Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Envelope Writing Guide

Wedding invitation envelopes can be a tricky task, with many nuances to consider. From relationship status and titles to the inclusion of plus-ones and children, there's a lot to think about. The outer envelope, which is more formal, typically includes the recipient's full name and title, while the inner envelope is more casual and may omit certain elements. Addressing envelopes to unmarried couples, divorced individuals, and those with distinguished titles also has specific guidelines.

Formal vs informal invitation styles

When addressing wedding invitation envelopes, it's important to consider the formality of your wedding. The level of formality will heavily influence the style of addressing you choose. Here's a guide to help you navigate the differences between formal and informal invitation styles:

Formal Invitation Style:

• Outer envelope: This should be formal and include the recipient's full name and personal title. For example, "Ms. Samantha Anderson, 56 North Ridge Drive, Hartinger, California 28495". The outer envelope is also where you would include any distinguished titles, such as "Doctor", "Judge", or "Lieutenant".
• Inner envelope: This can be more informal, but still follow some formalities. You may use the recipient's first name only or their personal title and last name. For example, "Ms. Anderson". If a single guest has a plus one, you can write "and Guest" on the inner envelope.
• Addressing rules: Use formal names and avoid nicknames. Middle names are not necessary but should be spelled out if used (no initials). Abbreviate titles such as "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms." and "Jr." but spell out professional titles like "Doctor" or "Professor". Write out all address details, including street type (Avenue, Street, etc.) and the full state name.
• Wording: Formal wedding invitations are characterised by a more traditional and elegant style. They usually include the full names of the hosts and the individuals getting married. Everything is spelled out in full, including dates and times (e.g., "Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four at half after four"). The request to attend is more formal, such as "request the honour of your presence".

Informal Invitation Style:

• Outer envelope: A more casual approach can be taken, using first names and omitting personal titles. For example, "Noah and Sara McCarthy, Springfield, IL 62701".
• Inner envelope: This is where you can be more creative and use fun formatting for names and dates. You can use abbreviations and modern wording layouts. For instance, "Noah & Sara, 2024, 1pm".
• Wording: Informal wedding invitations are characterised by a more relaxed and conversational tone. Numerals can be used for dates and times (e.g., "Saturday, August 17, 2024 at 1:00 pm"). The request to attend can be more casual, such as "request the pleasure of your company" or "join us for our special day".

Remember, the most important thing is to ensure your invitations accurately reflect the tone and formality of your wedding, creating a memorable first impression for your guests.

Titles and honorifics

When addressing wedding invitations, it's important to consider the appropriate titles and honorifics for your guests. This not only ensures that your invitations are respectful but also helps to set the tone for your wedding. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this aspect of addressing wedding invitation envelopes:

Formality:

The level of formality of your wedding will influence how you address your guests. For a formal black-tie affair, opt for a traditional and elegant addressing style. This includes using formal names, spelling out middle names and addresses, and abbreviating honorifics like "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.", and "Jr.". On the other hand, a more casual or laid-back wedding may call for a relaxed approach, allowing for first names and less stringent formatting.

Married Couples:

When addressing a married couple, the traditional approach is to use "Mr." and "Mrs." for heterosexual couples, with the husband's full name. For same-sex couples, either name can go first. If both spouses have the same last name, you can use "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's First Name] [Last Name]." If the wife has chosen to keep her maiden name, you can use "Ms." instead of "Mrs." and list her name first.

For couples with different last names, write their names on the same line with the person you are closest to or know the best first, followed by their name. If the combined names are too long, list them separately. For example, "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez" on the outer envelope and "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" on the inner envelope.

If one spouse has a hyphenated last name, address the invitation to include both spouses' last names. For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft" on the outer envelope and "Mr. Craft and Mr. Crosby-Craft" on the inner envelope.

Unmarried Couples:

When addressing an unmarried couple living together, include both names on one line, listing the person you are closest to or know better first. For example, "Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee" on the outer envelope and "Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee" on the inner envelope.

Single Individuals:

For single female guests over the age of 18, use "Ms." For younger women, use "Miss," which should be spelled out rather than abbreviated. For single male guests over 18, use "Mr." If the guest is younger, no title is necessary. If either single guest has a plus-one, you don't need to indicate it on the outer envelope. Instead, use "and guest" on the inner envelope, along with their name if you have it.

Distinguished Titles:

If your guest list includes individuals with distinguished titles, such as doctors, lawyers, judges, or military personnel, it is proper to address them by their title on the wedding invitation envelope. For couples with distinguished titles, list the guest with the higher-ranking title first, regardless of gender.

For doctors, spell out "Doctor" on the outer envelope and abbreviate it ("Dr.") on the inner envelope. If both spouses are doctors, you can address them as "The Doctors [Last Name]."

For military personnel, use their rank and service branch, such as "Lieutenant Jonathan Kelly, US Navy." If both spouses hold military titles, you can address them as "Captains Jane and Jonathan Kelly, US Navy."

For lawyers, use "Esq." after their name, such as "Michelle Brown, Esq." If both spouses are attorneys, you can address them as "Michelle Brown, Esq. and John Brown, Esq."

For judges, use "The Honorable [Name]." If both spouses hold judicial positions, you can address them as "Judge [Name] and Judge [Name]."

Married couples with the same last name

When addressing a wedding invitation envelope to a married couple with the same last name, there are a few options to consider, depending on your preference for formality and inclusivity.

For heterosexual couples, the traditional format uses "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". If you know the wife's first name, you can include it after the husband's name, like so: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren" or "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

However, this format may not be suitable for modern women who prefer not to have their names left out or lumped in with their husbands. In this case, you can address the couple by their individual full names, with the woman's name first: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

For same-sex couples, either name can go first. You can use the appropriate prefixes ("Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms.") and address them as "Mr. and Mrs. [Last Name]", or simply use their first names, for example, "Thomas and Michelle".

If you prefer a more informal approach, you can omit titles and use first names only, especially if the couple is sensitive to traditional gender norms. This is becoming increasingly common and may be preferred by non-binary guests. For example, "Thomas and Michelle".

Additionally, consider using "Mx." as a gender-neutral title if you are unsure of a guest's gender or they prefer a non-binary option.

Remember, the inner envelope is more informal, so you have more flexibility with the format. For example, you can use titles with last names or just the first names of the couple.

Unmarried couples living together

When addressing a wedding invitation envelope to an unmarried couple living together, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to use the correct titles and full names of the couple, such as "Mr." for men and "Ms." for women. The outer envelope should include both names connected by "and", either on one line or two separate lines depending on the length of their names. For example, "Ms. Lisa Rodriguez and Mr. Michael Smith" or "Ms. Lisa Rodriguez / Mr. Michael Smith".

If the couple has the same last name, they can be addressed as "Mr. and Ms. Michael Smith" on the outer envelope. On the inner envelope, you can use their first names, such as "Michael and Lisa". This is also an option if they have different last names and you want to avoid a long line of text on the outer envelope.

When addressing an unmarried couple, it is traditional to write their names independently on two lines and without the word "and" to indicate that they are not married. For example, "Mr. Michael Smith" and below it, "Ms. Lisa Rodriguez". If you know one person better, you can list their name first. Alternatively, you can use alphabetical order.

It's worth noting that wedding invitation etiquette has become less formal, and you can mix and match to suit the style of your guests. For instance, you could use "Mr." and "Ms." for one couple and just their first names for another, depending on how close you are and their preferences.

Addressing a single male

When addressing a wedding invitation envelope to a single male, the rules are relatively simple. If the male guest is over 18, use the title "Mr." followed by his full name. For example:

On the outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

On the inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery" or "James"

If the male guest is under 18, no title is necessary. Simply write his full name on both the outer and inner envelopes. For example:

On the outer envelope: "James Montgomery"

On the inner envelope: "James"

If the single male guest has been offered a plus one, do not indicate this on the outer envelope. Instead, reserve "and guest" for the inner envelope only. For example:

On the outer envelope: "Mr. James Montgomery"

On the inner envelope: "Mr. Montgomery and guest" or "James and guest"

It is important to note that the inner envelope is optional and many modern wedding invitations only include an outer envelope. The outer envelope is what is stamped and addressed, while the inner envelope contains the names of the invitees and holds the invitation inside.

Frequently asked questions