Best Man's Duties: What You Need To Know

Being a best man is a huge honour, but it's also a big responsibility. The role is typically given to a groom's brother, close relative, or best friend, and it involves being the groom's right-hand man and confidant throughout the planning process and on the wedding day. From organising the stag do and choosing the suits, to giving a speech and keeping the wedding rings safe, the best man has a lot on their plate. So, what exactly does the role entail?

Organising the stag do

Chat with the Groom:

Start by having a detailed conversation with the groom. Ask him about his preferences, wishes, and any no-gos for the stag do. This includes discussing the guest list, budget, potential locations, and the type of activities he wants to include. It's important to tailor the celebration to his interests and ensure he has a fantastic time.

Create a Planning Group:

Set up a group chat with the groomsmen and other attendees. This will make communication easier and ensure everyone is on the same page. You can use this platform to suggest and finalise dates, locations, and activities. It's also a great space to share ideas, delegate tasks, and keep everyone excited and engaged in the planning process.

Consider Budgets:

When planning the stag do, be mindful of everyone's financial situation. Choose a location and activities that are affordable for most of the group. Remember, the goal is to create an inclusive celebration where the groom's closest friends can join him in marking this special occasion.

Pick Dates and Finalise Details:

Propose two or three potential dates for the stag do and ask the group for their availability. It's best to provide a range of options to increase the chances of finding a date that works for everyone. Once you've settled on a date, finalise the location, activities, and accommodation (if required). Book any necessary flights, activities, or rentals well in advance to secure your choices.

Delegate Tasks:

Don't hesitate to delegate tasks to the groomsmen and other attendees. They will likely be happy to help with booking separate activities, organising t-shirts, checking venue permissions, or handling other logistics. Effective delegation ensures that the planning process is more manageable for you and creates a sense of shared ownership among the group.

Timing is Key:

It's advisable to plan the stag do at least a month or two before the wedding. This gives everyone, including the groom, enough time to recover from any potential hangovers, heal bruises, and be fully energised for the wedding day. If possible, consider planning a more low-key celebration closer to the wedding that can include male family members of the bride and groom as well.

Add Personal Touches:

Think about ways to personalise the stag do and make it memorable. This could include planning funny pranks (within safe limits), incorporating the groom's favourite activities, or creating special mementos for the group. You can also suggest having a theme for the celebration or creating a playlist that reflects the groom's music taste.

Keep it Fun and Safe:

While the goal is to have a fantastic time, it's important to prioritise safety. Choose activities that are fun but avoid anything that could put the groom or the group in harm's way. Remember, the goal is to create a positive, memorable experience for the groom and the entire group, so keep things light-hearted and enjoyable for everyone involved.

Choosing the groomswear

As the best man, you will be responsible for helping the groom choose his wedding attire, as well as the attire of the groomsmen. Here are some tips and suggestions for choosing the groomswear:

Formal or Casual?

The first decision to make is whether the wedding will be formal or casual, as this will dictate the type of attire. Formal options include the traditional morning dress/suit, a tuxedo, or white tie and tails. For a more casual wedding, the groom might opt for a linen or cotton suit in the summer or a wool jacket and trousers in the winter. A modern-day suit or a slim-cut 3-piece suit are also great options for a more relaxed look.

Colour Coordination

The groom's outfit is usually coordinated with the bride's, often with white or ivory accessories. These neutral colours are versatile and can be paired with any suit colour. If the groom has fair hair or dark skin, these factors can also be considered when choosing the suit.

Best Man's Attire

The best man's outfit should complement the groom's without matching exactly. For example, if the groom is wearing a white dinner jacket, the best man could wear black. The key is continuity, with the best man's outfit being one step removed from the groom's. The best man's attire should also match the other groomsmen's suits, with slight differences in details.

Groomsmen Attire

To distinguish the groomsmen from the best man and the other guests, consider giving them a different neckwear colour or waistcoat. This adds a simple yet effective touch of differentiation.

Pre-Wedding Fittings

As the best man, you may also be responsible for organising final fittings for the groom and groomsmen. Keep an eye on the schedule and ensure they attend any necessary fittings as the wedding day approaches.

Budget and Ownership

Traditionally, the couple pays for or hires the wedding suits. However, if financial contributions are required from the groomsmen, this should be discussed openly and upfront.

In summary, the best man plays a crucial role in choosing the groomswear and ensuring the groom and groomsmen look their best on the big day. Remember to consider the formality of the wedding, colour coordination, and the unique touches that will make the groom and his party stand out.

Keeping the wedding rings safe

Before the Wedding

Communication is key. Discuss with the couple where and when they would like you to keep the rings safe. They may prefer to keep the rings themselves until the wedding day, or they may ask you to take responsibility for them in the days or weeks leading up to the wedding. Make sure you have a clear understanding of their expectations.

On the Wedding Day

Find a safe place for the rings. This could be an inside jacket pocket or a small box or bag that you can keep with you at all times. Ensure the rings are easily accessible so that you can produce them quickly when they are needed during the ceremony.

Check the rings regularly. It is easy to become distracted during the wedding celebrations, but it is your job to ensure the rings are secure at all times. Check your pockets or the container you are using to hold the rings frequently to avoid any last-minute panics.

Be prepared for the ring exchange. If you are also the ring bearer, you will need to fasten the rings to a pillow for the ring bearer to carry down the aisle. When the ring bearer reaches the end of the aisle, they will pass the rings back to you, and you will need to hold onto them until the officiant requests them for the exchange of vows.

After the Wedding

Return the rings to the couple. Once the ceremony is over, be sure to return the rings to the newlyweds. They may wish to keep them with them or ask you to store them safely, along with their wedding gifts, while they enjoy the reception.

General Tips

Be vigilant. The wedding day is a busy and exciting time, but try not to become too distracted by the celebrations. Stay focused on your responsibility to keep the rings safe, and you will be able to relax and enjoy the rest of the day once the rings have been exchanged.

Ask for help if needed. If at any point you feel overwhelmed or are unsure what to do with the rings, don't be afraid to ask for assistance. The couple, other members of the wedding party, or even the wedding planner or venue staff may be able to help you find a secure location for the rings or advise you on the best way to keep them safe.

Supporting the groom

Pre-Wedding

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidant throughout the engagement and wedding planning process. He can help the groom with planning admin, such as booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules. The best man can also assist the groom with choosing and purchasing or renting wedding formalwear for himself and the groomsmen.

Bachelor Party

One of the best man's biggest responsibilities is planning the bachelor party. This involves consulting with the groom to host an event that aligns with his wishes, recruiting the groomsmen to help, and coordinating logistics and activities. The best man should also consider the budgets of the groomsmen to ensure that as many friends as possible can attend.

Emotional Support

Providing emotional support to the groom is a crucial aspect of the best man's role. He should be a sounding board for any nerves or wedding anxiety the groom may be experiencing and offer reassurance and a calm presence.

Rehearsal

The best man should be present at the wedding rehearsal and wrangle the wedding party to ensure the schedule moves along smoothly. He may also make a small toast during the rehearsal dinner to kickstart the festivities.

Wedding Day

On the wedding day, the best man should help the groom get ready and ensure that he and the groomsmen are on schedule. He may also be responsible for holding onto the groom's personal items, such as his phone and wallet, and delivering a letter to the bride.

Rings

One of the most important duties of the best man is to keep the wedding rings safe until it's time for the couple to exchange vows.

Witness

The best man often acts as a legal witness to the marriage and signs the marriage certificate.

Reception

At the reception, the best man should give a well-crafted and funny speech that focuses on the newlyweds and their love story. He should also mingle, dance, and ensure that all the guests are having a great time.

Post-Wedding

Even after the wedding, the best man's responsibilities continue. He may be asked to help with certain tasks, such as returning rented attire, transporting gifts to the couple's home, and ensuring that all wedding-related expenses are handled.

Giving a best man's speech

Being asked to be someone's best man is a tough honour and a role that comes with a lot of responsibility. One of the most important tasks is giving an incredible wedding speech. The best man's speech traditionally follows the groom's speech and may or may not follow the maid of honour's toast. This is your chance to say some kind words about your relationship with the couple and your best friend. Wedding speeches are meant to be quick, lighthearted moments during the reception, so while you should craft thoughtful words, you don't need to overthink it.

How to Prepare

• Start writing your speech at least two months before the wedding.
• Brainstorm and write down any stories, jokes or quotes you want to include.
• Prepare your speech in advance – speeches that are given off-the-cuff tend to ramble.
• Write your speech down – if you're not comfortable speaking in front of people, use bullet points.
• Keep your speech short and to the point – five minutes is the maximum attention span.
• Practise your speech – the more you practise, the more comfortable you will be on the day.
• Practise in front of an audience – this will help you get feedback and make you more comfortable.
• Practise your public speaking regularly – you don't need to wait for a big day to improve.

What to Include

• A killer opening line – introduce yourself and explain your connection to the couple.
• Thank the other speakers – lead into your speech by giving props to the previous speaker.
• Thank the couple's parents – express your gratitude for raising such amazing people and, if relevant, for hosting a great party.
• Say a few words about the friend's new spouse – give them a special shout-out so they feel welcomed and included.
• Share personal stories – add one or two anecdotes, like your favourite memories with the groom (and their partner).
• Talk about the couple's relationship – share how they first met and how their relationship has grown.
• Close with a heartfelt toast – ask everyone to raise a glass and provide well wishes to the newlyweds.

Things to Remember

• Be yourself – if you don't usually crack jokes, don't try to be a comedian.
• Don't rely solely on humour – while jokes can loosen up the crowd, don't make these the meat of your toast.
• Keep things positive – don't turn the toast into a roast or make jokes at the couple's expense.
• Don't upstage the newlyweds – your speech should be about the couple, not you.
• Be tactful – avoid talking about sex, exes or anything else that could embarrass the groom's grandma!
• Don't drink too much – being more than one drink in is never a good idea.
• Be confident – smile, laugh and let your facial expressions add to the humour.
• Gesture – get your hands out in front of you and use them while you speak.
• Address the whole room – share your eye contact with the audience so everyone feels included.
• Consider your PG rating – tone things down if children are present.
• Move around – choose three spots: stage-centre, stage-left and stage-right, then alternate between them.
• Project your voice – stick to a steady pace, avoid filler words and speak with melody.

Frequently asked questions