Weddings: When You're Invited, What To Expect

Being invited to a wedding is always exciting, but it can also be a tricky situation to navigate. From understanding the different roles and responsibilities of the wedding party to deciding what to wear and how to RSVP, there's a lot to consider. One of the most challenging aspects of wedding planning is creating the guest list, and it can be difficult to decide who to invite, especially with budget and venue restrictions. It's important to remember that a wedding is a celebration of love and only those who are close to the couple should be included. This paragraph can be expanded upon to provide a comprehensive guide on what to do when you're invited to a wedding, covering everything from dress codes to gift-giving etiquette.

Evaluate the friendship

When evaluating a friendship in the context of a wedding invitation, it's important to consider the nature and depth of your connection. Ask yourself: How close are we? Have we grown apart or remained in touch? Have they been supportive of my relationship with my partner?

If the friend in question got married recently, within the last year or two, and your friendship has remained consistent, it's a thoughtful gesture to reciprocate and invite them to your wedding. It's a sign that you value their friendship and want to celebrate your own special day with them. On the other hand, if it's been several years since their wedding and you've drifted apart, there's less obligation to include them on your guest list. Instead, prioritize inviting those who are currently close to you and have been supportive of your relationship.

It's also worth considering the dynamics of your friend group. If the friend in question is part of your tight-knit circle, it's generally a good idea to extend an invitation, even if you're not extremely close on a personal level. This can help maintain harmony within your friend group and ensure that everyone feels included.

Practical considerations, such as venue capacity and budget, also come into play. If you have a small, intimate venue, it's understandable if you can't invite everyone you know. In such cases, focus on those you feel closest to and who have been a consistent presence in your life. Conversely, if you're hosting a larger, more casual celebration, you may have the flexibility to invite a broader range of friends, including those you haven't seen in a while.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy. While it can be challenging to narrow down the guest list, evaluating the nature of your friendships and considering practical factors can help guide your decisions.

Consider your budget and venue

When deciding who to invite to a wedding, it is important to consider your budget and venue. The number of guests you can invite will depend on the size of your venue and how much you can afford to spend on catering. Susan Norcross of The Styled Bride recommends allocating about half of your budget to the venue and catering. This will help you determine how many people you can invite.

If you have a specific venue in mind, you may need to limit the number of guests. For example, if you have your heart set on an intimate venue that only accommodates 150 people, you may need to cut down on the number of plus-ones or distant relatives you invite. On the other hand, if you have a large venue that can accommodate 250 people, you may be able to invite a broader range of guests, including coworkers, distant relatives, and friends you haven't seen in a while.

The type of wedding you are planning will also impact your guest list. A super-casual backyard wedding in your hometown may allow for a larger number of guests, while a more formal wedding in a small chapel may require a more limited guest list. Consider the capacity of your venue and whether you want a crowded or spacious event.

Additionally, your budget for catering will affect the number of guests you can invite. Catering costs can vary widely depending on the type of food and drink you choose, as well as the number of guests. If you are planning a sit-down dinner with an open bar, your costs per guest will be higher than if you opt for a buffet-style meal with a limited bar. Consider your catering options and whether you are willing to splurge on a larger guest list or prefer to keep it more intimate.

When deciding on your guest list, it is essential to prioritize. Make a list of your must-have guests, including close family and friends, and ensure they are at the top of your list. If you have room in your budget and venue capacity, you can then consider inviting additional guests, such as coworkers, distant relatives, or plus-ones for single guests. Remember, it is your special day, so only invite those who will bring you joy and help you celebrate your love.

Who to include in the invitation wording

The first line of your wedding invitations should declare who is hosting the wedding. This is traditionally the bride's parents, but can also be both sets of parents, or the couple themselves. Here are some examples:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Jennifer Lynn, to Joseph Adam Charles.

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, along with Mr. and Mrs. Richard Charles, and their families invite you to celebrate the marriage of Jennifer Lynn to Joseph Adam Charles.

> We invite you to witness and celebrate the marriage of Jennifer Lynn to Joseph Adam Charles.

If the bride's parents are hosting the wedding, but you would like to include the groom's parents, you can add a "son of" line after the groom's name.

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Jennifer Lynn, to Joseph Adam Charles, son of Mr. and Mrs. Richard Charles.

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, the invitation could be worded as follows:

> Jennifer Lynn and Joseph Adam Charles invite you to celebrate their marriage.

> Together with their families, Jennifer Lynn and Joseph Adam Charles invite you to witness and join their wedding celebration.

What to include in the invitation

There are several components to a wedding invitation suite. The invitation itself is the main component and is usually the largest piece. It contains the who, what, where, and when of the wedding.

• Host names: Include the names of the hosts, typically the people paying for the event. This could be the couple themselves or their parents.
• A warm invitation sentence: For example, "Request the pleasure of your company" or "Invite you to celebrate the marriage of".
• The couple's names: List the names of the people getting married. For heterosexual couples, the woman's name typically goes first, but you can order the names however you prefer. For LGBTQ+ couples, you can order the names alphabetically, by age, or however else feels right.
• Date and time of the wedding: Include the date, time of day (a.m. or p.m.), and hour. On formal invitations, write out the time rather than using numerals (e.g. "four o'clock in the afternoon").
• Location of the ceremony and reception: If the ceremony and reception are at the same location, you can include a line like "Reception to follow". If they are at different venues, include the name and address of each location.
• Dress code (optional): Most modern invites don't include attire details, but you can include a line indicating the dress code if you wish.
• RSVP details: Include a separate RSVP card or instructions for a digital RSVP. If using cards, provide a pre-addressed, stamped envelope for guests to return their responses. You can also direct guests to your wedding website if the response can be made online.

In addition to the invitation itself, you may also want to include the following in your wedding invitation suite:

• Reception information: If the reception is at a different location or you have more details to share, use a separate card.
• Directions and accommodations: Include a separate insert with directions to the venue and information on transport and accommodation options. You can also include a custom map or a list of things to do in the area.
• Wedding website: Include the URL for your wedding website, where guests can find additional information such as accommodation and registry details.
• Itinerary: If your wedding spans multiple days or includes several activities, include a separate card with a full itinerary.
• Gifting information: Let guests know if you're having a wishing well or gift registry.
• Indication of whether children are welcome: Make it clear whether children are invited to the wedding.

How to respond to an invitation

Responding to a wedding invitation is an important task, and there are a few key things to keep in mind to ensure you're being polite and thoughtful. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to respond to a wedding invitation:

Step 1: Respond Promptly

It's important to respond to the invitation as soon as possible, ideally within a few days of receiving it. This is not only considerate to the couple, who are waiting for your response to finalise their guest list, but it also gives you a better chance of being accommodated if you happen to miss the RSVP date. If you know you are unable to attend, letting the couple know promptly gives them the opportunity to invite someone else in your place.

Step 2: Understand the Invitation

Take note of who is hosting the wedding and who the invitation includes. If the invitation is addressed to you "and guest", you need to decide if you want to bring someone and inform the host. If you reply only for yourself, do not show up with a date or companion.

Step 3: Choose Your Response Method

Most wedding invitations will include an RSVP card with a pre-printed response card or a blank card for a more personalised message. If there is no response card, the invitation will usually include details of how to respond, such as an email address or wedding website. It's important to respond using the method requested by the couple.

Step 4: Write Your Response

If using a pre-printed response card, be sure to fill in all the required information, including the number of guests attending and their names. If you have been given a plus-one, include their full name at the time of response. You may also include a short personal note to the couple, expressing your gratitude and well-wishes. If responding via email or letter, your response should follow the wording and formality of the invitation.

Step 5: Inform the Couple of Any Changes

If something comes up and you can no longer attend after accepting the invitation, be sure to contact the couple immediately. It's courteous to let them know as soon as possible so they can inform the caterers and invite someone else if they wish.

Sample Responses

"Mr. and Mrs. Harold McGowan accept with pleasure your kind invitation for Saturday, the seventeenth of May. We are looking forward to celebrating with you."

"Dear Ann and John, Rob and I are delighted to accept your invitation to celebrate your wedding on May 17th. We wish you all the best! Yours sincerely, Brittany and Rob."

"Thank you so much for inviting us to your wedding! We are honoured to be a part of your special day and can't wait to celebrate with you. We will be bringing our two children, so that's four of us in total. See you soon!"

"Thank you for the invitation. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that we won't be able to attend your wedding. We wish you all the best for your special day and hope you have a wonderful time celebrating!"

Frequently asked questions