The Order Of Honor: Etiquette For Wedding Invitation Names

The order of names on a wedding invitation is a small detail, but it can hold a deeper meaning. There is no right or wrong answer, but it's important to consider all the factors and choose an option that feels comfortable for you and your family.

Bride's name first: tradition and why

Brides Name First: Tradition and Why

Traditionally, the bride's name goes first on wedding invitations. This is rooted in the custom of the bride's family hosting and paying for the wedding ceremony. By placing the bride's name first, she and her family are honoured and their role in planning the event is acknowledged.

The first line of the invitation, often referred to as the 'host line', would typically include the names of the bride's parents, followed by the bride's first and middle names, and then the groom's full name. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith cordially invite you to the marriage of their daughter, [Bride's name], to [Groom's name]...

This format is considered formal and traditional, and may be preferred by those who wish to adhere to long-standing customs.

In modern times, however, this tradition is not strictly followed, and couples have more flexibility in deciding whose name comes first. Many couples today opt for a more egalitarian approach, including both their names or using alphabetical order, especially if both families are contributing financially or if the couple is funding the wedding themselves.

Ultimately, the decision of whose name goes first should be based on personal preference and what feels right for the couple.

Groom's name first: modern approach

Grooms name first: modern approach

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to deciding whose name goes first on a wedding invitation. It is ultimately up to the couple to decide what they are comfortable with. However, if the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, it is not uncommon to see the groom's name listed first. This modern approach may indicate that the groom is the head of the family or the main financier of the wedding.

• "[Groom's name] and [Bride's name] invite you to celebrate their wedding."
• "Together with their families, [Groom's name] and [Bride's name] request the pleasure of your company."
• "The honour of your presence is requested at the wedding of [Groom's name] and [Bride's name]."

It is worth noting that this approach is more commonly seen when the bride's parents are not hosting or paying for the wedding. In traditional wedding etiquette, the bride's name typically comes first, as it was customary for the bride's family to host and finance the wedding.

When deciding whose name to put first, the couple should consider their personal preferences, hosting arrangements, and what looks and fits best with the invitation design. Ultimately, the most important thing is to ensure the invitation reflects the couple's unique style and relationship.

Same-sex couples: alphabetical order

When it comes to wedding invitations, the order of the names can hold a deeper meaning, so it's important to get it right. For same-sex couples, there are no traditions to be bound by, and you can make your own rules. Here are some things to consider when deciding whose name goes first:

Alphabetical Order

Listing the names of the couple in alphabetical order is a popular choice for same-sex couples. This approach provides a neutral way to write the invitation and avoids any arguments about whose name comes first. It also gives a nice structure to the invitation and makes it easily readable. If both partners have the same last name, you can write "The [Last Name]s" or "The [Last Name] Family" to reflect their union.

Personal Preference

If you and your partner are usually known as a couple with your names in a certain order, you may want to stick with that order on your wedding invitations. It might feel odd to switch the order just for the invites! If you've become "Tina and Cathy" to your friends and family, honour your relationship and refer to yourselves as you normally do.

Hosting Arrangements

If one family is hosting and financing most of the wedding, they may expect their child to be named first on the invitation. In this case, you can list the names according to whose family is hosting. This is a more traditional approach and may be appropriate if you want to follow certain traditions or if one family is taking on a larger share of the expenses.

Equality and Fairness

Some couples choose to alternate the order of their names on different invitation sets to showcase equality and fairness. This approach can be a way to emphasise the importance of equality and fairness in your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of whose name goes first on a wedding invitation for a same-sex couple is a personal choice. You may want to consider alphabetical order, personal preference, hosting arrangements, or showcasing equality. Whichever option you choose, make sure your invitation reflects your own style and relationship.

Same-sex couples: alternating names

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, same-sex couples have the freedom to choose how they want to structure their invitations without being bound by tradition. Here are some instructive tips for same-sex couples who want to alternate names on their wedding invites:

Alphabetical Order

One way to decide whose name goes first is to arrange the names in alphabetical order. This provides a neutral and structured approach, making the invitation easily readable. It also ensures fairness and avoids any potential arguments about whose name should take precedence. This method can be especially useful if the couple has different last names. For example, "Jeff & John" instead of "John & Jeff".

Personal Preference and Common Usage

Another approach is to go with personal preference. If the couple has a particular order in which they introduce themselves or are commonly referred to by friends and family, it may feel more natural to use that order on the invitation. Honouring your relationship dynamic and choosing the name order that feels most comfortable to you and your partner is essential. After all, it's your special day, and you should be able to make your own rules.

Traditional Format

While same-sex couples are not bound by traditional invitation formats, they can still choose to incorporate some traditional elements if they wish. The traditional format for a heterosexual couple's invitation is:

> Mr. and Mrs. [Father's Name]

> request the pleasure of

> your company at the marriage

> of [Bride's First Name]

> to [Groom's Full Name]

> at [Venue Name and Address]

For a same-sex couple, this format can be adapted by replacing "Mr. and Mrs." with the names of the couple, followed by "request the pleasure of your company". For example:

> John Smith and Peter Brown

> request the pleasure of your company...

Host Line

If one set of parents is hosting and financing the wedding, it is common to include them in the invitation. The first line, or host line, would typically read:

> Mr. and Mrs. [Father's Name] cordially invite you to the marriage of their daughter/son, [First Name of their Child], to [Partner's Full Name]...

Other Considerations

When deciding whose name to put first, it's also essential to consider the layout of the text on the invitation. The names should fit well within the design, and the overall invitation should align with the style and theme of the wedding. Additionally, it's a good idea to maintain consistency in the name order throughout the rest of the wedding stationery, such as the order of the day and table plan.

No rules: personal preference

When it comes to wedding invites, there are no rules about whose name goes first. It's entirely up to personal preference.

Traditionally, the bride's name would come first, followed by the groom's full name. This is because it was customary for the bride's family to host and pay for the wedding. However, this tradition is no longer set in stone, and modern couples often have more flexibility in wedding planning, especially when it comes to invitation wording.

If you're inviting guests as a couple, you can include both your names, use alphabetical order, or even omit surnames altogether. For instance, you could say, "Together with their families, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company." This collaborative wording is a great way to involve both families and avoid any gender bias.

Same-sex couples have even more freedom and can decide on the order of names based on personal preference or alphabetical order. If you're already known as a couple in a certain order, it might feel odd to switch things up just for the invites!

The key is not to overthink it. Go with what sounds and looks good on the invitation. It's your big day, so do it your way!

Frequently asked questions