Shabbat Before Wedding: A Time For Reflection And Celebration

In the Ashkenazi Jewish tradition, the Shabbat before a wedding is marked by an 'aufruf', which is German and Yiddish for 'calling up'. During the aufruf, the groom (and sometimes the bride, in non-Orthodox communities) is called up to the Torah to recite a blessing or a haftorah (a special Torah portion). The rabbi and congregation sing to the couple and throw bags of fruit, nuts and sweets to symbolise a fruitful and sweet marriage. After the service, the family invites the community to a Kiddush, where a blessing is said over wine and a light meal is served.

In the Sephardic tradition, the groom is honoured on the Shabbat after the wedding, during a ceremony known as the 'Shabbat Chatan' or 'Groom's Sabbath'.

The groom is called to the Torah and the congregation sings in his honour

The Shabbat before a man's wedding, a celebration called the "aufruf" is held in his honour. "Aufruf" is a Yiddish term, meaning "calling up", which refers to the groom being called to the Torah on this Shabbat. This custom is primarily practised by Ashkenazi Jews. According to Sephardic custom, the groom is honoured on the Shabbat after his wedding, which is known as "Shabbat Chatan" or the "groom's Shabbat".

When the groom is called to the Torah, the congregation sings in his honour. This is followed by the throwing of bags containing fruits, nuts, and candy—symbolising a sweet and fruitful marriage, and the forgiveness of sins. After the services, the groom's family invites the community to a Kiddush, where a blessing is said on wine and a light meal is served.

In many Ashkenazi Orthodox communities, the bride does not attend the aufruf as it is customary for the soon-to-be-married couple to refrain from seeing each other for the week before the wedding. On the Shabbat before the wedding, the bride's family and friends gather to celebrate the bride and bring her joy in a custom known as "Shabbat Kallah" or the "bride's Sabbath".

Bags of fruits, nuts, and candy are thrown at the groom

The Shabbat before a wedding is a special time for the groom, who is honoured with a celebration called the "aufruf", which means "calling up" in Yiddish. This custom is primarily practised by Ashkenazi Jews and involves the groom being called to the Torah on the Shabbat before his wedding.

The "aufruf" is a major affair, almost like a Bar Mitzvah. The cantor calls the groom to the Torah with a special chant. After the Torah is read and the groom finishes the after-blessing, everybody shouts “Mazel Tov” and sings in his honour. It is during this singing that the unique custom of throwing bags of fruits, nuts, and candy at the groom takes place.

This custom is symbolic of a sweet and fruitful marriage, as well as the idea that their sins will be forgiven. The throwing of nuts specifically alludes to the verse, "I went down to the nut garden..." (Song of Songs 6:11). Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan explains that before one can enjoy the kernel of a nut, one must first break away the shell. Similarly, before a couple can truly know each other, they must gradually break down the barriers between them. Thus, the throwing of nuts symbolises the time and effort required to build a strong and lasting relationship.

In modern times, the custom of throwing sweets has evolved, and Sunkist Fruit Gems are now often thrown instead of nuts, due to the prevalence of nut allergies. This custom has also influenced the practice of throwing candies at a bar mitzvah boy when he is called to the Torah.

Overall, the throwing of bags filled with fruits, nuts, and candy at the groom during the "aufruf" is a fun and symbolic way to celebrate the groom and wish him a sweet, fruitful, and blessed marriage.

A Kiddush is held, where a blessing is said on wine and a light meal is served

The Shabbat before a wedding is a special time in Jewish culture. It is a time for celebration and blessing. After the Shabbat services, a Kiddush is held, where a blessing is said on wine and a light meal is served. This is a joyous occasion and an important part of the wedding celebrations.

Kiddush, which means 'holiness' in Hebrew, is a prayer that sanctifies the Shabbat and Jewish holidays. It is recited over wine (or grape juice) and challah. The Kiddush prayer is made up of three parts: verses from the Torah about the holiness of Shabbat, the blessing over the wine, and a blessing where participants thank God for choosing the Jewish nation and giving them the gift of Shabbat.

The Kiddush cup is usually made of silver, but any cup can be used as long as it holds a significant amount of wine (and is not disposable). The cup is passed around so that everyone can take a sip, and the rest of the wine is either poured into small cups for participants or offered to each person before the Kiddush begins.

The challah, which will be eaten after the Kiddush, is covered with a cloth during the blessing. This is because, according to Halakha, the blessing over bread takes precedence over the blessing over wine. However, the meal begins with Kiddush, so the challah is covered to "remove" it from the table.

The Shabbat morning version of the Kiddush focuses on God's commandment for Jews to observe the Sabbath by refraining from work and making it holy. This version is usually shorter than the Friday night Kiddush.

The word "Kiddush" is also used to refer to a communal gathering held after Shabbat morning services at the synagogue. This gathering can range from a quick get-together over wine and challah to a full buffet lunch.

The bride and groom traditionally do not see each other for the week before the wedding

The week before a wedding can be a flurry of emotions and activity, and for some couples, this includes a period of not seeing each other. This tradition of the bride and groom not meeting in the lead-up to their wedding day has its roots in history, with a few different explanations for its origin.

One reason for this custom is said to be the prevalence of arranged marriages in the past. In such situations, the bride and groom often had not met before the wedding, and it was considered bad luck for them to do so. There was a fear that if the groom saw the bride before the ceremony, he might not find her attractive and could call off the wedding. This would bring serious shame to the bride and her family, so the couple not seeing each other until the wedding day was a way to avoid this risk. The bride's veil also played a part in this tradition, as it kept the groom from seeing what the bride looked like until the last possible moment, making it harder for him to back out of the marriage.

Another reason for this custom is the belief that seeing each other before the wedding is considered bad luck and could bring misfortune to the marriage. This superstition is also linked to the desire to keep the groom from changing his mind upon seeing his bride before the ceremony.

Today, this tradition has evolved, and many couples choose to incorporate a ""first look" into their wedding day. This is when the couple sees each other for the first time that day, usually with just a photographer and/or videographer present to capture the moment. Some couples feel that this makes the ceremony more relaxed and allows them to take formal pictures before the event.

For those who follow the tradition of not seeing each other, there are different interpretations of how long this period should last. Some couples might spend the entire week apart, including sleeping separately the night before, while others might only separate when it's time to get ready for the ceremony.

The Aufruf is a custom rather than a law, so it can take place any time before the wedding

The Aufruf is a Jewish custom where the groom is called up to the Torah in the synagogue on the Shabbat before his wedding. The term "Aufruf" means "calling up" in Yiddish. The calling-up to the Torah sometimes balloons into a larger celebration, at times extending over the entire weekend. The custom is said to have originated with King Solomon, who, according to the story, built a special entry to the Temple for grooms, and when people saw someone walk through it, they would shower him with blessings.

The Aufruf is a time for the congregation to sing and offer blessings to the groom. It is also customary to throw candy, fruits, and nuts at the groom to symbolise a sweet and fruitful marriage. The Aufruf is primarily a custom among Ashkenazi Jews, but it can also be held on a Monday or Thursday. In the Sephardic tradition, the Aufruf takes place on the Shabbat after the wedding, and both the bride and groom are called up to the Torah together.

Since the Aufruf is a custom rather than a law, there is flexibility in when it can take place. While it is typically held on the Shabbat before the wedding, it can also be held a few weeks in advance, or even on a different day of the week. The important aspect is that it is held on a Saturday morning or Shabbat prayer service. The Aufruf is a way to bring together family and friends to celebrate the couple before the wedding.

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