Wedding Invitation Etiquette: A Guide To Getting It Right

Wedding invitation etiquette is a complex and often confusing topic. From timing to wording, there are many rules to follow to avoid causing offence. For example, it is considered rude to include registry or gift information with your invitation, and it is also important to include all the necessary information such as the date, time and location of the ceremony. In addition, it is generally recommended that invitations are sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding, and that RSVPs are requested two to four weeks in advance.

When to send wedding invitations

When it comes to wedding invitations, timing is everything. Send them too early, and your wedding might not be at the top of your guests' minds when the day draws closer. Send them too late, and you risk not giving your guests enough time to plan their attendance. So, when is the right time to send out wedding invitations?

The Sweet Spot

The sweet spot for sending out wedding invitations is around two months before the wedding, or six to eight weeks ahead. This gives your guests enough time to clear their schedules and make travel arrangements if needed. It also means that you can request RSVPs sooner, allowing you to finalise your headcount, seating charts, and other last-minute arrangements.

Save-the-Dates

Before sending out the official invitations, it is common to send out "save-the-date" cards to your guests. These are typically sent out six to twelve months before the wedding, giving your guests ample time to plan and make any necessary arrangements. Sending out save-the-dates is especially important if you are having a destination wedding or if many of your guests will be travelling from out of town.

For Destination Weddings

If you're planning a destination wedding, it's advisable to send out invitations as early as possible, even up to a year in advance. This gives your guests ample time to plan their trip, request time off work, and make the necessary travel arrangements. Setting up a wedding website can also be beneficial for destination weddings, as it allows for easy updates and gives guests the opportunity to RSVP for each activity.

Without Save-the-Dates

If you choose to forgo save-the-dates, the recommended timeline for sending out wedding invitations changes slightly. For couples with a standard engagement length of around 16 months, it is still recommended to stick to the six to eight-week timeline. However, if you have a shorter engagement, aim to send out invitations two to three months in advance.

The Bottom Line

While there is some flexibility in the timing of sending out wedding invitations, it is generally best to stick to the six to eight-week window before your wedding. This ensures that your guests have enough time to plan without being too early that they might forget.

RSVP deadline

The RSVP deadline is an important aspect of wedding invitation etiquette. Here are some guidelines and tips to consider:

Timing

It is recommended to set an RSVP deadline that is two to four weeks before the wedding date. This allows enough time to confirm the final headcount for catering and other arrangements. Most couples choose a deadline that is around three to six weeks before the wedding, with two to three weeks being the general rule of thumb.

Communication

When sending out invitations, it is essential to clearly communicate the RSVP deadline. This can be done by including a statement such as "Kindly reply by [insert date]" or "Please respond by [insert date]." This information should be prominently featured on the invitation, making it easy for guests to see.

Reminders

It is a good idea to send reminders to guests who have not responded by the deadline. This can be done by giving them a quick call or sending a polite reminder message. This ensures that you receive all the necessary information and helps to avoid last-minute surprises.

Online RSVPs

With the rise of digital invitations and wedding websites, many couples are opting for online RSVPs. If you choose this method, be sure to include clear instructions on how to respond online, such as providing the wedding website URL and any necessary login information.

Managing Guest List

When setting the RSVP deadline, consider that some guests may not be able to attend. It is common to have a few spare invitations to send out to additional guests if needed. However, it is important to handle this delicately to avoid making the new invitee feel like they are on a "B-list."

In summary, the RSVP deadline is an important aspect of wedding invitation etiquette. By setting a timely deadline, clearly communicating the date, sending reminders, and managing the guest list efficiently, you can ensure a smooth process and gain valuable information for your wedding planning.

What to include on the invitation

The invitation is the first glimpse your guests will have of your wedding style, but it's also an important logistical element. Here is a list of what to include on the invitation:

The Hosts

The hosts' names are usually the people paying for the event. If the couple is hosting, then their names are included. If the parents are contributing financially or covering all the costs, then their names should be included.

The Couple

The names of the couple getting married are included. For heterosexual couples, the woman's name typically goes first, but the names can be ordered however the couple prefers. LGBTQIA+ couples can order their names alphabetically, by age, or however, they choose. First and middle names, first and last names, or full legal names can be used. The formality of the wedding can be a guide: a black-tie ballroom soiree might call for full names, while a casual beach ceremony might call for just first names.

Date and Time of the Ceremony

The date and time of the ceremony are included. On formal invitations, the time is written out rather than using numerals (e.g. four o'clock in the afternoon).

Ceremony and Reception Location

The name and location of the ceremony and reception venue are included. If the ceremony and reception are at the same location, a line such as "Reception to Follow" or "Dinner and Dancing to Follow" can be included. If the reception is at a different location, a separate reception card with the start time and address is needed.

Dress Code (Optional)

Including the dress code on the invitation is optional. Most invites don't include attire details as this information can be communicated via the wedding website. However, a line indicating the dress code expectation can be included (e.g. Casual Attire, Black Tie, White Tie).

RSVP Information

A way for guests to RSVP is included, either on the actual invitation or on a separate reply card. If using reply cards, include a specific date for guests to respond by, typically two to four weeks before the wedding date. Include a place for guests to write their names and, if offering a plated dinner, their entrée preference.

Wedding Website Address

The wedding website address is included, even if it was mentioned on the save-the-date. The website is a central place for guests to find important details such as accommodations and registry information.

Extra Information about the Venue (Optional)

If the wedding is at a unique venue or somewhere guests may be unfamiliar with, extra information can be included, such as instructions around parking or a custom map showing the ceremony and reception locations.

Envelope Information

The guests' names, addresses, and preferred titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Miss, or the gender-neutral Mx.) are included on the envelope. The return address is also included on the back flap of the outer envelope and on the front of the reply card envelope.

Adults-only weddings

Planning a wedding can be a stressful task, especially when it comes to deciding on the guest list. If you've decided to have an adults-only wedding, there are a few etiquette tips you should keep in mind to ensure that your plans are communicated clearly and effectively to your guests. Here are some guidelines to follow:

Be Clear and Consistent:

It is important to be clear and consistent about your adults-only wedding plans from the very beginning. Spread the word early on, so fewer guests are surprised when the invitations arrive. Ask your parents, close family members, and bridal party to help spread the word. This way, they can answer any questions from other guests and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Address Invitations Properly:

When addressing your save-the-dates and wedding invitation envelopes, only include the names of the guests who are actually invited. Avoid using phrases like "and Family" or including children's names. A more casual approach could be to address the invitation to "Mr. Brad and Mrs. Bethann Aurand" or "Bradley and Bethann Aurand". This makes it clear that only the adults listed are invited.

Provide Details on the RSVP Cards:

To further clarify, you can add a line to your RSVP cards indicating the number of guests included in each invitation. For example, "We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor" or "______ seats have been reserved in your honor". This ensures that your guests understand how many people from their family are invited and helps to avoid any confusion.

Share the Information on Your Wedding Website:

Your wedding website is another great platform to communicate your adults-only plans. Include a note on the website, preferably on the FAQ page, stating your preference for an adults-only event. For example, "While we love all the children in our lives, we have decided to keep our wedding and reception an adults-only event." This gives you an opportunity to express your wishes in a tactful and polite manner.

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations:

Even with clear communication, you may still receive RSVPs that include the names of uninvited children. In such cases, it is best to make a phone call and politely explain that the invitation was intended for the parents only. If you wish, you can cite reasons such as venue constraints, planned activities, or budget limitations. Be prepared for some guests to decline the invitation if they are unable or unwilling to attend without their children.

Handle Requests for Exceptions:

If guests request exceptions or ask to swap invitees, it is important to be compassionate yet firm in your response. Explain that your decision is based on the type of event you are hosting and that you are unable to accommodate children. For example, "Our wedding day is very adult-driven, and we kindly request that you make other arrangements for your child/children."

Remember, the key to successfully communicating your adults-only wedding plans is to be tactful, consistent, and considerate of your guests' needs. By following these guidelines, you can ensure that your special day is enjoyed by all the adults in attendance!

Plus-ones

Deciding on plus-ones can be a daunting task, but there are some general rules of etiquette to follow.

Who Should Get a Plus-One?

Traditionally, wedding guests who are married, engaged, or living together (including those in serious, long-term relationships) receive a plus-one. It is also customary to extend a plus-one to members of the wedding party as a token of appreciation for their time and support.

Other guests who may receive a plus-one include those who are travelling to the wedding and won't know many other attendees, or those who are the only few single people invited.

Who Shouldn't Get a Plus-One?

Single guests who are casually dating or who will know a lot of other guests at the wedding don't need a plus-one. Plus-ones can be costly, and it's not necessary to extend a plus-one to every single guest.

How to Notify Guests of Their Plus-One Status

On the outer envelope, write the guest's name and, if applicable, their plus-one's name. If you don't know the name of the plus-one, write the guest's name on the outer envelope and include "and Guest" on the inner envelope.

If you are only including one envelope, be sure to address all invitees clearly and up-front. If the couple is bringing a plus-one, list both guests by their full names. If a guest is bringing a casual date, write the guest's name and then "and Guest."

How to Handle Guest Requests for a Plus-One

Guests who do not receive a plus-one may still reach out to ask about bringing one. It's advisable to inquire further about this request to determine if the guest's relationship status has changed recently. If you don't have the room in your budget or venue capacity, it's okay to politely decline, preferably over the phone or in person.

Seating Arrangements for Plus-Ones

When creating a seating plan, aim for a comfortable dynamic for solo guests. Instead of creating a ""singles-only" table, place single guests between friendly couples to foster a more communal feel.

Plus-One Etiquette for Guests

If your invitation doesn't include a plus-one, don't bring an uninvited guest. Politely ask the couple if you can bring someone, and accept their response gracefully. If you do receive a plus-one, be sure to include their name on the RSVP, and only RSVP with a plus-one if you are certain they will attend.

Gifts for Plus-Ones

If you bring a plus-one, your gift should reflect that, with the cost of the gift reflecting two guests. However, your plus-one doesn't have to purchase their own gift, and it's acceptable for them to contribute to the gift in some way, depending on how close they are to the couple.

Card-Signing Etiquette for Plus-Ones

If your plus-one is your long-term partner and you both know the couple, you should both sign the card. The same goes for if you've been dating for at least a year and your partner has met the couple a few times.

If your plus-one is a new partner or a friend who doesn't know the couple, they don't need to sign the card. Use your best judgment, and feel free to include your plus-one's name if you think it will hurt their feelings to be excluded.

Frequently asked questions