Envelope Etiquette: Wedding Invitation Addressing Basics

Wedding invitation envelopes are often a source of confusion for couples, but they needn't be. The process is simple once you know the basic rules of thumb. Firstly, always use the complete, formal name of your guest. It's also worth noting that invitations are always addressed to both members of a married couple, even if you are closer to one half of the couple. For unmarried couples, list the person you are closest to first. When addressing a family with children, the outer envelope is reserved for the name(s) of the parent(s) or guardian(s), and children's names are listed on the inner envelope.

Married couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitation envelopes to married couples with the same last name, there are a few different approaches you can take, depending on your preference and level of formality. Here are some options to consider:

Formal Approach:

For a heterosexual couple, the traditional and formal approach is to use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For example:

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

If you want to include the wife's name, you can write:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

Informal Approach:

If you prefer a less traditional and more informal approach, you can remove the titles and use both spouses' first names followed by their shared last name. For example:

Outer envelope: "Thomas and Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Thomas and Michelle"

You can also choose to include titles such as "Mr." and "Mrs." with this informal approach if you prefer:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Mr. Thomas and Mrs. Michelle"

Modern Approach:

In modern times, some couples may prefer a more gender-neutral and inclusive approach. You can use "Mx." as a gender-neutral title or simply address them by their first and last names without any titles. For example:

Outer envelope: "Mx. Thomas Warren and Mx. Michelle Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle Warren"

Inner envelope: "Thomas and Michelle"

Remember, when addressing envelopes, it's essential to consider the couple's preferences and the level of formality you want to maintain. The examples provided are just guidelines, and you can adapt them to fit your specific needs and relationships.

Married couples with different last names

When addressing wedding invitation envelopes to married couples with different last names, there are a few different approaches you can take, depending on your preferred level of formality. Here are some detailed guidelines to help you navigate this etiquette:

Formal Approach:

For a formal invitation, the outer envelope should include the first name and full last name of each spouse, with the woman's name listed first. If the combined names are too long to fit on one line, list them separately. The inner envelope can be more concise, mentioning only the first name and last name initial or surname. Here's an example:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

Informal Approach:

If you prefer a more casual tone, you can simply use the first names of the couple, followed by their last names. In this case, you have the option to use only one line for both names or list them separately. Here's an example:

Outer envelope: "Maria Stevens and David Estevez" or "Maria Stevens / David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Maria and David"

Same-Sex Married Couples with Different Last Names:

For same-sex married couples with different last names, you can follow a similar approach as above. Include both first and last names, combined with "and" or "and/or." You can opt to add their desired prefixes (Mr., Mrs., Ms., etc.) for added formality. Here's an example:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Adam Johnson and Mr. Michael Rodriguez" or "Mr. Adam Johnson / Mr. Michael Rodriguez"

Inner envelope: "Adam and Michael" or "Mr. Johnson and Mr. Rodriguez"

Alphabetical Order:

If you are equally close to both spouses and are unsure of the name order, it is acceptable to arrange their names alphabetically by first name. This approach can be applied to both the formal and informal styles mentioned above.

Modern Alternatives:

If you want to move away from traditional title conventions, you can choose to omit titles altogether and use only the first and last names of the couple. This approach is more modern and flexible, allowing you to adapt it to your preferred level of formality.

Single people with plus ones

When addressing envelopes for wedding invitations, it's important to follow certain guidelines to ensure that your guests feel welcomed and respected. Here are some tips for addressing single people with plus ones:

Outer Envelope:

The outer envelope is the one that will be stamped and mailed, so it's important to get the addressing format correct. When addressing a single person with a plus one, use their preferred title, such as "Mr.", "Ms.", or "Mx.", followed by their full name. If they have a plus one, you can simply add "and Guest" after their name. For example:

"Mr. Tyler Morris and Guest"

Inner Envelope:

The inner envelope is optional and is placed inside the outer envelope. It includes the names of the invitees and contains the invitation itself. The inner envelope is more informal, so you have some flexibility. You can use titles and last names or just first names, especially if you are close with the invitee. For example:

"Tyler and Guest"

Contemporary vs Traditional:

It's worth noting that contemporary and traditional addressing formats differ. In a contemporary format, you would use the person's first and last name, followed by "and Guest". In a traditional format, you would use their title, last name, and "and Guest". For example:

Contemporary: "Lillie Ellis and Guest"

Traditional: "Miss Lillie Ellis and Guest"

Unknown Guest Name:

If you don't know the name of the plus one, it is acceptable to simply write "and Guest" after the invitee's name. Make sure to use their full name on the outer envelope and their first name on the inner envelope if you are close to them. For example:

Outer envelope: "Mr. Zachary Morris and Guest"

Inner envelope: "Zachary and Guest"

Etiquette Tips:

When addressing envelopes, it's important to be mindful of your guests' preferences. Avoid using nicknames or abbreviations, and always double-check their preferred titles and names. If you're unsure about their preferred title, it's better to forgo the title altogether. Additionally, when addressing a widowed or divorced woman, ask for their preferred title and last name.

Unmarried couples

When addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to indicate that the couple is not married by writing their names independently on two lines, without using the word "and". For example, you could address the outer envelope to "Mr. Aaron Triguiero" and "Mr. Gabriel Reyes", or "Ms. Alysson Schulz" and "Mr. Ricardo Gonzales". The inner envelope would then include the last names only, such as "Mr. Triguiero" and "Mr. Reyes", or "Ms. Schulz" and "Mr. Gonzales". If you are equally close to both guests, you can list their names in alphabetical order.

It is also worth noting that if the unmarried couple does not live together, they should receive separate invitations.

When it comes to titles, "Mr." is used for men over the age of 18, while "Ms." is used for women regardless of their marital status. "Miss" is typically used for unmarried women, usually those under the age of 18. However, these are old-fashioned rules, and you can choose to use whatever you prefer.

If you are inviting an unmarried couple with distinguished titles, the same rules apply as for married couples. The person with the highest rank or the one you are closest to should be listed first, unless they have the same rank, in which case alphabetical order is appropriate.

People with titles

When addressing wedding invitations to guests with distinguished titles, there are a few rules to follow. Firstly, it is proper etiquette to address them by their title on the envelope. This includes titles such as doctors, lawyers, judges, military personnel, rabbis, and members of the clergy.

If a couple has the same last name and one person is a doctor, list the doctor first, regardless of gender. You can choose to spell out "Doctor" or use the abbreviation "Dr." If the doctor is a woman and she has taken her husband's name, this can be reflected in the address:

> Doctor Michaela Quinn and Mr. Byron Sully

If both partners are doctors with the same last name, you can address their invite to the plural, non-abbreviated "Doctors" to be more formal. Traditionally, the woman's name comes first:

> Doctors Monica and Alan Quartermaine

If both partners are doctors with different last names, traditionally, the woman's name comes first, or you could list their names in alphabetical order:

> Dr. Meredith Grey and Dr. Derek Shepherd

For a couple with one doctor, the outer envelope could be addressed as follows:

> Dr. Quinn and Mr. Sully

If both parties have distinguished titles of equal rank, they can be listed in alphabetical order. If one title outranks the other, that person is named first, regardless of gender.

> Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy and Mrs. Jane Kelly

If both partners have military titles, their names can be listed in alphabetical order:

> Captains Jane and Jonathan Kelly, US Navy

For lawyers, use "Esq." after their name:

> Michelle Brown, Esq. and Mr. John Brown

For judges, use "The Honorable":

> The Honorable Gina Rodriguez and Mx. Alice Rodriguez

For members of the clergy, use "Reverend":

> The Reverend Richard Glass and Mrs. Rosina Glass

For rabbis, use "Rabbi":

> Rabbi and Mrs. Richard Glass

If both partners have distinguished titles, the higher-ranking title should come first, and if they are of the same rank, traditionally, the woman is listed first:

> Colonel Peter Jefferies and Reverend Margaret Jefferies

Frequently asked questions