The Best Man: A Guide To Uk Wedding Traditions

The role of the best man is to be the groom's right-hand man and confidant throughout the engagement and wedding process. The best man is usually a close friend or family member of the groom, and their duties include planning the bachelor party, helping to choose the groomsmen's attire, giving a speech at the reception, and keeping the wedding rings safe on the big day. The best man is also often responsible for providing emotional support to the groom and acting as a point of contact for everyone on the groom's side. While the role is typically given to a man, it can be performed by anyone the couple feels comfortable with, regardless of gender.

Planning the stag do/bachelor party

• Determine the guest list: Besides the groomsmen, you can also invite others who are close to the groom. It's common to invite people who aren't in the wedding party, allowing the groom to include as many people as possible.
• Choose a location and activities: Select a central theme and vibe for the party. For example, a relaxing weekend at the beach or an active camping trip with hiking and white water rafting. Consider the groom's interests when planning activities. Popular options include golf, brewery tours, bar crawls, and sporting events.
• Timing: The bachelor party usually takes place one to three months before the wedding. Starting the planning process at least three to six months in advance is ideal, as it provides ample time to understand attendees' preferences and make necessary bookings.
• Budget: Discuss the budget early on to save stress later. The attendees typically pay their own way, but the planner should give everyone an estimate of the costs beforehand.
• Invitations: Paper invitations are not necessary. Instead, create a group chat to share the date, location, and itinerary, allowing for ongoing conversation.
• Gifts: Gifts are not required, but some attendees may bring small tokens like alcohol, cigars, or party games.
• Strippers: Contrary to media references, not all bachelor parties include strippers. Consult the groom and guests to determine their preferences.
• Surprise elements: Adding a surprise element, such as flying in a friend or arranging an activity centred around the groom's interests, can make the party extra special.

Remember, the most important thing is that the groom has a fantastic time and that the party aligns with their wishes.

Being the groom's confidant

Being chosen as the groom's confidant is a huge honour and a big responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to person throughout the engagement and wedding planning process. The role is often given to a close friend or relative of the groom, so it's likely you already know the groom well. However, being the groom's confidant means being there for him in the lead-up to the wedding, providing a listening ear and a supportive voice.

Planning a wedding can be stressful, so the groom will need to rely on you to help him make decisions and solve problems. You should be a supportive friend throughout the process, even if wedding planning isn't your thing. Be a source of calm and positive energy for the groom, and be his sounding board for any nerves or wedding anxiety he may be feeling. Check in with him regularly, and not just about wedding-related matters.

You'll also be responsible for planning the bachelor party or stag do, with the help of the other groomsmen. Talk to the groom in advance about the type of party he wants and work with the groomsmen to plan a night or weekend that suits his style. Be mindful of everyone's schedules and budgets to ensure that all the groomsmen can attend.

You'll also be responsible for helping the groom and groomsmen choose their wedding attire, and making sure that the groomsmen's suits are ordered, received and tailored. You may also want to put together emergency kits for the groomsmen, with items such as extra cufflinks, shoe polish or an extra tie.

Finally, you'll be expected to give a best man's speech at the wedding reception. Don't leave this until the last minute! Start preparing your speech early and practise it so that you feel comfortable on the day.

Organising groomsmen attire

The groomsmen's attire should complement the groom's outfit, the bridesmaids' dresses, and the wedding theme. It's a good idea for the best man to discuss ideas with the couple about style and whether the groomsmen's outfits will be bought or hired. Traditionally, the couple pays for the wedding suits or the cost of hiring them, but if financial contributions are required from the groomsmen, this should be discussed openly and upfront.

The groom and groomsmen should start shopping for their attire around four to six months before the wedding to allow time for fittings and alterations. The groomsmen don't have to wear matching suits, but having some cohesion in terms of colour, style, or accessory choices can create a stylish and Instagrammable look. The groom's outfit should be slightly different to set him apart.

The wedding dress code is one of the primary considerations when choosing the groomsmen's attire. For a formal wedding, the groomsmen should wear classic tuxedos or suits. The colour of the suit will depend on the time and venue of the wedding. Darker colours are usually reserved for winter and evening weddings that take place indoors, while light-coloured suits are perfect for summer weddings outdoors. Tuxedos should be black and include a tuxedo shirt and trousers, a bow tie, and formal accessories like a pocket square, cufflinks, and studs.

For a casual wedding, the groomsmen can wear neutral shirts, blazers, and well-fitted trousers. This type of attire is ideal for beach, garden, rustic, and bohemian weddings. If this is still too formal, the groomsmen can wear a suspenders-vest combination over a dress shirt, or swap the trousers for chinos.

The groomsmen's attire should follow the overall wedding colour scheme, with lighter colours for outdoor, daylight, and summer weddings, and darker colours for indoor, evening, and winter weddings.

To create a cohesive look, the groomsmen can wear matching accessories, such as bow ties, neckties, suspenders, tie pins, waistcoats, and ramaals.

Delivering a speech

As the best man, you will be expected to deliver a speech at the wedding reception. This is your moment to shine, so make sure you are well-prepared! Here are some tips to help you deliver an amazing best man's speech:

• Start preparing your speech well in advance. This will give you enough time to write, edit, and practise your speech.
• Speak from the heart and be genuine in your delivery. Share personal stories, anecdotes, and well-wishes for the newlyweds.
• Keep it short and sweet. Best man speeches should be concise and to the point, as guests will likely be eager to get back to the festivities.
• Include a mix of humour and sentimentality. It's okay to be a little cheeky, but be mindful of the audience and avoid anything too embarrassing or inappropriate. Run your speech by a trusted friend or family member to ensure it strikes the right tone.
• Mention and thank the people who are important to the couple, such as parents, grandparents, and other key relatives.
• Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse! Practise your speech in front of a mirror, with a friend, or even record yourself to get comfortable with your delivery. This will help you feel more confident and relaxed when the time comes to deliver your speech.
• Be aware of the timing. Speeches typically take place after the meal, but some couples may opt for pre-meal speeches. Confirm the timing with the couple beforehand.
• Traditionally, the best man's speech comes last, after the father-of-the-bride and groom speeches. However, this may change depending on the wedding party and if there are any bride or maid-of-honour speeches.
• Don't forget to mention and thank the people who came before you, such as the father of the bride and the groom.
• Most importantly, relax and have fun! This is a celebration, and your speech is a chance to honour the newlyweds and add to the joy of their special day.

Holding the wedding rings

In most weddings, the best man holds both rings. However, it is not uncommon for the groom to hold on to the rings or for the best man to hold one ring and the maid of honour to hold the other. The best man may also be asked to hold the couple's personal items, such as their phones or money.

If the best man is not the official ring bearer, the rings are usually handed off to the best man by a young ring bearer who carries them down the aisle. The best man then holds the rings until the couple is ready to exchange them.

It is important to note that the best man role is typically assigned to the groom's closest friend or family member, but this can vary depending on the couple's dynamics.

Frequently asked questions