Training Ring Bearers: A Guide

Training a ring bearer for your wedding day can be a fun and meaningful experience, but it requires careful planning and preparation. The role of the ring bearer is to carry the wedding rings down the aisle, either on a pillow, in a box, or even in their mouth if it's an animal! Typically, the ring bearer is a young child or a pet, but adults can also take on this role. It's important to consider the temperament and comfort level of your ring bearer when assigning this task, as it can be a challenging job. Social anxiety, nervousness around crowds, or overexcitement may make the role unsuitable for some. Training should begin well in advance of the wedding, with consistent practice and positive reinforcement using treats as rewards. On the day, it's a good idea to have a handler or backup plan in case things don't go according to plan.

Choosing a ring bearer

Decide if you want children at your wedding

Firstly, you need to decide if you want children at your wedding. If you opt for a child-free event, you can still have a ring bearer and/or flower girl. However, if you are open to inviting children, you will have more options to choose from and can make exceptions for the wedding party if needed.

Choose an appropriate age

Traditionally, ring bearers are between the ages of three and eight. Younger children may be shy or nervous, while older ring bearers may be more comfortable and confident. The appropriate age for a ring bearer can be anywhere from a few months old (if carried by a parent) to ten years old, but it's essential to consider the child's personality and comfort level.

Create a list of potential candidates

If you have your own children, your siblings' children, or close friends with kids, they could be great choices for ring bearers. If you don't know any young boys, don't be afraid to break tradition by choosing a female ring bearer or even an adult friend or family member. You can also include your pets in this role! It's okay to have more than one ring bearer, and they can have different tasks, such as one carrying the rings while the other holds a sign.

Consider the parents' involvement

The ring bearer's parents will have behind-the-scenes responsibilities, such as purchasing the child's wedding attire, preparing them for the day, and handling any potential meltdowns. It's important to discuss these expectations with the parents beforehand and ensure they are willing and able to take on these tasks.

Ask the right way

Get permission from the parents before asking the child to be your ring bearer. Once you have their approval, you can be creative in how you ask the child, such as with a new toy, a sweet card, or their favourite candy. Discuss outfit requirements and payment expectations with the parents, as traditionally, the ring bearer's parents pay for the attire.

Give other kids special roles

If you have other children who are special to you but can't be included as ring bearers, consider giving them other duties, such as handing out programs, blowing bubbles, or making noise after the first kiss. You can also surprise them with their own flower crown, boutonniere, or corsage to make them feel included.

Training your dog for the role

Before you decide to have your dog be a ring bearer at your wedding, you should determine whether they are up for the task. A very young dog, an anxious or aggressive dog, or one that gets overexcited in crowds and new situations may not be suitable, even with extensive training. Asking them to complete a task that they will not be comfortable performing in a strange environment is unfair to the dog. If your dog is happy, comfortable around lots of people, and calm and friendly, there are several different strategies for having your dog successfully bring your wedding rings down the aisle.

The Walk Accompanied Method

Teach your dog to heel or walk on a loose leash prior to training for the trip down the aisle. Have the person who will be walking with your dog on the day present for training—a flower girl, bridesmaid, groomsman, or a special handler. Simulate the wedding venue by creating an aisle with chairs in a large room or yard. Having people simulate the crowd is also ideal.

Start with your dog on a loose leash at the back of the room with your handler. You should be at the front, where you will be on your wedding day. Both you and the handler should have treats available. Have your handler walk slowly but steadily down the aisle. If the dog tightens up on the leash or balks, stop, wait patiently until the dog is comfortable and calm, give a treat, and proceed. Do not pull or drag a balky dog, or let a dog pull your handler down the aisle. When your dog reaches the front at an appropriate pace, give them a reward. Repeat several times prior to the wedding day. Remember that an unfamiliar handler and aisle can be intimidating to your dog, so practice.

The Solo Approach Method

Establish the "come" command with your dog in a quiet, familiar environment. Have your dog sit/stay, or down/stay. Walk away from your dog, and if they follow you, say "no" calmly and take them back to their starting position. When you have gone several feet from your dog, turn around and say "come". When your dog comes to you, reward them with a treat. Practice "come" in more distracting environments such as outside, out in public, around other people and dogs, until it is well established.

Simulate the wedding environment with chairs and an aisle. Have a handler practice walking with your dog slowly on a leash, so your dog gets the idea of walking or trotting slowly, not running, down the aisle. Have the handler continue to walk beside your dog, but drop the leash and allow it to drag. Give the come command, have the handler walk beside your dog as they drag the leash, and give them treats as they walk at an appropriate pace. If your dog runs, say no, have the handler stop your dog with the leash and back up a few steps, then try again. Continue until your dog walks down the aisle slowly with the handler, with the lead dragging behind them, to come to you at the front of the room. Gradually have the handler walk further from the dog and remove the leash. Practice lots, correcting your dog if they break into a run. Reward them when they get to the front solo at the desired pace.

The Teaching to Carry Method

If your dog is carrying the ring in a basket or container in its mouth, they will need to learn to hold the basket. Hold the basket up to your dog's nose when they sniff it, give them a treat, and continue to hold it near their mouth. If they lick or mouth the handle, reward them. Create a positive association and get your dog used to the basket. Next, gently open your dog's mouth, say "hold", and put the handle in their mouth, close their mouth and hold it shut for a few seconds. Take it out and give them lots of praise and affection. Repeat training sessions, leaving the object in your dog's mouth for longer and longer, until they can hold it for a minute or two, with your hand removed. Keep sessions short, only a few minutes at a time. Stop if your dog seems upset or resistant and try again later. Wait to give them a treat until the end of each session. Once your dog will open its mouth to hold the basket on command, start having them walk forward carrying the basket on a leash. Repeat until they are comfortable with this task. Now teach your dog to come independently, while carrying the basket. Start in an environment with no distractions, and gradually move to a situation with distractions. Do not punish your dog for mistakes. This should be a fun "game" for them with lots of positive reinforcement, praise, and a treat once they have completed their task.

The ring bearer's responsibilities

The ring bearer is a wedding party role that is usually given to young children, typically between the ages of three and eight. However, the role can also be performed by an adult or a pet. The ring bearer is responsible for carrying the wedding rings down the aisle during the ceremony. They usually walk down the aisle after the maid of honour and bridesmaids and precede the bride, often walking at the same time as the flower girl.

The ring bearer can carry the rings on a pillow, in a box, or in a basket in their mouth. If the ring bearer is a child, they can either stand with the rest of the wedding party at the altar or sit down with their parents. If the ring bearer is a pet, treats can be used as a motivator during the ceremony. The ring bearer should also be included in the wedding rehearsal and should be invited to the reception.

If the ring bearer is a child, their parents are responsible for explaining the ring bearer's duties to them, paying for their outfit and accessories, and attending all pre-wedding events. It is also important to consider the comfort and safety of the ring bearer, especially if they are very young, anxious, or aggressive, or tend to get overexcited in crowds and new situations.

For a pet ring bearer, it is crucial to start training several weeks or months before the wedding. This includes teaching them to walk down the aisle at the appropriate pace, either solo or accompanied by a handler, and to carry the rings securely in a basket or pouch. It is also important to determine the pet's comfort level with crowds and to simulate the wedding environment during training to ensure they are well-prepared for the big day.

What the ring bearer should wear

When deciding what the ring bearer should wear, it's important to consider the formality of the wedding and the overall style or theme. The ring bearer's attire should coordinate with the groom's or groomsmen's look, at least within the same level of formality.

For a traditional or formal wedding, a classic choice for the ring bearer is a kid-sized tuxedo or suit, often in a miniature version of what the groom or groomsmen are wearing. This can include a tuxedo jacket, pants, vest, shirt, shoes, bow tie or long tie, pocket square, studs, and cufflinks. Alternatively, the ring bearer can wear a dress shirt, jacket, and necktie or bow tie, creating a more formal look without the full tuxedo.

If the wedding is less formal, such as a beach wedding, the ring bearer can wear more casual attire. Options include a linen shirt, lightweight jacket, bow tie, suspenders, and shorts (weather permitting). For an outdoor wedding, the ring bearer can go without a jacket and wear dress pants with suspenders and a bow tie or a vest with a coordinating hat.

For a unique twist, the ring bearer can wear something completely different from the rest of the wedding party to make them stand out. This could be a different colour or style of suit or tuxedo, or even a themed outfit that fits the wedding's theme.

It's worth noting that the parents of the ring bearer typically pay for their child's attire, so it's considerate to provide options at various price points and discuss preferences with them.

The ring bearer's gift

The ring bearer is a cherished part of the wedding ceremony, often a young child or a beloved pet. Training them for the big day is a fun and meaningful experience, but it requires careful planning and dedication. Here are some tips to ensure your ring bearer is ready to shine.

Understanding the Role

The ring bearer is responsible for carrying the wedding rings down the aisle. They are typically a young boy, aged between three and eight years old, but modern weddings have seen a rise in couples choosing adult friends, female children, or even their furry four-legged companions to take on this role. It is important to choose someone close to the couple, fostering a comfortable dynamic.

The ring bearer walks down the aisle after the maid of honour and bridesmaids, usually processing with the flower girl, and hands the rings to the officiant or best man at the altar. They may then stand with the rest of the wedding party or sit down, depending on their age and the length of the ceremony.

Training Tips

Whether your ring bearer is a child or a pet, there are some general training tips to consider:

• Start early: Begin training two to four months before the wedding day, or earlier if needed. This gives your ring bearer time to practice and become comfortable with their tasks.
• Break down the steps: Explain every detail, including when to start, how fast to walk, where to stand, and how to hand over the rings.
• Use positive reinforcement: Treats are a great motivator for both children and pets. Reward good behaviour and make the experience enjoyable for your ring bearer.
• Be flexible: Respect your ring bearer's temperament and needs. For example, if they are scared of crowds, have them walk down the aisle with a member of the bridal party or consider using a calming aid.
• Involve the wedding party: Groomsmen or bridesmaids can carry treats, and a family member can take care of your pet after their walk down the aisle.
• Practice with the wedding attire: Ensure your ring bearer is comfortable in their outfit and any accessories, such as a ring pillow or basket.
• Simulate the wedding environment: Rehearse walking down the aisle in a similar setting, with chairs set up to mimic the ceremony.

Carrying the Rings

The ring bearer usually carries the rings on a pillow, in a box, or with a sign. If your ring bearer is a child, you may want to give them fake rings as a precaution. You can tie plastic rings to a ribbon on the pillow or have the best man carry the real rings on his person.

For pets, the rings can be tied to their collar, attached to a pillow on their back, or placed in a wagon they pull down the aisle. If your pet will be carrying the rings in their mouth, you'll need to train them to hold a basket or container comfortably and securely.

The Gift

As a member of the wedding party, it is customary to give the ring bearer a gift. For children, consider something they can wear on the day, like sunglasses or quirky socks. For older ring bearers, a personalised memento, such as an engraved frame, is a thoughtful touch.

Frequently asked questions