The Art Of The Wedding Roast: A Guide To Honing Your Humor

Writing a wedding roast is not the same as writing a wedding toast. A wedding roast involves good-natured ridicule or criticism of the couple, whereas a wedding toast is a few words of wishes or blessings for the newlyweds.

If you're writing a wedding roast, it's important to keep it positive and good-natured. Make fun of the couple, but tie it back to some self-deprecation. End on a high note by sharing how amazing the couple is and how much their relationship means to you. It's also crucial to know your audience and ensure your jokes are suitable for everyone present. Keep the roast short, snappy, and funny, and be sure to practice beforehand.

On the other hand, if you're writing a wedding toast, it should be heartfelt and humorous, with a mix of funny one-liners and serious sentiments. Avoid poking fun at the couple and instead, share funny stories and musings. Keep the toast under five minutes and ensure it has a clear beginning, middle, and end.

Keep it short and sweet

Keeping your wedding roast short and sweet is a great way to ensure that your speech is engaging and memorable. Here are some tips to help you write a concise and effective roast:

Keep it Concise

As a general rule, wedding speeches should be kept concise, typically lasting between 3 to 5 minutes. This ensures that the "wedding speech" portion of the reception remains dynamic and doesn't exceed 40 minutes in total. A shorter roast allows you to deliver your message with impact while maintaining your audience's attention.

Focus on Quality Over Quantity

When writing your roast, focus on selecting a few meaningful and entertaining anecdotes or themes. Choose stories that are engaging, relatable, and not too lengthy. This approach ensures that your speech is concise and prevents it from becoming a rambling collection of stories.

Structure Your Speech

A well-structured speech helps you stay focused and concise. Start by congratulating the couple and expressing your happiness for their union. Then, introduce yourself, especially if not everyone in the audience knows you well. Share a curated story or two that fits a central theme and showcases the couple's relationship dynamics. Address both partners equally and include crowd-pleasing elements that most guests will understand and appreciate.

Keep the Humor Appropriate

While humor is an essential part of a roast, it's crucial to keep it tasteful and appropriate. Avoid inside jokes that only a few people will understand, as they can exclude others from the fun. Steer clear of embarrassing stories or jokes that might poke fun at the couple excessively. Opt for lighthearted and good-natured humor that celebrates the couple.

Practice and Time Your Speech

Practicing your speech is crucial to mastering the art of brevity. Rehearse your speech aloud to get a sense of its length and pacing. Time yourself to ensure that your speech falls within the desired timeframe. This practice will help you identify parts that might need trimming or adjustments to ensure it stays short and engaging.

End with a Toast

Conclude your roast by inviting everyone to raise their glasses and proposing a toast to the happy couple. This is a traditional way to wrap up your speech and creates a heartfelt moment that your audience will appreciate.

Prepare in advance

Writing a wedding roast is a delicate balance between funny and insulting. It is important to prepare your speech in advance. Here are some tips to help you prepare:

• Understand the personality of the roastee(s). You don't want to roast someone who can't take a joke, is sensitive, or has had a difficult past that they don't want to revisit.
• Research the roastee(s). Talk to their friends and family to gather material and gain insight into their personality and oddities.
• Go through your shared experiences and memories with the roastee(s). Choose funny, strange, or embarrassing moments that you can include in your speech.
• Organise your speech so that the audience understands your content. Being vague will leave them confused. Aim for a mix of humour, laughter, sentiment, and tasteful vulgarity.
• Write down your speech and rehearse it out loud several times. This will help you memorise it and ensure you don't have to rely on notes during your delivery.
• Keep your speech short and sweet. A good length is around two to five minutes, so you don't lose the attention of your audience.
• If you plan to include any inside jokes or personal references, make sure to provide enough context so that everyone can follow along.
• Avoid vulgarity and brutality in your speech, especially if the roastee(s) is a non-celebrity. Keep your jokes gentle and good-natured.
• Ensure your speech is well-structured with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Start by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship to the roastee(s). Include anecdotes and stories, and end with a toast to the roastee(s).

Practice out loud

Practising your wedding speech out loud is a crucial step in the process of preparing for your big moment. Here are some tips to help you make the most of your practice sessions:

Record Yourself

Use your phone or another device to record yourself practising your speech. This will allow you to identify any distracting mannerisms or verbal pauses such as "um", "uh", and "like". Watching yourself on video can be uncomfortable, but it is a great way to improve your delivery.

Practise in Front of Others

Practising your speech in front of someone else can provide valuable feedback and help you craft a stronger speech. They can give you a second opinion and help you refine your message.

Body Language

Rehearse your speech in front of a mirror to observe your body language, including your facial expressions, eye contact, and hand movements. Make sure your body language is open and engaging.

Timing

Time yourself while practising out loud to ensure your speech stays within the allotted time frame. The ideal length for a wedding speech is typically between two and five minutes.

Don't Memorise, but Know Your Key Points

Avoid memorising your speech word-for-word, as this can make your delivery sound stiff and unnatural. Instead, focus on memorising the key points you want to make and the order in which you want to make them. This will allow you to make eye contact with your audience and speak more naturally.

Ground Yourself

Remember to connect with the ground to help manage your nerves. Envision the ground taking responsibility for holding you up, and practise this technique to reduce nervous leg shaking.

Breathe and Stay Present

Remember to breathe! When we get nervous, we often forget to breathe properly, which can deprive our brain of oxygen and send us into a fight-or-flight mode. Take slow, deep breaths to stay calm and present. It's okay to show your emotions—wedding speeches are unique situations where bursting into tears is perfectly acceptable.

Connect with Your Audience

Don't get too caught up in delivering a perfect speech. Remember that the objective is to share your message with the audience. Make eye contact, speak to different people throughout the audience, and allow yourself to connect authentically.

Be Flexible

Your speech may change based on how you're feeling and how your audience is reacting. Allow for the unexpected and trust that your preparation will give you the confidence to adapt and trust yourself in the moment.

Enjoy Yourself!

Remember, this is a special moment that you are sharing with people who are already on your side. If you mess up, it's okay! Breathe through it and move on. Your authenticity and unique message are what matter most.

Include a mix of funny and serious content

A wedding roast should be a mix of funny and serious content, with a good dose of sentiment and tasteful vulgarity. It is important to know your audience and the couple you are roasting, so you can strike the right balance and not cause any offence.

Start by introducing yourself and explaining your relationship to the couple. This is a great way to begin as not everyone will know how you know the happy couple. You could say something like: "I have known [name] since high school. They are a great friend, always up for a good time and they always snore when they've had one too many! I guess that's why we always ended up in separate dorms on school trips."

The best roasts have an element of truth to them, so jot down some of the couple's quirks, habits and funny memories. Do they have any inside jokes that most of the guests will understand? Are there any notable, funny stories from their past? For example, did they ever get locked in a supermarket at midnight or accidentally dye their hair green? These are the kinds of stories that will get a laugh and gently poke fun at the couple.

It is also important to include some more serious content, so the couple knows you are coming from a place of love. You could talk about what their relationship has taught you about love, or share your hopes and dreams for their future together. You might say something like: "In all seriousness, it has been a joy to watch [name] and [name] fall in love. They have taught me that love is about embracing each other's quirks and supporting each other through thick and thin. I wish them nothing but happiness in their future together."

Finally, end your roast on a positive, heartfelt note. You could say something like: "Despite all the jokes, it has been an honour to be included in this special day. I wish [name] and [name] a lifetime of love and laughter together."

Avoid inside jokes

Inside jokes are a surefire way to exclude people from your wedding speech and make them feel left out. It is best to avoid them altogether, but if you must include a few lines that resonate with only a few people, ensure that the vast majority of your toast connects with everyone.

Run your jokes by a neutral audience to see if they land as well as you think they will. You want your guests to laugh with you, not at your inside jokes or, worse, at your expense if they don't understand what you're talking about.

Remember, a wedding toast is not a roast! It's meant to be humorous but not mean-spirited or cruel. You want your guests to laugh with you, not at the happy couple, so avoid anything that feels like you're mocking the newlyweds. Opt for funny stories and musings instead of retelling every embarrassing tale you know about the bride or groom.

Keep your speech clean and avoid cursing or stories about exes. Know your audience and consider how your stories will present the couple. If a story sheds a negative light on either person or will make the couple's family uncomfortable, it's best to leave it out.

Frequently asked questions