Navigating Wedding Etiquette: No Plus-One, Now What?

Planning a wedding is stressful, and navigating the guest list is no easy feat. Deciding whether to offer plus-ones to guests is a tricky task, and there are a few key things to consider. Firstly, it's essential to have solid reasoning behind your decision to offer plus-ones to certain guests and not others. This will help you explain your choices if anyone asks and narrow down the guest list. Secondly, don't feel obligated to invite a guest's plus one just because they invited yours to their wedding. Base your decision on your budget and wedding type. Finally, consider the different types of guests who may want to bring plus-ones, such as immediate family members, those in the bridal party, guests who won't know many people, and those who are married, engaged, or live together. While wedding etiquette suggests offering plus-ones to these guests, use your discretion and try to be consistent and empathetic.

If you don't know their partner's name

If you don't know the name of your guest's partner, it is best to contact your guest directly and ask them for their partner's name. This way, you can address the invitation to both of them by name, rather than using "and guest". This will also prevent your guest from bringing someone else in place of their partner.

If you are inviting a guest who is in a relationship but you don't know their partner's name, it is still important to invite the partner by name. This is because, as Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette explains, "your guest is part of a package deal". It is also a nice way to acknowledge their commitment to their partner.

If you are unable to get in touch with your guest or their partner, it is acceptable to write your guest's name and then "and guest" on the invitation. However, this may run the risk of your guest bringing someone who is not their partner. If this happens and you would like to avoid it, you can politely inform your guest that the invitation is for them and their partner.

It is also worth noting that, according to wedding etiquette, spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation. This is the case even if you have never met them or they are not your favourite people. The same applies to the spouse or partner of your officiant, as well as both parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

If you are having a small wedding and are unable to invite your guest's partner, it is important to be upfront about it. Make it clear on the save-the-date and wedding invitations that only the people you want to attend are invited. If your guest still brings up the topic of a plus-one, be polite but firm in your response. You can explain that, due to budget limitations or venue capacity, you cannot justify plus-ones.

Remember, it is your wedding and you don't need to explain yourself. However, it is important to be considerate of your guests' feelings and try to accommodate their requests if possible.

If you're not sure who they'll bring

If you're unsure who your guest will bring, it's best to write their name and then "and guest". This lets your guest know that they can bring someone along.

If you're worried about offending your guest by not knowing the name of their plus-one, it's a good idea to find out their name before sending the invitations. That way, you can write both names on the envelope.

If you're inviting a guest who won't know anyone at the wedding, it's polite to offer them a plus-one. This will give them a confidence boost and ensure they feel comfortable.

However, if your guest knows lots of other people at the wedding, they don't necessarily need a plus-one. It won't be considered rude if you don't offer one.

If you're worried about offending people by offering plus-ones to some guests and not others, it's a good idea to set strict rules about who will and won't get a plus-one before sending out your invitations. That way, if you get any questions, you'll have an answer ready.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can ultimately decide who gets a plus-one and who doesn't.

If they're married, engaged, or living together

If you are married, engaged, or living together, it is generally expected that you will both be invited to a wedding. This is true even if the couple getting married has never met your partner or is not particularly fond of them. Your partner is part of a "package deal" with you, and it would be rude not to invite them. This rule also applies to the spouse or significant other of the officiant, as well as both parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

If you are in the wedding party, you should also receive a plus-one, regardless of your relationship status. This is a small token of appreciation for your efforts and support in organising the wedding.

If you are not married or in a committed relationship, the decision to invite your partner becomes more discretionary. If you are casually dating or have not been dating the same person for more than a year, you may not receive a plus-one. However, if you are in a serious relationship, it is generally considered good etiquette to invite both parties, even if the couple is not married or engaged. This acknowledges and respects their commitment to each other.

When it comes to addressing the invitations, traditional wedding invitations have an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient (the guest or couple), and the inner envelope lists the names of those invited, including any plus-ones. If there is no inner envelope, be sure to address all invitees clearly, listing both guests by their full names if they are in a relationship, or writing your friend's name and "and guest" if they are allowed to bring a casual date.

If they're in the bridal party

If you are unable to offer a plus-one to a member of the bridal party, it's important to communicate this clearly and as early as possible. Be honest and explain the reasons why, whether that's budget constraints, venue capacity, or something else. It's better to be upfront about it rather than have them assume they are invited and then have to disinvite them later.

If you have already extended the invitation and are now unable to accommodate their plus-one, it's important to handle the situation with grace and sensitivity. Apologise for the misunderstanding and see if there is anything you can do to compromise, such as offering an evening invitation to their plus-one or granting them a plus-one if someone else RSVPs no.

Remember, it's important to be consistent with your bridal party when it comes to plus-ones. If you offer one member a plus-one, it's generally expected that you offer the same to the others to avoid any feelings of favouritism.

Finally, keep in mind that while it's not required, it is a thoughtful gesture to ensure you know the name of any plus-ones and include them on the invitation by name, rather than just writing "and guest." This shows that you have made an effort to include them and makes them feel welcomed and valued.

If they won't know anyone else

If your guest won't know anyone else at the wedding, you might want to consider letting them bring a plus-one. However, if you're unable to allow them to bring a guest, there are a few ways to handle the situation.

Firstly, it's important to be upfront about it. Make it clear on the save-the-date and wedding invitation that only the person you want to attend is invited. You can do this by addressing the invitation to the guest alone, without adding "and guest". If the guest still brings up the topic of a plus-one, be polite but firm in your response. You can explain that due to budget limitations, venue capacity, or your desire for an intimate wedding, you can't justify plus-ones.

If you're concerned about your guest feeling lonely or uncomfortable, you could suggest that you'll work on the seating plan to ensure they're seated with people they'll get along with. You could also compromise by extending an evening invitation to their plus-one, or offering to grant them a plus-one if someone else RSVPs no.

"We're so sorry, but due to budget limitations/venue capacity, we can't justify plus-ones."

"We're trying to keep our wedding celebration really small, but we'd love to invite you to a party we're planning for later in the year."

"We're only inviting our closest loved ones to the ceremony, but we'd be happy for your plus-one to join us for the evening celebrations."

"We've chosen to have a very intimate wedding with just close family and friends. We want to make sure you're comfortable, so we'll seat you with some friendly, outgoing couples."

Frequently asked questions