'd like to include if possible.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-ones, and every wedding is unique. These tips will help you navigate this aspect of wedding planning and ensure your guests' expectations are managed effectively.

Seating arrangements

• Creating a seating plan that ensures a comfortable dynamic for solo guests is essential. It can be awkward for singles to be seated between a married couple or a PDA-heavy pair.
• Avoid creating a “singles-only” table, as it may give the impression that you are segregating your single friends. Instead, place them between outgoing and friendly couples they are likely to get along with. This will create a more communal feel and allow for organic interactions.
• When drafting your seating plan, take personalities and relationships into account to avoid unwanted drama at the reception. Seat guests or plus-ones away from others with whom they may have issues.
• If you have a guest who won't know many other attendees, consider allowing them a plus-one so they have a familiar face at their table.
• Use your seating plan as a tool to manage your guest list. Create a mock seating chart or use an online seating chart tool to visualise how many guests you can accommodate and how plus-ones might fit into the mix.
• If you are unable to accommodate plus-ones due to budget or space constraints, be upfront and honest with your guests. It's your special day, and you don't need to feel bad about your decisions.
• If you have a small venue, be transparent with your guests about the limitations and manage their expectations.
• When addressing your invitations, be clear about who is invited to avoid confusion. Traditional wedding invitations often have an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient, and the inner envelope lists all the names of those invited, including plus-ones.
• For modern invitations with a single envelope or online format, clearly address all invitees upfront. If a couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you're allowing a casual plus-one, write your friend's name followed by "and guest."

Cost implications

When it comes to weddings, costs can quickly add up, and the number of guests can have a significant impact on the overall expense. The per-person cost for catering, for example, can range from $50 to $200 per guest, and that's without taking into account other expenses such as venue setup fees, drinks, and wedding favours. So, when it comes to plus-ones, there are a few cost implications to consider.

Firstly, there's the additional expense of another mouth to feed and seat. This can be particularly costly if the couple has chosen a formal plated dinner, which tends to be more expensive than a buffet-style reception. There may also be additional costs for drinks, wedding favours, and even the setup of extra chairs and tables. These costs can quickly add up, especially if multiple guests bring plus-ones.

Secondly, there's the potential cost of last-minute changes. If a guest decides to bring a plus-one at the last minute, it can lead to unexpected expenses for the couple. This is especially true if the couple has to order additional invitations, adjust their seating chart, or incur extra fees from the venue for accommodating an additional guest.

Thirdly, there's the cost of the gift. While it's not mandatory to bring a gift that covers the cost of your plate, it is customary to bring a gift that reflects the number of guests. So, if a plus-one is brought, it's generally expected that the gift will be more substantial to account for the additional person.

Lastly, there's the potential cost of returning the favour. While it's not mandatory to reciprocate the plus-one invitation, it can be seen as a courteous gesture. This could mean that the couple may need to accommodate additional guests at their own wedding or event, incurring similar costs.

It's important to note that the cost implications of plus-ones may vary depending on the couple's budget, venue, and guest list. Some couples may have the flexibility to accommodate plus-ones without incurring significant expenses, while others may need to be more selective due to budget constraints. Ultimately, the decision to offer plus-ones should be made with consideration for both the guests' comfort and the couple's financial limitations.

Frequently asked questions