Who Gets A Plus One? Wedding Guest List Woes

Wedding planning can be stressful, especially when it comes to creating the guest list. One of the toughest issues pertaining to the guest list is whether to invite all spouses or significant others. While it is generally considered good etiquette to invite spouses and long-term partners, there may be situations where this is not possible or advisable. For example, if you are on a tight budget or have a limited venue capacity, you may need to prioritize which spouses to invite. It is also important to consider the dynamics of your wedding party and whether the presence of a particular spouse or partner may cause discomfort or disruption. Ultimately, the decision on whether to invite all spouses to a wedding rests with the couple, taking into account their unique circumstances and preferences.

Married couples

When it comes to wedding guest lists, it's easy to become confused. The general guideline is that if someone is married, engaged, living with, or seeing someone exclusively for more than a few months, they should be invited with their significant other. This is true even if you are much closer to one half of the couple than the other, or if you've never met the spouse before. This is because a wedding is a celebration of a couple's love, and it would be disrespectful to tell a guest, "come celebrate our relationship while we choose to not acknowledge yours".

However, there are exceptions to this rule. If you know that a guest's significant other might behave inappropriately, they should not be invited. In this case, it is your responsibility to communicate this to the partner who is getting an invite. If a couple has recently gotten back together, it is also acceptable to ask your friend how they would prefer the invitation to be addressed.

If you are inviting a married couple, the invitation should be addressed to both of them, and you should expect them both to come. If you are only inviting one half of a married couple, it is considered rude to put only one name on the envelope.

Long-term relationships

When it comes to long-term relationships, the general guideline is that if a couple is married, engaged, living together, or in a committed relationship, they should be invited to a wedding together. This is considered the polite and elegant way to handle invitations, and it is good etiquette to address the invitation to both partners.

There are, however, some exceptions to this rule. If a couple has a very complicated or challenging relationship dynamic, and you are aware that one partner might behave inappropriately, it is acceptable to exclude that person from the invitation. In such cases, it is important to communicate this decision clearly to the partner who is invited.

Additionally, if a couple has recently reunited after a separation, it is advisable to ask your friend how they would like the invitation addressed and if they would like to include their partner. It is essential to set a deadline for this decision to ensure it aligns with your planning schedule.

For guests who are not married or living together but have been in a long-term relationship for several months, the etiquette is less clear-cut. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels suggests including their partners unless budget constraints or a large guest list are concerns. On the other hand, wedding expert April Masini recommends always inviting the partner in this situation, unless there are specific reasons not to, such as a limited budget or doubts about the seriousness of the relationship.

When it comes to plus-ones for guests outside the bridal party, it is essential to maintain consistency. If you allow one single guest to bring a casual date or friend, it is courteous to extend the same privilege to all single guests to avoid hurt feelings. However, if budget constraints are a factor, you may need to limit plus-ones to only those guests who are part of the bridal party as a token of appreciation for their efforts and support.

In conclusion, while there are no hard and fast rules, it is generally considered good etiquette to invite long-term partners to a wedding. Exceptions can be made in certain circumstances, but clear and timely communication with your guests about your decisions is crucial.

Budget and space

Set a Realistic Budget

First, you need to determine how much you can realistically spend on your wedding. Be honest about what you can afford, and factor in both daily expenses and foreseeable future costs. Setting a clear budget from the start will help you stay on track and avoid overspending.

Prioritize Your Guest List

Once you have a budget in mind, start by listing the people who are most important to you and your partner. These are the guests who bring joy to your life and will be excited to celebrate with you. Involve your parents or in-laws in this process, as they may have their own ideas, but don't feel obligated to invite people you don't know or rarely speak to.

Consider the Venue and Catering Costs

The size of your guest list will significantly impact your wedding expenses, especially when it comes to venue rental and catering costs. Compare different venues and their capacity limits to find one that aligns with your budget and guest list. Keep in mind that some venues have headcount minimums or per-head minimums, so choose one that suits your needs.

Account for Plus-Ones

When creating your guest list, consider whether you will allow plus-ones, especially for guests who are married, engaged, or living with their partners. It is generally considered good etiquette to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners. However, if budget and space are limited, you may need to be more selective.

Be Strategic with Invitations

If you're working with a tight budget or venue restrictions, consider sending out invitations in batches. Send the first batch to your priority guests and wait for their RSVPs before sending the next batch. This way, you can manage the number of guests within your budget and space constraints.

Don't Be Afraid to Pare Down

If you find that your guest list is exceeding your budget or venue capacity, don't be afraid to make cuts. It may be difficult, but paring down the guest list is one of the most effective ways to reduce costs. You can also consider not inviting children, as this can significantly reduce the number of guests.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who matter most to you. While guest list etiquette is important, ultimately, you and your partner should make decisions that align with your budget and priorities.

Etiquette

When it comes to wedding guest lists, it's easy to become confused, especially when it comes to plus-one etiquette. Here are some tips to consider when deciding whether to invite all spouses to your wedding:

Inviting Married Couples or Those in a Serious Relationship

It is generally considered good etiquette to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest to a wedding. This is true even if you have never met them or are not particularly close with them. Respecting their relationship and including them in your celebration is important. However, if you have a limited budget or venue capacity, you may need to carefully consider which spouses to invite.

Addressing Invitations

When addressing wedding invitations, it is common to include the names of both guests in a married or committed couple. This can be done on the outer envelope or on an inner envelope if using traditional invitations. For modern invitations, be sure to address all invitees clearly, listing both guests by their full names if they are in a relationship or using "and guest" if allowing a plus-one.

Special Considerations for the Wedding Party

It is generally recommended to offer a plus-one to members of the wedding party. This is a way to show appreciation for their efforts and support during the wedding planning process. However, this is not mandatory, and you can decide based on your relationship with the bridal party member and your budget constraints.

Dealing with Guest Requests for Plus-Ones

If guests who have not been offered a plus-one reach out to inquire about bringing one, it is advisable to handle these requests individually and with grace. Consider the nature of the guest's relationship and your logistical constraints, such as budget and venue capacity. Communicate your decision clearly and kindly, preferably over the phone or in person.

Creating a Comfortable Dynamic for Single Guests

When seating guests at the wedding, aim to create a comfortable dynamic for singles. Avoid placing them between married couples or overly affectionate pairs. Instead, seat them with outgoing and friendly couples they might enjoy meeting and chatting with.

Exceptions

While the general rule of thumb is to invite spouses, there are exceptions to this rule. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels suggests that if you wouldn't take that person out for a $300-plus meal, then they don't need a wedding invitation. Wedding expert Amber Harrison agrees, stating that weddings are expensive, and adding extra names may not be feasible for the couple's budget. In such cases, it's advisable to have a clear and easily explainable criterion, such as only allowing single attendants to bring an additional person.

If you're inviting co-workers, it's simpler to either invite all of them with their spouses or none at all. This is because weddings are romantic events, and it could be considered rude to invite only one half of a couple, disregarding their relationship. It could also lead to awkward conversations at work. However, if you have a large group of mutual friends, it may be acceptable to not invite spouses, as your friends will likely know other guests at the wedding.

If you're inviting friends, and you've never met their spouses, it's generally considered rude not to invite them. However, this can be tricky if you have a limited budget and venue capacity. In such cases, it's best to be consistent and only invite spouses of those friends who are in the wedding party or have a close relationship with the couple.

If you're inviting someone who is casually dating or has a new partner, you don't have to give them a plus-one, especially if you're trying to cut costs. You can decide later if you want to let them bring a guest when you send out the invitations, provided they are in a serious relationship by that time.

Frequently asked questions