A Best Man's Guide To Wedding Day Duties

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidante throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. The role is usually given to a close friend or relative of the groom, such as a brother, and involves a variety of duties and responsibilities. From planning the bachelor party and choosing the groomsmen's attire to giving a speech at the reception and keeping the wedding rings safe, the best man plays a crucial role in ensuring the groom's special day goes off without a hitch.

Organise the stag do

Organising the stag do is one of the best man's most important duties. It's your moment to shine! Here's how to go about it:

Planning the Stag Do

First, check in with the groom and ask him to provide a list of people he would like to attend. Think carefully about locations and try to pick two or three dates, then ask the rest of the group which dates they can make and choose the one that works for most people.

Budgeting

Try to organise the stag do with everyone's budget in mind. A blowout in Vegas might sound amazing, but if only a couple of people can afford to go, it's unlikely to be as fun as a stag do closer to home that everyone can attend.

Timing

Try to organise the stag do to take place up to three months before the wedding. This gives everyone time to recover and forget about any hangovers or bruises before the wedding.

Personalisation

Think of ways to personalise the stag do and come up with some funny pranks to play on the groom (nothing that will get him arrested, though!).

Invites

Send out invites about a month before the stag do.

On the Day

On the day of the stag do, your role is to make sure the groom has an unforgettable time and that everyone else has a blast, too.

Give a speech

The best man's speech is one of the most important parts of a wedding reception. It is the best man's opportunity to honour the groom and impart their shared history. The speech should be insightful and entertaining, offering sincere well-wishes to the newlyweds, and including lighthearted anecdotes about the groom.

Preparation

Begin preparing your speech months in advance. If there are multiple best men, meet with them regularly to write and practise the speech. Practise your delivery so that you feel comfortable and confident when the time comes to deliver it.

Content

The content of your speech should be heartfelt and appropriate for all guests. Include lighthearted anecdotes and well-wishes for the newlyweds. You can also poke gentle fun at the groom, but remember to keep it family-friendly. Focus on making it personal by reminiscing about adventures you've had with the groom.

Tone

Keep the tone of your speech positive and upbeat. It is your job to create a sense of occasion and excitement, so make sure your speech reflects that. Avoid making offensive jokes or sharing embarrassing stories. Run your speech by a trusted person to ensure that the tone is right.

Structure

Introduce yourself and share a positive story about the groom. Say something about how the groom and their partner are well-suited to each other, and how lucky the groom is to have found them. You can also share a funny story or anecdote about the couple.

Delivery

Speak slowly and clearly, and pause for laughter. Make sure to mention everyone who needs to be mentioned, and don't forget to wish the newlyweds a happy future together.

Length

Keep your speech concise. A good best man's speech should last around 1-2 minutes.

Confidence

Remember that you will have a sympathetic audience. People will be happy to see the groom's best friend up on stage, and they will overlook any awkwardness or nervousness.

Technicalities

Make sure you have a copy of the groom's speech, just in case. It is also a good idea to have a backup plan, especially for tasks like protecting the rings.

Hold the rings

Holding the rings is one of the most important duties of the best man. It is a huge responsibility and a great honour, as it signifies the trust and responsibility instilled in you by the couple.

In the lead-up to the wedding, make sure you are aware of the couple's wishes regarding the rings. For example, if there is a ring bearer, you will need to fasten the rings to the pillow they will be carried on. If not, you will need to keep the rings safe and easily accessible for the ceremony.

On the day of the wedding, you will need to present the rings when the time comes for the couple to exchange them. This is a symbolic moment, so it is important that you are confident and ready when the time comes. If you are also the ring bearer, make sure you have the rings to hand as you take your place at the altar. If not, make sure the ring bearer has them before the ceremony begins.

If the worst should happen and you lose the rings, don't panic. Search the places you have been recently and, if you can't find them, inform the couple as soon as possible. Backup rings or symbolic stand-ins can be used for the ceremony, and the original rings may still turn up later.

Be the groom's right-hand man

Being the groom's right-hand man is a significant part of being the best man. It is a role that requires you to be the groom's confidant, personal valet, and logistics guru for pre-wedding events and day-of details. Here are some duties to fulfil this role:

Pre-Wedding

• Help choose the suits: Assist the groom and the groomsmen with suit shopping, including final suit selections and coordinating the other groomsmen's ensembles.
• Meet the ushers: Be aware of who the ushers are and what their duties are. You can invite them, along with the couple, for a get-together to bond before the wedding planning and stag do planning begins.
• Liaise with the maid of honour: Chat with the maid of honour to see if there are any useful things to have on hand during the wedding day, such as large umbrellas or gifts for the couple.
• Help with planning admin: Offer to help with logistical details like booking vendors, managing RSVPs, or coordinating schedules.
• Plan the stag do: Organise the groom's last big night out before he gets married. Check with the groom for a guest list and think carefully about locations and budgets.
• Write your best man speech: Start writing and practising your speech well in advance to ensure your delivery is confident and clear.
• Organise a groomsmen's gift to the groom: Present the groom with a sentimental gift from his groomsmen on the wedding morning.
• Organise final fittings: Keep an eye out for any last-minute suit fittings the groom or groomsmen might need.
• Check in with the groom: Take time out to check in with the groom and be a sounding board for any nerves or wedding anxiety he may be feeling.
• Help with the pre-wedding set-up: Help the couple by picking up and delivering any hired items, such as suits, and assist with any venue set-up.
• Stay over with the groom: Stay with the groom the night before the wedding, preparing drinks and snacks, but ensuring he doesn't overindulge.

On the Wedding Day

• Help the groom get ready: Be as hands-on as possible with whatever last-minute tasks come your way on the wedding day.
• Organise the ushers: Be the person to take delivery of any buttonholes and hand them out to the groomsmen and ushers. Keep an eye on the clock to ensure everyone is ready on time.
• Keep the rings safe: Be entrusted by the couple to keep the wedding rings safe ahead of the ceremony.
• Greet the guests with the groom: Ensure the groom arrives at the venue at least 20 minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin, and stand by his side to welcome and greet the arriving guests.
• Stand at the altar with the groom: Take your place on the front right-hand side of the ceremony room at the altar before the wedding ceremony starts. If you are the ring bearer, make sure you have the rings ready for when the couple exchanges them.
• Escort the maid of honour out of the ceremony: After the ceremony, escort the maid of honour out of the room ahead of the newly married couple.
• Stand in the receiving line: If the newlyweds choose to have a receiving line, greet the guests as a key part of the wedding party.
• Help organise wedding photographs: Round up guests for the wedding photographer's group photos and appear in many of them yourself.
• Be the master of ceremonies: If the couple hasn't hired a toastmaster or master of ceremonies, you may be asked to announce key elements like the couple's arrival, the speeches, and the cutting of the cake.
• Deliver your speech: Give your well-practised speech during the reception, offering sincere well-wishes to the newlyweds and including lighthearted anecdotes about the groom.
• Get the party started: After the first dance, it's traditional for the best man to dance with the maid of honour and encourage everyone onto the dance floor.

After the Wedding

• Return and clean suits: Help round up and return any hired items, such as suits, and take care of dry-cleaning if necessary.
• Take care of wedding gifts: Safely store the wedding gifts if the couple goes on their honeymoon straight away, or ensure all gifts and cards are collected and delivered to the couple.

Sign the marriage license

As the best man, you will be expected to sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the maid of honor. This is a vital duty, so it's important to be readily available for this task and to have a backup pen in your pocket in case of any last-minute mishaps. The marriage license is a legal document that proves that the couple is legally able to marry. The process of obtaining the license varies depending on the location, but generally, the couple will need to apply for the license at the county clerk's office and provide various forms of identification. After the wedding ceremony, the newlyweds, the best man, the maid of honor, and the officiant will all need to sign the marriage license. The officiant will then send the marriage license to the county clerk's office, and the couple will receive their official marriage certificate.

In some states, such as Massachusetts and Pennsylvania, only the officiant signs the marriage license. In other states, such as California and Oregon, the couple signs the license when they apply, and the witnesses sign on the day of the wedding. It's important to note that the requirements for signing a marriage license vary from state to state, so it's a good idea to check the specific requirements for your location.

As the best man, you may also be responsible for holding onto the wedding rings during the ceremony and handing them to the groom when it's time to exchange vows. Additionally, you may be asked to hold onto other important items, such as the groom's cell phone, wallet, and vows.

Frequently asked questions