Rsvp Etiquette: Crafting The Perfect Response For Your Wedding Guests

A wedding RSVP card is a crucial part of the wedding stationery suite. It gives guests a first glimpse of the wedding theme and allows the couple to confirm their guest list and finalise their planning. The card should include a deadline for the RSVP, a line for the guest's name, a way for the guest to indicate whether they will attend, space for any plus-ones, and any dietary requirements. Couples can also add fun questions, such as song requests, and a space for guests to write notes.

A clear deadline for responses

The deadline for responses is a crucial element of your wedding RSVP cards. Here are some tips and suggestions for creating a clear deadline:

Timing of the Deadline

It is recommended that your RSVP deadline be set around three to four weeks before the wedding date. This gives you and your vendors enough time to finalise last-minute details such as food quantities and seating charts. It also ensures that your guests don't feel pressured to respond immediately, nor do they have enough time to forget about responding.

Prominence of the Deadline

Make sure your RSVP deadline stands out on the card. Put it in a prominent position, perhaps with the largest text, so that it's hard for guests to miss. Phrases such as "Kindly reply by [insert date]" or "Please respond by [insert date]" are common and effective ways to convey the deadline.

Reminders for the Deadline

While it's not necessary, you may want to consider including a gentle reminder on your RSVP cards, especially if you're giving guests multiple ways to respond, such as by mail or online. A simple phrase like "Don't forget to respond by [insert date]" can encourage timely responses.

Flexibility with the Deadline

Although it's important to set a clear deadline, you also need to be prepared for some guests to miss it. It's common courtesy to give guests a grace period of about a week after the deadline before following up with them for a response. This can be done in person, over the phone, or online.

Wording of the Deadline

The wording of your RSVP deadline should match the style and tone of your wedding invitations. For a formal wedding, use traditional phrases such as "The favour of a response is requested by [insert date]." For a more casual event, keep it simple with "Kindly reply by [insert date]" or "Please respond by [insert date]."

Remember, the deadline for responses is an essential part of your wedding planning, so it's worth putting thought and effort into getting it right.

Space for guests to write their names

The first thing to include on your RSVP cards is a blank line for guests to write their names. This guarantees that you know who is attending your wedding and that you know how to spell everyone's names correctly on the seating chart. On a formal RSVP card, you should write an "M" at the start of the line to indicate that guests should include their proper honorific (Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss) before their name.

If you are concerned about guests forgetting to write their names, you can use an invisible black light ink marker to write their initials on the back of each RSVP card. This way, if a card comes back blank, you can use a black light to discover the mystery guest.

For a more traditional style, you can add a dotted line after the letter "M", which is designated as the first letter of the title of the first guest (i.e. Mr, Mrs, Ms or Miss). Given that not everyone's title begins with an "M", you may wish to opt for a more informal style by adding "Name(s):" before the dotted line.

A way for guests to indicate attendance

The back of a wedding RSVP card should include a way for guests to indicate their attendance. Here are some ways to do this:

Names

The first thing to include is a blank line for guests to write their names. On a formal RSVP card, you can write an "M" at the start of the line to indicate that guests should include their proper honorific (Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss) before their name. This guarantees that you know who is attending and how to correctly spell everyone's names on the seating chart.

Accept or Decline

The primary purpose of an RSVP card is to learn who is coming to the wedding. Include an attendance line for guests to accept or decline the invitation. This could be formatted with checkboxes, circling, or fill-in-the-blank lines. It is recommended to include phrases such as "Accepts with pleasure" or "Declines with regret", or opt for more informal responses such as "Yes, I am ready to attack the dance floor" or "No, and I'll forever regret this decision".

Number of Guests

To avoid confusion and unexpected plus-ones, it is important to clearly indicate the number of guests invited. You can write something like "We have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honour" or "___ of ___ guests attending". This way, guests know exactly how many people are invited and can plan accordingly.

Response Deadline

It is crucial to set an RSVP deadline to ensure you have enough time to finalise the details of your wedding, such as the amount of food and drinks needed and the seating arrangements. The deadline should be featured prominently on the card, and it is recommended to set it around four weeks before the wedding date.

Meal Choices

If you are offering meal choices at the reception, include this information on the RSVP card. List the available options and ask guests to initial or tick their selection. This helps with planning and ensures that guests' dietary preferences are considered.

Special Requests

You can also include a special request line on the RSVP card. This could be for song requests, drink preferences, or even a favourite memory of the couple. This adds a fun and interactive element to the RSVP process and makes it more enjoyable for both the guests and the couple.

Space for guests to indicate dietary requirements

It is important to collect your guests' dietary requirements to ensure that everyone is comfortable and safe. Here are some ways to do this:

Provide a line for guests to fill in their dietary restrictions

You can simply add a line on the RSVP card that says "Dietary Restrictions" or "Please inform us of any dietary restrictions". This allows guests to write in any specific requirements they may have.

Provide tick boxes for common dietary requirements

You can include tick boxes for common dietary requirements such as vegan/vegetarian, lactose-free, gluten-free, and nut allergies. This makes it easier for guests to indicate their dietary needs. You can also include an "Other" option with a line for guests to specify their requirements.

Provide a separate card or website for dietary requirements

If you want to keep the RSVP card simple, you can include a separate card or website for dietary requirements. Guests can provide more detailed information about their dietary restrictions on these platforms. This helps to keep the RSVP card uncluttered while still allowing guests to communicate their needs.

Contact guests directly

If you are concerned about accommodating dietary requirements, you can ask guests to contact you directly via email or phone to discuss their specific needs. This ensures that you have all the necessary information and can make the appropriate arrangements.

Provide specific meal options

Instead of asking guests to write down their dietary requirements, you can provide a list of meal options and ask them to select their preference. For example, you can list options such as vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, etc. This gives guests a clear idea of the available options and makes it easier for them to make a choice.

Remember to set an RSVP deadline that is a few weeks before the wedding date to give yourself enough time to finalise the guest list and coordinate any special arrangements with your vendors.

Additional requests, such as song suggestions

Song Suggestions

Song suggestions are a fun way to involve your guests in the wedding planning process and get them excited about the reception. It's a great way to ensure that your guests will enjoy the music and get them on the dance floor.

"We're looking for song ideas for the dance portion of our reception. Give us your favourite dance song and you might hear it played!"

"We're taking requests! Please tell us if there's a song you'd like to dance to! ______________________________"

"I will dance at your wedding if you play this song _________!"

"Please request a song, so together we can dance all night long! ____________________________"

"What song will get you on the dance floor? ______________________"

"This song will get me moving on the dance floor: __________"

"We Are Taking Requests!"

"Song I promise to dance to: __________"

You can also ask for multiple songs, especially if you have space on the back of the RSVP card:

"Please give us your top 3 song choices:

• __________
• __________
• __________"

Remember to order your invitations well in advance so that you have time to collate the song suggestions. You might also want to add a disclaimer that you have veto power over song choices, to avoid any surprises!

Frequently asked questions