A Best Man's Speech: What To Avoid

A best man's speech is a tough job but also a big responsibility. While it's meant to be quick and lighthearted, it's not something you should wing. Rambling, incoherent, cruel, drunken, and overly long speeches are all surefire ways to lose your audience. So, what makes a bad best man speech? Well, it's usually one that focuses too much on the speaker, includes too many inside jokes, and is full of inappropriate jokes and stories. A good best man speech, on the other hand, is one that's well-prepared, sticks to a few key points, and includes personal stories and anecdotes that celebrate the couple.

Rambling and winging it

• Lack of Structure: A rambling speech often lacks a clear structure, jumping from one topic to another without a coherent flow. This can leave your audience confused and struggling to follow your train of thought. A well-structured speech, on the other hand, takes your audience on a journey with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
• Loss of Interest: When you ramble, you risk losing the interest of your audience. They may tune out, check their phones, or even walk away. By sticking to a prepared speech, you can maintain a tight narrative that keeps your audience engaged and entertained.
• Redundancy: Rambling often leads to repetition as you struggle to find new points to make. This can make your speech feel long-winded and tedious. A concise, well-prepared speech ensures that every word counts and keeps the content fresh and interesting.
• Inappropriate Content: Winging it increases the likelihood of saying something inappropriate or offensive. Without a script, you may blurt out something that you hadn't intended to say, potentially embarrassing yourself and the couple. A written speech allows you to carefully choose your words and ensure that your message is respectful and appropriate for the occasion.
• Lack of Rehearsal: When you wing it, you forfeit the opportunity to rehearse and refine your delivery. Practicing your speech beforehand helps you refine your timing, body language, and tone. It also allows you to anticipate and address any potential issues, such as inside jokes or stories that may fall flat with the audience.

In conclusion, rambling and improvising during your best man's speech is a risky proposition. To deliver a speech that is memorable for all the right reasons, take the time to prepare, structure your content, and rehearse your delivery. This will ensure that your words are meaningful, entertaining, and well-received by the happy couple and their guests.

Inside jokes and references

• Keep them to a minimum: While it can be tempting to fill your speech with inside jokes that will have the groom and your close friends in stitches, remember that the majority of the guests won't get the reference. Limit the number of inside jokes and references you include to ensure your speech is accessible and enjoyable for everyone.
• Provide context: If you do include an inside joke or reference, take a moment to provide some context for those who might not be in the know. For example, "As some of you may know, the groom and I have a running joke about..." This way, everyone can understand and appreciate the humour, even if they're not part of the "in crowd".
• Make sure they're appropriate: This should go without saying, but it's important to ensure that any inside jokes or references you include are appropriate for the audience and the occasion. Steer clear of anything that might be offensive, embarrassing, or cross the line into "roast" territory.
• Keep it lighthearted: Inside jokes and references are best used in a lighthearted and good-natured way. Avoid anything that might be seen as mean-spirited or overly critical of the groom or the couple. Remember, the goal is to celebrate the newlyweds, not embarrass them.
• Practice with an audience: Before the big day, practice your speech with a friend or family member who isn't part of your inner circle. They can give you honest feedback on whether the inside jokes and references landed well and if any parts of your speech need clarification or adjustment.
• Balance with universal content: In addition to inside jokes and references, include stories and anecdotes that will resonate with the entire audience. This will ensure that your speech has something for everyone and that all guests feel included in the celebration.

Inappropriate jokes

• "Bros before hoes" or any variation of this joke.
• "Guess she finally wore you down!"
• "She must be good in the sack!"
• "Why’d you buy the cow when the milk was free?"
• "We’re gonna miss ya around, ol’ buddy!"
• "She’s gonna constantly nag you about chores and not let you do anything fun—just wait!"
• "Ball and chain" jokes.
• Jokes about the couple's honeymoon or sexual activity.
• Jokes about the bride or groom's appearance.
• Jokes about the bride or groom's previous relationships.
• Jokes that are too risqué or contain adult humour.
• Jokes that are offensive or discriminatory in any way.

Remember, the key to successful humour in your best man speech is to keep it warm, funny and never edgy. Focus on the couple and their relationship, and avoid jokes that might embarrass or humiliate them.

Not focusing on the couple

Include the Couple Equally

While it's natural to have a closer relationship with the groom, it's important to give a special shout-out to the new spouse as well. They are both equally important on their big day, so make sure to shower them with kind words and welcome them into the family. Talk about their positive qualities and why you love having them in the groom's life. This will make them feel included and appreciated.

Share Stories About the Couple's Relationship

Speak about why the couple is perfect for each other. Share how they first met and how their relationship has grown, so the guests can gain insight into the newlyweds' journey. If you played a part in bringing them together, be sure to mention it! For example, ""I know I said earlier I'm the best man, but I lied. I'm actually Cupid because I'm the one who introduced these two eight years ago." This adds a personal touch and showcases your role in their love story.

Avoid Inside Jokes

Inside jokes or references that only a small group of people will understand can exclude the majority of the guests and make them feel left out. Keep the speech inclusive and opt for anecdotes that everyone can relate to or find funny. This ensures that everyone remains engaged and entertained.

Keep it Appropriate

Avoid inappropriate comments or stories that might embarrass the couple or their families. Steer clear of topics such as past relationships, sexual conquests, or anything that happened at the bachelor party. Remember, your speech should celebrate the couple and their love, not cause friction or discomfort. Keep it classy and PG-rated!

Don't Wing It

A well-prepared and rehearsed speech is crucial. Winging it or rambling without a clear structure can lead to a disjointed and incoherent speech. Take the time to plan and practise your speech, ensuring it has a clear beginning, middle, and end. This will make it more enjoyable for the audience and show your respect for the couple and their special day.

Not preparing or rehearsing

When you don't prepare your speech, you risk rambling on with no clear direction, structure, or ending in sight. Your stories may be disjointed and lack a clear beginning, middle, and end, leaving your audience confused and disengaged. Not to mention, you may end up speaking for far longer than intended, causing your guests to tune out or, even worse, start texting under the table in boredom or discomfort!

Preparing your speech in advance gives you the opportunity to craft a thoughtful, well-structured, and engaging speech that will hold your audience's attention. It allows you to choose your stories and anecdotes carefully, ensuring they are relevant, appropriate, and entertaining. It also gives you the chance to practice your delivery, refine your jokes, and work on your body language and eye contact.

Rehearsing your speech is just as important as preparing it. Practicing aloud can help you identify areas where your delivery may fall flat or where your jokes don't land as intended. It also helps you refine your timing, ensuring your speech stays within the allotted time frame. Additionally, rehearsing can help you build confidence and reduce nerves on the big day.

Remember, the best man's speech is not about you; it's about celebrating the newlyweds and their special day. By taking the time to prepare and rehearse your speech, you can ensure your words honour the couple and create lasting memories for everyone in attendance.

Frequently asked questions